Chloe
He decided to hold his conversation with Chloe at his penthouse. It was the best location to have it, because he could run off to his room and bury himself under his sheets if she ran off on hm.
He wasn't scared, like Linda said he was. No, he was...he was really nervous, that's it.
Chloe was his best friend, the person he was closest to, had ever been closest to in his very long lifespan. He had no idea what else to do if she ran away from him other than go to bed and cry.
He had been pacing for the past 5 minutes after he had invited her over to talk. She had sounded suspicious, but he swore he wasn't using this as a way to get in her pants. As unusual as the thought was, he was not in the mood for sex.
No, this was definitely not about sex, or anything even remotely like it. Chloe knew about his brother dying, but he hadn't gone into too much detail and she knew that was what made him go off the rails.
He had even confessed in a room with her in it that his mum had abandoned him when he had needed her on his side the most. She had to suspect things hadn't been very good. But she had never pushed for that information unless it interfered with the job and it had several times.
A ding from the lift was heard and he startled, his head whipping around to watch as Chloe walked in, her arms crossed as if expecting him to be...well, himself.
"Uh, hello. Please, can we sit down for this?" he said, before anything else, gesturing to the couch.
She walked over and sat in one of the armchairs. Actually thankful for this, he sat himself down in the other one.
"What's this about, Lucifer? Maze is supposed to be getting back tonight and is expecting to have whiskey waiting for her when she does get back."
He grinned at that. "Yes, our Mazie does love a good hard drink after a job well done. Catch her bad guy then? That's good. Things get quiet really fast without her around."
Chloe nodded but kept quiet and it made him nervous. He shifted in his seat. "I wanted to apologise for my behaviour, detective. I know I was lashing out at everyone these past few weeks. I just... Well, it started really with a few pretty hard breakthrough sessions. And with the death of my brother still so recent it was just a bit too much for me and I began taking it out on everyone close to me. I really didn't mean to."
He saw Chloe relax into the chair and it made him feel a bit better. He knew he had been upsetting her to the point where she didn't like talking to him lately. Beatrice thought that he was avoiding her, but he hadn't been. It was actually the other way around.
"Thank you for the apology. You really hurt me, you know?"
He closed his eyes. "I know, I just... I was so angry at my mum and was taking that out mainly on you I think because..." he trailed off, because he had no idea how to end that sentence.
She nodded and tried to fill in the blank, "Because I'm a mom too, and it made me a viable target?"
He grimaced and shrugged. "I guess. I don't really know why I took it out on you more than anyone else, but I've been really worried about this talk. Doctor Linda thinks it's more to do with you being safe."
She looked up at him confused with that one. "What does that mean? Safe for what?"
"I don't know! I think she meant that you and the others are just... Friends aren't supposed to abandon friends, are they? And for the first time in my life, I find I have actual friends and all I seem to do is muck everything up because I can't hold my bloody temper."
He rubbed at his forehead and suddenly wished that they were not having this talk. At all. He hated it even needed to be said.
Chloe got up and walked to his bar, picking out a bottle of whiskey and pouring a generous amount into one of the first glasses she found. After a few seconds, she poured one for him too and bought it over. "I'm guessing this has something to do with your mom then."
He scowled. "Yes, it does. Since she came back into my life my mind has been latching on to her as the bad guy, as you've noticed. First she was trying to kill me, and then she was the killer at all the murders we come across. And then nothing bad happened and I got complacent and let her in again..."
Chloe's eyes began to widen. "Has she been hitting you?'
He shook his head. "No, her abuse is all emotional. Psychological. She tears me down. Calls me names, makes others turn against me. Got me kicked out of the house. She's the one who set me up to rule Hell, did you know that? I want her to be punished, so that's what I am doing. Punishing her. But she's begun to adjust and it's no longer working. She's beginning to do her old tricks to me again and I'm afraid that you are all going to turn against me or that she might hurt you all for not doing so. That once more I'm going to lose everything I have and suffer because she is obsessed with keeping me at her side. I don't know what to do, and I can't stand the thought of being abandoned again. But she's my mum and I love her and everything's so confusing and I don't know what to do and I'm scared."
He was panting by the time he got to the end of his rant and he found himself buried in a hug, with her clinging tightly to him. "You listen to me, alright? Yes, I was angry at you for yelling at me, and yes, I am letting that go now I know why you have been. But I am not going to ever abandon you. I'm not your mother. I have always and will always do the right thing by my own daughter. And I would never hurt her to hurt her. You're my best friend, Lucifer. Why would you ever think I would just leave?"
He shrugged his shoulders and buried his head against her shoulder, aware that he was leaking from the eyes.
He refused to call it crying. He wasn't sobbing his heart out.
"Lucifer? Why?"
She wasn't going to let it go until he answered, but he was afraid to open his mouth just then, in case he did start sobbing. He took a shallow breath in and took his chances. "She turned everyone against me! My brothers and sisters all turned their backs on me. Dad threw me out. And she just watched as it all happened. She ruined my life. She seriously screwed me over emotionally. I was abandoned by everyone I loved, why would you think I wouldn't worry about that happening again?! It hurts, Chloe. It hurts and it will never stop hurting. All I want is for it to just end, be over. But instead of making up for what she did in the past, she is beginning it all over again, and I only know this, because Doctor Linda can see the signs in me and helped me work things out with her behaviour and patterns. And I am seriously freaking out over it. Shit, I'm crying!"
Chloe refused to let him go as he began to try and squirm out of her grip without hurting her, but he couldn't. She was holding on way too tightly.
"Shh, Lucifer, just accept comfort and cry. It's something you obviously needed as a kid and didn't get."
He let out a pathetic sound he didn't even know how to explain, before giving in, gripping her back and doing exactly as she asked of him.
He didn't cry this hard after he had killed Uriel. His body shook and was rocked by sobs. The ugly sound of him bawling was the only sound in the penthouse. His eyes were swollen and waterlogged, his nose was leaking mucous all over her top and he was drooling right along with it, because he couldn't close his mouth. He also had trouble breathing. He had never understood the term ugly crying until just then.
By the time he calmed down, he was so utterly spent he couldn't lift his head up. Chloe ended up manoeuvring him into as comfy a position as he was going to get in the armchair he was in, wrapped him in the blanket that sat in the box at the foot of his bed for cooler weather and cleaned up his face.
He was barely conscious of it, but he knew it happened. He woke up with a pounding headache the next day and she went off to work without him. She left his phone nearby on the coffee table in easy reach in case he wanted to talk.
After she had left and he felt a little energy returning to his aching body, he reached out for the phone and called Linda.
"I told her," he stated.
He could tell his therapist was pleased by the tone of her voice. "That's a good thing, Lucifer. But usually you'd call to make an appointment, not tell me that."
"I can't move. I'm so utterly drained of energy...I don't think I could get up to go to an appointment right now."
"Over the phone then?"
He sighed and relaxed as much as he could into his comfy furniture. "Yes, or you come here."
"I'm not comfortable conducting sessions in people's homes, you know this. Over the phone is fine."
He sighed. "Okay."
And he told her all that happened.