Yumichika and Ikkaku's audience with Ganju's sister was not going well. Kuukaku Shiba (of the large, intimidating arm banner) had already laughed at them, insulted Yumichika's hat, made a snide remark about Ikkaku's swollen nose and shiny head as well as his overall beleaguered state, called them a pair of dangerous morons from Kansas, threatened to punch Ikkaku for staring at her arm stump and generally indicated that she thought they were up to no good. They had not yet even explained why they were there. Apparently, that had to wait until after the tea was ready to defend themselves. There were rules. Ganju took forever to make tea.

The lady of the house held court in a large, open room that gave visitors nothing to occupy themselves with or hide behind. She sat in the middle of the floor, fanning herself and ignoring Ikkaku and Yumichika, who were standing in front of her. She apparently did not prefer to pay for air conditioning. She dressed for the weather instead; Ikkaku looked overdressed by comparison. For various reasons, it was Ikkaku and Yumichika who were sweating.

She fanned. Ikkaku fidgeted. Yumichika watched a bead of sweat grow on Ikkaku's bald head until it reached critical mass, left a long streak down the vast tracks of lotion in its path, and finally soaked into his damp, ditch water-smelling pants. When Ganju suddenly appeared in a frilly apron carrying a tea tray, Ikkaku and Yumichika jumped and the lady Shiba laughed at them again, fanning harder and motioning for tea. Tea was served. Ganju then retreated to sit politely by the door, awaiting orders.

"Well, Gentlemen, what can I do for you?" She said "Gentlemen" in such a way that it sounded much more like "Peasants" or maybe "Insects" than any sort of polite address. She sipped her tea loudly and eyed them critically, expectantly.

Ikkaku was the first to screw up some courage. He was very careful to not stare at the arm stump. He stared at her feet instead. "Ganju said you know where the woman convention is happening, and we need to get there. Can you tell us?"

She raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. "You don't look much like a woman. Not sure about your friend. Just what are you trying to pull?"

"Nothing! Nothing is being pulled!" Yumichika jumped in, waving that idea down emphatically. "We were... babysitting... and the kid escaped. On a motorcycle. She's there now, and we need to get her back so our boss doesn't murder us." He scuffed his toe on the ground, realizing how competent that explanation made them sound.

The eyebrow kept creeping higher. "You mean to tell me that a kid who needs, big pause, babysitting managed to drive off on a motorcycle? From under the noses of two grown men?" She smirked. "You two are an embarrassment to babysitters everywhere. Twelve year old kids do better."

"You wouldn't say that if you met her." Ikkaku muttered, eyeing his own feet. Yumichika nodded earnestly in agreement, hat flopping. "She siphons gas. She's a delinquent."

"So your boss is a violent babysitter madam specializing in high-risk children? Is that what's happening here? Is this even legal?"

"What? Yes! No? He's her, um, father. Guardian? I don't actually know." Ikkaku had let his eyes snap to her face in his surprise at the confusion, her face that was dangerously close to her missing arm. He returned his gaze to her feet. "It's a side gig. He owns a salvage yard. We work there. It's legal!"

"You work at a salvage yard and you drive that monstrosity out there? It's a purple jeep."

"Wisteria! It was NOT our first choice." Yumichika's hands were balling up into fists. Those were fightin' words. "You see how serious the situation is, then, don't you?"

"It's nearly killed me three times!" Apparently Ikkaku was not so fond of the funny jeep anymore.

Ganju finally decided to pipe up from the door. "The one with me and Hanatarou doesn't count, Cueball! YOU were trying to kill US!"

"SILENCE." Kuukaku chucked an empty teacup at her brother. He caught it. "Lowly assistants with smart mouths can take five laps around the house."

Ikkaku and Yumichika threw Ganju dirty looks as he jogged out the door. Then they realized they were all alone with his sister, who looked displeased. They returned to staring at a non-threatening spot on the floor.

"In our defense, we thought she'd been kidnapped. He looks kind of like a ruffian." Yumichika braved a glance at her face. She looked less displeased? Maybe. Understanding, even. Long-suffering, almost.

"Yeah, we get that a lot. Don't know where I went wrong. He used to be cute." She leaned her elbow on her knee and shook her head mournfully. "Raising kids is tough." Her head stopped shaking, the mournful look became appraising. "You know what? Fine. You poor fools could use a break. I'll write down the address. Gimme a sec."

She got up and wandered off to find some paper. Ikkaku and Yumichika did an undignified dance, a jig of victory, and prostrated themselves at her feet when she returned. She let the note fall and stick to Ikkaku's head, then nudged them both in turn with her foot.

"Alright, now scram. You two stink."

They scrammed, although Yumichika sorely wanted to stay to defend his honor. He had not even TOUCHED that ditch water. The note remained plastered to Ikkaku's head all the way back to the jeep. As they drove away, they spotted Ganju making his last lap in the rearview mirror.