It was getting on near noon in Texas, nearing New Mexico, in late summer, in a vehicle with no functional roof. Aside from the brief brush with a freak weather event, it was getting pretty hot. Pretty darn hot. The cool of the morning was fast becoming a distant, beautiful dream. The drenching they'd taken only a short while ago would have been welcome.

Yumichika was sweating through his clothes, and he was pretty sure he was getting a sunburn. Ikkaku looked much more comfortable, but there was no way he wasn't going to turn into a lobster if he didn't put on a shirt.

"Ikkaku. Jump into the back and get the hat out of my bag. I'm dying."

"I thought we said we'd stop if we needed anything out of the back. Too many stupid things have happened today." He moved to do it, nevertheless. Not afraid of a bit more stupid, Ikkaku.

Yumichika grimaced and pulled over. It wasn't like one more stop would make a difference, with the way the jeep was guzzling gas. At least that way Ikkaku wouldn't have to root around in his stuff again.

He jumped out to get to his bag and noticed that the ground was cracked. Sunbaked. How did it manage to look so dry after a downpour only that morning? They were not in Kansas anymore, for sure. Thinking about his face looking like that, he pulled the hat out and gave it a hug before tying it onto his head.

"You look like a vintage housewife. At the beach."

Yumichika harumphed and stuck his tongue out at his caveman of a passenger. "At least I won't burn. Your looks really can't take the hit, you know. Want to borrow something now?"

Ikkaku rolled his eyes. They were turning into teenagers faster by the hour, apparently. "Unless I shrank in the last few hours, it's still not happening."

"I've got a scarf that would help. Or you could wrap yourself in bits of the roof. That might suit you better."

"Ha. Ha. Thanks, but I go outside all the time. I'm burn-proof."

Yumichika performed his own eye roll in return, but it was hidden by the sunglasses he put on to go with the hat. "I am pretty sure it doesn't work that way. Suit yourself, Lobster Face! Don't come crying to me!" He climbed back in, tested the security of his hat, and took them back out onto the highway.

"Too bad nobody else uses this road. I could show off my beautiful wife."

"No one would believe an elegant, attractive lady like me would go out with you. Your feet stink. Get them off the dash."

"They stink more if I don't air them out. And there's no way women sweat as much as you are right now."

"That no sweating thing is a myth, which you would know if you knew any women."

"Hey, what about Rangiku? She's definitely female."

"If you've never noticed her sweating, you're nose-blind as well as the normal kind of blind. And dumb."

"Yeah, well she doesn't count."

"Exactly. And I'm telling her you said she doesn't count as a woman."

"That's cold, man. I'm sorry I called you my wife, okay?"

"Too late. The damage is done. My masculinity is eroded beyond repair. I'm feeling very delicate right now."

"Bullshit. You're about as delicate as a rhinoceros."

"Good heavens, language. I think I'm getting an attack of the vapors. I need a mint julep."

"Is that offer to let me cling to the spare still open? I don't think I'll be able to hear you back there." Ikkaku slid down as far as he could in his seat and hid his face in his hands. Yumichika grinned and kept right on driving. Ikkaku's head beaded sweat as it continued to redden, slowly, inexorably.