This is a very short chapter but I think you're going to forgive me! I can't let you waiting for an update too long! ;) So... enjoyyy!
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Chapter 11 - Ice - Part 2
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"I'm sorry" he said, breaking eye contact and then looking at her again with a completely different gaze that the one with which he had looked at her just a second before.
The way her smile faded on her face struck him more than a slap in the face. He didn't want to hurt her. But it would have happened... He was a miserable person. Since the day he was born. And even if that break had made him think otherwise for a moment... he couldn't and... wouldn't... to drag her into the darkness of his life.
He wanted to kiss her. Touching those lips. That tongue. He longed to kiss her. But kissing her... it would be a point of no return. He couldn't...
"I... I'm not what you need, Cuddy" he added, standing up and leaving the room.
Cuddy stayed still. The only thing she could think about was the feeling of emptiness that the lack of his weight on her gave her... She sat up and stayed there, motionless, watching him as he walked out of the door. She stayed like that for what seemed like hours ... or perhaps only seconds... waiting for tears to come down from her eyes and releasing some of what she felt within herself. Tears that didn't come...
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"What do you know... about what I need?" She said in a serious tone appearing on the door while her faltering voice betrayed just for a moment her vulnerability, then immediately regaining a dignified composure.
House stood by back, looking at the dark ocean, leaning with both hands on the wooden porch railing. He didn't turn to those words, just continuing to look in front of himself, listening to the sound of the wind through the palm leaves.
"I know who I am" he said without looking back at her "It's not what you want, Cuddy"
Cuddy stood still, just looking at his shoulders and then in turn at the dark ocean, shaking her head slightly. She wrapped her shawl tighter while a shiver ran down her back.
"You're a selfish egocentric son of a bitch!" She hissed, slowly enunciating every word, while the way his shoulders stiffened and he slightly bowed his head were the only signs that he had heard her words.
She inhaled deeply and blinked back tears.
"What do you know about what I want? Or about what I need?" She repeated "I didn't ask you anything, House. I've never asked you anything. And I never wanted you to be different from what you are" she repeated "You're not protecting me. You're protecting yourself. You're a coward selfish son of a bitch " she said in a tone that literally cut the air between them.
"What do you want to hear, Cuddy?" He said, turning toward her and making her almost startle "Yes, I'm a selfish son of a bitch! The same son of a bitch you work every day with. The same one who sent you to Peng. I haven't changed. I'm not the kind of guy that says I love you..."
"I never asked that" She repeated again "And I never asked you to be what you are not" she said looking into his eyes.
He just kept looking at her with a so cold look that sent her a shiver down her spine. More than that ice cube had done only a few minutes before.
Cuddy bowed her head and ran a hand over her face.
"You're right" she said, shaking her head and making a gesture with her hand, then letting her arm fall down along her body as if she was too tired for that argue. And the way he swallowed at those three words was the only answer she needed...
"You're right," she repeated "you're the same son of a bitch" she continued, looking at the way in which his jaw clenched more to those words.
"You..." she said, swallowing in turn and taking a step toward him as he didn't move, not even an inch "You're the same son of a bitch I fell in love with" she said, looking into her eyes.
She watched as he swallowed again without taking his eyes from her.
"Maybe... you're right. Maybe you're not what I need... but, you know what? You're what I want, House! I... I love you," she said, giving him the time to soften the blow of those three words "and the fact that I'll probably never hear you saying the same words doesn't change what I feel for you... and what you feel for me"
House simply continued to look at her.
"Do you really think I need those three words, House? It's just... three words. Nothing more. I don't need them. And... I don't want them. You're right! You can't change what you are. Like you can't change what's among us. You can deny it. You can continue to not give him a name. But... it won't change."
She looked at him as he opened his mouth to reply and silenced him just raising a hand, glaring at him in exasperation.
"What?" She said, piercing him with her eyes and practically reading his mind "It's just physical attraction, House? ... God!" She said, shaking her head and looking away for a moment, looking over House's shoulders as if she could see the sea even in the darkness.
"Is it because you wanted to have sex that you held my hand while I was in a coma?" She said, still looking into his eyes and shaking her head slightly. "Your leg hurts even when you sleep in a bed of a five-star Resort... and you slept for twelve nights, twelve, House, on a battered armchair... Why? Because you wanted to fuck me, House? Do you really want to convince yourself that it's just that? Well... " she said with a gesture of exasperation of her hand "Fine! Suit yours... "
She didn't finish that word.
That suit yourself got lost as soon as he suddenly cupped her face with both hands and his tongue kept her from articulating part of that sound. She stood motionless at that move. She stood still as his tongue invaded her mouth and her cheeks caught fire on the contact with his hands. Just for a moment... before her own tongue found his and her hands found the hair on his nape, holding him close.
Everything dissolved. There was no longer anything else than his scent... than the warmth of his breath ... than his tongue into her mouth ... than his hands caressing her in the sweetest and sensual way in the world. She had never felt so of someone like into that kiss. She closed her eyes completely getting lost in that kiss. And she moved her hands along his neck and along his back muscles while, at the same time, his hand went down between her shoulder blades holding her closer to him. Their slightly labored breathing mixed with the sound of the wind through the palm trees and that of the waves crashing on the beach. The ocean still rough after the storm.
Cuddy shivered, clutching more in his arms, but not letting go of his lips.
"I... really am a son of a bitch" he said looking into her eyes, this time with a half smile, moving a lock of hair behind her ear and stroking her cheekbone with his thumb.
"Yes, you are" she replied, wrapping her arms more around his neck as if to be sure he couldn't escape again. She smiled and brushed again his lips and then his tongue.
"But you love me anyway ..." he said with a very puzzled look, though unable not to smile as she stared at her and her smile widened on his lips while she nodded at the same time, slightly biting her lip.
"Maybe ... it's a neurological damage" she said raising an eyebrow and smiling while another shiver ran down her back to the feeling of his thumb that brushed her lips, freeing the lip she kept trapping slightly between her teeth.
His lips sought hers, but he just touch them, still continuing to stare at her as the warmth of his breath was enough to make her shiver again.
He stroked her arms, still wrapped around his neck, then moving his hands on her shoulders and back.
"Maybe it 's better to go back inside... you have goose bumps..." he whispered on her lips, caressing her shoulders to warm her "Are you cold?"
Cuddy shook her head still touching his lips with hers and smiled, then touching his tongue and kissing him lightly on the lips.
"Not because I'm cold" she said seeing his lips curling into a smile as this time he looked for her tongue.
Was there something better than her body pressed against his? Than her breasts pressed against his chest? Than her arms wrapped around his neck? Than her fingers in his hair? Than her mouth... lips ... tongue... than her breath lost in his...?
God... he'd have wanted to be able to tell her that I love you...
"I didn't want just to fuck you" he said instead as a half smile appeared on his lips, watching as a smile appeared in turn on hers.
"I know" she replied biting her lip and seeing him smiling for a moment before he took that same lip between his lips, sucking on it and making her close her eyes to the chill that feeling sparked, intensifying the goose bumps on her arms.
House looked at her lips and then again at her eyes.
"Liar" he said with a smile on her lips resting his forehead on hers.
Cuddy looked up at him with a questioning look.
"I know you don't want just to fuck me" she said staring at him as she couldn't help but smile again.
"Yes, but ... it's not what I meant," he said again touching her tongue "it's not true that you don't care about hearing that from me"
Cuddy smiled and closed her eyes for a moment, then opening them again and looking into his eyes.
"That you love me?" She said as he nodded, looking at her mouth and then again at her eyes "Maybe," she said, with a half smile that was actually obviously a yes... "But... your eyes and your mouth don't speak the same language, House" she said looking into his eyes and running her tongue on her lips, touching his "Do you really think you're so stoic, Dr. House? " She said seeing him smiling back.
He stroked her mouth with his thumb, freeing again her lip and getting lost in the warmth of her breath, then letting his tongue making its way between those lips in another long and deep kiss.