A/N! Thank you all for Favoriring, following, reading and commenting on my story! Hope that you enjoyed chapter one! Anyway, I hope you will like the second chapter! Sorry but it ended up being too long, so I will have to write a third one... But that will be all! Hope you enjoy! A/N!
Heaven, is but a place on Earth
Chapter two: I am neither an Angel, nor The Devil. I am, but a mere Human...
"Seems you are having fun... Sammy..." A devious voice muttered in Sam's ear, making him bolt upright on his bed. His hazel eyes snapped open instantly, glaring around the room, searching for the source of the voice, a voice the young man knew well. "You..." "Of course it's me Sammy, who else could it be, other than me?" The man answered, smiling wickedly. "Lucifer..." Sam uttered, fear filling his voice.
Of course it was him, Sam shouldn't even dare to think otherwise. Not only because he expected Lucifer to appear before him, sooner or later and destroy the images, he himself, had created, but due to the way he had spoken his name as well. Despite his unique ability to mimic other people and their actions, up to the last detail, there was one thing, Lucifer could never perform perfectly. He could indeed take Dean's form, speak with the same colors in his voice, make the same moves... But, no matter how hard he tried, Lucifer could never call Sam with the nickname Dean called him. No, that he couldn't do.
Sam's hazel eyes fell on Satan's figure and the young man swallowed hard as his torturer spoke, arrogance filling his voice. "Bingo old roomy!" Satan replied, waving his hands in the air. "Oh, why the face Sammy? Why are you so sad? And those eyes of yours... Man, if I wasn't the Devil, I would be touched by your expression..." Lucifer continued, moving in Sam's line of sight, making the hunter furl his body on the bed.
"But... The meal, mom, Dean..." Sam whispered, eyes blurring, voice breaking. "Oh Sam... No matter how many years go by, you never learn, do you?" The Fallen Angel questioned smirking. Sam swallowed hard once again, his whole body tensing, as he felt the ultimate threat getting closer. "It's simple, ridiculously, simple and yet..." The other man muttered, as he sat on the edge of Sam's bed. "Toni killed you, Sam. You have thought of this, haven't you?" The young man flicked his gaze from his lap to the Devil and then back, silently nodding his head, as he could now understand what had happened. "She killed me, and I am now in Hell..." "You are where you're meant to be Sam, you are here, with me!" Lucifer declared triumphantly, grabbing Sam's hand.
"So, everything I saw... Was just one of your tricks." "Oh come on Sam, this wasn't just a trick! It was, the, trick! I mean, you have to admit it man, it was mind blowing! Showing you Dean, was one thing, but, then I thought, that I needed to move on, so..." "So you added my mother to the play as well." Sam continued, completing Satan's phrase. "I gave you a hint though." Lucifer said, moving his body closer to Sam's. "That all of this..." Here his voice fainted, and the Fallen Angel let his red eyes wander around the room. "...Was nothing more, than a hallucination. See, last time you actually felt your mother's arms around you, was when you were locked in that panic room, detoxing from demon blood. After her image was gone, you lay on the bed and fixed your eyes on the ceiling..." At that point, Lucifer paused, eyes gazing at Sam.
"Your mother's embrace was a hallucination back then as well, so why not now?" The young man waved his head in denial, eyes stinging from the unshed tears. "Oh, but I am not lying, no Sam... I've never lied to you..." "How do I know you're real? All this, it could be some kind of spell that Toni bitch, has cast on me-" "You wanna see it that way? You're that scared to face the truth? And I, who thought, that you would be happy to find out that you're dead. You know, since Dean is not coming back this time..." Lucifer whispered hovering over Sam. "Alright then... So be it... Finish it, whoever you are. Kill me and get done with it, or if I'm dead start your party. You had your fun, so, finish fooling around." Sam declared, closing his eyes.
"Oh, but the fun has just started... Sam..." The young man felt a hand on his shoulder and a whimper escaped his lips... "No... No... Don't... Dean..." "Sam..." A voice, was calling his name... "Sam..." The very next second, Sam's hazel eyes flew open, staring at the man who was kneeling next to his bed. "No... Whoever you are, get done with it! Are you that Toni bitch? Then kill me already! Or am I dead and you are Lucifer? In any case, get done with it... Just don't take this form..." Sam uttered, his voice broken. "Sam, what are you talking about?" The man asked, his emerald eyes, filled with love, guilt and sadness, gazing at scared hazel ones. "Get done with it, just don't take this form..." Sam repeated pleadingly, his body becoming one with the wall.
At the sound of those words, Dean's green eyes blurred, making the middle Winchester blink, to keep the tears at bay. He let his gaze take in the image of his brother, and with every passing second, Dean could swear that he could feel his heart starting to break. Because there, in a small corner of the bed, was his brother, his so big, and yet, somehow small, scared, shaking, little brother, whose hazel eyes were wide open and were staring at him. But Dean was not sure it was him they were seeing. He took a calming breath, suppressing for yet another time, the burning need to find Toni and rip her to shreds for whatever she had done to Sam. And apparently, she had done much. Too much...
Shaking his head, to clean it from all the unnecessary thoughts, Dean moved fast, climbing on the bed in a swift, elegant move, gathering the broken man in his arms, and falling apart as he did so. "Shh, no Sam, come on now man, don't fight me, please... I'm not Lucifer, I swear to you Sam, I'm not a hallucination caused by some spell either. You were having a nightmare, Sam, it was just a nightmare..." Dean managed to say, his voice low, soft yet hard on the edges, thick from all those emotions it carried. The green eyed man bit his lip as he felt Sam's body shaking hard in his embrace, shaking to the point where an outsider could even think, it was convulsing. "Please Sam, please, snap out of it, come on!" Dean spoke, his hands tightening around his brother's shoulders, in an attempt to hold the younger man still.
God, this wasn't fair. It wasn't fair for Sam to be going through this, all over again. And even though Dean had sworn, that he would win this fight no matter what, that he would bring his brother back to him, he knew it would not be easy. For he would have to fight the most dreadful of enemies this world had to offer. The ghosts and the guilt, which were lurking in the corners of Sam's troubled mind, enemies, tough, and invisible to him, which could, and would, if given the chance, claim his brother, forever...
"Sam, come on now, it's me, look at me, I need you to look at me, it's D-" But before the hunter could utter so much as another syllable, he felt Sam's long hands on his chest, pushing him aside with an almost unnatural amount of strength. Dean, who was caught off guard, managed to use his right hand, grabbing the nightstand with it, to balance himself, and not fall on the floor. "Sam, what the-" "No, don't you dare!" the young man spoke, in a voice which Dean could see he intended to make sound threatening, but in the end it was nothing more, than a mere, desperate, whisper. "Sam, listen to me, whatever you were seeing, it was a nightmare-" "No!" Rasped Sam, who tried to cover the distance from where he was standing, next to the bed, to the door of his room in two large steps.
But in his haste, Sam put his weight on his injured leg, an act which resulted, in him falling on his knees hard, and fast. Intense pain took over him for a few seconds, pain which was coming from both the wound on his hip, from the bullet, as well as from his foot, from the ugly burn he had endured. Black spots appeared before hazel eyes, and Sam felt dizzy, as fresh waves of pain were shot through his leg, making his breath hitch and his body shiver even more. The young man clenched the fingers of his right hand into a fist, while shutting his eyes, and tried as much as possible to control his breathing, as well as, his erratic heartbeat, which he could hear in his ears. For a few seconds, the only thing Sam could hear, was his ragged breaths and the drum-like, beat of his heart, but when he reopened his eyes, he found Dean, or well, according to him, Lucifer, right in front of him, with his hands outstretched.
Oh God, how he wished the man before him was indeed his brother. The act was so familiar, it was so like Dean... The way his body was placed in front of his own furled one, acting as a shield, ready to stand between any threat and Sam, the way his hands were hovering over each side of his face... For a split second, Sam let his eyes find Dean's lips, and saw that they were moving, and yet, all Sam could hear, was a mix, consisted of, Toni's deep voice, with her characteristically British color, saying that he was no hero, that he was a lost cause, and of Lucifer's rather deep one, who was screaming that the Dean he was seeing, was an illusion...
"No, get the hell away... You're... You're not real... You died... And I... I couldn't stop it-" "Sam, Sam you need to calm down-" Dean rasped, but the young man shut his eyes once again, grabbing his hip with his right hand, digging his nails in the flesh as much as possible. "No, I freed Amara, and yet, it was you who end up dying to save the world-" "Sam I'm not dead, I'm right here, Amara and Chuck are both alive, and so am I and, so is mom." Dean replied, voice cracking more with every word. "No, no, you're not real..." "Sam!" Dean said, voice strict and hard, since he needed to get his brother's attention. His hands grabbed shaking shoulders and he made sure that Sam could not turn away from him.
"Sam, I swear, it's me, it's Dean. I had the mark of Cain on my arm, I had the link with Amara, and I told you what happened with her and Chuck as we were coming back here, earlier today. I am your brother, the one and only, awesome Dean Winchester, who can, and will, kill that bitch Toni, for whatever she put you through. It's me Sam..." Dean said and his eyes sparkled, under the pale light of the lamp which he had turned on, awhile ago. "No... You're saying things I already know, so you are not..." But Sam's voice trailed off, burdened with too much pain, guilt and despair. Dean's face darkened and his eyes narrowed at the way Sam spoke.
This wasn't usual, not even for their own standards. Not even when Sam was really seeing Lucifer- well, Dean couldn't be sure he wasn't seeing him now as well- had Dean tried so hard to bring his brother back to him. "Sam... Your first kiss, was with a girl, a brown haired girl, on a park, remember? You came back to our motel room and you told me about it, me, only me, you remember that? And a few months later, when you stole a book from a library, and the cops came, it was me you called for help..." Dean said, moving closer to Sam, who was still shaking. "And when you turned seventeen... You got drunk, and when I came to pick you up, you pushed me on the hood of the car, pressing your lips on mine for the first time." Dean uttered, hoping that those evidence would be enough to convince his brother that he was not hallucinating.
As it would seem though, he had thought wrong. "I am real Sam, this..." Here the green eyed man let his gaze wander around the room, "This, is real, it's neither a foggy dream, nor an image created by Lucifer. Because you are nowhere close to him little brother, and you know I won't let him, come anywhere close to you." Dean said, putting every bit of love he had in those words. He, then, lifted his eyes, and met downcast hazel ones. Eyes filled with sadness, fear, insecurity, and... Hope. So much hope, that Dean was sure he had never seen before in his brother's eyes. But as he looked closer, his breath was caught in his throat. In Sam's eyes, there was hope, indeed, but it was overshadowed by fear. Fear, because Sam was thinking, that as soon as he would let himself believe that Dean was real, something would happen and they would be separated yet again.
So this, wasn't hope, not pure hope, which gives strength to men, strength to face the hardships along the way, strength, to love again, strength, to trust in others again... This was, nothing more, than a fading light in his brother's eyes, for the younger Winchester, didn't allow himself to hope, not anymore. Because every time he had done that, life had proven to him, with the hardest of ways, that he had chosen wrongly. Had crushed his hopes down hard, making him conceal himself in a shell, out of fear, that his efforts would only end up in a bloodbath, thus in a funeral, of someone he loved. So Dean could now see, that there was something worse than a person who had no hope left. And that was, a person, who was so deeply hurt, that he could no longer trust in hope, because he knew, that in the end of the road, it would betray him, and only pain and sorrow, would be waiting for him.
Dean swallowed hard, the lump in his throat too big, the emotions in his chest, too many, the words on the tip of his tongue countless, the sadness in his eyes, tremendous, the aching of his heart, unbearable. Yet, the middle Winchester, managed to speak, the words heavy, meaningful, and so, very, very true. "Sam, baby boy... I... It's me Sam. And you know why? Because whenever you're hurt, and I try to calm you down, I let my left hand ghost over your wounds. My left hand, yeah, because for some stupid reason, I think that, if there is any grace left, from when Cas dragged me out of Hell, then it will be hidden in my left hand, which Cas touched to get me out of the pit. So, I touch the wound with that hand..." Dean whispered, the palm of his left hand barely touching Sam's hip, where Toni had shot him.
"...Because I hope beyond hope, that it will somehow make it better, even though, I know it won't. Because I am no Angel. And do you know..." The green eyed man continued, silently shushing his brother, who was ready to speak. "Do you know, that after every time we have sex, whether it's just vanilla, or more kinky stuff, I stay awake for more than an hour, watching you? Because one of the things you told me after you got your soul back, was that Lucifer used to... Force himself upon you..." Here, Dean's voice quivered, and Sam flinched under his touch. "So, I stay awake, in case you wake up thinking, that you're back there, with him. You sometimes do, and you stare into my eyes. You then, mutter something along the lines of 'Green' and 'Dean', before shifting closer to my body, falling asleep again."
Sam's eyes widened, and his trembling hands, moved closer to the collar of Dean's shirt, but didn't touch it, not just yet. "So, yeah, I stay awake, because I want you to be... Fine..." Dean said, voice cracking. "Because I am not Lucifer baby boy. I'm not him. I am real... Alive and well, with green eyes, not black, or red, or... Any other color." Whispered the older man, and his eyes lit up with joy as he felt Sam's tremors easing, and his breathing slowing down, to almost normal levels. His green eyes, traveled downwards, and saw Sam's hands, his long, strong hands, only inches away from the collar of his shirt. So, his brother had been convinced... Well, almost.
"Last, but not least, there is, this, small detail... Whenever we kiss, even after all these years, I pause for a few seconds, for less than a heartbeat, to be accurate. Did you ever wonder why, little brother?" Dean questioned, risking to press his hand on Sam's chest. When the younger man didn't turn away from his touch, but leaned on it, Dean's lips turned to an honest smile. Sam did indeed know, that his brother would always pause before they were to kiss, he had noticed it. But what he didn't know, was the reason why, his brother would always do that.
"It's not just to give you time to back off if you want, as you may think. It's so that I... So that I can be sure that it isn't a dream. Even after all those years Sam... Sometimes I think that you will wake up one day, and that you will leave, for good this time. So, every single time, I need to make sure, that our kisses are real, because if you leave, memories will be all I will be left with. Because... I am just a human... Stupid, huh?" Dean muttered, lowering his head. At the sound of those words, Sam's hands moved, as if they had a mind of their own, grabbing Dean by the collar of his shirt, locking their eyes together. Sam opened his mouth to speak, but no words escaped his lips, and the older man saw one last trace of doubt in his hazel eyes.
"Those are my memories Sam, not yours, so you can't say that the Devil made all that up... And before you start your bitching, let me tell you that, I know, that, what I just said, about you leaving me, is... Weird." Dean muttered, moving closer to his brother, darting his head downwards, to hide the moist on his cheeks. "But since I am no Angel, or The Devil, or any other supernatural piece of shit, then, all that is left for me to be... Is a human. A human, a real, human who holds dear nothing, but one person on this entire freaking, forsaken planet. Who loves one person more than every fucking thing, and yet, fails to protect him... Fails again and again, and again, and-" "Dean..." Sam uttered, speaking for the first time in a long while.
At the sound of his name, the middle Winchester lifted up his head hesitantly, gazing at Sam. "Dean..." The young man repeated, bringing his face only inches away from the one of his brother. "Are you... Really, really real?" he uttered, his lips turning into a smile. "Yeah, I'm real, I'm real baby boy, I'm real Sammy..." Dean replied watching as Sam's eyes flew open. "Say... Say that again." the younger hunter pleaded, and Dean remained stunned for a few seconds. But then, it hit him, that for some stupid, inexplicable reason, he hadn't used that nickname, not once, since he had entered his brother's room.
"Sammy..." Dean replied, his voice so honest, so filled with love and adoration, that Sam was sure that this... Was no dream... "Sammy..." Came Dean's murmur again, as his strong hands pulled the taller man closer, crushing him on his solid chest... And this time, Sam did not put up a fight, to the contrary, he let himself melt under the touch. "Sammy..." Dean said a third time, kissing the top of his head. "Sammy..." Yes, this wasn't a hallucination either, for Lucifer could never mimic that tone of Dean's voice. The young man let his eyes flutter close, allowing his brother to manhandle them both, so that Dean's back would be leaning on the right side of the bed. That way, Sam could lay on Dean's chest and not put pressure on his injured leg.
"Sammy... Sammy, Sammy... Sammy..." Dean whispered, over and over, like a broken record, tightening his hands around Sam's broad shoulders. The young man smiled, burying his face in the crook of his brother's neck, nipping and licking at his pulse point, while feeling his hardening erection as well. "Sammy... Sammy... Sammy..." "Alright Dean, I think I got the point now. It took awhile, but I got it." He murmured, pressing his lips along the path of his brother's jaw. When he felt a slight tremor running down Dean's spine, Sam raised his head from where it was hidden, and fixed his eyes on blurred green ones, his lips inches away from Dean's. "I am back Dean, and if this, right now, with mom in the room down the hall, and with us together, is real for me, which I believe it to be, then... It is for you as well." He whispered, pressing his lips on his brother's instantly, not waiting the very, all too familiar second.
Both men moaned into the kiss, with Sam opening his mouth, and with Dean sliding his tongue inside, claiming it, as his own, for it had always been, and it would always be, his, and his alone. Dean ran his rough fingers, through messed brown hair, pressing Sam's face on his own even more, while his other hand found it's way to Sam's cock... "Mnnn..." The young man moaned as he felt Dean's callused hand rubbing his, also, hardening member. "D- De-" But The middle Winchester wouldn't let Sam speak, for he would press his tongue further inside his mouth. "Dean, my leg... Dean, stop-" Sam said, as soon as he could speak more than one word in a row.
"What, what is it?" Dean rasped, pounding for breath. "Oh, nothing, I just have a bullet wound and a freaking burn on my leg, so-" "You're in pain? You want me to-" "I want you, to stop thinking I am made of glass. And I also want you to get me on that bed, since I can't do it on the floor this time, and fuck me, like, right now, maybe?" Sam questioned, and Dean got up, offering both of his hands to his brother, whose face frowned. "Quit your bitching and lean on me!" Dean rasped, when the younger man tried to push one of Dean's extended hands away. Huffing, Sam did as he was told, letting Dean place him on his bed. "Stay here, I'll be right back, okay?" the green eyed man rasped, voice needy.
Sam nodded his head, and in less than two minutes, he saw his brother returning to the room, holding a towel, a bowl with some water in it, a glass of water and some pain killers. "What the hell are these-" "Mom is here, which means I won't be able to get them later. "Oh God, Dean, what if she-" "I locked the door of this room, don't worry." The older man reassured his brother, as he set the various things he had brought with him from the kitchen aside. "But, what if she hears us-" "Sam, honestly, I'm glad you are in your right mind again, but now it would be a good time to shut up, and stop thinking." Dean rasped, climbing on the bed, hovering over his brother.
"Anything else you want me to do?" Sam replied, as he tried to kiss Dean's lips. "Yeah, I need you, to tell me if you are sure about this." "Dean-" "Are you okay with the pain in your leg?" Sam huffed in annoyance, but knew that honesty, was the only way out. "I can handle it, I'll take some pain killers after we're done, if you ever actually decide to fuck me-" "Do you know that I am not... Him?" Dean muttered, voice bitter. Sam didn't have to ask who 'He', was. He swallowed and nodded his head in approval. "Say it. All of it." "I... I know you are you, Dean, and that you will stop, if I tell you to. And I will tell you to stop, if I need you to. Can we fuck now before- Mnnn..." But Sam's words were cut by Dean's hungry lips. "Love you... Sammy..." The green eyed man muttered, as he lay atop of his brother...
Yeah... That wasn't Hell. For that, Sam was now sure. However, It could easily, be heaven. Yes, it could easily be, Sam's Heaven...
A/N! Hehe, here ends chapter 2... Last chapter will be up next week! Sorry, but it ended up being longer than I expected it...
Hope I did not fail you. Love you all! A/N!