Lou stopped before she reached her bedroom door deciding to check in on Katie instead. She was already sound asleep in her bed as Lou crept in quietly. She smiled knowing for sure that it would have been Lisa who had taken care of her littlest girl while she'd been talking with Georgie. It was a real comfort to know her girls would always be loved and looked after no matter what happened down the line. Though it scared Lou to her core to even consider that a need to have.
Lou knelt on the floor next to Katie's bed. She couldn't help but feel overwhelmed as she watched her daughter sleeping. She could make out all the individual features of her face from the light creeping through the crack in the slightly opened door. Her sweet little button nose and her beautiful baby smooth skin that looked like porcelain in the light and her blonde hair spread all around her head like a halo. Everything about Katie screamed of innocence and it tore Lou's heart to shreds. All Lou wanted to do in that moment was push pause, breathe in her daughter's beauty and ingrain the image of blissful slumber in her memory. Every moment felt so precious. She noticed Katie's eyelashes flutter a little and a small smile cross her face. Dreaming, Katie was dreaming, Lou thought, smiling through her now falling tears.
The more Lou considered the impact her possible illness could have on Katie, the more it hurt. She couldn't bear the thought of destroying any part of her childhood, Lou didn't want her little girl to grow up too fast. She should be playing with her dolls or learning to ride her pony, not seeing her mom be sick, frail and in hospital all the time. That wasn't a childhood…shouldn't be a childhood. As Lou listened to her daughter breathing softly beside her, she broke down fully. She did all she could to hold in the sound of her gut wrenching cries so as not to wake Katie with the noise. Lou didn't want anyone to see her this way, showing what she felt was sign of weakness while struggling to breathe for the tears caught in her lungs. She felt completely defeated - curling herself up into a ball, helplessly on the floor.
Lou's cell phone suddenly sprang into song from her pocket. She scrambled to get it out before it caused Katie to wake.
"Hello?" Lou whispered questioningly, unsure who it was in her hurry to answer she never checked the caller ID.
"Hey Lou, is now a bad time? I just wanted to see if you were doing okay"
She smiled realising it was Caleb, wiping her tears away, thankful for his distraction.
"I'm in Katie's room. Give me a second." Lou said keeping her voice low as she sneaked out and into her own room. "Okay, I'm good." She confirmed once she closed the door behind her.
Lou lay down on her bed pulling a blanket over her. She was exhausted but knew she wouldn't be able to sleep. Listening to Caleb's easy conversation was relaxing and reminded her of how comforting he had been to be around the night before in the hotel. It felt a little strange but she felt lonely without him there to fall asleep next to. Having gotten so used to being on her own since Peter left, it had taken her by surprise just how much she was craving some human touch now after having a reminder of what it felt like. Lou was glad he had called her, having him talking to her was close enough to his being physically there. She may not be feeling his arms around her keeping her safe but she could feel his love through his words. His love. Lou pondered over that thought as she fell asleep to the sound of Caleb's voice.
Lou woke the next morning a little confused as she didn't remember falling asleep. As she glanced around the now bright room, lit from the morning sun, having forgotten to draw the curtains the night before, she saw her phone lying close by. It all came flooding back to her. Caleb! She thought in a panic, talking to him was the last moment she could remember. Had she fallen asleep mid-conversation? Picking up her phone her fear, or rather embarrassment was confirmed on reading a text from Caleb wishing her sweet dreams. She smiled to the empty room, feeling a little bit like a loved-up high school girl with a first crush. She decided that was alright with her. She didn't care what anyone thought. She was allowed to have a reason to smile right now, she needed it.
So with a renewed self-confidence Lou got ready to face the day with a spring in her step. She went into the kitchen to prepare breakfast for the kids as usual. She put on a pot of coffee for the adults and took out Katie's favourite cereal, placing it on the kitchen table with an empty bowl. She gathered the ingredients for pancakes and started making a batch as a surprise for Georgie. Lou was worried how her eldest daughter would feel after last night's conversation and decided she deserved a little sweet treat before school.
As if on cue the room filled with her family as she placed the stack of warm pancakes on the table. Jack headed straight for the coffee and poured a mug, gulping a large mouthful before speaking.
"Thanks Lou." Jack said with a warm smile, he may not have said much but the way he said it spoke volumes to Lou.
"Would you like a pancake Grandpa?" She offered the plate in his direction.
"Don't mind if I do" he replied, reaching across the table and taking one before sitting down.
"Awesome, pancakes!" Georgie was clearly delighted and gave Lou an all-knowing hug.
Georgie sat down at the table next to Jack smiling at him as she piled pancakes on her plate and poured over a healthy dose of maple syrup. At the same time Katie came into the kitchen rubbing her eyes sleepily, climbing up on the chair with the cereal box beside it. When Lou saw Katie she felt her heart ache a little, thinking of the night before and watching her sleep. It amazed even her that seeing such a small gesture such as Katie rubbing her eyes could make the emotions catch in her throat. She had to steady herself to stop tears forming in her eyes. This was going to be tougher than she had imagined to stay strong. Lou was determined not to let this get the better of her, she had no intentions to let Cancer take over her life and change who she was. Lou was ready to fight.