Hazard

Disclaimer - As previously stated, I do not own YYH.

Inner Turmoil

XxX

Days passed, feeling just as long as weeks. I recovered enough to realize that there was an empty feeling inside of me. It was like there was a gaping hole in my chest but every time I looked and felt the spot, nothing was there. It was a phantom pain. It was driving me insane. I was itching to hold her in my arms again; to feel her warmth against me. But I was forced to realize the hard reality involved in my situation. She was to belong to Koenma. She was to be like some prize that he had won. In all reality, he should know that he would never hold her heart. The way she cried when she found out... I remember it so vividly. I remember the despair in her amethyst eyes, the scent of salty tears, and the scent of depression inside of her. I knew something happened before she even said anything. The only thing I did not understand was why I even allowed Koenma to get away with it. It was only now that I knew why.

It was because wherever I was, whoever I was with, misery kept me company like a curse; followed me wherever I went...and pulled others with me into it.

It was because I loved her that I was able to let her go...

...Because I only wanted her to be happy. I sacrificed my happiness for her. I sacrificed someone who could have been my mate because she deserved better than me, the Forbidden Child of the Koorime.

XxX

Hiei hadn't been right in days. Kurama was the one that was painfully aware of his depression. Yukina had not gotten the chance to see her brother again since she was helping out at Keiko's parent's tea shop. The kitsune knew that he had to get to the root of the problem. He had to cure it before Hiei drove himself mad. He had to help.

This is the first time that I have ever felt so helpless... The kitsune thought with a deep frown. He had no idea what was causing the koorime to suffer to these extremes.

The kitsune realized one night that it was time to investigate. It was going too far. A soft sound had woken him out of a sound sleep. The scent hung in the air like a fog. Kurama recognized the scent and jumped out of bed, racing out of his room to find whoever it was that was causing it. He burst through the door that he had followed the scent to and stared in disbelief at the scene unfolding before him.

"H-Hiei..." His soft voice did not even cause the koorime to stir. The soft weeping sound that was coming from the koorime's throat made him feel like crying. He walked cautiously forward and noticed what he had been looking for. Tears. Hiei was crying in his sleep. All because of something that he wouldn't breathe a word about.

I do not want to find him like this again... I have to do something. But what? The kitsune contemplated something before taking a gem from the bed and quietly retreating from the room. He went back to his and dressed, getting ready for a grim meeting.

XxX

Kurama arrived there quickly enough and got through the gates effortlessly. The night was soundless and starless in the realm of the spirits, known as Reikai. The stealthy kitsune walked through the hallways without even a suspicious glance from a passing ferry girl. He found the door he was looking for and knocked softly. The door opened and a disgruntled Botan appeared before him in her robe. He stared at her with his penetrating gaze and she realized how serious it must have been. She let him inside without a word before closing and locking the door. Then she stared at the kitsune.

"What is it at this time of the night, Kurama?" She asked. She looked pale and had bags under her eyes like she had not slept in days. He leaned forward a bit more to see that her eyes were red from crying. He dug into his pocket before drawing forth the thing of great importance. Her eyes went immediately wide. "W-What are you..."

"I want the truth." He stated coldly. "What happened?" Botan felt her stomach clench as the memories that had been plaguing her returned.

"I-Kurama, we..." She couldn't get the words out. So she took the other way out. "Are you certain that you wish to know?" Kurama nodded.

"Hiei has been nothing but depressed for a week! This was the last straw. I saw him...crying in his sleep. He has not said one word about what happened to him to cause this. I want answers." She sighed went to her bed before drawing out Hiei's bandana and untying the ends. She withdrew something and held it up for Kurama to see.

"I didn't want to ever forget... Come and sit next to me. All will be explained."

XxX

I felt so horrible about what was happening. It was all my fault. I let myself believe that we could have been together forever. Only now do I know the fatal mistake that I made. I allowed our relationship to continue... I immersed myself in happiness with him. I loved being in his arms and feeling a warmth spreading through me every time we kissed. It was so beautiful that I never wanted it to end.

...Now that it has, I know that I must try to get away from this predicament. I did not want to marry Koenma. I wanted to be with Hiei.

I thought now that I knew how.

XxX

Botan pressed her hand to Kurama's forehead and closed her eyes. The kitsune saw it all. He knew exactly what had happened. When the transfer of knowledge was through, the deity looked at him in shame.

"I want to see him again. I really wish that I could but Koenma forbade me to go to Ningenkai until we have been married and nothing could come between us." She gripped Kurama's shirt as tears coursed down her face. "I can't live like this, Kurama. I don't want to. I want to be with Hiei."

"Does no one here understand that this would be a forced marriage?"

"I am hoping to refuse the vow at the alter but I can do nothing more than that. Please, the wedding is in two days. It is at sunset. You must bring the Reikai Tantei and object to the union of me and Koenma." The kitsune knew that he had to do as she asked. Otherwise, nothing would bring Hiei nor Botan from their depressions. It had been a crushing blow to them. It had made them realize just how precious their bond was.

XxX

I wanted to hold it in until the day before the wedding but I found it hard to contain such a secret from Hiei. I knew that I could not tell him. It had to be a surprise. He would probably run away if he knew. So, we would drag him with us without telling him the cause.

I had my mind set on informing Yuusuke of the problem at hand.

Botan was depending on me...and I would not let her down.

XxX

Kurama walked into the ramen shop to see Yuusuke, Kuwabara, Shizuru, Yukina, and Keiko. They smiled at him as he approached.

"What is it that you wished to inform us of?" He sighed at Yukina's question. He did not believe that he was really ready to tell them. Tomorrow. It was the day before they had to go to Reikai.

"Botan and Koenma are getting married tomorrow." He stated; his emotions carefully concealed. They smiled slightly.

"What's goin' on? Why the look?" Yuusuke asked. He pulled his hand out of his pocket and opened his fist to reveal a small crimson marble. Yukina gasped and her eyes widened.

"That is..."

"This is Hiei's Hiruiseki Stone. This is his tear gem. He was crying in his sleep. When I went to ask Botan for answers, I found that their problems are pretty much one and the same." They stared at him. "Hiei and Botan love each other. The problem is that Botan was selected, before she and Hiei even got together, to get married to Koenma. She went to Hiei in her plight. He didn't turn her away. But Koenma found out about them and is holding her in Reikai until the wedding." Keiko put a hand to her mouth.

"How horrible..." She said softly. "What do we have to do?"

"When they get married tomorrow, we have to be there. Do not let it slip to Hiei. He will not go if he knows. We have to protest to their union and Botan is going to try to deny it at the alter." He explained.

"I wonder how it happened..." Yukina said quietly.

XxX

I felt pain at my own words. I felt like I was betraying Hiei by not telling him. But there was no other choice. Hiei would not go to Reikai. He would convince himself that it was better that way. I could not stand to see him so upset. The image of him crying was burned into my mind.

Not to mention that Yukina was entirely determined to help her brother and her best friend. I could tell that she was just as hurt as I was about this. Hiei has been my friend for many long, long years. I could hardly stand around and do nothing. However, seeing Botan like that had pressed me to do it also.

Their love was a lost cause that we would fight for.

Their happiness mattered to us more than anything else.

My friends meant more to me than my life. I would fight, as I am certain everyone else would, for them. I would fight for all I was worth to see them reunited in the end...

XxX

Botan dressed in a black kimono with a gray obi. She pulled her hair back into a ponytail. She was scheduled for Makai. She looked at herself closely. At least she had given up on crying. It wouldn't do any good to look horrible on her wedding day. She was supposed to be happy, even though the thought of marrying Koenma made her want to curl up and cry. It wasn't like she didn't love him. She did...but not like that. Her feelings for him were merely what a sister feels for her brother or a father. She sighed and looked down at her necklace. One of the tear gems that she had gotten from Hiei... She had put it on a chain so that she could wear it. A knock at her door made her jump and snap out of her thoughts.

"Come in." She called. The door opened and Koenma stepped through. She frowned and placed the necklace beneath the cloth of the kimono.

"Botan, I wanted to talk to you about tomorrow." He closed and locked the door, making her feel really nervous.

"K-Koenma-sama, I have work to do." She stated; slipping on her sandals.

"Don't worry about that right now. I have the feeling that you're not really comfortable with this situation." She suddenly felt angry.

"Comfortable? Of course I'm not comfortable with it! You ended the best thing that has ever happened to me and you think I would be comfortable marrying you?" He flinched at her accusing tone and the words that she had chosen.

"Botan..." He walked toward her when he noticed the look on her face. "I..." He hugged her to him. She didn't resist but she didn't give in, either. She just stood there with her head tucked beneath his chin. "I wish you had a choice but...this is the only option open to us. When I found out about you and Hiei, I was happy that you found someone. However, Father had already picked the best-suited ferry girl to be my wife." She slowly wrapped her arms around him and cried. Hard. He rubbed her back and tried to keep himself from breaking down. His only love was Ayame. Botan soon calmed down and looked at him in shame.

"All this time...I was blaming you. I had no idea. You didn't tell me."

"I thought it would be easier this way." He rested his cheek in her hair. "I thought it would be better if you blamed me instead of...my father. It has to be my fault. If I had told Ayame before now..." She closed her eyes.

"Why did you forbid me from going to Ningenkai?" She asked quietly. He sighed.

"Because it would be easier for you. If you do not see him then you will not be in so much pain." His voice was steady as he answered her questions. He had been prepared for everything...even anger. But he was not good at mending a broken heart.

"I love him, Koenma. Why does it have to end like this?" She stared up at him, her eyes red and filled with tears. "I don't want this... I don't want it..." He bit his lip.

"I can't do anything, Botan."

"Yes, you can! Tell Ayame that you love her! Your father should understand." She broke away from him and began pacing. "Any good leader has to know to stand up for himself. He cannot have a woman he doesn't love by his side. It would be purely ridiculous; not to mention unrational." She felt hope fading away as the doubt on his face showed through. "Do not do this to me! Have courage! Where did any lord and leader get by hiding under their desks like cowards?" She felt sadness fall out from under her. Anger was replacing what little sanity she had left. But her plan made sense. No leader that ever lasted and survived got anywhere by hiding. "Do you want to be unhappy, regretting every waking moment after that alter? Do you want to be bouncing your son on your lap and telling him how much you regretted marrying his mother? Koenma-"

"Botan, stop!" The Prince of Reikai couldn't handle any more. "I would never regret marrying you. I would never doubt that I could have loved you. But I do not love you and that would be the thing that I would regret." He walked over and took her shoulders in his hands. "You would never make me miserable. Listen to yourself. You're making sense even when you've lost your mind." He smiled. "I hated myself for making you hate me by being the bad guy."

"Koenma..." She looked away from him and smiled. "I'm sorry for saying all of that but it is true. As a lord and leader of everyone here, you are going to have to stand on your own two feet. At least for once in your life to prove that you can do it." He made a move to say something but she continued before he could say anything. "You will have a wife to fall back on...but only when you need it. You cannot suffer her with your weight or else the three worlds will fall. Your father, Enma-sama, needs to see that for himself. I think he really knows about your feelings. This could be a test. You have to prove to him that you are not a coward." He stared at her for a long moment; reflecting on her words. "Trust me with this one." She pleaded. "Or else make us both miserable because we didn't get the ones we wanted at our side."

"Botan, you found out about this marriage thing before you and Hiei got together, didn't you?" He asked suddenly. She nodded.

"I was vulnerable and he didn't turn me away. He didn't try to take advantage of me, either." He noticed the loving look in her eyes. "He was just as lonely as I felt...I found that I couldn't turn him away, either." He sighed.

"I'll try to work up what little courage is down there."

"With as long as you've been holding it back, there must be enough for ten trips to your Enma-sama's quarters."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Absolutely nothing." She stated dryly. "Now, if you don't mind, I have work to do." She steeled herself for whatever would await her the next day. Even if it was a life of marriage with the man she didn't love, she knew that she would always love her koorime. The thought that he had cried for her made her heart swell with regret. She never wanted to see tears in his eyes. She never wanted to see another crimson Hiruiseki Stone ever again.

XxX

Hiei felt as though something was wrong. Kurama had barely spoken a word to him. Even though solitude was what the koorime wanted, he didn't really want to be alone. He didn't want to talk, he didn't want to sleep, and he didn't want to watch time tick by while the person he loved married someone else. The sun slowly climbed the sky. The wedding day was here. But he knew that once the day was through, he would be able to at least feel secure. Botan wouldn't have to suffer miseries on his behalf. She wouldn't be caught up in his mess of a life. She wouldn't have to cry because of him.

"Hiei, can you come with us for a little while?" He turned his head and looked back to see Kurama standing in front of Yuusuke, Kuwabara, and Yukina. He gave them an odd look.

"What is this all about?" He asked suspiciously. Kurama smiled at him reassuringly. He felt aggravated at the stubborn kitsune. It was then that he realized that he had felt an emotion other than depression, sadness, and loss. "Hn." Yuusuke grinned and slapped the koorime on the back.

"That's the Hiei we know!"

XxX

I think this might be better left here. I kind of like this fic. I posted the first chapter to see if you'd all like it and base my decision to comtinue it on whether or not you did. But don't worry! This won't really get in the way of Fear of Fire or any other fic that I've been working on. Promise!

Please review!

-Angel