Yet another day at the Smash Mansion had arrived, and, as usual, not much was happening. Link's body was lazily draped on the couch as he gazed at the television. He panted and fanned himself with his viridian cap and noticed something about his hair.
"Oh great, my hair's sweaty!" Link moaned as he rubbed his scalp with his fingertips. If there was one thing that could rush him to the bathroom, it was his hair being imperfect.
Meanwhile, Mario was trying out a new recipe for a pizza. He had just about all of the ingredients, but then he noticed one thing was missing: sausage.
"Mamma mia!" he shouted.
At the same time, Link rushed down the stairs even faster than he went up. "HOW COULD I POSSIBLY BE OUT OF SHAMPOO!"
"I'll go-a with you to the store-a. I need to pick up my sausage."
"Fair enough," Link mumbled. "You have money?"
"Who-a needs money when you can-a get free samples when guards aren't watching?" Mario asked.
"Excellent point," Link agreed, unsheathing his sword. "To the store to sneak free samples!"
And so our famous heroes ran and ran and ran and stopped at a hot dog cart, then ran some more, and finally arrived at a grocery store, which happened to be the same one that Peach and Nana had invaded. Poor grocery store and its employees.
"I'll be in the Hair Care aisle," Link said to Mario.
"Okay-a." And with that, the petite, plump plumber ran in search of sausage.
In the meantime, Link strolled down to find his beloved shampoo. It seemed there were only those cheap store brands, which Link despised greatly. Suddenly, a gleaming bottle caught his eye. It was just what he was looking for, plus it had the name of Link's hair guru printed in black letters: John Frieda.
"THANK HEAVENS THERE IS AGOD!" the Hylian declared.
He glanced at the price, causing his eager eyes to almost pop out of his head. "I can't afford that!"
Suddenly, much to Link's convenience, he produced an idea. Not a very smart one, but how was a desperate Hylian with a hair problem supposed to know?
His eyes shifted from side to side rapidly as he snatched the cap off of his shiny blonde head. With the bottle over his head, he squeezed it, forcing the shampoo to cascade out and form a miniature puddle. Then he massaged the shampoo through his golden locks and sighed dreamily at the fresh smell.
Mario, at the time, was using a tried-and-true technique to distract butchers in the deli section.
"Hey-a, is that-a the President?" Mario asked, frantically hoping for the butcher to go away so he could sneak some sausage.
"He was here a week ago," grunted the butcher as he chopped a hunk of ham.
"Santa Claus?"
"Whenever Christmas last was."
"Easter Bunny?"
"Whenever last Easter was."
"Jessica Simpson?"
"Whenever she lasted needed Chicken of the Sea for a video, which may or may not have been tuna."
"Pee Wee Herman?" Mario sighed, his ideas being shattered one by one.
The butcher abruptly dropped his knife next to the ham slices. "WHEREISHEWHEREISHEWHEREISHE!" he shrieked. "That guy is my idol!"
Without another word, not counting the childlike screams and laughs, the butcher began racing around the store in search of Pee Wee Herman. While it cause grief for other shoppers, Mario was psyched and dived behind the case of deli delights. He picked out sausages and stuffed them in his hat and shoes for the pizza later while pigging out on ham samples simultaneously.
Back down in the hair care aisle, Link was rubbing the shampoo on his scalp in bliss. And considering how long this bliss has lasted, it's time some it was interrupted. By an employee obnoxiously dedicated to his job so he can get out of his parents' house's garage, to be exact.
At first, the employee blankly stared in disbelief. He thought the senior citizens testing mouthwash, denture adhesives, and such other oral care items was strange. This, however, redefined the word "strange"
"Sir, ma'am whatever gender you are, what in the world are you doing?"
Link turned around slowly, his eyes widening in horror. Never in his seemingly endless state of paradise did he imagine this. "Um…um…"
"I'm waiting for an explanation, sir."
"Well, you see, those kids from the Trix commercial cut off my water supply. They were getting revenge for that time I gave the rabbit some Trix. Anyway, I was totally out of shampoo, so I figured I'd wash my hair here!"
The employee heaved a sigh of aggravation. "Sir, I'll have to take you to my office and rinse your hair out."
"Good. Any longer and my beautiful hair will permanently become a ball of soap."
Mario, coincidentally, was being dragged to an office, as the grocery store owner had caught him just as he was about to resort to stuffing more sausage in his pants. Mario waddled behind in shame.
The grocery store workers directed Mario and Link to two chairs in front of a desk, which had fashion magazines, shaving cream, and other miscellaneous junk scattered upon it. The plumber sat down while Link got his hair rinsed at a rather moldy sink. Mario would have attempted to nibble some sausage, but the storeowner glared at him with bulging eyes to prevent any efforts of escaping. He sank in his seat.
Link gently squeezed out the excess water and asked the employee, " Could I at least blow dry my hair?"
"No," he replied, automatically dismissing his request.
"Aww."
All four were in their seats, across from each other. The storeowner speedily shuffled through torn newspapers and pulled out a crisp copy. He revealed the picture to Mario and Link.
"Now, do you two recognize this place?" he asked, pointing to the large cover photograph of an insane asylum.
Before Mario could even open his mouth to object, Link enthusiastically answered with a hearty "Yes!"
"That's all I needed to hear." With that, the storeowner dialed a number and mumbled something about finding the culprits and coming to take them.
Before Mario could come up with a reasonable argument, two people in fanciful jackets barged into the office. They grabbed Link and Mario and dragged them into a van without saying a word.
And that was the last anyone had seen of our two bizarre shoppers that day.
Entry 5: Link and Mario
Link
Don't make me do this right now…All I wanted was to wash my hair, and now I'm stuck in a white van with some plumber that reeks worse than Wario's underwear and spoiled eggs combined…Must start therapist search…
MarioMamma mia! This meat sure-a does go-a bad easily! I'll have to steal Luigi's imported sausage…And take a shower…A really long one…
That has to be the strangest chapter yet.I'm very sorry…