Interlude
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AU: Kept you waiting huh? Just a little comical bit from our dear Loki, enjoy.
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Loki's Log; Midgard date he no longer gives a fuck.
After kicking Kronos to the curb, or was on the curb? Loki wasn't sure; however, he sure as Hel did not care, as the only thing he was sure about was that he would do anything if he could just destroy that irrelevant little piss-ant known as Kronos and go home. Loki was currently sitting at a bar in a hotel and casino in Las Vegas drinking as he sat there contemplating his situation 'why? Why must I continue to be punished so? I…I cannot even get a decent flagon of fucking mead on this ungodly irritating planet.' Loki thought as he summoned the server for another drink. Before the server could reach him, a decrepit looking bum approached Loki and asked: "can you buy a down on his luck person a drink good sir?"
At this, Loki rolled his eyes as a sneer appeared on his face as he hissed "begone you poor excuse for mortal excrement!"
"My…my…apolo…apologies good sir. I…I mea…meant no offense." The bum stuttered out. "Please allow me to buy you a real drink."
"I doubt you know anything about what a real drink is you pathetic…!" Loki was saying as he had begun his tirade, as suddenly there was a glow on the table and two flagons of mead appeared on the table. Loki sat there with his mouth hanging open speechless.
"Now there is something I thought I would never see, my son Loki speechless." The bum said laughingly as his formed changed into that of the very familiar Odin King of Asgard.
At that Loki snapped out of his stupor and bellowed "gods damn it, father, where have you been?! I've been trying to reach you for days, and you just show up here in a bar of all places and decide to play a trick on me?! On Me!"
"Well, you must admit it is funny that I was able to trick the Trickster God," Odin replied with a chuckle
Loki sat there and continued to look at Odin when finally, a small smile came upon his face as he chuckled along with his father. "I swear father being around Perseus and Thor is teaching you some bad habits."
"Yes, your mother has said the same thing," Odin responded as he shook his head. "I apologize for not answering sooner but as you know this situation is occupying a lot of my time. Has something happened with the Titans my son?"
"No…no father, nothing new or important, it's…it's…just Kronos is…he's a fucking moron! He is like a spoiled child! I…I…can…cannot take this any longer! Please father let me come home. I swear on the Presence if you do I will never try and wrest control of Asgard or any other realm every again." Loki said beggingly.
"My son you know who it is that we face. The work you are doing is vital to the survival of everything." Odin replied tiredly "surely it cannot be as bad as you say"
"I…I…know. It…it's just…Kronos…he is all…bow, yield, kneel (thank you Lex Luthor and Superman II) and then when his ridiculous ass plans fail, he blames everyone else, even though he was told that is what would happen. Father, you know that I pride myself on being the Trickster God but this…this…I can't even say his name anymore, but this piss-ant Titan is so dense he could drive away an asteroid that is about to hit Midgard just by telling it what he's going to do." Loki said with a solemn look on his face.
"I…I see," Odin said in surprise as he was not use to hearing his son speak so dejectedly. "Please Loki, we need you to go back. Only you can do this, believe me, if there were some else or another way I would do it but there is cannot."
"Father…pl…please," Loki responded with a shameful expression on his face.
"If…if that is what you really want my son." Odin sighed in reply "If you do not mind on our way back home we need to stop by the treasure room."
Loki looked at his father with a look of confusion on his face as he asked: "why do we need to stop there?"
"I do not know if I should say, it might upset you," Odin answered
"I highly doubt that father. What could be important enough that we would need to stop by the treasure room? We have no need for money on Asgard." Loki stated
"It…it seems…tha…that I the All-Father have…have lost a bet with…with your brother." Odin said embarrassed by the admission.
At this Loki laughed as he choked out "yo…you…lost…lost a bet…with…with Thor?"
"No, not Thor, it was with Perseus" Odin responded
"By…by the gods…that…that's even…bette…better!" Loki exclaimed as his laughing increased. "Why…why…did you…you think …tha…that would upset me?"
"It…it is not…that I lost a bet that would upset you, but what the bet concerned, that will." Odin stated to his still amused son.
This confused Loki as he stared at his father and then asked: "what is there possibly that Perseus could have a bet with you on that would upset me?"
"My son there…there is no reason for us to discuss this." Said a nervous looking Odin
Observing his father's expression Loki began to become angry as he hissed "no father! What did you and that whelp of a brother of mine bet on?!"
Odin just shook his head and looked at the table as he replied "many centuries ago your brothers Thor, Perseus, and I was in the throne room just after they had foiled another one of your schemes to become ruler of Asgard. I'm sure you remember the one where you used a spell to de-age us to toddlers and then took over as ruler, and if that had not been bad enough you had your servants feed us Ogres milk. I still taste that nasty shit when I burp. I digress, anyways after you had been imprisoned Perseus said that he could not wait until the time came when someone would torment and irritate you the way you had us. At this, I simply laughed believing that such an event would never occur. After I stated as much Perseus proposed a wager on if such a feat were possible. I mistakenly believed this to be a …oh what do the mortals call it…yes, a fools bet, so I accepted. And here we sit centuries later and what I believed to be impossible has happened and not only that but to a lowly spoiled child of a piss-ant Titan of all beings. Now I must regrettably pay-off the wager to your brother whom I am sure will brag about my defeat."
"WHAT THE FUCK! YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS?!" Loki yelled as it echoed throughout the bar.
Odin just sat there nodding his head shamefully as he sullenly said: "come we must leave."
"WAIT! YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT I CAN LIVE WITH THE FACT MY WHELP OF A LITTLE AIRHEADED BROTHER IS VAIN ENOUGH TO BELIEVE THAT I. LOKI CAN BE OUT IRRITATED AND TORMENTED BY ANOTHER ESPECIALLY A PISS-ANT TITAN SUCH AS KRONOS?! NO THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE, I WILL RETURN AND SHOW THIS TOE JAM OF AN IMMORTAL HOW REAL GODS TORMENT AND IRRATE OTHER IMMORTALS!" Loki bellowed
"Then what is to happen?" Odin asked in interest
"I…am going back to do what I should have done, to begin with!" Loki hissed "but I do ask for one thing."
"What is it that you seek my son?" Odin inquired
"What I want is to….." Loki said as he and Odin sat there and continued to talk.
Soon Loki stood up smiling and said "thank you, father, I shall not fail you. Just remember what you promised."
"It shall be as we discussed, after all, your airheaded brother has said it must happen," Odin replied. "Oh and Loki no matter what you think I am proud of you."
After a small hug, Loki teleported back to the Titan throne room.
Odin took another drink of his mead and just smiled as he thanked the Presence for making Loki so easy to manipulate before teleporting back to Asgard.
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Epilogue: (Because Epi-pens are too damn expensive)
The Titan throne room a sarcophagus still overturned as a voice calls out "help someone, anyone, turn me back over! Please, I cannot stand sleeping on my stomach!"
Suddenly laughter filled the room as someone said: "I cannot believe you are still there."
"Who's there? Please by chaos herself please turn me over." Kronos begged
"Do you not recognize my voice oh omnipotent one?" The voice asked
Silence permeated the air until without warning "Loki! You piece of Minotaur shit where have you been? How dare you do this to me, I demand you put me back where I belong before I…" Kronos was saying when he felt his sarcophagus being returned to its previous position. "You are fortunate that I need you or I would destroy you for your actions!"
Suddenly a strange noise and smell permeated the air "what…what is that?! Kronos bellowed
"Hmm…that? Oh, it is nothing really." Loki replied as the noise continued
"What are you doing?!" Kronos hissed nervously
"Well you did just threaten to destroy me, so to protect myself I am welding your sarcophagus shut so you can never escape it," Loki said cheerfully.
"You are what?!" Kronos asked
"I am welding your sarcophagus shut so you will never be able to escape it. Are you deaf, as well as dumb?" Loki asked
"You…you…can…cannot do this to me! Do…do you…kn…know who I am?" Kronos bellowed
"Yes, I believe that you are a weak piss-ant Titan who is stuck in a sarcophagus because he is too weak to reform his body. You are also a stupid fuck because you are threatening someone who is about to seal you in said sarcophagus for eternity. Did I miss anything" Loki asked smugly?
After a few moments of silence Kronos finally said "ple…please do…do not…weld me in here. I…I wil…will not destroy you."
"And?" Loki asked
"I…I…will tre…treat you res…respectfully." Kronos spit out as if it were broccoli.
"Ah, there we go. That's just what I wanted to hear." Loki said smiling "oh and if you think of going back on your word I will make your life a living Hel and believe me I have just the daughter that can do it. Am I understood?"
"Yes! Yes, please just don not seal me in here for eternity!" Kronos begged
"I am glad that we could come to such agreeable terms. For being such a good sport about everything I will give you a gift I believe you will like." Loki said as he snapped his fingers and a conveyer belt wheel appeared with the sarcophagus on the top rung and started falling head over end down the wheel as Loki's laughter echoed throughout Mt. Othrys.
"NNNNOOOOOO!" Kronos screamed as his sarcophagus continuously fell end over end.
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Meanwhile on Asgard
Once again the Asgardian council is on the floor rolling with laughter as they watch Loki fucking Kronos over.
"I…I…kn…knew…he…he had…had it in him," Odin said stuttering in laughter at the plight of Kronos
Unfortunately for them, an extremely pissed off Sif was making plans to show Odin and the council the error of their ways as once again Heimdall had passed out from laughing too hard.
"Fucking Midgard, fucking men and their wars! Thor better have that tongue ready tonight because I need some relief!" Sif said to on one in particular as she did give a slight smile at the sight of Kronos's sarcophagus going end over end.