Author's Note: Reading this story over pretty much made me cringe. I rewrote some parts slightly just to keep some of my dignity…and sanity. Whatever. It's done, caput, finito so I've kept my word. Yah.

Thanks for reading!

Disclaimer: Yu Yu Hakusho is owned by Yoshihiro Togashi

Until We Meet Again

My heart was thumping hard. Pain. Sweat. I was cold. I was being pulled in two directions. It was agonizing and unbearably difficult to move.

It's all right.

I felt a voice reassuring me. Reassuring me of what? The pounding of my heart increased and I couldn't concentrate on what was going on…I couldn't take it anymore. I sank to the ground on my knees putting one hand on my chest trying to steady my heart. The voice grew louder.

Don't fool yourself. You're only in denial. Accept it!

Accept what? My heart was continually beating. Faster. Faster. The pain was excruciating; I couldn't even make out where I was or how much time had passed. I could feel beads of cold sweat roll down from my temple. I closed my eyes tight and clenched my teeth hoping that it could help me bear the pain better. The darkness was enveloping me. Even though it was only in my eyes, the shadows felt like they were swallowing everything and drowning my body.

I yelled out in pain. My whole body was trembling from the my raging pain in my chest. Unable to keep myself upright, I felt my body slump over unable to bear it any longer. I felt weak as I have never felt before. My mind was about to shut down when I noticed a warm glow. A light. Even though my eyes were closed I knew there was a light coming from somewhere…I forced my eyes opened.

The pain was slowly receding. My breathing was still rapid but otherwise, I felt like I could get up. My heart was no longer in a sporadic state. Well, more normally than before. I got on my knees and my gaze followed the warm glow until I saw a figure.

It stood there in the darkness beside me. The warm glow was coming from this person. Even though I couldn't make out the face, I knew that it was smiling. Suddenly, it held out a hand to me.The glow became brighter as I reached for the outstretched hand hand. I was almost there. When our hands touched, the figure spoke.

"Kurama."

It was Botan.

I jerked awake. It was eleven forty three. I found that my covers were thrown down on the floor. Some dream. What was that all about? The pain, that reassuring voice, Botan…her hand?

Suddenly I heard a loud thud outside. I tensed and went to my window only to find Botan floating outside. This was probably the strangest coincidence I had ever experienced but I quickly put that thought aside and opened the window.

"Botan? What are you doing here?" I asked but she didn't answer me. All she said was that I was a heavy sleeper. It was difficult for her to come into my room on her oar so I took her hand and began to lead her in. Beneath my window was a step where I kept all of my "gifts". I was about to move them for her when she told me that I shouldn't and stood up to climb in herself. Although she insisted that she was fine, her foot slipped on the sill and she lost her footing. Fortunately, I was able to catch her in time.

"Are you all right Botan?" I asked as I helped her stand back up. She looked a little preoccupied as she shook her head. I was afraid she had hurt herself badly but she assured me she was fine.

She quickly stood up and brushed herself off. I said it was all right while she apologized and rubbed her head. I was still concerned but I made my way to my desk and sat down. She followed suit and rested on the edge of my bed but still didn't say anything, which worried me.

"So what's the matter Botan?" I asked. She seemed really distracted and didn't answer me right away but when she did, I wished she hadn't.

"Koenma has decided to seal off the three worlds. Permanently." She looked at me with sadness in her lavender eyes. What? Seal the three worlds? Then that means…

"Do you know why, Botan?" I asked not really paying attention to the reason. All I could think about was that our worlds would be separated. Until death… But I did hear her when she said it would be completed at midnight. Midnight. Tonight.

"Tonight?" I asked hardly being able to believe it. " So that means…" I couldn't say it but Botan finished my sentence for me.

"I'll never be able to see you again."

I looked up at her. Her eyes were brimming with tears that threatened to fall any second despite her attempt to be strong. As I sat there helpless, I wished that I could do something for her. Watching her struggle with the news was more than I could bear and I utterly hated the fact that I couldn't do anything to comfort her.

And it was at that exact moment, that I knew I loved her.

I finally understood my dream. I had been fighting against my own feelings. I was in denial. The fact that she was always there was unreal. I was afraid that she couldn't understand me and I was unsure of my own feelings. The thought of me loving her felt so good but I wasn't sure if I could love because I was a demon.

It scared me to think that if I had told her and loved her for the wrong reasons, she wouldn't have accepted me. She could have even come to hate me because I'd used a pathetic excuse to use her and base our friendship on lies.

A recurring thought had plagued me throughout the years as well. I wanted to deny my human life so I could live the way Youko Kurama wanted to. I wanted to live the life of a demon once more but now I knew that I am to live my own life. I am separate from Youko Kurama. And…he knows that.

It's all right…accept it!

Youko, it was Youko who said...

I felt his reassurance, his encouragement and reason. This was the time, my time, the last chance I had in order to tell her. No more thoughts of protecting her from my own unstable feelings. No more hiding behind Youko. No more denial. I had to tell her that I loved her now.

I braced myself and began, "Botan, I-" But Botan suddenly interrupted me.

"I wanted to thank you for that rose you gave me…It matched the color of my eyes perfectly…"

"…"

It took me awhile to even realize what she was talking about. Then I remembered the rose I gave to her at the wedding, which seemed like ages ago.

"Well, I didn't think you'd notice," I said smiling. But Botan seemed to be in her own world; she hardly heard anything I said. She began to squirm uncomfortably and her hands were fidgeting with her kimono.

"Kurama, I have to tell you something…um…" I gazed at her. Whatever she had to tell me seemed to be putting her in turmoil. She bit her lip and kept her eyes to the floor. "Kurama…I..." It wasn't like Botan to stutter nervously.

Suddenly she shut her eyes tight. "I-I…I love you!"

I felt my heart skip a beat as I froze.

She had said that she loved me. Botan loved me. Those three simple words lifted a weight off of my shoulders and I felt as though a part of me had been saved. Even though a lingering sadness sat in the back of my mind reminding me that our time was about to be over, her words never made me surer of anything in my life.

Botan had always been with me. Even at the beginning. She was always there as a part of our group. And over the years, unbeknownst to me and her, she became a part of my heart. Through all of our missions, she had been there by my side. My uncertainty had clouded my obvious thoughts and feelings. But now I finally knew.

It wasn't until I saw Botan that I realized that she still didn't know how I felt. I silently cursed myself for being so slow and walked over to her. She sat there with her eyes still shut and her hands clenched tight. Her whole body was slightly quivering. I took her hands in mine and pulled her next to me.

When I was in front of her, she opened her eyes and tears began to fall down her cheeks. Why is she crying? She made a movement to wipe her cheek but I got there before her. I softly wiped away her tears with my finger. I felt her cheek was warm and its color deepen as I touched it.

But suddenly I felt her pulling away from me. The tears still fell from her cheeks as she drew away. I stopped her with one hand on her shoulder. With the other hand I tilted her chin up for her to face me.

"I love you too, Botan." She froze and looked up at me. Her eyes held a look of utter surprise.

"What?" she asked. I didn't know exactly how she felt when I said that but at that moment I didn't think of anything else. I leaned in and kissed her. I wanted her to know, to feel how much I cared and even though I knew our love would eventually put us into separate worlds full of pain and sadness, I kissed her with everything I had.

When we separated, Botan had the radiant smile on her face again, yet she was still crying. She hopelessly tried to dry her tears and looked at me.

"It's funny you know, I finally found you and we have to be apart." Her words came out in a choked sob that confirmed what I already know is in store for us. I felt an enormous weight in my heart yet I knew I had to be strong for her, for us. I pulled her into my arms allowing her to break down completely and cry into my shoulder. I leaned my head against hers.

"Botan, it's okay. Calm down. You don't want to spend our last minutes together crying now do you?"

"No…" Botan pulled back to look at me. Her eyes were a little red and swollen. It was obvious she'd been crying for hours before she came to see me. But before she had to go, I wanted her to smile again like all of those times before when we shared moments full of laughter together.

"Botan, I love you. I have been for a long time and now that I know you love me, it makes my life complete. Though we can't be together, I'll always keep you in my heart." I had expected her to smile a little but instead she looked alarmed.

"Now wait, Kurama. I don't want to keep you from finding love with someone else. I don't want you to wait for me-" she began. Inside I felt, I knew that she was the only girl for me. There would never be another and I wanted her to know that. I placed both of my hands on her shoulders and looked directly in her eyes.

"Botan, there will be no other for me." She looked back at me and she finally had that smile back on her face.

"Kurama, I'll always watch over you and I'll be with you wherever I go." I finally had a breakthrough. She was feeling better and that lightened my heart a little.

"Well now, it seems I have acquired a Guardian Angel." I meant every word I said. Being in Reikai and escorting souls has earned her the title as the Grim Reaper, but I could only see her as the opposite: my personal angel. As long as I kept her in my heart, her memory would help me cope with the fact that we can't be together.

After taking a deep breath, I gave her an enormous smile that I have never given anyone else making her laugh like she once did. As I watched her laugh Botan suddenly let out a gasp and her body suddenly shimmered in and out of focus. A wave of fear washed over me as she held onto my arms. I took her hands in mine and held them tightly and thinking that if I held on long enough, tightly enough, she would not disappear.

To confirm my dreaded though, I spun around and looked at my clock. It read eleven fifty-nine. This was our last minute; our last sixty seconds together. I couldn't help feeling that I had taken my time with her for granted.

"This is it, Kurama. Please tell the others goodbye for me." I could tell she was determined to be strong but her voice faded near the end…I knew it must be heart wrenching for her to leave the others...

"Of course." I found that I could only whisper. I knew that she was leaving me , we were parting and for the first time in so long, I felt tears. My vision blurred. I squeezed her hands tighter. She began to cry again, yet, she still held a look of hope in her eyes.

"Remember Kurama, I'll always be with you. You gave me the love that I have always hoped for." Her voice sounded distant already. "You have been and will always be the only one for me Kurama. I love you so much." Those words echoed in my mindand would continue to do so for a very long time to come. My heart began to beat faster, exactly like in my dream. The time we had were slipping away and I could never get it back….She was slipping away from me.

"Botan…" I whispered. Tears were running freely down her cheeks once again as she raised one hand to touch my face. Then she leaned up and kissed me.

I decided that as a parting gift, I would give her my final rose so I swiftly took out my signature flower and softly placed it in her left hand. At first, my mind could not accept the fact that she was leaving but as she kissed me I found that I was lost in my feelings for her. But suddenly, just I was lost in my thoughts I was jerked back to the present, as I no longer felt her lips nor her small hands in mine. I opened my eyes as she slowly grew fainter and finally disappeared from me.

But even though my eyes could not see her, my heart told me that she was there. That was something that my instincts as a human or demon could never do.

I spun around. "You'll be in my heart, Botan."

After standing at the same spot for a long time, I finally convinced myself that she was gone. Carried away back to Reikai, back to another world. I walked over to the window she had entered. The night air blew across my face and reminded me of our memories together.

Spending more than one thousand years as a demon fox raiding treasures and earning a name for myself as the best thief that had ever existed was my beginning. It was a life that I was forced to leave because death had very nearly caught up with the illusive life I held. Coming into Ningenkai and growing up as a human with a mother and a father was the next phase of my life. I thought it temporary and unimportant as I waited patiently for the time to revert back to my old ways. Little did I know that this life was to lead me to my friends, to paths that coincided with my past and in the end, to her. She was my last chapter; because of her, I have set out the rest of my life and I will follow through with my words to her.

Accepting that she was gone was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but knowing that she was with me in spirit and love helped me move on. I knew that as long as I carried her in my heart, she would never truly be gone.

Until we meet again.