A/N: YES I KNOW IT HAS BEEN OVER A MONTH AND I THOUROUGHLY APOLOGIZE. Like I have said before, I am sick, Im in college and I also work on other things other than this story. I haven't had much motivation for this story bc its way far off the plot of the show but I do feel an obligation to finish it as it was my first story. No matter how long it takes me I will give it the ending it deserves I promise.
HOW GOOD IS THE SEASON SO FAR THO? If you follow me on tumblr or twitter you know how psyched I am for this season, its been so amazing so far, the writing is on point, and even despite me wanting more linstead, im enjoying the slow burn. SO FAR THIS SEASON: Sophia, Laroyce, Stella, and Marina have all retweeted me, and Laroyce retweeted a fan video of mine which literally made my life because I worked hella hard on it, it's called 'Stronger than ever' and it's on my youtube channel. :3 So I've been busy with other things like I said mostly videos/collabs and other stories on here. I am about to start up a big project with THE brookesdavis, who if you haven't checked out her FF is amazingggg, we're going to be writing a story together and I could not be more pumped so look out for that very soon.
Like I said I will wrap up this story but probably expect the next few/last chapters to be every 3-4 weeks, please don't be yelling at me to update because I really am working on a lot on top of trying to be a functioning human being.
This chapter is named after the song 'Without You' by One Two, and it's amazing it was on Grey's anatomy and I felt that it fit the feel of this chapter, so I made it the song for this chapter(lyrics were too hard to incorporate), but I still suggest you go listen to the song anyways.
As always sorry for any mistakes grammatically or tense wise. And Just a reminder that I do not own any of these characters, sadly;
Without further a due here is the next chapter. Enjoy!
Erin walks out of the bathroom a daze. Hank is waiting for her outside the door and he proceeds to put an arm around her shoulders and lead her back out into the waiting room. Everyone is still there, supporting Jay, supporting her. Olinsky has one foot up, leaning against the wall in the process of peeling a Clementine. Atwater and the new guy, Sean Roman, are sitting on the floor, backs against the nurses' station in the middle of what looks like a game of go fish. In reality they were probably plotting how to get a hot nurses phone number. Adam is sitting on a couch, asleep with his head lolled back and Kim is tucked into his side, sleeping on his shoulder. Antonio is asleep across two chairs and Nadia is seated close by, reading a magazine,
Voight leads her over and sits her down next to Nadia, before squatting in front of her.
"I'm going to make a few phone calls, do you need anything? Coffee?" Voight asks, and Erin shakes her head yes, hoping some caffeine will clear her head. "I'll be back in a bit." Voight says, he squeezes her shoulder before getting up. He motions to Nadia and she obliges, following him across the room.
"Can you keep an eye on her for me while I take care of some things?" He asks in a hushed tone.
"Of course." Nadia answers immediately.
"I think she's in shock." Voight says, "She was covered in his blood and she virtually painted the walls with it making her way out of his trauma room." Voight watches the sad look cross Nadia's face before he continues. "Just watch her, and get her a cup of coffee, maybe try and get her to eat something? " He suggests and glances back at Erin. "I'll be outside making these phone calls, send someone to get me if the doctor shows up."
Nadia nods before hugging her arms around herself and looking back at Erin. She looks frazzled, and so lost. She walks out into the hallway and makes her way to the cafeteria.
Erin is in a deep, thick fog, her body is buzzing but at the same time she doesn't feel a thing. She hears the TV droning on in the distance. She is surrounded by everyone in the unit, by her family, yet she feels like she's a million miles away from everything. She is having trouble grasping onto reality. She can't live in a world without Jay Halstead. She wouldn't.
It takes Nadia saying Erin's name three times before it gets her attention. Erin looks up at Nadia, her eyes wide and confused.
Nadia bends down in front of Erin, "Here you go sweetie." Nadia says as she hands her a hot coffee and a bagel. Erin nods to her as a thanks and Nadia sits down beside her. Erin brings the coffee to her lips and as the hot liquid travels through her system, it doesn't give her the jolt it usually does. She doesn't feel anything. The coffee in her hand feels like a weight shackled to her wrist, so she sets it down beside her and lets out a sigh.
"It's going to be okay, he's going to be okay." Nadia says, patting Erin's arm, trying to comfort her.
As if on cue, a tired looking doctor walks into the room. Erin's pulse immediately jumps.
"Family of Mr. Jay Halstead?"
There is a shuffling sound as everyone moves from their previous positions to listen, but Erin is the first to her feet.
"Actually, it's detective," She says, not aware of the sarcasm in her voice. "But that's us. We're his family." She says seriously as she slowly walks closer to the doctor.
Voight and Olinsky walk back into the waiting room and seeing the doctor, they make their way over to Erin and the others to listen to the doctor.
"Detective Halstead took a bullet to a very vital part of the chest. The was no exit wound and so it ended up nicking his lung and causing a Tension pneumothorax, which means air was leaking from his lungs and not making it to other parts of his body. Because his heart stopped getting oxygen it momentarily stopped beating, but we were able to resuscitate him. He has yet to wake up from surgery, and that is fairly unusual, but may be because the brain was lacking oxygen for a while, we will have to run more tests in the coma state persists. For right now he is in critical but stable condition. I will keep you updated on things as they progress."
"Can we see him?" Ruzek's voice pipes in, heavy with worry.
"Two at a time for very short periods, and after visiting hours only relatives." The doctor says strictly.
"He doesn't have any blood relatives. We're literally his family." Kim says, her voice strained from trying to emphasize the fact that the people standing in the room are his family, his only family.
The doctor sighs, "All right, one person only. Don't be shocked by the sight of him, he has a Tracheotomy, a tube in his throat to help him breathe, and he is connected to a lot of machines. He's still your friend, talk to him and support him, it will aid in his recovery. He needs all the help that he can get. I'm sorry I can't give you better news." The doctor says before walking off.
"Shit." Adam says as he blows out a breath and lowers himself down in the closest chair. "Jay almost died."
Olinsky slaps Adam in the back of the head and motions towards Erin, who is fiercely shaking her head no.
"Erin-"Voight says, reaching out for her, but before his hand can touch her she turns on her heel and runs down the hallway.
"I've got it," Kim volunteers, pushing her way through the rest of the group, she takes off in a run and follows Erin down the hall.
"Erin, it's Kim. Let me in sweetie." She says through the heavy wooden door of the bathroom that Erin had slammed shut not two minutes before.
Kim waits a beat before knocking again. Instead of a response she hears a crash. "Erin!" She calls out and not hearing a response she knocks her shoulder against the door but it doesn't even make it budge. Kim lets out a frustrated groan before bringing her foot up. She puts all her weight behind it and kicks the door right above the handle which is enough to blow it open and have it bang against the tile wall of the bathroom.
"Erin!" Kim exclaims, seeing Erin on the floor with her hand covered in blood. She rushes over to her and bends to her level.
"Erin, what happened? " Kim asks gently as she removes her jacket.
Erin looks at her shocked, "I – I- I broke the mirror." She stutters as Kim wraps her jacket around her bleeding knuckles.
"Why'd you do that?" Kim asks softly, already knowing the answer.
"Because…" Erin whispers as she looks up at Kim with tears in her eyes, "Because I can't live without him."
Kim sinks down onto the cold floor and watches Erin sob, her body shaking from the force of her emotions. She reaches out and grabs her friend pulling her into her lap, letting her cry into her shoulder. Kim wants to say something to comfort her like, "He'll be fine," but she can't bring herself to say it, to promise something she couldn't insure.
So instead she sits there and holds on to her friend until her heartbreaking sobs stop echoing through the small bathroom.
"I don't know if I can see him like this." Erin says as Kim leads her down the hallway towards Jay's room. "I don't know if I can handle it."
"You can do this Erin, he's still Jay."
Erin takes a deep breath and makes it almost to his door before turning around and knocking into Kim. "Nope, I can't do this. I can't- " She says, her voice breaking.
Kim puts her hands on Erin's shoulders. "You can do this. He needs you. I'll wait out here for you." Kim says turning Erin back around and nudging her towards Jay's room.
Erin squeezes her eyes shut and takes a long unsteady breath. She slowly puts one foot in front of the other until she's standing in the doorway of his room.
She opens her eyes and what's in front of her makes her heart break. Jay looks so unlike himself lying in the bed, helpless, not even able to breathe on his own. Erin moves closer into the room, moving slowly as if she could somehow wake him up. She stands at the end of the bed and glances around to all the machines that he's hooked up to, and it makes her cringe. She makes her way up the bed, her hand shaking as it hovers over his body.
"Hey baby," She whispers when she reaches the top of the bed, and she lays her shaking hand on his head. Pushing his hair back she leans down and places a long kiss on his forehead, squeezing her eyes shut as tears threaten to spill out.
Erin collapses into the chair next to his bed, her energy waning. She runs a hand over her face before she scoots the chair closer to his bed. She takes Jay's hand in between both of her own and brings his hand to her lips.
"I need you to wake up." She says, hoping to God that he can somehow hear her. "You're my best friend, you're my partner." She takes a deep shaky breath, "I love you," She says, and it comes out as a plea, "I love you and I don't know how I can be in a world without you. So you need to wake up. "She demands and she gives his hand a hard squeeze. "Please wake up."
She holds her breath for a moment as if her demanding him to wake up would do the trick. When it doesn't she blows out a breath and lets her head fall onto the bed beside him, his hand still in hers. She lays there, her head too heavy to pick back up, and listens to the machines beep with every heartbeat, giving her assurance that he is still here. She listens to the machines hiss as they pump air into his chest, she watches his chest rise and fall rhythmically, and eventually falls into a deep sleep;
Too deep of a sleep to feel that the hand resting in hers twitch.
A/N: Okay so what did you think? I hope it wasn't too confusing with all the peoples point of views, just because of Erin's headspace i didnt want to have it all be in her point of view. Let me know in the comments or PM what you thought or anything you suggest for the next chapter, it really will help me to update faster. Thank you for all your support 3