Cpov

"Welch, get me a background check on Boyce Fox." I say as soon as he answers then hang up and continue driving towards that piece of shit shack in the middle of nowhere.

Please be there, baby.

It only took me a second to realize how badly I reacted to this wanted sign fiasco, and how royally I fucked up with Ana. I'm still unsure about the wanted sign, it's a legitimate wanted poster from the police department in Detroit after all, and Ana has been secretive since she arrived in town, but I've spent the past month or so with her, I don't think she would lie to me. I don't want to believe it, but it's staring my in the face saying she's lying. Yet something doesn't feel right about this.

I was so cold towards her when I found that wanted sign, but my first thought was about Teddy and keeping him away from it. But then I realized that when Ana told me her abusive husband was looking for her and wanted to kill her, Teddy was already involved. I would do anything to protect my son, and I feel the same about Ana, yet I told her to leave instead of trying to help her figure this mess out.

I don't care that she killed someone, I'll help her work through it. If she did this, I can talk to my dad, he can help her. I would do anything for her, all she has to do is tell me the truth. I can and will help her, she has to know that. Yet I jumped to conclusions and told her to leave like the dumbass I am when it's obvious she's scared of something, whether it be her husband or the police. But it doesn't explain why she doesn't trust Taylor if it were about her husband, it makes more sense for her to avoid him for this reason; because she killed someone.

She said she stabbed her husband that night, maybe she killed him and she just doesn't know. After all, she said he was passed out when she left, she didn't see him wake up.

Whatever happened, I need to know. And she needs to know that I will help her, that I overreacted, and that I'm sorry.

I wasn't far so I arrive at her place in record time.

I jump out of my SUV and storm up the porch, not even bothering to walk up the two steps there. The door is cracked so I push it open enough for me to enter.

"Ana!"

I look everywhere, her only bedroom, the small bathroom, but she's no where to be found.

"Fuck!"

I'm too late, she's already gone.

The only place I can think she'd go would be the bus station; to catch another bus to only god knows where.

As I rush back to my SUV, I see that the ground is disturbed near her door. Is this signs of a struggle? Did she fall? Is she hurt?

I start driving in the direction of the bus station, and as I do, I play the message on my phone she left me.

"Christian!" I hear the panic in her tone, nothing but sheer terror as I listen to the voicemail. "Oh god, Christian. I think he found me. He's here, he came to the restaurant. I don't know what to do. I need you. I don't want to leave you and Teddy but he's here. Christian, please. Help me. I can't stay here. I'm leaving the restaurant, he's going to come back and you're not answering your phone. I don't know what to do. Your place is too far for me to walk without being seen so I'm going to mine. Please meet me there, please. I need you."

Listening to this message and how terrified she is, it's tearing my heart out.

"Christian, you can't do this to me, not now. Please." She said to me. "I need you, Christian, I need you." Yet I told her to stop crying and leave.

She needed me, more so than she ever has before, and I basically told her she's on her own.

She's never going to forgive me for this, even if I do find her.

If I can't find her, if I don't get to her in time before she leaves to parts unknown, I'll have no way of ever finding her and this will be the only thing I have left of her. This message will be what I hear as I play it back over and over just to hear her voice. I'll hear how she needed me and remember how I basically told her to fuck off and deal with it herself. After I told her she had nothing to be afraid of anymore, that I would always be there for her, that I would protect her, I'm the one who fucked her over. I trusted her, but she trusted me too.

My only hope is that I can find her before it's too late and that I can somehow convince her to hear my apology out, and then get to the bottom of this wanted for murder shit the right way instead of overreacting and throwing shit in her face. God, I'm such a fuck up. Fifty Shades of fucked up.

Apov

I finally make it back to my cottage in the woods, falling to the ground only a few feet from the front porch, seeming as though I've cried every last tear I possibly had in me.

I needed Christian, he promised me he would never leave me, he said I was safe with him, and yet he believed that stupid wanted sign.

I should've known better than to trust another man. I guess that's my own stupid fault for believing him and finally letting my walls down, but I thought I was safe with him. I felt safe with him, I never thought he'd do this to me. I know I could've avoided this pain, that it was bound to happen, if I just stayed away from Christian, but I wouldn't change the past few weeks with him for anything. If only for a little while, I had that perfect fairytale love I've always read about.

He was so angry, I can't believe the same man who has been so sweet and caring could sound so cold when he told me to leave. It's better this way, I never belonged with Christian, he and Teddy deserve someone so much better in their lives. I knew it would come to this eventually, I knew I would have to leave them. But I didn't expect it to hurt this much.

I nearly fall up the steps of my new front porch, trying to get up. I have nothing left, but I need just enough strength to continue going. I have to leave before he sees me.

I get up again, only to trip and fall on the porch itself. My body is still shaking with adrenaline.

Holding myself as I lay down in front of my door, I stare at the sky, watching the clouds move.

I don't want to do this anymore, I'm tired of running, I just want this to be over! Maybe I should just let Boyce take me, my fate is already decided for me, I might as well get it over with. He's never going to stop and I have nothing left, no energy, nothing to live for anymore. I'm done. I'm just done. I'll just lay here until he comes for me.

"No." I say to myself. "Get up. You can do this, you have to keep going."

With every last bit of energy I have left, I make my way inside.

Most of my clothes and belongings are at Christian's house, but I still have my emergency bag here, just incase. It's all I need, I've had less than this before. It makes me glad I didn't let my guard completely down and continued to save my money. I may have been spending more than I normally would, but that was because I thought I was staying for good. Thankfully before I met Christian I would put most of my tips in this bag so I had enough money to run if needed and I haven't touched it.

I grab my bag from it's hiding spot and then begin walking through the woods to avoid the roads. I know I can't avoid them all the way to the bus station, but I'll try to avoid at least the main roads as much as possible.

Eventually, I have to travel on a road. It's a side road with not much traffic, but with every car that passes by me it causes my heart to race and nearly pound out of my chest.

I'm trying not to cause attention to myself, as much as I want to run, so I'm walking at an extremely fast pace. I have to get to the bus station. If I can get there, everything will be okay and I'll be gone, away from this town and everyone in it. I'll have to stop using the name Anastasia Steele, so when I get wherever this bus will take me, I'll look up obituaries in the library and find a new name, just like I did here.

I've been on the run for some time now so I know I can continue to run. And that's what I plan to do. Run. For the rest of my life. I don't need to live, I just need to survive.

As I walk, I dig through my bag to find the blonde wig I use when I leave some place, thinking maybe he wont stop if he sees a blonde. I should've gotten it out sooner, but I'm not thinking straight. All I can think about is Christian and what he said to me... But, before I can pull the blonde wig out, someone calls my attention.

"Ana!"

I look around hearing my name. It's only now that I realize I'm passing by a park and I see Kate, Mia, Ava, ... and Teddy.

Teddy was the one who called my name, he looks excited to see me but I can't stop, I have to keep going.

I'm sure Christian will explain to his son why I'm no longer around, hopefully not saying anything badly about me in the process. I wish I could tell Teddy something myself, but I wouldn't even know what to say and I know Christian wouldn't like it with what he believes I am now. Plus, it would be too hard. Not only to explain to a four year old that we'll never see each other again, but for me too.

The tears that I thought had stopped come flowing down my cheeks again at full force. There's no ending this pain.

I hear someone running up behind me so quickly turn around.

Relief runs through my body when I see Kate. Mia is still at the park with Teddy and Ava, she's looking curious on in our direction. Teddy looks like he wants to come over here too but Mia wont let him go, she's holding him back.

I look back at Kate when she's finally reached me.

"Hey," Kate frowns when she sees the state I'm in. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I wipe my face. "I just have to go."

I turn back around and continue to walk. Staying here and talking to her is wasting too much time, and my time is very limited with Boyce here.

"Ana," She grabs me, stopping me from walking and turning me to face her. "Where are you going?"

"I have to leave."

"Leave?" She asks surprised yet knowing the meaning behind it.

I nod, trying to control my tears. I've grown attached to, not only Christian and Teddy, but Kate too. She's a good friend. I don't want to say goodbye to them, this is the reason I kept to myself. It hurt enough when I had to leave grandma and grandpa in Detroit, but it had to be done. Just like now. I don't have a choice.

"Does Christian know?" Kate asks me.

"Who do you think told me to leave?"

"What?!" Kate shouts, clearly upset. "Why?"

I shake my head not wanting to say.

Kate looks just as sad as I do. "Where are you going to go?"

"It doesn't matter," I shake my head again. "I never really belonged here."

In the distance, behind Kate, I see a car speeding towards us.

Again, my heart leaps out of my chest thinking it's him, but when I see it's Christian's black Audi, that feeling in my stomach worsens. I think I'm going to be sick again.

He's probably coming to yell at me for daring to talk to his family. Or maybe he changed his mind about 'turning me in' and is going to bring me to Taylor. The only way to prove that wanted sign isn't real is if they called the police department in Detroit, and if he wasn't already here, that would be the worse thing they could do. It would be like a death sentence. I have to leave before Christian does something like that.

"I have to go." I tell Kate.

"Wait," Kate says but I ignore her and quickly start walking away before Christian can reach us.

Behind me, I hear the SUV screech to a stop. His door opens, but I don't hear it close.

"Ana!" Christian calls for me a second later.

"What the hell, Christian," I hear Kate growl at him. "You better not h-"

"Not now, Katherine!" He snaps back.

I hear him running up behind me now so I start running too. I just don't want to hear anymore from him.

"Ana, wait!"

We continue to run but he is so much faster than I am, and I'm carrying extra weight with my bag, so it doesn't take him long to catch up with me.

He grabs my arm, making me stop and turns me around. We're further away from Kate and the park now so they can't hear us, but it's still pretty close so they can still see us.

"What, Christian?!" I ask him frustrated. "I'm leaving, just like you said I should."

"I don't want you to leave-"

"Funny, it sounded as if you wanted me to when you said those exact words." I interrupt him.

"I shouldn't have said that, I didn't mean it."

I'm taken back by what he says.

"What, did you find out that I wasn't lying so you decided to run back to me so all could be forgiven?"

"I didn't find out anything, Ana. I want to know what's going on. I want the truth."

"I have told you the truth, Christian, I've never lied to you. It's not my fault that you are the one who doesn't believe me. I trusted you! Do you know how hard it was for me to trust you, to trust man again? I told you the truth and you still didn't believe me. He hurt me! He kept hurting me! He wouldn't stop so I ran. That is the truth!"

"I just don't understand the wanted sign." He runs his hands through his hair.

"My husband is a cop, that's how he could do that, that's why it was a legit wanted sign." I explain. "And that's why calling the police and reporting him did nothing but earn me another slap across my face or a kick to my ribs. His buddies all turned a blind eye."

"You said he was a writer, I don't understand."

"I said we bonded over books, that he was trying to become a published author," I correct him. "I never told you his career."

"Let me talk to Taylor, he'll know wh-"

"No!"

"He can help," Christian assures me. "I trust him."

"Like you trusted me?"

"Ana..."

"Let's face it, Christian, I'm just a young, stupid, naïve girl who believes the lies a man tells her. Like when one says he will never hurt me and will always be there for me. That I don't have to run anymore, that I don't have to be afraid anymore. And that if I stayed here, the safest place in the world is in his arms."

"Ana," He knows I'm talking about him and not Boyce. "I'm sorry. I overreacted. It's just, I saw that paper and my thoughts ran away from me. I was thinking about Teddy's safety."

"I know." Deep down I can't be that upset with him. He had in his hand an official wanted flyer from a police department- it wasn't some makeshift sign made with crayons and colored pencils- saying I was a murderer, and he has his 4 year old son to think about. If the situation were reversed, and I found a wanted sign of him, and Teddy were my baby, I would protect my child. I know he was confused and only trying to figure things out, but he went about it the wrong way.

"I'm so sorry that I didn't believe you, baby."

"I know you're sorry, Christian, he was sorry too. He was sorry, you are sorry, everyone is always sorry all the damn time! I'm so sick of the word sorry!"

"Don't." He stops me. "Don't compare me to him, Anastasia, you know we're nothing alike. I'm truly sorry, I wasn't thinking clearly. There was no way for me to know that your husband was a cop who has the capability of producing this sign because you never told me. It was a legitimate wanted sign, the only way to prove that flyer's authenticity would be if I talked to Taylor. And even if he didn't arrest you, he would've contacted the police department in Detroit to ask them. And with you saying your husband is a cop, that wouldn't have been a very good idea."

"You could've asked me." I counter. "And when I told you the truth, you could've believed me. I've never given you a reason not to trust me."

"I know, and I'm sorry." He sighs, saying the word 'sorry' again after what I just said about it. "Like I said, I overreacted and wasn't thinking clearly."

"It doesn't matter-"

"It does matter." He interrupts, correcting me. "I should've listened to you."

"Yes," I bite back, "You should have."

"I can't tell you how sorry I am. I know you don't want to hear it, but I regret my actions immensely."

"You hurt me, Christian." I cry, no longer able to hold it back. "I needed you and you just left me to fend for myself. You said I was safe with you, you said I didn't have to be afriad anymore... and stupid me, I believed you. Only for you to turn your back on me when I need you the most. You're the liar here, not me. But it doesn't matter, you were right to want me to leave. I'm not good for you, I'm not good for Teddy."

"What?" He breathes like I've knocked the wind out of him. "Why do you think that? How can you possibly think that?"

"Let's face it, Christian, this was bound to happen, we both know it, I'm not right for you. You were right to want me to leave, you were right."

"No, baby, I'm not."

I want to believe him. But my dreams of being with him, of being happy, were just that... dreams. My reality is much darker, and more of a nightmare.

I'm so tired of running, I'm so tired of being afraid, I don't want to do this anymore, I so badly want to just give up. But I know I can't. I have to keep going. I have to leave. And if I want to protect Christian and Teddy, and myself, it's better if I'm not in their life at all so I might as well leave now.

It's so hard to stop my tears from falling, but I wipe my eyes and take a determined step back while shaking my head.

"Ana, don't." He knows what I'm doing.

"I have to."

"You can't." He croaks.

I swallow hard and with very little resolve, I turn around and walk away from him.

"No!" He grabs me and turns me around. "You can't go, Ana, you can't. I-" He pauses. "I don't want you to go."

"I can't stay." I back away from him so he's no longer holding me. Him touching me is making my mind fuzzy, I can't think when he's touching me.

"Ana, please. I'm sorry." He says again, desperately this time. "I can't lose you. Stay. Please. Stay with me."

"I can't." I whisper, shaking my head. "He found me, he's here, he's always going to find me. I can't put you and your family through that, I realize that now more than ever- after you told me to leave- how hard it is just to say goodbye. I shouldn't have gotten involved with you or them in the first place, I knew I shouldn't have, but I couldn't help it, I finally felt alive for the first time in my life. I'm the one who should be sorry. I knew I wouldn't be able to stay here... He's never going to let me go."

"I'm not going to let him hurt you." He takes a hesitant step towards me. I can tell he wants to hold me but he's unsure if I will allow him. "I know I fucked up, I can't excuse what I did or what I said. But please, forgive me."

I shake my head. I can't. I have to leave. I have to protect him and Teddy. There's no other choice.

"You can't go, Ana, I love you!" He shouts at me.

I think I'm in shock. Did he just admit that he loves me?

"I'm in love with you." He says much more steady and clear.

"Christian, if you're just saying that so I wont leave-"

"I'm not," He interjects, "I'm saying it because I finally found the one person I can see myself spending the rest of my life with. I never thought that would happen for me. I love you, Ana, and Teddy adores you as well. It's the reason I turned my ass around and came after you before I had all the facts. I love you."

He loves me? He's in love with me?

My heart flutters in a way it never has before.

"Please, tell me you feel the same way, because I know you love me, Ana, I know you do."

"Yes," I whisper my admission. "I do. I do love you, Christian, I've wanted to tell you so many times but I was afraid. But just because you say you love me, it doesn't excuse what you did."

"I know." He's looking at me like I'm a wounded animal and will run if he makes any sudden movements.

As I think about it, I realize even though he was harsh, his reaction was understandable. Maybe not totally, he could've believed me instead of telling me to leave, but I can understand why he reacted the way that he did with the evidence presented.

He looks so vulnerable waiting for me to say or do something, I even think he's holding his breath. And even though he was so cold, I find myself forgiving him.

I finally take a step towards him and he's quick to grab me.

"Oh, baby." He croons as he finally takes me into his arms.

He kisses the top of my head multiple times before he rests his cheek on my head.

"You're not going?" He checks.

"Do you want me to go?"

"No!" He tightens his hold on me. "I meant it when I said you're safe with me, I did. I'm never going to let you go again. I love you, I love you."

"I love you, too, Christian."

A car drives passed us and it causes me to tense up, thinking it's Boyce.

"What is it?"

"I'm just so scared, Christian." I cry, fisting his shirt.

"I know." He kisses the top of my head again. "But you don't have to be scared anymore, I promise. Let me fix this."

With his arm still wrapped around me, he tilts my chin up so he's looking into my eyes. I close my eyes when he leans down and presses his lips to mine.

"I'm sorry, baby," He whispers against my lips. "I'm so sorry."

I let him hold me but I pull away before he can deepen the kiss when another car drives by.

"What's wrong?" He asks me.

"He's here."

"Who?"

"You know who." I don't really want to say his name anymore than I have to. "Lilly said a man come to the restaurant looking for me. I don't know anybody here, with the exception of you and your family, but she knows all of you... who else could it be?"

"Let's go find out." He suggests like a crazy person.

"Christian, no!" I quickly back away from him.

"Yes." He grabs my hand and pulls me closer. "I told you, I'm not going to let him hurt you."

"What if he hurts you, or Teddy? I would never forgive myself for bringing this mess onto you and your family."

"Hey," He cups my face, putting some of my hair behind my ear. "Do you trust me?"

"Yes." I say without hesitation. It's more than I can say for him though. He didn't believe me about the wanted poster.

"Then trust me."

I nod and let him take control of the situation.

We walk back to his SUV and he opens the door for me to get in. He tells Kate and Mia to keep Teddy for a little longer but to go back to Kate's house. Mia doesn't know what's going on but Kate immediately agrees. Relief runs through me as I see them putting Teddy safely into the back of Kate's car.

Once Christian is in his SUV with me, he drives back to the restaurant.

Just as he pulls into the parking lot, his phone goes off.

"That'll be what I need." He says cryptically as he parks and grabs his phone.

"What is?"

"Do you want to come in with me?" He asks, ignoring my question.

"Are you crazy?!"

"Then I want to you to stay in the car, DO NOT get out for any reason, do you understand me?"

"What if-"

"Stay. In. The. Car." He says each word clearly. "I mean it. I'm leaving the keys with you, if anything happens, leave."

"Christian..." I'm so worried, so scared.

"Do you want me to take you home first?"

I rapidly shake my head no, I couldn't stand waiting any longer to find out.

"Lock the doors," He says as he opens his.

"He has a gun," I warn him.

"I'll be fine." He assures me. "Baby, I can't apologize enough for how I acted early."

I nod again in understanding.

He gives me a chaste kiss then gets out, telling me he'll be right back.

As soon as he shut his door, I lock them all and lower myself in the seat. Even though the SUV windows are tinted and nobody can see clearly inside, I'm not taking any chances.

I keep looking over the rim of the door, around the parking lot, for anything out of place.

Thankfully Christian left the keys in the ignition. I may not know how to drive or ever gotten my license, but it can't be that hard to figure it out.

My heart is about to beat right out of my chest, he's taking too long, but as soon as I see Christian coming back outside I instantly calm down.

I unlock the door for him and then lock them back once he's inside.

"Well?" I ask impatient to know what he did.

"It's not him, he was never here."

"How do you know?"

"I showed Lilly a photo of Boyce, she said it wasn't him and then pointed out the man asking about you."

"What are you talking about? How do you have Boyce's picture? And she pointed out the guy asking about me? He's here? I don't know anyone here. Who was it?"

"It was Don from my mother's salon. He said you and him mentioned something about apple pie the next time he came in." He tells me of the hairdresser. "And, well... I have Boyce's background check now. I asked for it after I found out your real last name... but I haven't looked at it yet, I just used his photo. I wont look at it if you don't want me to, I don't need it. I trust you."

"It doesn't matter, I know you're curious. But it's only a matter of time before he finds me here."

"Baby, I'm telling you, there is no way he is going to be able to find you unless you personally tell him where you are."

My stomach is still churning and I want to vomit again. Not to mention all the anxiety I've just been through and the adrenaline now leaving my body. I'm exhausted. And I don't want to talk about this anymore.

"I don't feel well." I tell Christian.

"Let's get you home so you can rest." I can tell he feels bad about what happened earlier. So he should.

He starts the SUV and pulls out of the parking lot, heading towards his house, all while holding my hand like I'm going to disappear if he lets go.

"If you want, we can go to Seattle and stay at Escala for a few days until the dust settles and you're more comfortable being here again."

"I have to work." I remind him, regardless of the fact that I was leaving moments earlier.

"I'll talk to Mia about giving you some time off. I'm sure she'll understand."

I consider his suggestion and tell him I'll think about it. The truth is, I don't want to be here right now, I want to leave, but I don't want to leave him. I guess Seattle is a good option.

As Christian drives us home, I really start to feel unwell, more so than earlier. If he doesn't hurry home, I may ask him to pull over.

Since Lilly mentioned a guy asking about me, my stomach has been flipping and flopping all over the place. And the thought of Boyce being anywhere near me... or Teddy...

Oh god. I'm going to be sick.

"Christian," I try to breath through it.

He senses my need and quickly pulls over.

I jump out and puke my guts out on the side of the road.

He's quick to come around and hold my hair for me as my stomach empties, even though there's nothing in it and I'm dry heaving.

Christian asks multiple times if I'm okay, and I tell him I'm fine, even though I'm not.

Fuck you, Boyce Fox! Fuck you and your haunting me!