To Rin, her family mattered more than anything else.
In this tragic world that demanded so much for peace, she believed in enjoying everything to its fullest. Memorizing everything and never forgetting a single happy moment, showing her affection, always, always, smiling when things became hard. She was the cheerful, optimistic one. She believed in the idea of true peace and a never-ending calm to the chaos that had threatened the world for years. She was the backbone, the encouragement, the one on the sidelines who cheered on the rest.
It was she, who made them all believe in a wonderful fantasy made of glass.
And it was her that felt the fullest brunt of the pain when it was shattered before her very eyes.
Years before, she was alone. The only person she trusted was Len, her darling younger brother who swore he would protect her. She fought for them, did everything she could so they would survive in a life that required only the fittest. Dirtied orphans whose family was long dead, nothing more than urchins who stole food and thrived in shadow.
She was no more than four years old when she saw her first dead body, lifeless, cold, blank. Like a bloody shell of what a person once was.
Just that was enough.
Even at a young age, Rin knew that nothing was as perfect as it looked. Humanity stood at stalemate with God himself; one could not be without the other, without becoming obsolete. She watched people fight over which was the winning side. Was it God? Was it humanity? There was no clear answer- only opinions inflicted either by words or by force.
Yet she believed. In order to stay strong for Len, to keep him safe, to lift his spirits. To keep them both alive and well and able to keep moving on, she chose to believe in the possibility of eternal peace. That was the only option that could exist for them- that some day, they would enter the final period of serenity.
There would be no more Messiahs, no more Tower of Ai; everything would exist in harmony rather than discord.
When the kind bluenet, Kaito, found them and asked them to become part of his family, she had almost hesitated. She fretted over what was the right answer. Could they be as cruel as those that had ripped them away from their parents? Could they possibly be people they could trust?
It was Len that convinced her to try. His wide blue eyes, the hungry look on his face- they told her everything she needed to know.
In order to do what was right for him, her precious and only brother, she would accept the help of strangers.
The decision she made that day turned out to be the best- and worst- choice she would ever make.
Fast forward years later, where she's settled into the family that grew along with them. The people she once named strangers she began to know inside and out, befriended, learned to love. They were the ones who helped her keep putting hope into her wish of a brighter world. The only people Rin truly felt she could trust.
They were the ones she couldn't live without. She admired them, for their stories and pasts, for their strength to persevere- and grew in her own way, becoming stronger herself.
To protect Len, she matured- and they were finally happy. It felt like the peace they had sought was finally within their fingertips, close enough to take for themselves and treasure. She could live a life that wasn't pained, where the days were filled with her friends' laughter and their presence, their smiling faces, the bright sunshine and the starry nights and soft comfort. Everything she wanted.
Destroyed.
Crashing, burning, like a spark flickering out- that's how she felt when they found out their last member of the family had become chosen for position of Messiah. Her heart had sunk into the depths of hell itself.
It couldn't be happening. There had to be a mistake.
Not them. Anyone but them.
Overnight, her family became threatened, and there was nothing she could do to change the course destiny had set them upon.
She knew all too well the reality of the situation. Years of hearing hand-me-down stories about the previous Messiahs had forewarned her of what would come next.
Rin balked at the thought of seeing Miku like she had seen the man from her childhood, prone against the unyielding dirt of a road flecked in his blood, eyes wide and staring, cold, dead.
Dead, deceased, gone- she feared death the most, feared its icy grip and the mystery of what awaited after.
When the nine of them gathered to talk about what would be done, she almost downright refused to participate. Dying was painful, it was terrifying and you couldn't ever be fully prepared for when it would come to take you. To willingly step into its hold made her breath seize in her chest, made the world stop spinning and her heartbeat come to a halt.
It was Len that guided her decision to agree.
His determination to protect Miku reminded her of when they were little, traversing dark alleys and scrounging for food. She had begged him to stay hopeful, had kept him safe- and she saw a vision of herself in his eyes, valor blue and powerful, full of courage she hadn't known he had gained.
Just like that, she realized he'd grown up. He wasn't the shivering little boy she had saved from death's bitter grip, that had held her hand as they fled through unforgiving towns. He had matured too when she hadn't paid attention, become a brave man who wanted to save someone he cared about. So similar, she mused.
They really were far too similar.
The will of her younger brother made her see the truth. The honest reality where she knew she would never be able to live with herself if she didn't try to protect Miku, too.
Yet… there was one other thing she feared more than anything else.
Losing her one and only brother, her flesh and blood. The boy she'd raised, laughed with, spent every waking moment with since they were infants. The fact that she had to accept it, that the years she had spent making sure they survived were to be for naught; a black hole opened in her soul.
Yet, if it he was sure of his own decision, she'd follow him. As his older sister, it was her duty to watch over him. If his wish was to undertake just a fraction of the punishment that faced their friend, then she would as well.
Not even the threat of death would stop her.
She remembers when Miku gave them each their own individual gems, a few years before when they were all beginning to rely on one another, working together, learning to accept themselves. The tealette passed them around in the dimming rays of the sunset, a light smile prominent on her young features.
"What are these?" Rin had asked, examining the pale red stone in her hand, hanging from a thick black necklace she knew the girl must have made herself, being the aspiring seamstress she was. It caught the glimmering sunlight, shining, thickly crimson and beautiful.
"Special jewels," Miku replied with enthusiasm as she handed them to each member of their group. "They're fire opals. They'll protect us from danger, and when we feel like we can't keep going, they'll help us stay focused."
She never forgot the look in her friend's face as she spoke, wistful and kind, gentle as a summer's breeze.
"These jewels connect us. Whenever we're separated and we feel alone, or we're worried or sad or afraid- just remember that you have this, and we'll always be near to support each other. We'll always be together this way."
It's this stone she clung to, holding desperately to it like a lifeline when they entered the Tower of Ai that day, when her friends one by one betrayed Miku and stole away the atonements. Labelling themselves traitors before her, they accepted death as if it was inevitable, as if there were no other options.
Which, if they wanted to be honest with themselves, there weren't any other choices.
Her fingers were bone white against the smooth gem's surface, her teeth ground together in panic as they slowly dwindled in numbers, the air growing heavier with each departure.
Watching the people she cherished walk away, and turn into beings she couldn't bear to face, made it all come crashing down on her like bricks. Everyone she loved was leaving, vanishing, dying.
The ultimate form of protection; self-sacrifice.
They were so brave. No one backed down or ran, or spilled the truth to the very person they tried to spare. With stolen faces and heavy hearts, they walked straight into the waiting grasp of God's punishments.
Every time a door slammed shut, pain coursed through her chest as she faced the truth that she would never, ever see them again. Once they stepped inside, they would be gone forever. Her loved ones, forced to undertake someone else's agony to save them.
Then… there was only three. In the still air of the Tower's eighth floor, she stood with Len and Miku, the final three left of a once-strong group of ten. The rest had done their part, some with smiles, some with loathing- but they honored their promises.
Now she had to do the same.
In silence Miku stood by, watching her and Len as they faced the opening of the next blessing, an icy breeze emanating from the light blue symbol inside. There was no trace of anger left, only despair. Watching her friends deceive her like that must have hurt her deeply, the blonde girl thought. Seeing them betray her before her very eyes- it must have hurt so much.
Rin looked at the two, her eyes focusing on Len. His jaw was set, his no-longer childish features tense as he stared ahead, where they were to separate. The last two, the tragic siblings.
She didn't want to be torn apart from him, feared it- losing him was a fate worse than death itself. She wanted to be by his side forever, to watch him grow up and become an adult, happy, always smiling.
All she wanted was to take care of him. She loved him the most, treasured the memories of the years together, a happy family. If there was anyone she couldn't watch walk away from her, it was Len.
So she wouldn't. She refused to let him take away her duty as big sister.
One last time, she would protect him.
Pushing him out of the way, her palm flat against his chest as she shoved Len to the side (gently, not nearly as rough as those from before who had callously tossed Miku away like a ragdoll.) her heart ached, stung; she couldn't see his face, didn't want to.
Head down, she strode into the gleaming blue glow of the blessing.
"Rin! Stop, Rin!"
Her body froze. Len's voice, his horror and fear and disbelief echoing through her mind like a broken lullaby.
It stung, like she was tearing her own heart out of her chest. She didn't want to face him, wanted to flee the inevitable and rescue the only friends she had left, the only family that she had come to know.
But she couldn't, and the harsh truth burned under her skin like acid.
She spun around, seeing his hand stretched out to catch her, to make her wait and let him go first (or, perhaps, if she let herself dream in fantasy, to make them run from the black fate of the tower with Miku, to end the suffering no matter the cost.)
Never, never, never would she let him take her place.
"Rin!" His voice tore through her, ripped into her resolve like an unforgiving claw, shredding her willpower.
She couldn't hold back the tears. They welled like unwanted crystals she forced herself to keep hidden just long enough to say goodbye. The others had successfully accepted their blessings without weeping- she had to be strong enough to do the same.
With blurred vision, she faced her one and only brother, and the girl she'd called family for years. Both looked back at her with wide eyes and dread. Len started to speak, tried to convince her to stop- but she silenced him with a single glance.
I'm so sorry.
Rin forced a wide smile, feeling the tower tremble as it threatened to shut her inside forever.
"I'll see you soon," she found herself saying with enthusiasm, her eyes trained on Len's.
Was he about to cry, too?
Just like that, her world became far darker. The door clattered to a close, sealing with finality that echoed long after they were separated. Only then did she allow her tears to drip down her face, gleaming under the light of the mystic atonement.
Goodbye.
The pain she felt as she reached for the blessing embossed in frost was unmatched by anything she'd ever felt before. It was yearning, dark, searing.
The sharp agony of losing the ones she wanted with all her heart to be safe from harm rang true inside her, blistering and destructive. Any atonement God intended for her could never hold a candle to it.
As she triggered the blessing, she felt the air temperature drop, further and further, until her breath came out in icy puffs. The freezing sting against her skin worsened slowly, inching its way through her center and chilling even the core of her bones.
Like death itself. Chilling and white and lifeless, merciless. Her body rejected the cold, tried to fight against it as the room filled with white haze, but there was nothing she could do but endure as it grew colder.
Her mind filled with memories of warmer times, when she had basked in the sunlight and played with Len as children, as she learned how to cook from Ia and was tutored by Gakupo. Times when it felt like maybe peace had found them, that they had found a true sanctuary.
Yet here she was, burning frost draining her of life until she couldn't move, for the sake of bringing the very peace she had sought after.
Through her stinging eyes, Rin realized that the room had changed. She knelt within soft snow, in a garden of white flowers that seemed impervious to cold. Perhaps her mind played tricks on her thanks to the frost ending her normal thought processes, and she really saw nothing at all; but in this garden, she saw Len waiting for her, reaching out to her with a loving smile on his face. Behind him, she saw everyone else that had been left behind- her friends, her family.
Her weakened body didn't want to move, but pure force of will dragged her toward him, toward the waiting group that called her name. And she smiled back, happily, despite the action freezing into her expression permanently.
If we can be together, no matter what… please.
Please, grant me this wish.
The last thing she felt was the inviting warmth of his fingertips.
A/N: This is unbeta'd.
So I have to say, this chapter and the next two are gonna be pretty long I'm sorry, this was not my initial intention, but the chapters kind of spiraled out of my hand and did whatever they wanted. My apologies- but more for you to read, I guess.
Now I feel the need to warn you, the next chapter will contain implied one-sided incest, so if you're not kosher there's your heads up. It will be contained to that one chapter and have no real significance to the final installment.
Anyway, this was written to 'Jekyll & Hyde', 'BMATTOA', and 'Tsumi no Namae'.
Thanks for reading to this point- we're 3/4ths of the way through, everyone! Let's charge toward the end!
Read on~.
~Disclaimer~ I own nothing but platonic sibling love and a chilled soul, nothing more.