"He didn't see my hickey!" Neal exclaimed as they walked down the street. "How could he miss it? It's huge!"
"You didn't take your scarf off, idiot," Belle shot back. "And it looks ridiculous anyway."
"Well, somebody wouldn't suck on my neck like a good friend."
"And I stand by that decision," she said, looking over at him and smiling. "It was a terrible idea."
She was probably right, but it had seemed like a good idea at the time. Anyway, they were well on their way to his dad begging him to dump 'Lacey' and then he would be free to date whoever he wanted. It was a foolproof plan.
"So what do you want to do?" she asked him, looking around. "Your dad said there was a store that sold coffee and tea nearby."
"Oh damn," he said. "I forgot you have that thing about tea."
"Shut up," she replied. "I do not have a thing about tea!"
"Yes you do! Remember that barista you dated for six months because he was the only one that could get the ratio of tea to milk right?"
"Hey, Tim was a really nice guy!"
"Tim was thirty-nine, lived with his mother, and introduced himself to everybody he met as a 'future rock star.'"
"That is...entirely fair," she replied. "But he did make damn good tea. And coffee, oh my god."
"You're going to marry my dad, aren't you?"
"What? No!"
"Yeah, he made you expensive coffee and I know for a fact he owns a full tea service."
"I barely know your dad! But that was really good coffee. Does he have a French press, do you think?"
"Oh man, you're going to marry him for the tea and coffee. Like some kind of Dutch-Indian Company groupie."
"Yeah, well when I marry your dad you can call me mom and your curfew will be 10:30 when you visit," she shot back smugly. "How about that?"
He had a reply on the tip of his tongue, but he heard someone say his name and when he looked up Emma was standing on the sidewalk in front of him.
"Hey, Emma!" he said, catching up to her. "How are you?"
"What are you doing here?" she asked.
"Just out shopping. You?"
She was wide-eyed staring back and forth between him and Belle. Oh, crap. Belle.
"Sorry, Emma this is B-Lacey. My friend – girlfriend. My girlfriend. This is my girlfriend, Lacey," he said, grabbing Belle's arm and pulling her forward a little bit. Wow, he was smooth. "Lacey this is...this is Emma."
"Nice to meet you," Belle said, foregoing the fake Lacey accent she'd been using all week.
"Yeah, you too," Emma replied as she took Belle's hand. "So how long have you two been dating?"
"Just a couple months," Belle said.
"And he wanted you to meet his dad?" Emma said, looking over at Neal a little incredulously. "That sounds...realistic."
"Well, you know how he is," Neal said. "He just loves meeting my girlfriends."
"Yeah, that definitely sounds like Mr. Gold," Emma said. "Just loves meeting new people."
They were all standing there looking around awkwardly, and Neal wasn't at all sure why this was so weird.
"We'll let you get back to your shopping," Belle said quickly. "We were just about to do some Christmas shopping ourselves, actually."
"Okay," Emma said. "It was great meeting you Lacey."
"Nice to meet you, too," Belle said and then Emma was gone before Neal could really mutter his own goodbye. He had no idea why this was so weird, but once his dad demanded he break up with Lacey he could totally figure that all out.
It turned out that tattoo parlors on the 'shady' side of quaint New England towns did not offer temporary options for grown men trying to manipulate their fathers. And somehow, Neal had been surprised by that fact. Personally, Belle was more surprised that he was surprised than she was about his backup option which had involved going to the toy store and picking up a pack of temporary tattoos. The tattoo guy had suggested a permanent marker with baby powder on top of it, but Belle wasn't known for her artistic skills so somehow they'd lit on the idea of buying a package of the cheap temporary ones, which meant going to a toy store a matter of days before Christmas.
"You do realize this is insane, right?" she asked him. "There is no way your dad is going to fall for it."
"Eh, just put it on me later. I'll get some gauze to put on top and he'll never ask to see yours."
She was pretty sure Neal either thought he was more clever than he was or that his dad was stupider, but either way she was very sure they were going to get caught out on this one. Especially since she'd just barely had time to put Lacey on his arm in the fake letters in the bathroom at the diner they were supposed to meet his dad at moments before they were supposed to meet him.
Luckily, they were able to get settled just in time for Mr. Gold to arrive, and from there on out all she had to do was be bad at conversation and drink a lot of wine. And she could do both those things! Neal was getting antsy, though. Belle didn't like when Neal got antsy this week, because it seemed to portend bad things.
"How did the tattoos go?" Mr. Gold asked, pointedly staring at Neal. "Not too painful I hope?"
"Nah," Neal said, putting his hand on Belle's leg. "It went great."
"Well, that's good!" Gold replied. "Because I remember how scared you used to be of needles, so I wasn't sure how you'd handle one repeatedly punching into your skin at high speed."
Neal was visibly paler than before, and Belle couldn't believe he'd overlooked that little factoid. Although at least it explained why he'd never gotten a flu shot since she'd known him.
"Nah, it's not that bad," she said quickly. "When I got the one on my bits I was shitfaced, but it still hurt worse than this one."
His father was looking at her now with fascination on his face and Neal seemed a little on edge.
"Hey, Dad, I'm glad you're here," he said. "Because I had something I wanted to say to Lacey and I thought it'd be better if we had family here."
Belle felt the color go out of her own face as she watched Neal slide out of the booth beside her and drop to one knee on the floor. This had not been a plan, and holy fucking shit what the hell was he doing?
"Lacey uh-Reb...Pa...Me...Marie. Lacey Marie French," he said and she really wished they'd figured out a middle name for her character before all this. "Would you do me the extreme honor of being my wife?"
There was a really long silence and she knew she had to say yes keep up appearances, but she'd always thought the first time someone would ask to marry her they'd actually mean it and now here she was with an entire diner staring at her and waiting for her to say yes.
"You know," Mr. Gold said before she could answer. "Neal, if you'd told me I could have gotten your mother's ring for you."
Neal's parents were divorced, and it hadn't been an amicable thing, so now Neal was glaring at his father and she was going to have to say yes.
There was a noise from the door and Belle looked over quickly hoping it was a distraction and she saw the blonde that Neal had introduced her to earlier – Emma – standing there staring at them. And then there was a little boy with dark hair pushing past her to see why she'd stopped.
"Mom, what's going on?" the kid said and that drew Neal's attention.
"Emma, hey," he said standing up quickly and staring openly at the boy. "Uh, who's this?"
Emma grabbed her son and fled the diner. Neal looked at his father quickly before running out after her, leaving Belle and his father alone at their table. The diner was still dead quiet and Belle just really wanted to fall through a hole in the ground at this point.
"So...Emma and Neal?" she asked his father quietly.
"Yeah," he said, sounding just as dazed as she felt.
"How long ago?"
"Long enough."
"Oh," she said, trying to wrap her head around this one. "Well. That's...fuck."
"Yeah," he said. "That about sums it up."
"Emma!" Neal called, jogging to catch up with her and the boy. "Hey, wait up!"
"Not now, Neal," Emma said as he caught up. "It is not a good time, and you were in the middle of something, so…"
"Don't worry about that," he replied, keeping pace with her. "Let's talk about you. So what have you been up to the last decade or so?"
"Mom, what's happening?" the boy said. "Who is this?"
"He's nobody," Emma said before turning back to Neal. "It's fine."
"I'm Neal," Neal said, not daring to take his eyes off of the child who looked so uncannily like he had. "What's your name?"
"I'm Henry," he said. "How do you know my mom?"
"Your mom and I were friends in high school. So what grade are you in?"
"Don't answer him," Emma snapped, stopping so fast that Neal didn't notice immediately. "Henry, why don't you go across the street to the sheriff's station and say hi to your grandpa?"
Henry glanced at Neal quickly before looking back to his mother and shaking his head no.
"Henry, this is not negotiable."
"I wanna know what's going on," he said. "Who's this guy? What was happening in the diner?"
"Henry, just go see your grandfather," Emma said with a squeaky voice. "I promise we will discuss this tonight, okay?"
Henry sighed and nodded, casting one last look as he trotted off to the sheriff's station and vanished inside. As soon as he was gone Neal felt everything start to bubble over. He'd been trying to process everything and now his mind was running away from him and he didn't know what the hell he was going to even do.
"Is that my kid?" Neal blurted out at last. "Is that why you went to Boston after graduation?"
"It's not that simple, Neal."
"How is it not that simple? It is a yes or no question. Is that my son?"
She opened her mouth as though she was about to say something, and then closed it again and looked away and that was really all the answer he needed.
"Oh my God," he said as the reality of the situation came crashing down around him. He had a son. He had a ten year old son who he'd never met. "Oh my God, Emma! How could you not tell me about this?"
"I don't know," she replied. "You were going to college and I had just turned eighteen and we lost touch."
"It's been ten years! My dad still lives in the same town!"
"I wanted to, but I wasn't sure what I was going to do at first," she said a little defensively. "And then after I decided to keep him it had been so long and you were gone and...it just snowballed, okay? I mean, what was I supposed to do? Show up on your dad's porch and go 'surprise, you're a grandpa?'"
"You should have told me," he said, feeling tired and betrayed and utterly in over his head. "I deserved to know. It's not like we ended on bad terms...I'd have been there for you. Both of you."
"Yeah, I know," she said. "But you don't have to worry about it, okay? We're doing really well."
"You don't get to decide if I'm going to worry about it!"
"I screwed up. I know. I'm sorry. I should have said something. But I mean, look at that girl you've been all over town with!"
"That? That's just my friend Belle. It was a prank on my dad that got way out of control."
"Okay, but you are a grown man who is trying to prank his father by, apparently, making out with a vacuum cleaner," she said, reaching out and pulling his scarf down. "Doesn't that seem a little immature to you?"
God, she had a point.
"That doesn't make what you did okay!" he replied. "I never had a chance to make those choices, Emma. You can't expect me to be prepared for something I never knew about!"
She was quiet, and he knew that he was right and that she knew it but he couldn't deal with this. He'd just gotten the biggest news of his life and there was no graceful way to handle it.
"This is not over," he said before he turned and walked away.
"Where are you going?" she yelled after him.
"I can't have this conversation right now, I just need to figure this all out."
"Fine!" she shouted. "Just walk away!"
That was too far, and he stopped and turned back to face her.
"Don't you dare," he said. "You had ten years to get used to this, I think I deserve a couple hours."
She narrowed her eyes at him and stormed off to the sheriff's office, presumably to collect her – their – son. This was all too much, and there was no way he could go back to his father's house where he'd be expected to explain what had happened, so he did the only thing he could do. The one dive bar in town was only a couple blocks away, and he had a mighty need to forget.