Author's Note: Hey! Thanks to those who watched me write this on , it helped me from getting distracted. So here's this chapter. I hope it's satisfactory. (: btw, if you want to know what Dominique looks like, google Michaela Conlin. If you want to know what Dr. Kessler looks like, google Zoie Palmer. c: Enjoy and let me know what you think if you get the chance!
Disclaimer: Any character you don't recognize is mine, otherwise everything else belongs to Tess, JTam and TNT.
Chapter Five
Your heart feels as though it's trying to tattoo itself to your breastbone as Domi leads you to an office. The plaque on the door reads, Dr. Emilia Grace Kessler. Your brows furrow slightly because you were sure you were going to be seeing a man… your father's friend, but then again there is a sense of relief that it is a woman. You're not sure why but you would just feel even more uncomfortable with some older man silently judging you.
Domi knocks on the door until there is a faint, "Come in!" You both enter and the room is not what you were expecting. There is a small desk in the corner that houses a computer and probably files in the drawer but there are two chairs in the center of the room, and a coffee table in the middle. Behind the table, against the wall is a very comfortable looking couch. The room is painted a neutral color, calming and it smells like vanilla. There are bookshelves that are filled to the brim with books, big and small and then you notice a tiny woman with dirty blonde hair and soft brown eyes. She looks like she's in her early thirties.
"Hey, Em-" Domi is the first one to speak but she seems to catch herself on the name as the doctor looks up at her with a look that you can't place. "—Dr. Kessler." Domi finishes, a light pink flush spreading throughout her cheeks, but just as quickly as it came, it disappears and Domi has already schooled her features with a smile. "Your new patient. This is Maura Isles."
Dr. Kessler smiles at you and holds out her hand for you to shake. "I'm Dr. Kessler, but you are free to call me Emilia if it makes you feel more comfortable." She says calmly as you nervously shake her hand. Domi turns to leave and you're left alone with Dr. Kessler. "Take a seat." She gestures to the cliché looking couch in the room and you move toward it hesitantly.
The room is quiet save for the shuffling of papers as Dr. Kessler gathers her things and then comes to sit in a large chair across from you. "So, Maura… What brings you here?" She asks with a gentle smile.
You're quiet for a moment, glancing mostly anywhere but her face. You remember Jane saying that you didn't have to talk. As if the doctor reads your mind, she speaks again. "It's okay, you don't have to talk… I can talk." She leans back in her chair and your eyes snap to hers for a brief moment. Her eyes are the color of coffee, light. "It says that you're here because you have a severe case of social anxiety." She says it in a matter of fact way, her eyes watching your movements. It makes you nervous the way she studies you.
"Yes…" You finally say, your voice is quiet.
She smiles reassuringly. "I'm not here to judge you, Maura. In fact, I'm the very last person who's going to judge you. I'm here to listen and to help if I can. However I can't help you if you don't let me." Dr. Kessler pushes a strand of dirty blonde hair behind her ear while her other hand absently plays with the pen in her hand. "Is there another reason you're here?" She asks after a moment.
You fidget in your seat, hands moving over one another in your lap. "I—I don't know." You stammer, eyes finding a spot on the carpet. "My mother and father thought it best that I stay here…I thought I was going to see a friend of my father's." You chance a glance up at the doctor; she's still watching you with rapt attention.
"Well, he referred you to me. Would you prefer someone else? It's pertinent that you are comfortable with your doctor." She says seriously.
Your eyes widen slightly. You're anxious but you're a lot more comfortable with her than you would have expected. "No! I mean… Yes, I'm comfortable… Well, as comfortable as I can be… Actually I'm rather relieved…" You admit quietly.
Dr. Kessler smiles again. "Good. You can call me Emilia by the way—unless Dr. Kessler makes you more comfortable." She chuckles a little and writes something down on her pad. Briefly you wonder what it is that she could possibly be writing down, you've only been here for 7 minutes.
When she glances back up at you, you try to smile back at her. "Thank you… Emilia." You try her name out quietly and decide that you would much rather call her by her first name. The formal 'Dr. Kessler' reminds you of the true reason you're here.
"Okay, Maura… so let's try this again, what is it you want to talk about while your with me? Do you want to talk about what you've been feeling lately? What triggers your anxiety? Maybe you have something else accompanying those anxious feelings?" She raises a perfectly sculpted eyebrow in curiosity.
You take a deep breath and think about it for a moment. "I've known about my social anxiety for a while, but it wasn't until I had a panic attack at school that my parents found out." Your voice shakes slightly as your thoughts move over the memory like a movie. "I remember feeling like people were staring at me and then my thoughts started racing and I just—" You bite your lip, trying to describe what it was like. You've never been good at expressing yourself, not that you've ever really been given a chance.
It's not as though you've had people around you to talk about how you feel. You've spent most of your time alone, engrossed in books and science. And that's okay, you suppose. You've never minded being alone, in fact a lot of the times, you relished in it.
"You just what, Maura?" Emilia's voice breaks you from your thoughts.
"I don't—I'm not sure, I'm not really good at this…"
"At what?"
You sigh almost irritably and close your eyes for a moment. "Talking. Talking about me. People don't care what I have to say." You're suddenly angry for some reason but the feeling dissipates slowly because that statement isn't entirely true anymore. You've met someone here who seems to hang on your every word.
"What's that smile?" Emilia cocks her head to one side, a curious smile on her face.
You hadn't realized that you started to smile. "I—well, I guess that's not true anymore. I met someone here who—who I'm not so anxious around." Your eyes drift to hers for a moment before they move away to the wall behind her.
"So you've never really had someone to talk to before coming here?" She asks. Her voice isn't condescending, it's kind and curious. She doesn't ask who this person is, she doesn't invade or prod you further, she waits for your cue.
You shake your head. "No, I've never been good at making friends." You supply timidly.
About an hour later, you've talked about things you never thought you would with anyone, except for maybe Jane. That thought scares you because you've only just met Jane, yet you are more comfortable with her than you are with your Psychiatrist who is bound by law to keep your secrets.
You're about to say something else when the door bounds open, startling both you and Emilia. Domi is standing in the doorway looking frazzled and… sporting a black eye.
Suddenly it feels as though your heart is in your stomach and your hands move to grip the cushions beneath you.
"Dominique?" Emilia stands quickly. "What is it?" She asks worriedly.
Domi's eyes shift nervously toward yours and that's when you know.
Jane.
You stand up quickly and with shaking hands you smooth out your pants and you go to move but you realize that you have no idea where to go.
Dominique runs a hand through her dark hair. "I came for Maura… She—I mean," She sighs and shakes her head. "Jane Rizzoli is in solitary…" She looks at you sadly.
"W-what?" You squeak out, tears already burning at the back of your throat. "What happened?" You can hear your voice and feel yourself moving but it's as if you have no control over your actions.
Emilia grabs your arm and looks at Domi with confusion in her eyes. "What happened to your eye? What does this have to do with Maura?" You hadn't told Emilia about Jane yet. You had talked briefly about her, but never mentioned her name.
Domi looks torn. "Look, they had to give the kid a mild sedative and she's… well, it's not working so good and I thought that maybe if she could see someone who she liked, she might calm down…"
You're numb.
"If she's in solitary then that means she isn't permitted to see anyone except medical staff—"
Dominique cuts her off. "Emilia…" Her voice is a mixture between a plea and a warning. It's then that through your haze you realize that they probably know each other on more of a personal level and not just a doctor/nurse setting.
After a moment, Emilia releases your arm and Dominique gently takes your hand and gives the blonde doctor behind you a stiff nod before she leads you out of the door.
Once you're a ways down the hall, Dominique looks down at you. "C'mon, Bambi, you can't go in there crying." She stops you and turns you to face her. You hadn't realized that you had started to cry. Quickly you swipe away the tears and sniffle. "Jane's gonna be fine, and listen, you can't tell anyone I'm doing this, okay?" She waits for your meek nod before she continues walking, gently pulling you along.
Domi doesn't explain what happened as you both walk briskly down the relatively empty halls, and you're not sure whether it's because she doesn't know or it's because it's not her place to say. Either way, you're not sure you could handle it right now. All you can think about is your new friend, alone and in distress. A thought suddenly hits you; how are you supposed to comfort her? You've never done anything of the sort so you don't even know where to begin.
Before you can even stop to tell Domi that you have second thoughts about this, you're turning down a hallway and it's then that you hear it. Screaming. It's hoarse and angry and sad and unintelligible save for the few expletives. You know the voice. Even after just two days, you'd recognize it anywhere.
Dominique stops you both in front of the door and glances around before looking down at you. "She needs someone, Bambi, and it's gotta be you. You're the only person she's talked to since she got her except me, so…" She trails off, biting her lip. "It'll be okay, sweetie. Just…go in there and talk to her."
You can feel your eyes welling with tears and you're sure that you look like 'bambi' now more than ever; a scared deer in the headlights. You are about to walk into something way out of your element. "W-what d-do I s…say?" You stammer out.
A small, sad smile creases Dominique's lips and she winces slightly as it reaches the bruise forming around her eye. "Anything, sweetie. Talk about anything, just let her know you're there. She's strapped down…" She adds the last part quietly and absently she touches her eye.
You take a deep, shuddering breath and nod. "Okay."
"Okay." Dominique mimics with a nod, slowly opening the door. "I'll be outside the door."
As you enter, the screaming gets louder and your eyes go wide at the sight before you. Jane is strapped to the bed, pulling against her restraints and crying out. Her face is red and tear stained but her eyes are closed as she goes from screaming angrily to sobbing pitifully. "M-My fault…" She whimpers. It's the only thing you can make out through the incoherent ramblings. "I—I—'m s…orry!" And then her body lifts from the bed like she's possessed and your heart feels like it breaks in two at the sight.
You approach slowly and against your better judgment, you reach out with a shaking hand a grip her clenched, fist. Her body jerks and she falls back against the bed, and lets out another angry cry. "Jane!" You say over her, surprised at how strong it is. She's quiet for a moment so you speak once more. "Jane, it's me, Maura…" For a moment, Jane doesn't stop her struggling but your hand tightens around her fist and then her body relaxes. Brown eyes open and meet yours and then Jane lets out a quiet sob.
"M-Maura…" Her voice is so hoarse from screaming. "T-they hate me…" She says through tears. "Y-you sh…should hate me t-too."
Your jaw clenches a little in an attempt to keep your emotions at bay. "Who hates you?" You finally say, moving closer to the bed and gently brushing away sweaty curls.
Jane closes her eyes at the gesture. "M'family…" She mumbles and her muscles flex under the restraints. Your eyes drift over her body and you note her arms are bruises and her knuckles are swollen and split. "My—my pop left, 'cause of me." Her voice is weak and you can tell now that she's calmed down some that the sedative they've given her is starting to take more of an effect.
You're not sure what she means, but you run your fingers up and down her arm in hopes that it soothes her. "That's not true, Jane…" You say quietly. "You should sleep, don't fight it."
Jane mumbles something that you can't make out and lets out a shuddering breath. You watch her muscles slowly relax under your touch.
"Don't fight it…"