CHAPTER 12

I laid on my back, and stared up at the ceiling. It felt like ages since Levi left to go make the coffee that so many of us Survey Corps members relied on. I closed my eyes, but I couldn't fall asleep. I was just stuck in this perpetual state of wakefulness. Maybe I really did need some coffee…

I laced my hands together, and placed them on my stomach, then took a few deep breaths. The storm had passed, and I found myself in a surprising state of ease. The temperature had dropped since I first left my room earlier this evening, but it was so warm under my blankets, that I didn't feel any chills reach me. It left my mind empty, and it started to wander…

I smiled in amusement when I thought of Levi using the dead coffee beans the government forked over to us to drink. It's no wonder we drink tea instead of coffee a lot of times—and even then, we sometimes buy our own tea leaves from the market as they're better quality—but coffee was often needed. Especially right after expeditions. Coffee was noticeably popular among new recruits after their first expedition outside the walls. It's no surprise given what they just went through.

In order to keep up with the fast paced training just days after, they often drink coffee to make up for what little sleep they got. Two to three cups a day, sometimes even more. You couldn't blame them though. After my first expedition, I drank an entire pot one time. It felt good at the time, despite having an awful taste, and the strong bitterness had kept me from dwelling on other thoughts. It wasn't such a good idea later that night, of course.

But my very first sip of coffee, tasted like victory.

I had returned back from the first expedition without a scratch. That supposedly meant that I had a higher survival rate than my peers, many of whom had missing limbs, or, sadly enough, were dead. But surviving these expeditions didn't merit much.

Riding back through Trost felt awful. The civilians looked at us with pure disgust, and I knew exactly what they were saying. We were titan food. That's it. Titan food.

I was expecting this, and my seniors had already told me that these losses, though sad, were really just a fraction of the slaughter that happened the day we lost Wall Maria. A real blow to humanity. I had bowed my head down, almost ashamed that I had survived this expedition when so many of my fellow trainees had died. I had trained in the Eastern district of Wall Rose, meaning Karanes where I grew up. Out of all my friends who became a member of the Survey Corps, I was the only surviving trainee. I was also the only one in the top ten who had joined. The others had joined the MPs. The rest became a part of the Garrison. I was the alone in the Survey Corps.

When we returned to headquarters, everyone resumed their lives as it were before we left for the expedition. Us newbies barely knew what to do, much less what to expect. There were no 'Congratulations, you survived!', but more of nods of acknowledgment which translated to 'Oh, you're still here.'

The atmosphere wasn't gloomy though. There was Squad Leader Hanji Zoe, one of the more conspicuous members, running around, trying to write down every single last piece of data that she collected. The others chatted aimlessly, many uniting in the dining hall or kitchen. So little of the new recruits had survived. I had heard that a couple other of the survivors had scored in the top ten too, but I didn't know who did what. All I knew was that they were alive, and that we were only a fraction of those who had left the walls.

I went to my room, and sat on my lone bed pressed against the wall. Given how few members of the Survey Corps there was, we could all have our own room, which were usually permanent, with an exception to the occasional switches. The switches being for those who had died, and those who had joined. Like me. I was no doubt in the room of a dead member. The feeling haunted me, and I buried myself under my covers, trying to escape to the sweet land of relief where dreams dwelled.

But I couldn't fall asleep that night. My mind was haunted with the memories of death. Of my friends' deaths. Everytime I closed my eyes, I would see the titans. Every time I would open them, I would see the painful reality.

Later that night, I heard a knock on my door, and Squad Leader Hanji Zoe came into my room, holding a tray with a pot, and two cups. She sat herself down on the chair, and poured me a cup of brown liquid.

"Petra! I'm so glad you survived!" she cried out, absolutely belated.

I sat myself up slowly, curling my arms around my legs, and hugging them firmly, pulling them to my chest.

"I guess I'm glad that I survived too." I murmured under my breath, glancing away. Hanji smiled at me, then pushed the cup towards me.

"It tastes disgusting, but it'll help for tomorrow when we have to start training again."

I took the cup from her reluctantly, and blew the hot steam away from the coffee, already noticing its strong tart smell.

"Training already?" I asked, finally lifting my head up from my knees.

Hanji nodded while pouring her own cup. "Yeah. That's what keeps us in shape." she explained, setting the whole tray on the floor.

She took a swig of the coffee, sighing afterwards. "I'll leave you now. Keep the coffee, something tells me you'll need it." then she walked off, slamming the door shut. Her brief visit must've only taken five minutes.

I took the first sip of coffee, and almost spit it back out. It tasted beyond terrible. A cube of sugar would've helped a bit, but given the quality of their coffee, who knows if the government would even provide the Survey Corps with something as simple as sugar?

I forced myself to swallow the sip, and thought to myself, Now Petra, get used to this. It's what victory tastes like. You survived. Everytime you come back from these things, you'll drink a cup of this to remember what victory tastes like. Bitter.

I held my breath, and finished the cup, then poured myself another one. I drank the rest of the pot over the course of the night, sitting in complete silence and utter darkness, my only sense that was really being worked was taste. I kept tasting the awful tang of this brown sludge called coffee.

Before I knew it, day had come, the pot of coffee was empty, and I hadn't had a wink of sleep. I felt jittery from all the caffeine the coffee had given me, but I didn't mind.
I forced myself out of bed, nearly kicking the whole tray of items to the floor. The coffee pot was already tipped on its side, and I recalled having knocked it over while reaching for my cup. At least the pot had been empty.

I dressed myself in my uniform, and hurried out to the training field, where several members of the Training Corps were, talking with Commander Erwin, and setting up what must be the course we'll have to run in the forest. What were they doing here? I figured we'd just do things like running and push-ups to test our stamina, but this set up reminded me of the final exam we had to take as trainees.

Many of the other soldiers milled around, and it was easy to pick out those who were new. They either looked exhausted to the point of passing out, or buzzed on coffee. When I saw those who looked like they were about to drop to the ground, I instantly knew that drinking all that coffee was the best choice. If the Training Corps were here with what looked like our final exam, it'd probably be best to be alert.

I walked over and joined the crowd, but quickly realized that I really didn't know anyone there. The number of trainees who had joined the Survey Corps was underwhelming to say the least, so most of the people here were those who had joined before me. They looked fairly upbeat, and didn't look the least bit tired. I bet they'd gotten used to these expeditions.

I wove through the crowd until I found a familiar face, and walked over.

"Good morning, Squad Leader." I said.

Hanji turned around, and smiled at me. "Call me Hanji, Petra. It looks like you're not tired. I take it you drank the coffee?"

"The entire pot." I admitted.

Hanji laughed in pure amusement, then looked over the work everyone was doing.

"This is nice, isn't it?" she mused, taking in the fresh air.

I gave a slight nod of the head, watching soldiers fly around, setting up all the wooden titans throughout the forest.

"Ah, Hanji," I said, almost guilty to interrupt her thoughts. "What exactly is going on?" I asked.

She gave me a sad smile, then gazed around the crowd, as if looking for someone. "That, is a wise question to ask Petra. You see, last expedition was one of the first times we used Erwin's new scouting formations. The losses were considerably smaller, but our left flank was still devastated. With it was many elite soldiers who previously, had no squad leader. We decided that the main cause for all of this was that they were lacking order and camaraderie, despite all being excellent in both combat and strategy. Erwin decided that a new Squad is to be assembled under the Captain, who previously had no squad." she explained.

"The…Captain?" I asked, giving her a questioning look.

"The short one, over there." she said, pointing across the crowd.

I followed the line of her finger, and gasped in surprise, because I recognized the person she was pointing to. Levi. Humanity's best soldier.

"Levi? His squad?" I asked in surprise. I watched him intently. He crossed his arms over his chest, but his signature cravat peeked out from underneath.

"Yes." Hanji said. We watched him for a minute, talking to Erwin, then a few Training Corps members. But when there was no longer anyone to talk to him, his eyes rested on the both of us.

I jumped back, tempted to hide behind Hanji and pretend I wasn't watching, like I was watching the trees behind him, when Hanji cried out.

"Levi! Come over here!" she called out, waving her arms in a sort of frantic manner.

He closed his eyes, sighing, then removed himself from the tree he was leaning on, and made his way over.

"Oi, Four Eyes, what the hell do you want?" he demanded once he arrived.

I stayed slightly behind Hanji, then peered out from behind her shoulder. He was…a lot shorter…and a lot angrier than I thought he'd be.

"This is Petra." she said, pulling me out from behind her. I suppressed a weak squawk.

"Captain." I said saluting, trying to regain some of my dignity.

"You don't have to salute me." he ordered, making me snap back up.

"Why do I need to know her?" he demanded, moving his attention back to Hanji. As Hanji began her lengthy explanation, I couldn't help but stare at Levi. His character was much more different than expected. The people back home had talked of him as a hero, and we all knew that he was indeed a hero. But wouldn't a hero have more heroic manners? Maybe I was fitting him into too much of a mold. He was an adult after all, he could honestly do anything he wanted to.

"Oh, I remember you." Levi said, snapping me back to reality. "You're the one who pissed her pants right?"

My eyes widened in surprise, and my cheeks reddened. "That's not untrue…" I muttered, clearly embarrassed.

"What? You pissed your pants? Poor Petra." Hanji suppressed her laughter, then hit Levi rather hard. He didn't flinch.

"Stop picking on her Levi! After all, she's joining your squad!" she cried out.

Levi raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. "Oh? I'm not surprised. You got one of the best scores on your final exams out of all the trainees your year, and you're still alive."

My eyes slowly lifted off the ground.

"I expect to do better than you did on your final exam. If you do not exceed that, you aren't fit to be a part of the squad." he stated firmly. Then he walked off, without another word.

I didn't know what to say. My first encounter with the Captain wasn't exactly the best. He was…very frank to say the least.

Hanji bent forward to look at my face, only to laugh once she saw it. "Petra! You're expression is brilliant! Shock is very common, but you really just look embarrassed!" she choked these words out, struggling to breath as she continued to giggle and chuckle.

Naturally I was embarrassed. I didn't like being made fun of in front of a superior, much less by a superior.

I had been called into the Commander's office later that night, and was surprised when I saw five other people in the room. One was Hanji Zoe. Another was Captain Levi. The other three were all men. New members, just like me.

"Petra, please sit." Erwin said, motioning to the chair beside one of the men. He had gray hair, whether it was from stress or it was his natural hair color, I was unsure, but once he looked up at me, I noticed an unmistakable flash of pink on his cheeks. I glanced away from him, and hardened my expression.

"You're all gathered here as you have all been chosen to join Captain Levi's elite squad." Erwin said, not bothering to say any introduction. "Being a part of this squad means that at times you will be needed to undergo covert operations that the rest of the Survey Corps will be unaware of. Captain Levi is to lead your squad."

At the mention of his name, Captain Levi pushed himself off of the wall he was leaning against, and all the attention was directed to him—our new squad leader. "I expect all of you to be your best. There's a reason why you were picked for this squad. I hope we didn't make the wrong decision. From now on, all of you are expected to get along. Eat dinner together, or whatever." he stated stoically. The four of us nodded in unison, unsure of what to say to our leader's brusk comments.

Hanji Zoe laughed, then threw her arm around Levi. He flinched, and tried to push her off, but her height gave her a much greater advantage. Thank god he was strong, otherwise he would've been crushed under her.

"Damn you Four Eyes! What is—"

"Levi!" she sputtered out, her words flooded with her mixture of cackles. "Why are you so cold to them? They're your squadmates. You may lead them, but damn, wow, you are ICE COLD."

He clicked his tongue, and threw her arm off, shooting her an evil glare. "I'm not cold. I'm just stating the expectat—"

"Man, even Erwin doesn't do this."

Levi gazed at her menacingly, looking even more scary when he was pissed off. But it didn't faze Hanji in the slightest manner. The guy next to me looked slightly frightened. This was probably his first dose of Levi, and I honestly couldn't blame his shock either.

"Levi." Erwin finally said, breaking the tension in the room. "Maybe it'd be good if you joined them for meals too. You've never led a squad before, why not know them better?"

"Is that an order, Erwin?" he demanded.

Erwin bobbed his head, looking like a pacifist compared to the furious Captain.

They held each others' gaze for a few moments, and I could tell that when they were doing this, they were able to tell a lot more to each other than they'd be able to with words. Hanji watched them in a heated manner, like they were engaging in mortal combat instead of looking at each other. The others did likewise, and I could tell that they were all trying to assess their new Squad Leader. These other men may be just as new as me, but they were much more serious about all of this.

Erwin closed his eyes, smiling in an almost satisfied manner, and Levi turned away, his look stormy but at bay.

"Let's go." he ordered us, marching out of the room.

We stood up slowly, but with resolve. The others seemed purely shocked at his behavior, given

everything we had heard about Levi—Humanity's Strongest Soldier—before. I was the only one who didn't seem completely astonished, thanks to the fact that I'd had to deal with these shenanigans hands on.

We walked in almost complete silence through the complex, our shuffling substituting for what aimless chatter should've filled the silence with. Levi forged forward, and though he didn't look back, I could tell he had slowed his usual brisk pace to a casual walk. I then doubted the Captain even took leisure walks, given his profession. A few moments passed, and finally, someone spoke up.

"Hi, I'm Gunther." he said to me. I finally realized the apathetic expression I had on my face when I noted the bright smile he had on. I quickly changed my expression, and looked back up at him, grinning.

"Petra." I said, shaking his hand.

He patted my head, like I was a dog or something, then smiled once again. "You are so adorable, Petra. All the girls I met when I was training looked like they wanted to murder me or something."

I gave a small polite laugh. "Ah, but I can be tough too."

"I believe you."

"But we'll see about that tomorrow at training." a blond man, about the same height as Gunther, towered over me, giving a slightly crooked grin—kind, but cocky.

"You're second in command, aren't you?"

"Eld Jinn." he replied, his hand outstretched. I shook it, and he smiled. "I received the highest score in hand to hand combat in my training corps." he stated proudly.

I cocked my head, and looked up at him. "As did I."

"Then it's set. You'll be my partner tomorrow."

My face blanched slightly, but I nodded, trying to keep up my assertive exterior.

Eld laughed, and ruffled my hair. "God, you are cute!" he exclaimed, making my face flare up.

"Stop petting me!" I told him firmly, slipping out from underneath his arm. I stopped walking, and confronted him, my hands on my hips, and my expression seemingly harsh.

"I was just messing with you Petra Ral. You don't have to act like a thug or anything. We know you're tough." he said, smiling. He gave me a small hug, then passed by me, quickening his pace to keep up with Levi.

I turned around, and relaxed myself a little. It was fine. It was just the first day. They were just messing around—young guys just trying to have fun. My brother used to horse around too.

I walked slowly, knowing I should join the rest of my squadmates, but feeling something tugging me down…a sort of weight. I brushed it aside, and made my strides longer, which was slightly difficult considering my height was not something to brag about.

I found myself at the rear end of the group, attempting to cover up my brief absence. Gunther glanced back at me, and gave me a brotherly smile, then turned back, and began to talk with Eld.

The boy with gray hair fell back and began to talk to me. He was young, and had that sort of demeanor that cocky teens had after they accomplished something great—in his case, being selected for the Special Ops Squad.

"I'm Auruo," he said, beaming arrogantly, as if his name carried the sort of significance that God carried.

I rolled my eyes. "Petra." I replied, lending my hand out to him.

"Relax Petra. It's obvious you like me. Might as well give me a kiss instead or something."

I looked at him appalled, my eyebrows raised in utter disbelief. Where did that come from?! I slapped him, and the conceited klutz bit his tongue, spilling blood everywhere.