It was just past ten when Belle knocked on Neal's door. She'd (mostly) changed out of her daytime clothes, her makeup was off and she'd swapped her dress for a pair of yoga pants before she realized a bottle of lotion had exploded on the t-shirt she'd packed for sleeping in. She was currently wearing a bra and a towel on her upper half, and thankfully Neal opened the door before too long.
"What's up?" he asked.
"I need to borrow a t-shirt," she said. "I don't have anything to wear to bed."
"Oh that's a good idea anyway," he replied. "I wish I'd thought of it."
He started fishing through his suitcase, holding each shirt up to look at the front before discarding it. At last, he found one from college and she understood – he'd been looking for one that looked the most like it was his. Whatever, she was just happy to get the shirt on and she wiggled out of the towel as soon as it was on.
"Thanks man," she said once she was clothed. "I had a lotion explosion in my suitcase."
"Don't mention it. Hey, while you're here, can you do me a favor?"
"Yeah, sure. What's up?"
"I'm gonna shake the bed against the wall, do you mind making sex noises?"
"You're a terrible person," she said.
"Yeah, I know. You down?"
"Only if you let me sit on the bed while you shake it. It will add to the realism and also be fun."
"Be my guest," he said, taking up position at the footboard as she jumped into the center of the bed. This should be weird, but there had never been anything sexual between her and Neal and even if there had been it wasn't going to start in a room that was plastered in vintage Star Wars posters.
"You ready?" he asked once she was settled, and he waited for her nod before he leaned against the bedframe and shoved it hard into the wall.
Belle shrieked and stifled a giggle as he shook the bed again. It was fun in a strange way, and it took her until he reminded her to start moaning loudly. It was awkward and weird and hilarious, and they were both laughing hysterically when she gave one final shriek as he banged the bed against the wall one final time. It was absolutely ridiculous.
"Nice performance," he said, trying to catch his breath while she tried to stop laughing. "If I hadn't known any better I would have thought I was rocking your world."
"Eh, I've had better," she replied, hopping off his bed. "But thanks for the shirt."
"No problem, you going to sleep?"
"I'm gonna call my dad first. It's like, four there and he was a little disappointed I couldn't go home with him for Christmas."
"Fair enough, tell Moe I said hi."
"Yeah I'll get right on that," she said as she let herself into the hallway. "Sleep well."
"You too."
Theo was going to have to cut his ears off. No, wait, if he did that then the last thing he would ever hear would be that little production and that was absolutely unacceptable. It might still be a recent enough memory that he could drink it away, so that was an option. If nothing else, he really needed a drink if he was going to get any sleep. He climbed out of bed and put on his robe before letting himself into the hallway. He'd meant to go down stairs to get a glass of whatever had the highest proof in his liquor cabinet, but then he realized there was a light left on in the library.
The door was mostly closed, so he couldn't see Lacey as he approached the room, but he heard her voice before his hand touched the doorknob. It took him a little while to recognize it as being the same woman, though. She was speaking softer, and her accent wasn't as pronounced. She also wasn't swearing. He knew he shouldn't eavesdrop – she was probably just talking to Neal and he definitely didn't want to listen to that conversation – but then he caught the word papa and he couldn't stop listening.
"I miss you too," she said. "How's everyone doing? Did Nan make her fruit cake?"
There was a pause and he realized she must be on the phone. With her father, apparently. He wondered why she wasn't wherever he was for the holiday. Presumably Neal could have joined her.
"Well, tell them I'll be there for Gail's wedding," she said. "I wouldn't miss it. No, I'm serious! I'm looking forward to it."
She giggled at something, and it was strangely musical, like a bell chime. He wouldn't have thought Lacey could sound so...nice.
"Okay, I'll let you go. Yeah, it's going to cost a million dollars for long distance fees. I'll talk to you on Christmas, though! I promise. Tell everyone I love them."
She made a few other little pleasantries, and he somehow lost track of the fact that she was hanging up the phone. As soon as he heard her footsteps he dashed back across the hall to his bedroom, but he wasn't quite fast enough and she was opening the door to the library as he was closing the bedroom.
Their eyes met and they both froze. She was surprisingly beautiful with all the makeup washed off, and she looked so much more graceful somehow in her pajamas and Neal's shirt. The shirt was what snapped him out of his weirdness. This was Neal's girlfriend, and this whole line of thought was completely inappropriate.
"Mr. Gold," she said in the same soft accent she'd had before, and he saw a change come over her face almost immediately after. "Did we wake you?" she asked him with the other accent she'd had all day.
"Not at all," he replied, unsure what was going on. "I was just checking the lock on the front door."
"Good," she said. "I can be pretty loud."
"I'm sure," he said. "Goodnight, Lacey."
He shut the door and took a deep breath before returning to bed. There was something odd going on with Lacey, and he was going to find out what it was.
Belle had always been an early riser, and Neal was not, and she wasn't going to wait around for him to wake up before she got started on breakfast. There was definitely a possibility of seeing his dad, so she'd dressed appropriately. Or inappropriately, depending on your point of view. She felt really self-conscious walking into the kitchen wearing Neal's t-shirt, a pair of panties, and a bathrobe, but she'd never see this guy again after this week and the shirt was long enough to cover her to just above mid-thigh. It would be okay.
Sure enough, Neal's dad was already sitting at the table with a mug in front of him and a newspaper. She wanted to watch for his reaction, but Lacey wouldn't do that. She held her head up and walked straight to the refrigerator. She didn't dare look back, but a part of her kind of hoped he was watching her. This was getting to be a lot of fun, actually. Nobody in her real life thought she was this daring, but she was bent over looking in a strange man's refrigerator wearing very few clothes. It was actually kind of empowering in a weird way, it was just so different from her real life.
"There's coffee in the pot," she heard him say and she turned to look at him for the first time. He was still looking at his paper, and she was actually a little disappointed he hadn't noticed her relative state of undress but it was hard to be too disappointed when there was coffee.
"Thanks, mate," she said, because why half-ass the stereotype? "Mugs?"
"Next to the sink," he replied, still not looking at her. "Cream and sugar on the table."
She retrieved a mug from the cabinet and poured herself some coffee before joining him at the table. He had a sugar bowl and a ceramic pitcher of cream. She loved this place, it was so cool being here. They sat in silence for a little while while she got her coffee ready, although the moment she tasted it she lost the ability to be quiet.
"Oh my God," she gasped. "That's so good!"
"It's Kona," he replied, looking at her at last.
"It's amazing. Where did you get it?"
"There's a store that imports it nearby. It's also where I get my tea."
She was in love with his pantry. There were no two ways around it. Now that she was at the table, there was jam with a homemade label on it she could see. He bought homemade jam. Be still her beating heart, there were English muffins, too. It wasn't quite scones and tea, but the jam was just as good as she'd expected it to be.
"Did you sleep well?" he asked long after she'd forgotten he was even there. Shit, she was supposed to be Lacey still.
"Didn't get a whole lot of sleeping done," she said with a wink. "Hope we didn't keep you up."
He looked up at her again and then his eyes darted back down to the paper. She could see his hands clenching and unclenching at the sides of it. Okay, so it was probably time to back off of that one. The goal was for him to tell Neal to dump her, not for the cops to get called on a domestic dispute.
"This is really good," she said, taking another bite of her muffin. "Like, really good. What kind of jam is this?"
"Oh, it's blackcurrant."
"Did you order this?"
"It's imported," he replied.
"We never had stuff like this when I was growing up," she said idly. "You know, if you'd told me even, like, two years ago I'd be staying in a classy place like this I'd have laughed at you."
It was true, but she thought it'd add to the Lacey character to emphasize certain parts of her upbringing more than others. He looked at her again, but this time he just looked and it weirdly felt like he was seeing her.
"To be honest, I'd have been surprised to be here when I was your age, too."
"Yeah?" she asked. "You mean you didn't inherit all this shit?"
He started chuckling, and she couldn't figure out what was so funny so she shoved another piece of muffin in her mouth to distract herself from the unsettled feeling it gave her to be laughed at when she hadn't been trying to be funny.
"I take it Neal never told you about his grandfather," he said at last. "Although he would have really liked you."
"I'll take that as a compliment," she replied and he smiled at her again. He had a really nice smile when he wasn't looking down on her. What must it be like to have him actually like you?
"Do you mind giving me a hickey?" Neal asked. He'd waited until Belle came upstairs from breakfast before asking her. He wanted to get it done before he saw his dad again. It seemed like a nice touch and would hopefully really sell the fake sex from the night before.
She just stopped and stared at him, forcing him to continue.
"Come on," he said. "It's just one little hickey."
"I'm not giving you a hickey."
"It's a platonic hickey!"
"It's weird."
"What's weird about sucking on a friend's neck?"
"Give yourself your own damn hickey."
"I would if I could!"
"Wave a match under a cup and then put the cup on your neck."
"Nice, but your mouth isn't as big as a drinking glass."
"What about a shot glass?"
"I doubt he has any."
"Juice glass?"
"That might work," he said, trying to think if the juice glasses in his father's cabinets would reasonably pass for her lips.
"Or just put the vacuum on your neck."
"Does that work?"
"It worked when I was in high school," she replied. "Can I get dressed now?"
He looked down for the first time and realized she was still in a bathrobe. She also hadn't brushed her hair yet, now that he looked.
"Oh, crap, sorry. You do whatever and I'm going to go see if he still keeps the vacuum in the same closet."
"You have fun with that," she said, patting him on the arm before she vanished into the guest room.
The vacuum was just where he remembered it being, and he snuck it into his room and plugged it in. It had been a long time since he'd been proud of a hickey, but the carpet attachment did a pretty decent job if you didn't look at it too long, and hopefully his dad wouldn't pay too much attention to it.
His father was already long gone by the time Neal made his way downstairs for breakfast, but he'd expected that. His dad was always out of the house before ten so he could open the shop. Maybe he and Belle should go into town later. They could go see the pawn shop and 'Lacey' could meet all of his father's tenants and business associates.
It was going to be a great Christmas. Who knows? Maybe next year Neal could bring a real date home without fear of his father's disapproval. That would be a really nice change of pace.
Theo had thought he'd be free of Neal and Lacey if he spent the day at work. He could count on one hand the number of times Neal had been to see him at work, and he most certainly had not thought Neal would want Lacey out in public where she could meet his kindergarten teacher or one of the local nuns. Actually, Lacey meeting one of the nuns might be worth seeing. But even so, it was a bit of an unpleasant shock to actually see the two of them walking into the pawn shop that afternoon.
Comparatively speaking, she had put on a lot more clothes. This time was a miniskirt and a sweater that showed her belly button under the coat. The thick eyeliner was back, though. It was starting to feel like she wore the makeup as a mask, because at breakfast she'd been different. Even the night before when he'd overheard her phone call she'd been softer than she had been before. Now, though, she was right back to a coy grin on her bright red lips.
"Hey Pops," Neal said. "Is that toy store still open at the corner of Main Street?"
"Why do you need to go to a toy store?"
"Lacey and I are Christmas shopping."
"At a toy store?"
Neal didn't seem to have an answer and just started looking around like he could find an answer if he looked hard enough. Lacey bit her lip and looked away, and Theo could see the corners of her mouth curling up in a smile. She was really surprisingly pretty.
"Didn't you want to go to the tattoo parlor next to it?" she said at last, before glancing back at Theo. "We were getting matching tattoos."
"Yes," Neal said. "That's what we were doing."
"Well, that sounds exciting," Theo replied, folding his hands on the counter in front of himself. Neal was up to something, and he wasn't doing a good job at covering it up. "What are you getting tattooed?"
"My shoulder blade, and his bicep," Lacey replied. "I already have one in a special place, you know?"
"Oh I can imagine," he said, wondering if it really existed and where. That really shouldn't be as interesting a mental image as it was. "But I'm afraid the tattoo parlor is going to be on the other side of town."
"Thanks dad!" Neal said, craning his neck awkwardly as he looked around. "What time are you going to be home tonight?"
"By seven," he replied. "You two have fun today."
Neal seemed a little disappointed, but he didn't stop smiling.
"Sounds great, I'll see you then!"
Neal took Lacey's hand and they made their way back into the street.
"Bye, Mr. Gold!" Lacey called out as the door shut. Something really weird was going on, and he was going to figure out what it was.