A/N: Yayyy! I'm so glad you guys liked the last update. I was nervous about it but hopefully you guys liked the twist. :3 Anyway, I'm trying to decided as I write this if this will be a shorter chapter and I'll update back to back or if I'll keep it all together and have one really long chapter. I mean by the time this is posted you guys will know, but as of right now I don't. If it is a really long chapter it will contain two songs, and they are both very important ones, so even if you haven't listened up to this point, it is imperative now to listen to the music because I feel like It adds to the story, I listen to the songs as I write it. I don't know, I feel like music is healing and it helps me get through things so I like to write in the same way. The song can be found on spotify and on youtube, I heard it on Rookie blue and so that's what will pop up with the song, click on that, it's one of my favorite songs, I promise you won't regret listening to it and I'm hoping the music adds to the story for you guys, I dunno I guess I'm rambling now. So whether this is a short or long chapter, I hope you guys enjoy it either way. What I own: A brain that can't seem to remember anything, a body that falls apart, and a heart full of feelings for a boy who doesn't feel the same way. What I don't own, sadly? The characters in this story.

Enjoy :3

"No…. No! I need information, a location, anything!" Erin says, her voice rising. "It has been almost two weeks, why haven't I heard anything?" She demands. "Oh yeah, classified sure…. right, procedures." She says sarcastically, "You know what you can do with your procedures? Shove them up your ass!" She spits into the phone before slamming it onto the receiver. She pushes away from her desk and walks away, pressing her hands to her forehead, trying to regain her composure.

"Erin, my office." Voight's voice travels through the unit, making everyone look at her. She lets out a huff of breath and rolls her eyes before dragging her feet across the room and into his office.

He waits for to sit down in one of the chairs before he closes the door and goes over to lean on his desk. "You need a minute to cool down or do I need to send you home?" He asks in a gritty voice with a threatening attitude.

His tone makes Erin snap her head up, "No you don't need to send me home, I'm not a child Hank! I'm trying to find my partner for fucks sake and no one is giving me an inch. I cannot get any information, I even went through one of Jay's CI's, a hacker, had him track drones in the last area he was seen and nothing. It's like his entire crew dropped off the face of the earth. "

"I'm sure they will find him soon, and he'll come home." He says, softening his demeanor.

"You don't know that," Erin says stubbornly.

"Erin, they'll make sure of it," he says and Erin shakes her head rejecting the words that are coming out of his mouth, " he'll be home soon."

"YOU DON'T KNOW THAT." she shouts.

They both sit there for a beat before Erin mutters a 'sorry'.

Voight walks to the door and opens it, "Ruzek, get in here."

Erin spins around in her seat, "Hank, no. I'm fine." She says, trying to sound convincing.

Adam walks into the office and looks from Voight, to Erin, and back to Voight.

"I'm fine." Erin says softly before she runs her hands down her face and lets them drop in her lap.

"No you're not. How long has it been since you've slept kid? I'm guessing you didn't get your eight hours last night."

Erin just shakes her head in defeat.

"Can you take her home?" Voight asks Adam, motioning towards Lindsay.

"Yeah, of course boss."

Voight walks over and squats down in front of Erin, "You call me if you need to okay?" He says, dropping a kiss on her temple before standing up and nodding toward Ruzek.

Adam walks over to Erin and puts his hands on her shoulders lifting her out of her chair, "Come on Erin, let's get you home."

Adam and Erin walk out of Voights office, and Erin walks over to her desk, dropping her gun into her drawer and hitting the power button on her computer before walking towards the stairs where Adam was standing. When she gets close enough Adam throws his arm over her shoulders.

"Adam?" Erin asks sweetly.

"Yessss?"

"I am not a child. If you want to keep that arm, I suggest you get it off of me. Do not placate me." Erin says stiffly.

"Okay sorry," he says as he drops his arm "Kim just said it looked like you needed a hug." He says with a pout.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. Why won't anyone believe me when I say that?" She says, exasperated.

"Because none of us are," Adam says truthfully which causes Erin to look at him and see that he isn't fine either.

"I guess I didn't even notice, I'm sorry. I just want him back," She says weakly.

"I know me too. Why don't we get you some food and get you home so you can get some sleep?"

"Yeah sounds good," Erin says as they walk the final stretch to Adams car.

Thirty minutes later they arrive at Erin's front door. She's holding a bag full of "food", aka all her favorite junk food that Adam ran into the store and bought for her.

"Thanks for this," she says as she holds up the bag.

"Don't even worry about it and don't eat it all in one sitting," Adam suggests, pointing towards the bag, " make sure you eat some real food soon too, okay?" he says, pulling her into a hug, "Call me or Kim if you need anything, and we will pick you up for work on Monday, just give us a call, okay?"

"I will eat, I promise. And yes I will give you guys a call after I get some sleep. I have some muscle relaxers left over from the ER a few months ago, they put me out so I may take one of those." She says, thinking aloud.

"Yeah that's a good idea. I hope you get some good sleep. Lock that door behind you." He says, starting to walk away.

"I will. Thanks Adam, you're a great friend." She says before closing the door and pulling the chain to lock it.

She sighs as she walks straight for her bedroom, wanting to get her work clothes off. She pulls on a Tshirt and a pair of sweatpants and sits on her bed, absent mindedly listening to the TV on her wall. The real housewife of New Jersey is on, so she sits on the bed and watches. She eventually opens the box of Krispy Kreame doughnuts that Adam got for her and before the show ends, she realizes that she has downed three doughnuts. 'Wow' Erin thinks to herself, not realizing how hungry she was, now that she thinks about it she honestly didn't remember the last time she had eaten.

Erin stares wide eyed at the TV, wishing that that the only thing she had to worry about was a broken nail. She lets out a sigh and gets up, making her way to the bathroom. She rifles through her medicine cabinet looking for an orange bottle, full of muscle relaxers. After a minute of rifling she gets aggravated and anger bubbles inside her. She throws a bottle of aspirin at the wall as she lets out a frustrated scream. Her hands grip the cold tile of her sink and she drops her head, trying to catch her breath. She looks at the mirror in front of her, and letting her mind win, she pulls it off the wall. Erin's breathing slows as she looks at the small hole nestled behind her mirror that holds all the demons of her past. Bottles of Percocet sit in front of her and it takes all her willpower not to reach out and grab it. Lord knows she could use the sweet release of an opiate high right now. Instead she lets out a shaky breath and lifts the mirror back onto the wall. She opens her medicine cabinet back up and after one more thorough search; she finds the bottle labeled 'Flexeril" and she looks at the label before popping the cap off of the bottle. Erin pours two into her hand and pops them into her mouth, swallowing them dry.

She shuffles back to her bedroom and collapses onto her bed. She picks up her phone and lets out a frustrated sigh when she discovers no notifications. After grabbing her remote, Erin lays back against her pillows and curls up under her covers. She flips through channels and settles on a repeat football game. She zones out listening to the boisterous announcers and before she knows it she slips into a deep medicated sleep, the first real sleep she has gotten in the past two weeks.

Six hours later, Erin shoots out of her sleep, waking up breathless and choking back sobs. Her mind is muddled and confused and she tries to hold on to strands of reality. She uses the blaring sound of the TV to orient herself and bring her down out of the horrifying nightmare her subconscious had just conjured up. She had dreamt of dismembered bloody soldiers, a bruised and bloodied and possibly dead Jay. Though they weren't real, the felt real. Vivid images flash through her mind as lightning cracks outside her window. She shakes her head back and forth as if the force of her brain colliding with her skull would compel the images out of her head.

Not knowing what else to do to calm herself down, Erin grabs her iPod and shoves her headphones onto her head. She flips through until she gets to her relaxing playlist, hoping that some over her favorite songs may calm her nerves and help her heartbeat return to a normal, human pace. She lets the music pump through her system as she tries to relax. There is no way she is going back to sleep tonight, and as her hand touches her sweat soaked sheets, it confirms her theory.

She jumps out of bed, needing to move and she paces back and forth across her bedroom floor as thunder booms outside, shaking her building, and her resolve, to the core. Fearing that the images in her dreams were some sort of premonition pumps anxiety through her body makes her chest feel heavy. She feels completely lost. Not knowing where else to go she grabs her keys, unchains her door, and lets it slam behind her.

Her feet carry her until she's walking down the hallway that she wants to be in. Erin is drenched from the storm. Walking down the hallway she stops and reaches on top of the light next to the door and feels around until her hand closes around a key. She walks over to the door and unlocks it. When she opens the door her senses are assaulted. She didn't expect it to still smell like him after six months, but it did. It still had that spicy smell that was uniquely Jay's. Erin takes a quick look around and sets down her keys on the counter before walking toward his bedroom.

She immediately goes to his dresser and pulls out one of his t-shirts because hers is wet and clinging to her body. Erin lets the wet shirt fall to the floor with a splat and slips Jay's t-shirt over her head. She walks over to his bed and falls onto it, exhausted by her emotions. She curls into a ball and grabs one of his pillows, inhaling a scent that makes her heart ache, because she fears she may never smell it again. Tears prick the back of her eyes as she starts to pay attention to the music in her ears, "Sick of dreaming" by Alexander Cardinale pours through her headphones

'In the middle of a life

I fear is out of time'

Her hand instinctively reaches for the locket around her neck as the tears in her eyes pour over and stain her cheeks.

'Cause I've been Dreaming

Kicking, Screaming, Hopeless and Alone

Am I breathing, no more sleeping

Weightless as a stone.'

Sobs rack her body and she does nothing to try and stop them. She cries through two more songs before the tears start to dry up and her breathing starts to return to normal.

Erin looks at the clock and sees that it's almost ten thirty, It would take her a good thirty minutes to get home and she didn't want to get caught out in this storm too late into the night. Seeing a hoodie on the back of Jay's door she grabs it and quickly puts it on and zips it up. She knows it will get wet again, she just doesn't care.

Her music pumps through her headphones as she walks back into the rain. The heavy crying she had just done has cleared her mind, maybe a little bit too much. Instead of feeling a confusing tangle of emotions, Erin just feels numb. She welcomes the numbness and the feeling of the rain beating down on her as she walks through the night.

A/N: Wow, I got a little dark there, I'm sorry. Now that I'm at the end it's obvious that this is a shorter chapter. The "second" half will be out sometime tomorrow permitting that I feel ok. I'm sorry that this is a darker chapter and no questions were really answered but I have to keep the story suspenseful somehow. I hope you can also look over any mistakes because it's late and ive read through it a few times but I'm sure I made some mistakes. Again, I hope you enjoyed it, let me know of any suggestions you have. I honestly live for your guy's feedback so PM, favorite, comment, anything I love it all. You guys are my drug. :)