It's been a while, but I'm back with a new chapter.
Disclaimer: I don't own the SSBM characters or Olay products.
Chapter 2: Adventures in Cross-dressing
Marth was ensconced in a tacky spinach armchair, scratching continuously at a rosy mosquito bite, which had grown to the size of a peanut. Attempting to distract himself from the mosquito bite, the swordsman stretched out lazily, causing part of his ripped T-shirt to tear. He ignored it, made himself comfortable, and dozed off into a blissful, undisturbed nap…
Two Minutes Later"Marth! Marth!" screeched a young boy dramatically.
The sound echoed throughout the Smasher mansion, which eventually caused a very beautiful, fragile vase that Zelda had spent $2,700 on to fall over quickly yet gracefully and smash to glistening smithereens.
Marth groaned and forced himself out of the chair. An obnoxious roar that seemed to erupt from Young Link's room interrupted his pleasurable fantasy of being the poster boy for perfect hair across the world. Oh joy.
He stopped up the stairs, muttering something about elves and grape juice as he tried to resist the temptation to scratch the swelling bite near his left elbow. He shamefully failed and began rubbing violently at the bite.
"Marth, you need to help me!" screamed the juvenile swordsman in a self-centered manner. "Peach just called. She confirmed that Nana wore the parka for a week."
Marth yawned and rubbed his armpits slothfully. "What's your point?"
"It means Nana won the bet! So I have to go out in public in a tooth fairy costume for an entire day!" The apprehensive elf gnawed away at a hangnail.
"Oh. Well, good luck with that." Marth headed towards the staircase.
"Wait! You have to help me."
"How?"
Young Link grinned mischievously at the naïve blue-haired swordsman. He stood up, grabbed Marth by the ear, and softly whispered his naughty idea.
"NO WAY AM I DOING THAT!" Marth shouted so loudly that the whole story of the mansion vibrated. Something in Captain Falcon's room may have crashed, but no one paid the least bit of attention.
"Come on, masquerading about in public donned as a woman could be fun! Besides, you already look like one."
Marth gritted through his teeth, "Why I oughta-"
Young Link interrupted him by holding out a single hand, allowing Marth's head to fall into it. It was similar to a steamed cabbage, except for the fact it was lighter due to the air taking up space in his head.
"And if you did, I'd owe you," Young Link whispered, his eyes twinkling with a mixture of whimsy and mischief.
Marth brushed Young Link's hand off of his face and took a moment to daydream.
What was it that I had always wanted? Marth pondered.
He closed his eyes and imagined himself spectacularly prancing into a tidy bathroom. He pulled out a sleek bottle of lotion and waved it elegantly at the camera, his gorgeous hair shining under the well-lit studio. He popped the cap open and squeezed some creamy white lotion into the palm of his hand and rubbed the lotion onto his peachy skin.
"Olay lotion," he intonated climatically. "Now available in Lily Delight!"
Marth rubbed his chin and grinned dreamily.
"So will you do it?" Young Link begged.
"Oh, fine," Marth said with a sigh.
"Good! I'll get the costume while you raid Peach and Zelda's rooms."
The prince decided to investigate Zelda's room first, since it was closest and he was being sluggish. He glanced around, and then closed the door for privacy in case Young Link was betraying him and planned to blackmail him.
A wooden dresser stood in the left corner. Marth inched nervously towards it and opened the top drawer, which happened to be filled with a rather strange collaboration of cheap lipsticks and eye shadows and designer blushes and mascaras.
He reached in and dug around until his hand met a smooth surface. Out of curiosity, he fished it out and sneaked a peek.
It was a disturbing picture of Link posing peculiarly, wearing nothing but a periwinkle bath towel wrapped loosely around his waist. His hair was somewhat damp and it looked like he had gained weight around his stomach. It must have been all those Twinkies he ate over the summer.
Marth twitched and wondered how Zelda could live with such a naughty picture in her makeup drawer, and why Link he let her do that in the first place. It certainly wasn't one of those off-guard pictures, since the elf boy looked like a cheesy statue that belonged in a trailer park.
"Marth, you better be almost ready!" ordered Young Link from outside before muttering something about his costume being itchy.
"Fine! I'll be out in five minutes!"
The childish swordsman pouted and stomped down the stairs. He sat down, his eyes scanning the room until he found the round ebony clock hanging up on the wall above the fireplace. He stared and stared and stared.
Finally, the minute hand turned. One minute had passed.
He stared and stared and stared some more. Eventually, the minute moved again. Two minutes.
He stared and stared and stared yet again. Oh what fun.
He stared and stared and then became bored due to his short attention span. After standing up impatiently, he crept over to the shining cookie jar. He pressed his index finger against the bottom of the lid and lifted the lid off…
Just before he had the chance to snatch a snicker doodle, Martha-err, Marth, came down the stairs in a plain violet dress from Zelda's closet. He had on a light coat of rosy blush, tabs off sky blue eye shadow, some scarlet lip-gloss, and just a little mascara, all courtesy of Peach's room. Zelda's picture scared poor Marth into using Peach's makeup. He pulled a petite glass bottle out of one of Jigglypuff's black leather purses and sprayed on a layer of a fancy French perfume that Samus had for some mysterious reason.
"Aww, you look so pretty!" Young Link gushed mockingly, holding his hands and batting his dumpy eyelashes daintily.
"Shut up so we can get this over this," snapped Marth, sliding his feet into some indigo high heels that were supposedly from Halloween a few years ago.
Young Link smirked and slid into his glittery fairy slippers.
The feminine duo headed out of the Smasher mansion and jogged as fast as they could in their uncomfortable shoes to 7 Eleven. Hopefully they would avoid any mockery.
How unlucky they were.
One person threw up their Italian pasta into a bush, eight people pointed and laughed, three laughed so hard that they wet their pants, and one girl whistled, causing Marth to sassily pose.
"I love girly men!" squealed the girl.
"But what if they're really girls?" asked her friend.
"Erm…"
Despite the nearly intolerable comments made by random passersby, Young Link and Marth survived the half a block trip to 7 Eleven.
Nervously, Young Link grabbed the door handle and stepped in. He coaxed Marth to join him, but he tried to escape. Young Link moaned in frustration and pulled in the male by his cape.
"Oh the humanity!" the swordsman screamed immaturely, flailing like a fish out of water.
Young Link rolled his eyes and dragged Marth to the candy section. He eyed the sweets thoughtfully and grabbed three bags of candy that had an assortment of different kinds of candy.
"If you don't want anything, I'll just go pay for this," the fairy costume-donning boy explained flatly to Marth.
He eagerly scurried over to the candy section and grabbed a tin of cookies. After that, he somehow came across a mini bottle of hairspray.
"Ooh, jackpot!" he yelped excitedly. He then ran over with Young Link to the cash register.
"Are you ladies ready to pay?" the fat cashier asked, scratching his bald head while stuffing his face with a Big Mac.
Marth began, "But we-"
Young Link interrupted him by shoving his elbow into his stomach. "Yes, we are."
The cashier nodded while chewing sloppily as he scanned each item.
"Don't embarrass us more than we already have been," Young Link snapped quietly.
"Are you two cross-dressers by chance?" the man questioned.
Marth and Young Link stared blankly, unsure if the man was insulting them or simply creating conversation.
"Uh, uh, uh…" Marth stuttered.
"We gotta go, bye!" Young Link replied, grabbing the bags without paying and running out with Marth.
"Hey!" the man screamed as he picked up a broom and waved it about as he chased them.
"Way to go genius," panted Marth as he dashed beside Young Link.
"I know it wasn't smart, but that was so humiliating! I couldn't think straight."
"Neither could I…"
Marth caught a glimpse of the cashier behind him and panicked.
"Young Link, what do we do now?"
"Err…This way!" he told him, pointing towards a nearby street. Both of them turned right and kept going until them found a small bush. Marth grabbed Young Link by one of his glittery pink fair wings and yanked him into it.
"Where are those cross-dressing hoodlums?" the enraged cashier hollered, holding the broom so tightly it was about to snap.
Suddenly, much to the two swordsmen's relief, an old, wrinkly woman driving a minivan pulled out of her driveway will she was busy chatting on her cell phone. She was too distracted to notice the man, and since the man was almost blinded by rage, she drove into him and knocked him out cold.
"The road must be bumpy today," the woman muttered to herself, not knowing that she had just killed the man but at the same time had saved Marth and Young Link.
"It's a miracle!" the two shouted in unison after coming out of the bush for a victory dance.
Just then, a teenage boy walked out of his house. He was humming some cheesy love song and was too preoccupied by it to notice our two beloved swordsmen standing on his lawn. He carelessly turned on the sprinkler, which soaked Young Link and Marth.
Marth slowly flipped his hair out of his face and squeezed out the excess water.
"Well, at least now we have a reason to go home and change," Young Link pointed out.
"Good idea."
Both of them walked down the street, the sun looking as if it was going to set soon. The two of them left wet footprints that gradually dried due to the sun's light. The silence was getting rather awkward…
"Let's never speak of this again, okay?" Marth pleaded.
"Why would I even want to?"
Entry 2: Young Link and Marth
Young Link
…That was the most horrible thing ever. I'm never making a bet with Nana again. Next time you have nothing to do and think about doing your part of a deal or bet, play violent video games instead. I don't know how she can stand that awful costume. It's uncomfortable and ugly, and who wants that?
Marth…Dude, Young Link owes me BIG TIME for this one. I got unwanted attention, and I had to wear Zelda's tight dress. It had a stain in the back, and I really don't want to know how it got there. I think I might be getting an allergic reaction to the makeup, because now I'm sneezing constantly and my eyes are watering. As I was walking back to the Mansion, I could have sworn I saw a hobo checking me out…I really hope I'm wrong.
Now that's done…I deserve a cookie…
I'll probably finish Know Your Smashers before updating again. Luckily, it's almost done.
Now go do something useful, like helping out hobos. They must be desperate to be looking at Marth.