Here I am again. I told this story was going to be different from my other ones, didn't I?

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Chapter 12 - Puzzle

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He stroked her mouth with his thumb, freeing again her lip and getting lost in the warmth of her breath, then letting his tongue making its way between those lips in another long and deep kiss.

Not the passionate kiss of a few minutes before. The one in which he had had to restrain himself not to push her against the wall and take her right there, making her moan under that same porch. From the way she had kissed him back she might have wanted him to. But it wasn't what he wanted right now. He wanted to explore every millimeter of her mouth. To bite that lip that kept driving him crazy and to savor every millimeter of her. Slow... and deep... and sensual ... like what was between them.

How many women had he kissed in his life? Not so many as he had told Wilson, but still enough to be now completely caught off guard. Had he ever wanted a woman so much he can actually feel it driving him insane? ... God, she was in his arms... after that long month... after twenty years... after he almost lost her. She was in his arms... and he just wanted to get lost in her mouth. Never as at that time he wanted to get lost inside a woman... inside her...

God, Cuddy, what are you doing to me? He thought, stroking her face with his thumb as he broke that kiss, then brushing even that same lip with his thumb, looking at her as she opened her eyes, meeting his.

He could feel the warmth of her breath that got lost in his, and looked at her mouth, moving again his pad on her lips.

She breathed in to that feeling, but no sound came from her lips. She just close her lips placing a kiss on his fingertip and that feeling immediately ran from his hand to his groin. How could a so simple, chaste and innocent gesture be so powerful?

"I don't want to have sex with you, Cuddy" He said out of the blue, meeting her gaze.

What? Where had those words come from? How happened that his brain had been disconnected from his mouth? Since when did he let his heart intervene between his groin and brain? He wasn't even sure to have one! Of course he wanted to have sex with her! Feeling the warmth of her body... her moans... seeing her tilting her head back as she climax... Because, God, he knew she tilted her head back as she climax! Jesus Christ! She was here, in his arms. Dilated pupils in her gray-blue irises, moist lips, lightly labored breathing... signs shouting what she wanted more than if she had screamed it aloud! She was in his arms after having told him she loved him... and all he could say was that he didn't want to have sex with her?

The way she looked at him took him by surprise as much as the words that had just come from his own lips.

She smiled. And she licked her lips before biting again slightly that same lip. He just looked at her, moving his gaze from her eyes to her mouth and then again to her eyes.

Did she have just a vague idea of how much that gesture turned him on?

"For once we agree, House" she said on his lips looking into his eyes.

For a moment those words had on him the same impact as a cold shower. What...? She had told she loved him... and...

Cuddy clearly felt his back stiffen, but left him no time to take a step back. She moved her hands from his shoulders to the back of his neck, clinging closer to him. If his words had instilled doubt in her about the fact that he didn't desire her body in that way, well, now she had no doubt left. And the sound of her breathing suddenly stopping in her throat at the sensation of his partial erection against her, completely dissolved even the doubts that had been briefly instilled in House's mind.

He smiled back, moving his hands on her waist and holding her in that position.

"Don't you want to have sex with me?" He whispered mischievously on her lips pushing even more his pelvis against her.

Cuddy closed her eyes for a moment, smiling and shaking her head, whispering a barely audible 'no'.

House couldn't help but smile in turn, running his tongue on his lips as he looked into her eyes. Her pupils so dilated for the dim light and her arousal that her eyes were almost dark. Her lips was saying 'no', her eyes was shouting that 'yes' ... her whole body was screaming that yes.

"Shit!" He exclaimed, shaking his head, but failing to hold back the half-smile that escaped his lips "I had already traded the mark!" He said, looking at the quizzical expression on her face "... I-like-sex-Do-I-need-to-stitch-a-letter-on-my-tops-House?™" He replied looking into her eyes while a laugh exploded from his mouth. "You know? You could have had a percentage of sales, and..."

Cuddy laughed and suddenly took his face with both hands.

"Oh... shut up, House" She laughed not letting him finish the sentence and passionately kissing him on the mouth.

God, Cuddy! She knew how to kiss... she definitely knew how to kiss... well, he remembered her kisses but... after twenty years... it was even better than he remembered. For a moment the thought of other men kissing her invaded his mind, but the thought vanished at the moaning that escaped her lips before her tongue found his again. And all disappeared. Her mouth, her tongue, her warmth, her scent... there was nothing else.

The passionate kiss became more and more slow and deep as their tongues continued to caress each other. Their lips breaking away only the time to get some air, then seeking each other again a moment later. Neither of them wanted to stop that.

God! It drove her crazy how from time to time he left her mouth to suck her lip, biting it lightly between his teeth, then again pushing his tongue into her mouth seeking hers. Could a man unleash such a pleasure just with a kiss? God! Had she really told him she didn't want to have sex with him? She had never wanted a man so much in her life. She was so aroused that one light touch would have been enough to make her scream his name... But... no. She didn't want to have sex with him. Not now .. not yet... not risking that both of them regret that the next day... hiding again in their shells as they had done so many times.

They were both so screwed up. So different and yet... so alike. They were complicated... and if she wanted to give a chance to both of them she had to keep sex out of what was between them. Sex was... easy. And, God... she knew how much their bodies could be perfect together. It was easy. Passion. Lust. Desire. It was instinct. And instinct was easy. But then? She knew he had the same doubts. The same fears. What was beyond the pleasure they both wanted at that right moment? There was more. She knew there was more. And she didn't want sex. She wanted that 'more'.

She wanted him to think about that 'I love you'. That he could be aware of what he was about to jump into. And sex was too easy. He had taken care of her as she never thought he could. He had let her see a side of himself that perhaps he didn't even remembered . And he had no idea how much that 'I don't want to have sex with you, Cuddy' meant to her. She wanted nothing else than a man who didn't want her only to have sex with her. And she wanted that act to be something more than an ancestral union of bodies... She wanted his body and his soul. And she wanted both of them. Together. She wanted to make love with him. And they weren't synonyms. They might look like synonymous. But they weren't. Not for her.

She savored again the feeling of his tongue lightly stroking her lip before his mouth closed, again sucking that same lip. And she held back the moan that sensation unleashed, replacing it with a deep, slow sigh, as she opened her eyes meeting the blue of his.

She smiled as he leaned his forehead on hers, stroking her back with both hands, moving them slowly from her back to her shoulders and vice versa. She clung closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder and simply letting him caressing her.

Minutes... or seconds... or hours... Time stopped and got lost in that embrace...

He could have held her tight in his arms for hours, just lost in the warmth of her body close to his and in the scent of her hair. He really would have liked time to stop. Because... so now what?

The weight of her body resting on his awakened him from that thought, preventing his mind from starting thinking wildly.

"If you're about to pass out ..." He said with a smile on her hair "... warn my leg first" he said, hearing her laugh against his chest.

"I've never been better, House" she said wrapping her arms tighter around his shoulders, but not lifting her head to look at him "But collapsing on your leg might be a good idea to prevent you from running away again" she added, again without looking up, but feeling his smile on her hair.

"Well, Cuddy, it depends on which leg you're going to collapse" he said while a laugh escaped from Cuddy's mouth and her hand slapped his shoulder.

House laughed at what was her predictable reaction to his pun, but held her more in his arms in turn, in what was a silent 'I'm not going anywhere without you', still savoring the scent of her hair and the feeling of her body in his arms.

"C'mon, let's go back inside" he said, smiling and kissing her hair "I don't want to be responsible even for your pneumonia" he said moving his hands on her back, caressing and warming her at the same time.

Cuddy just replied with a slight nod... without moving an inch.

"Do I have to carry you inside?" He asked, letting out a half laugh.

Another vague nod. To which this time she added a hhhmmm that could be both a no and a yes... and House shook his head, unable not to smile again.

"If you want I can also take you to bed, Cuddy" he laughed, holding her closer to him, with a vaguely mischievous tone of voice as her answer was again just a hhhmmm that this time, however, sound definitely like a yes ...

And House couldn't help but laugh.

"Yes? I mean... do you want me to take you to bed?" He said again, this time watching her as she raised her head.

"Yes..." she said, meeting the blue of his eyes "... if you come with me" she added, smiling slightly.

House looked at her with a quizzical look, raising an eyebrow.

"Do you want... to sleep with me?" He asked with a mischievous look "You just said you don't want to sleep with me."

Cuddy couldn't help but smile slightly bending her head to one side and then to the other one as if to say 'well ... more or less'...

"Um... I'm asking you to sleep with me" she said, biting her lip slightly "... in the literal sense of the word" she said looking at the corners of his mouth that curled slightly.

His response caught her off guard. Or maybe not. No words. A gesture. A single gesture. One simple gesture.

He looked at her and slid his hand from her shoulder down her arm, slowly tracing with his fingertips the line down to her forearm, to her wrist and to the back of her hand. And he laced his fingers with hers. He gently stroked her thumb with his own thumb and just looked at her, taking a step back and then pulling her gently by the arm as he opened the door and she followed him, just biting her lip slightly.

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As soon as she walked out of the bathroom, House knew that he had no way to share the bed with her without having an erection. And he cursed himself for having just brushed his teeth in the three minutes in which he stayed in the bathroom. Five, and maybe now he would at least have had some possibility to manage the pressing tension in his groin. He settled back the bed sheet and looked at her. It was obvious that she could be sexy even with a jute sack on ... but with his T-shirt on... God... that turned him on as much as the thought of seeing her in a silk nightie.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked smiling, meeting his gaze, for a moment unable to decipher it.

"About the money I owe to Wilson" he said running his tongue on his lips and watching her as she slightly shook her head, smiling in turn.

"I knew Wilson would have been between us!" She said, laughing.

House looked at her as she put her clothes in one of the drawers, slightly bending over.

"You're not wearing a bra" He said as soon as she turned and approached the bed.

She just bowed her head looking at the T-shirt she was wearing and then again up into his eyes, shrugging slightly.

"I never wear a bra to sleep" she said with an innocent look that triggered in him a stronger reaction than if she had used a malicious tone.

House ran his tongue on his lips.

"If you're not wearing panties yet, I can't promise to behave" He said, looking straight at her with a more than mischievous smirk, glancing at the T-shirt hem caressing her thighs and then back up to her eyes.

Cuddy couldn't help but smile, slightly bending her head to the side. She looked into his eyes, slightly lifting her shirt by one side revealing the rubber band of a pair of black panties.

House bit his lip and smiled, still looking at her as she sat on the bed and slipped under the bed sheets beside him, lying down and resting her head on the pillow, facing him.

House pulled her closer to him and simply stroked her arm.

"Are you sure you can trust sleeping with me?" He asked, raising an eyebrow, moving his hand on her back and holding back the desire to lift that damn T-shirt.

Cuddy smiled and shook her head in what could be both a no and a yes.

"Honestly..." she whispered, brushing his lips with her "... I don't know if I can trust myself" she said, smiling and looking at him as a smile appeared on his lips in turn.

He kissed her on the lips, just slightly touching her tongue, and whispered a goodnight, then making her turn, letting her rest her back against his chest.

He kissed her hair. And that was the exact moment in which he really knew what he felt for her. In which he admitted to himself what he really felt for her.

He could be there for hours just holding her in his arms, listening to the sound of her breathing. Not sex. Not passion. Not the satisfying pleasure of an orgasm. Only his body close to hers. It wasn't rational. He had a thousand questions and zero answers. She was his unsolved puzzle. And that was love. Loving someone without knowing why.