"I remember being able to navigate with real maps in high school. I really do."

"It's a bad map, Yumi. You can't pick the cheapest map and expect it to be good."

"It's not like you're any help. You're supposed to be the navigator! Why am I doing your job?"

"Because you don't want to be covered in my puke. I told you I can't read in the car. Pull over!"

"I had to get away from that gas station. The cashier was wearing purple camouflage and the whole place smelled like pistachios. I just hope it's not contagious."

"The camo or the nuts? Aren't we far enough away yet?"

"Both. Mostly the camouflage. No."

"Well, suffer, then. It's this or my puke. Just don't hit anybody, driving like that."

"I'm fine. No. It's very safe."

Driving "like that" involved stretching the map over the steering wheel and splitting attention between the map and the road. The speedometer got the shaft. Ikkaku, who was admittedly not the safest of drivers, had been making liberal use of the ghost break ever since they pulled out of the gas station lot. He made use of it again, hard.

"Yumi! Stop trying to run over little old ladies!"

"Sorry! I had to fold over this bit of the map. Wait a sec, I can't smell the pistachios anymore. Just let me pull over and you can have it."

"Keep driving. The little old lady is coming this way. She's got a really huge handbag and she looks pissed."

Yumichika glanced at the rearview mirror and recoiled in horror, then drove on. "An acid green plaid handbag? Is she blind? There is no way that was my fault. She was probably subconsciously trying to put herself out of her own misery. This entire state is awful."

"Don't go all Angel of Mercy Fashion Police on us, now."

"Of course not, Ikkaku. I don't want to have to kill you. Underneath all of your shortcomings, you're really quite adequate."

"Thanks so much. And don't kill anybody by accident before you find a place to pull over."

"Fine, fine. I won't murder any old ladies by accident. Even if they deserve it. See? Here. Roadside certified one hundred percent free of old women."

Yumichika eased them onto the shoulder and relinquished the map. He kept a lookout for Plaid Handbag Lady in the rearview mirror as Ikkaku squinted at the discount California state map. A speck loomed in the distance, but it turned out to be an old man in a faded hat and a plain, beige button-down driving a brown Studebaker instead of a homicidal, colorblind old lady. Bland but relatively inoffensive.

Ikkaku jabbed the map decisively. "Isn't this in Los Angeles? It is. It definitely is. We went way out of our way when we left Route 66."

"No, really? That's awful. How far is it now?"

"Um. Do I look like Google Maps to you? It looks like a centimeter. Maybe two."

"Huh. I have no idea how long that will take." Yumichika sighed and ground the heel of his hand into his eyebrow. "Just figure out how to get there so I can drive without getting covered in your vomit."

Ikkaku began jabbing the map with his finger again. "Coming right up. Let's see, 14 turns into 405 and then there's... National Forest. It's impossible to see the roads on these green blobs of forest. This map sucks."

"So, what? Curl up and die because you can't be bothered to get glasses?"

"I don't need glasses! It's a bad map! Just drive. We'll ask somebody when we get closer."

Yumichika began to roll his eyes at the shoestring plan, then stopped. "Wait, are we going through Hollywood? There might be people who dress well?"

"Not exactly? I don't know?"

"I'm not sure I could bear to be seen like this by fashionable people. I've been counting on flying under the radar. Being inconspicuous. Incognito."

"That accounts for the bad retro lady spy getup."

"Exactly. But I might have to change if we go near beautiful people. I would just die if they saw me like this. With you. Maybe you should change, too."

Ikkaku growled. "You're being dumb again. Just drive! Won't the color of the jeep scare away anybody like you? They won't even SEE you!"

Yumichika stared hard at Ikkaku, appraising. "You know, you're right. Nobody with taste could bear to look in the direction of a wisteria jeep for long. Surprisingly astute, Ikkaku. You have hidden depths."

"Thanks so much. Again. Now DRIVE!"

They drove.