10. GIBBS

Gibbs woke in darkness, disoriented for a second as he processed where he was and what had woken him. Kate was tucked up under his chin, breathing deeply and apparently sound asleep. He let his eyes close to help him focus as he listened hard, trying to figure out if there was anything out of place, anything that might have woken him - besides the obvious novelty of being in her bed.

Then he heard 'it' again. Kate was mumbling something in her sleep. First it was an incoherent jumble, then his mouth went dry as a few words came out more clearly.

"Don't... please, don't, I don't... Please."

Instinctively, he smoothed a hand over her hair and gave her shoulder a squeeze, then reached over to switch on the bedside lamp. As his eyes adjusted to the dim light he realised there were tear tracks on her cheeks. She was definitely asleep, but he could see her eyes moving under her eyelids, and her face twitched with tension. He shook her gently, then more fiercely, but it didn't seem to penetrate; the begging intensified, and he realised with some horror that his attempts to wake her were getting incorporated into her nightmare and adding to her distress.

It was gut-wrenching, heartache-inducing to listen to. For a minute or two she would seem to settle down, then she would start to speak again, the words unclear but the tone one of desperate terror. Her breathing became shallow and erratic as panic took hold, and she stiffened in his arms.

He held her close, trying to hold on tightly enough she would feel secure, but not so tight she would feel trapped, rubbing her back in long, slow, soothing strokes, rocking her as if she was a frightened child.

It seemed to quiet her a little. He really hoped that meant he was doing the right thing.

"You're okay, Katie, I'm here. You're safe." He had no idea if she would hear him or not, but he had to try.

Kate had mentioned she was sleeping better these days, but if this was 'better', he didn't like to think what she'd been dealing with before. Surely it couldn't be restful if she was this afraid in her dreams, even if she didn't remember them. Was this a regular occurrence? If it was, he was amazed she was still functioning. He'd have to make her promise she'd talk to her doctors about it...

Or maybe this is my fault. It was an uncomfortable thought, but it was rattling around his head and ignoring it wasn't going to make it go away.

He was painfully aware of all the things he could and should have done differently. He'd told himself over and over that this was not a race, that he would take it slow and would not assume they were on the same page. That she needed time to adjust to her new home and new job, and to their growing friendship. Then Kate had shown an interest, and every last shred of common sense in his head had instantly evaporated.

Damnit. He hadn't even told her about Shannon and Kelly. What the hell was he doing thinking he had any right to start something with her before she knew the whole truth? She deserved better from him.

He stroked her back and her neck, pressed a kiss to her forehead, and offered murmured promises of devotion. It wasn't the kind of thing he was able to voice aloud to her yet, but here in the dark with her clearly in pain, it was easier to fall back on the truth. At least he could hold her and protect her and comfort her, even if that seemed a small thing to offer in the face of such obviously horrific nightmares.

Kate mumbled again, though it sounded less hurt, less pitiful now, more angry. The tone of her sleep talk was changing from fear to defiance, and he felt absurdly proud of her for telling off her dreamed demons this way. She was so much stronger than she ever realised or gave herself credit for. Her breathing gradually evened out, and the mumbling trailed off, though there was still tension in her limbs.

He sighed as he pulled her in closer, kissed her forehead again.

Much as he wanted to protect her, wanted to wrap her in cotton wool... Kate was a grown woman, and he didn't have the right to stifle her, to make decisions for her. They definitely had some serious things to talk about, and he couldn't excuse himself for his impatience, but she needed to find her own limits, her own weak spots, as well as figuring out where she had healed and was strong.

At least they both had a better idea where they stood with each other now. Even if the way it had happened hadn't exactly been ideal, it was impossible to deny the... the joy of that revelation - when he could bring himself to believe it.

"Gibbs. Gibbs?"

He looked down at her. Her eyes were open, just a crack, and her voice was fuzzy; she wasn't really awake. "I'm here, Katie. You're safe."

As soon as she heard his voice she smiled, her body relaxed against him, and her arm slipped around his waist as she pressed a contented little noise into his skin.

He couldn't help smiling back even though her eyes had closed again almost immediately. The fact his presence in her bed clearly made her feel better despite whatever was happening in her dreams... He turned off the light, shut his own eyes and pulled her closer still.

So maybe there were things that would take time, maybe they would both have to be patient while they worked this out, but if it made her feel secure, he'd be her anchor, and he was very, very okay with that.