Author's Note: Should I make this a one-shot or a story? Please review.
Chapter 1
Ezra
I tell myself that it will get easier with time.
Guilt.
It eats away at you until it seems all the light is gone. The remorse is suffocating. How can I go on knowing that I am responsible for my friends getting hurt? What makes it even worse is the fact that you can't go back after making that fateful decision that caused your friends pain.
My master is blind, because I trusted Maul after he warned me not to. Trusting Maul is what caused Ahsoka to sacrifice herself to save me from Vader. Ahsoka's dead, because I trusted Maul blindly. Kanan and Ahsoka paid the price for my mistake.
A pain in my chest flared as I thought about Ahsoka. I miss her. I miss the kind smile she always had on her face when I greeted her. I miss the way she gently put her hand on my shoulder in an affectionate and friendly gesture. I wish I could go back to that night in the temple and stop myself from falling through the floor of the temple where I got separated from Kanan and Ahsoka. If I hadn't met Maul, Ahsoka would still be alive. She may not have been a Jedi, but she was still a Force-wielder. She still used the Force to fight the Dark Side and the Empire. Ahsoka was kind, selfless, and brave. That is what made her good. She always had an aura of quietness and sadness about her, but war had a way of doing that to the older generation.
I remembered overhearing the conversation between Kanan and Hera before we all decided to join the Rebel Fleet. Kanan was the only one who didn't want to join, because of the trauma that the war had caused him. I didn't fully understand at the time why he didn't want to join the Rebel Fleet. It wasn't until he told me about how he lost his master that I finally understood why he felt the way he did about joining the Rebel Fleet and letting Rex join the fight. He lost the only parental figure he had ever known. Losing someone close to you can break even the strongest person. I remembered feeling a mixture of sadness, shock, horror, and compassion when Kanan told me about how the late Depa Billaba met her untimely demise.
I know what that feels like. My life turned upside down when I was seven years old and living on the streets after my parents were taken away. Then I found out that my parents were alive until they heard my voice in my message to everyone in Lothal. My parents freed everyone in the prison, but got separated and met their end, too. To this day, I feel responsible for their deaths.
I made a lot of mistakes. I need to make them right by taking the Sith holocron away from Maul and using this knowledge to protect my friends. If I can play both sides and resist the temptation to fully embrace the Dark Side, I'll be okay. My friends will be okay. I can follow Ahsoka's teaching and understand my enemy. I'll honor Ahsoka's memory by using the holocron for good.
I focused my mind on the holocron and my emotions. I focused on my hatred for Vader and Maul. I thought about using this knowledge to repay them for what they've done. The Dark Side poked and prodded my subconscious. I invited it willingly into my soul.