She'd read so many poems in her lifetime.
Her heart had been swept away with the emotional tides of so many works of art, those made with love and loss in mind, or darkness and light. Polar opposites, the beauty of the world, sweetness of parenthood, romance and mystery, the many faces of friendship- each poem had a shard of someone's soul inside them.
Gumi wanted, if nothing else, to write her own soul into red threaded words, and leave them behind for more generations to love. If she could be remembered for creating something worthy of her own legacy, she would never stop trying to accomplish that feat.
Poetry, like sweet music, flowing from the fingertips to parchment. Scenery and emotions displayed plainly for all to see, in bittersweet verses.
If she were to read a poem based on her own destiny, it would be a tragic yet beautifully fitting piece.
Gumi well knew the tales of the Messiah, of their never ending quest for peace. She'd read poem after poem about their journeys, yellowed parchment that had seen better days depicting the rollercoaster of emotions they felt. Those who knew what they were to face, and those that didn't. Songs and rhythmic tales weaving life after life into the bloodstained tapestry of destiny.
She didn't want to see that fate bestowed on anyone she knew, believed it wouldn't; but that was a beautiful misconception she held on to until it was ripped apart.
Miku. That girl, who they found and befriended years ago, was her best friend. They were one of the closest bonds in the group, more like sisters than just friends. They spent days upon days together. Miku called the greenette her favorite clothes model, and Gumi loved to read off new poems. The other girl always seemed to enjoy the quest days the spent, the pretty verses of poetry filling the air and the familiar rustle of fabric being modified.
Those days were like pretty fantasies in themselves, meant to be enjoyed for a short time before being brought back to the stark, cold reality.
"I- It's me! I'm the next Messiah!"
Gumi had forced her smile as the tealette bounced around her that day, her expression dazzlingly happy.
"This is the highest honor to have, Gumi. I'm going to save the world, and we'll be able to live happily again, y'know? Without the threat of destruction hanging above our heads. I'll make everyone proud. I can't wait."
Why? Why her? Why the cheeriest, most enthusiastic one of the group, the sweetest part of it, the one who motivated the others?
Why couldn't Gumi take her place? At least then she'd be content with the decision.
Instead, her friend's name would be sung along with every other Messiah's who lost their life in a tragic, sorrowful melody. She couldn't bear that.
That night, before they set off on the journey to the Tower of Ai, she visited the tealette and asked her if she was really happy about becoming the Messiah.
"Is this something you really want?" Gumi said, her arms folded under her chest stiffly.
Miku, wandering around gathering necessities for the trip, turned around to smile, her youthful face glowing. "Of course. I mean… this is special. I'm the only one who can do it, right?"
"But… is it worth it? Saving this world?" The question was bitter, and her friend seemed surprised.
"Absolutely. Everyone I love lives in it. I know I'll face many hardships during the trip and while accepting the blessings, but in the end it will be worth it to let everyone have wonderful lives again. Maybe even someday soon we can appease to God himself, and restore the world's balance forever. Wouldn't that be amazing?" The dreamy look on her face couldn't be denied. She was picturing a perfect world again, like they'd talked about late at night when they were children.
Gumi didn't believe in the existence of that world anymore.
"I'm also really glad everyone's going with me!" Miku told her then, walking over and taking her hands, squeezing them warmly between her own. "Having the support of all them will give me the strength I need to face anything. No matter what happens, as long as I have each of you with me, then I won't have to worry about anything."
Her heart split into small, irreparable shards, and the greenette couldn't look her in the eye anymore.
"What happens if at some point… you don't have us beside you anymore? Would you still be able to press on?" she whispered, afraid to ask. Afraid of the answer.
Hurt flashed across the pretty girl's face, and she let out a startled laugh.
"...I would. If, for some reason, we were separated, I would still do it. For all of you, as well as every innocent person living here. Even if I lost all of you, your memory would still keep me going, perhaps with even more determination."
She'd ruffled her older friend's hair then, shaking her head. "Don't say those things, though. Nothing will happen. I'll help keep you safe! Besides, we share in joy and pain, remember? Together, nothing can stop us."
Gumi could only nod and offer her fakest smile.
"Right… We will always share joy and pain. No matter what."
(Even if that meant dying for one another.)
That conversation echoed in her head as she watched Miku's breakdown in the middle of the Tower of Ai. She found herself comparing her tear-streaked expression to the one of determination and hope she had worn when they first arrived, her frame outlined in the deepest shade of sunset gold. Now she's shrouded in darkness, lonely and afraid, and slowly turning hollow.
If Gumi had more time, she would have written a beautiful poem about the light and dark opposites warring within the Messiah- but the clock ticked on, and she had no more time to stay behind anymore.
Her turn had finally come.
She took a minute to examine the final faces- Luka, Rin and Len. The last remaining members of their group. Not a single smile, not a hint of happiness. Solemn, grave- sad. Rin's hands are clenched at her sides, and Len's are wrapped stiffly around his crook, as if using it to defend himself from the shadows. Luka meets her gaze, and she can feel the message hidden there; go.
None of them wanted this fate. Not a single one of them wanted to become traitors in Miku's eyes, and lose their humanity to the will of a vengeful God's atonements.
But, in the end, there was never a choice given to them. All they had was the will and the ability to go through with it.
A family, even stained in despair.
Gumi took that first step forward, her footsteps echoing as she approached the next door. She was about to enter when a hand gripped her arm, iron-tight.
"Don't." Miku said in a voice long broken. "Gumi, don't do this."
The greenette couldn't meet her eyes. If she did, then her friend would instantly see right through her. They knew each other well; it would be like reading an open book.
If I beg forgiveness someday, will that ever be enough?
She ripped her arm away, aiming a distasteful glare at the girl beside her. Years of chatting, getting to know one another, becoming close, spending their childhood together- written on the disbelieving and sad face of the tealette. Their own stories interwoven together laid bare.
All of it vanishing bit by bit, and being dyed in red and black.
"From the start, we never planned to give you the blessings." Her tone was cool, collected, unlike the sea of emotions crashing within her heart. "'Sharing' your joy and pain? This is one thing we will never share with you."
She turned away, and Miku made no move to stop her; that may have been what hurt the most.
When she stood beside the pedestal and gazed out, she opened her book of poetry, filled with her personal memories written verse by verse. Everything she was, everything she had, stored within the book she would take with her in atonement.
"I wrote a little something specifically for this moment," she told the rest gathered there, resounding through the room crackling with electricity. "A haiku, before we separate."
In a voice far stronger than herself, she smiled at them and spoke.
"Our voices combine
in traitorous melody,
We take joy and pain."
The slam of the stone doors closing echoed in her ears within the ensuing quiet.
Almost instantly the room grew dark, full of foreboding shadow. It felt like she'd stepped into her own heart.
Focusing on the task at hand, she dare not think about the expression on Miku's face as she was deserted by her best friend, or about what she'd just done. She knew she couldn't think about it, because it would break her apart.
Instead, she had to press on. For Miku, and the others. For their sakes, she had to continue.
The emblem gleamed a white gold, written over in zigzagged mockery of lightning, and she placed her hand over it. Even then intrigue won out over fear. Thousands of words came to mind for the ethereal beauty of it, but her poetry writing had long since come to a close. She could only enjoy its presence a short second.
Tingles raced up her arm as she came into contact with it. Instantly fear struck her, and she became immobile, unable to move a single muscle.
Her thoughts, however, still ran rampant. Once again her friend's faces came to mind, and she prayed that they safely made it through to the end. They were so close now to the end of their suffering.
Without warning a flash entered the room, and sizzling heat boiled her bloodstream as she was encased in its brilliance. The most intense burning sensation she'd ever felt ran through her, tingly and impossibly painful. She'd have screamed if she weren't unable to speak.
This is… a fitting death, isn't it? Killed by elusive lightning, quick and agonizing.
Her gratitude that it was she and not Miku who undertook it is immense, and she allowed herself to let go, succumbing to the blazing, thrumming heat.
A beautifully tragic end.
A/N: This is unbeta'd.
And here we have Gumi, who was one of the toughest chapters for me to write for some reason. Gumi and Luka were the most difficult, though I don't know why that is.
Anyway, I realized we're halfway through! I'm so happy! And my status; nearly done writing the story, too. Thank goodness.
(BTW It took me 2 days to write that haiku, poetry is not my strongsuit wh00ps-)
I've enjoyed this journey so far, and I'm really looking forward to the conclusion and knowing what you all think. It always means the world to me when I know I've done well. Thank you so much for the support so far!
Written listening to 'BMATTOA', 'Donut Hole', and 'Night of Passing'.
Thanks for keeping up so far!
Read on~!
~disclaimer~ I own nothing but the worry of being hit with lightning and an appreciation for poetry.