Chapter 5: Champagne Supernova.
"Chloe, are you sure you want to do this?"
Jimmy was nervously pacing about the living room of the Talon apartment. Chloe was staring at her laptop while sat at the kitchen counter, rolling her eyes at Jimmy on account of his pacing and nervousness.
"Jimmy relax, it's just a bit of fun. And after everything they've done to each other over the past few weeks, they are both ripe for setting up," she replied.
"Yeah but, it's C.K. and Lois. He might get pretty mad but Lois? Hah well, Lois will actually want to kill me. I mean, KILL me kill me." He scrunched his face and mimicked being hung from a noose.
"Jimmy, she's the one who borrowed my camera and then lost it. Besides, it's really just a bit of harmless fun. And you have to admit, they are so cute together!" she squealed.
Jimmy stopped pacing for a moment, still unsure.
"I don't know." He was rubbing his hair. "I agree they make a great couple even if they don't see it for themselves. I mean, you and me are engaged and getting married in a couple of weeks, but they act more like a couple than we do, and that's saying something."
Chloe smiled and turned back to Jimmy. "Don't get me wrong, I know it's a bit cheeky of us…" taking in Jimmy's sceptical expression she quickly added, "…well, of me…but I think they need a nudge. This flirting and dancing around each other is fun to watch, but sooner or later that ball needs to be played into the end zone."
She crinkled her nose at the metaphor and made an 'ignore that' gesture at Jimmy's startled reaction. "Look, all we're doing is giving them a taste of their own medicine. They've been playing pranks on each other for weeks. We both saw what happened on movie night. It's time we got them both to put an end to this, and make them see that they might actually be good for each other."
"Alright, so say you go ahead with this, are you just going to hand it to 'em?"
"No, I'm thinking we stage it as another movie night, this time over here. It'll be easier to rig up and I really want to see their faces when there's nowhere to hide," Chloe suggested, looking around at the cluttered living space. Where did all those scatter cushions come from?
Jimmy hung his head and sighed, so Chloe took this as her cue to insert a blank DVD into her laptop and proceed to hit 'Copy' on the software she'd loaded up.
Lois was leaning against the fridge daydreaming. It had been a bizarre couple of days for her even by Smallville standards. She'd started the week thinking she really needed to give the two lovebirds some space and, eyeing the clutter they'd all spent the last half an hour tidying up, it seemed an obvious decision. Another obvious decision was to move back to the Kent farm. There was plenty of space with only Clark living there and she'd developed a level of tolerance for pet hairs, if not slobber. She and Clark had become much more comfortable around each other since they'd started working together, and the to-and-fro banter and bickering was still fun even if he could still annoy her. It was when she'd practically moved back in that things turned downright bizarre.
She'd had the most lucid dream about being trapped on some alien planet with Clark. Not only that, but Clark's cousin Kara was there too. She seemed to know about secret portals and other mystical mumbo-jumbo and Clark did not seem to be at all perturbed by the situation. Indeed, he was her heroic knight in shining armour and she'd felt safer when he was nearby. Lois blanched at the fact she'd admitted as much to him yesterday. Farmboy a hero? Never!
All this weird and unexplained - Chloe would love that! - brought her thoughts to Tess Mercer. She was sure that Tess was looking for the smallest reason for which to fire her much like Lex had, but instead Tess had said - to her face no less - that she'd underestimated her and that Lois' penchant for getting scoops that others wouldn't risk was actually an asset to the Daily Planet and worthy of a pay raise. Maybe I'm still on this alien planet.
Lois' zone out was interrupted by a dull knock on the door. Clearing her thoughts quickly, she moved to the door, looked through the peephole and opened it. Clark was stood outside in his usual red jacket, blue t-shirt and jeans combo, holding three heaving bags laden with Chinese food and various snacks. Lois grabbed one of the bags as Clark stepped in.
"For future reference Smallville, that thing on your wrist also tells the time."
Clark narrowed his eyes and snarked back, "Well I'm sorry if some people keep ringing me to change their order!"
Lois ignored the jibe and walked over to the kitchen counter, emptying the contents of the bag she was holding and quickly swiping a pack of chocolate chip cookies. There was an assortment of chips, cookies and candy in there, and one corner of the counter had an array of soda cans and bottles. There was also a 6-pack of beers in the fridge.
Chloe stepped out of her bedroom where she'd moved a few items from the living room, greeted Clark and helped him put the various containers of Chinese food on the counter's available space. She grabbed chopsticks, forks and napkins and put them on the coffee table.
Clark looked around the space. "Where's Jimmy?"
At that, Jimmy popped his head up from behind the couch, to which Clark quickly turned round. "C.K., check it out. New sound system!" pointing to the speaker bar in front of the TV that he'd plugged into the mains behind the couch.
"Hey Jimmy. So what's the plan for tonight - Action? Westerns? Musicals?" asked Clark looking at Jimmy pointedly with the last suggestion, causing Jimmy to grin back sheepishly, suitably embarrassed as yet another person knew of his penchant for Hollywood musicals.
"Comedy," said Lois, walking into the living room and munching on an egg roll. "Not romcoms, you'll be disappointed to learn, but actual hah hah funny stuff." Looking at Jimmy and Chloe, "Starting with Airplane!"
They all sat down - Jimmy chose to sit on the floor - and began to watch the movie while eating. For the next hour and a bit, they simply sat, ate and laughed. Once the end credits rolled, Chloe began to tidy up and everybody took turns for a bathroom break.
Suitably refreshed, they all went back to the living room where Chloe was rummaging through her DVD collection. Lois and Clark couldn't see the devious smirk on her face. Lois had brought over the snacks and some drinks, placing them on the coffee table before sitting back down.
"What do you all say to Dumb & Dumber?" asked Chloe, still rummaging through the DVDs.
"Couple of idiots on the loose? Sure why not! Although I was kinda hoping for something funnier," said Lois, nibbling on a cookie.
Chloe fought to hold back her laugh as she popped a DVD into the player, pressing play and sitting down, cuddling into Jimmy because she knew what was coming. The DVD started jerkily which didn't raise anyone's suspicions because well-worn DVDs often went a bit funny during playback.
The picture was dark as if something was right in front of the camera. Loud music was audible but wasn't recognisable. As the picture became focussed, a figure slowly loomed into view and as they stepped further back and stood up, it became clear that it was a woman. Her face was a little flushed and she had a daydreaming smile and glazed eyes. Her long brown hair was down to her shoulders and her bangs hung over the right side of her head. Though she was barely staying in the centre of the shot, most of her upper half was still visible. She was wearing a red Smallville High football jersey which was on back-to-front and bore the name 'Kent' and the number 8 in a bold yellow. Stepping further back, it became obvious that she was wearing little else. She turned to her left and slurred in a slightly shrill voice, "Smallville! Get your ass down here now!"
Lois froze in shock, her cookie dropping into her lap. Clark was equally stunned, and he could recognise the kitchen in the background. The video was taken at his house. The 'when' was obvious, but how?
The music in the background became clearer - perhaps because the volume had been turned up - and would have been instantly recognisable even before Lois decided to start singing and dancing - singing being the polite way of saying "screeching" because it was certainly painful to listen to for anybody with ears.
"Oh Clarkie, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind, Hey Clarkie, Hey Clarkie..."
Watching the video, Lois' eyes had gone as wide as saucers and she could only croak out, "Oh. My. God!"
Lois burst into an uncontrolled giggling fit before putting her arms down her sides, turning to her right and bending to a squat where she stuck both her ass and her chest out provocatively, running her arms back up her body as she slowly got back to a standing position, still facing side-on to the camera. She turned her body slowly to face the camera as she rocked her hips to one side to keep her chest and ass out as her arms continued upwards, VERY slowly over the sides of her chest before splaying out above her head in a Y-shape as she leaned back at the hips.
Lois was sitting transfixed with her eyes wide open and her fingers covering her mouth. The connotations one might associate with a pretty girl wearing little else but her man's football jersey notwithstanding, it was like watching a drunken cheerleader without her pom-poms, but still no doubt highly arousing for any red-blooded male.
Lois took a small stumble forward, letting out a little squeal followed by another giggle. Clark could now be heard off camera.
"Hey Lois, whatcha doin'?" He was just to the right of the frame and was wearing dark sweatpants and a grey t-shirt.
Clark was sat watching dumbstruck. "Whaaaaaa-?"
"Hey Clarkie, I want you to come over and dance!" drawled Lois breathily, grabbing hold of Clark by the waist thus forcing him to hold her arms.
"Lois, I don't think that's a good idea. I think you should go to sleep," argued Clark as the reluctant (and sober) dancing partner.
"Awwww but I wanna, come on!" whined Lois like a petulant child, grabbing Clark again.
Clark reluctantly agreed, and the two began a drunken ballroom dance just left of centre. Lois could barely stand up straight and Clark was as stiff as a board [A/N: not like that!] as she ground her body against him from time to time. The music in the background was still 80s pop so the dancing had no connection to or rhythm with the music. After a minute or so, Clark actually seemed to be very happy to be dancing - really getting into it even though he still looked clumsy. Lois leaned into him and attempted to lift her leg so she could lean back and dip while he held her thigh but it was so uncoordinated that she would have fallen flat on her back if Clark hadn't leaned over and grabbed her somewhat roughly around her waist. No matter. She was into her groove now and motioned her arm upwards wanting to be twirled so Clark held her arm above her head. She twirled but stumbled again, her back colliding with whatever surface was holding the camera.
Clark shuffled nervously further into the couch. He had no idea this had all been filmed. He wasn't the one who'd been swilling champagne and Bellinis all night so had no reason to be behaving the way he did. Was he just trying to let Lois tire herself out and fall asleep or was it something else? Even now, he didn't know the answer to that. What was it Jimmy had said about shirts?
Lois giggled again and the camera, which had clearly been rocked back by the impact, provided a quick glimpse of the ceiling as it flipped backwards over the edge before the picture went dark again. The video was still going though because the very next thing to be heard was, "Outta the way Smallville, I don't feel so good."
After this, there was no picture or sound for about 30 seconds before the DVD stopped.
At that exact moment, Jimmy flew off the couch, jumped over the coffee table and dived for his bedroom, with Chloe following a beat behind. "Go go go go go!" urged Chloe as they headed into the bathroom before shutting the door and locking it. Hysterical laughter could be heard behind the door.
Lois and Clark were still sat side by side on the couch, wide eyed. They slowly turned to look at one another, the shock evident on both their faces. He'd seen that exact look once before a few years ago when she was standing in her bathroom doorway in all her naked glory, holding a shower massager over her head. Despite the other visuals, he still managed to picture her face from back then. Seeing this home video, it was clear that she'd flirted with him and also clear that he'd been receptive. Then they both turned red with embarrassment - Lois even more so - before she came to her senses. She swivelled her head towards the bathroom door as her face became contorted in fury. She leapt to her feet and charged towards the door, banging it repeatedly.
"CHHHLLLOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEE!" she yelled.
After a moment, Chloe opened the door slightly. "Well, you guys have been playing this little game for weeks, trying to one-up each other. I'd just like to point out that no matter who wins, you both lose." With that she shut the door again.
Lois turned back round slowly to see Clark sitting there rubbing his hands in his hair with a dazed expression on his face. Leaning against the door, she sighed, feeling utterly defeated. She went and grabbed a beer out of the fridge and popped the cap.
"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking," she said to nobody and with that, she took a large swig.
FIN.