19. KATE

Waiting outside NCIS Pearl Harbor for Gibbs' taxi to appear, they were both silent, just standing side by side. Kate's head was tucked against his shoulder, her hand wound into his. She couldn't quite believe he was leaving already. The borrowed sweatshirt she was wearing would be all she had of his scent and his presence for however long it was until they saw each other again, and the only certainty about how long that would be was 'too long'.

The day had gone by so fast, his whole visit had, and suddenly she really hated the miles of sea and continent between her and DC. She was going to cry if she wasn't careful. It wasn't as if she was terribly worried about crying in front of Gibbs any more, though she didn't want to make this any more difficult than it had to be. She was just afraid that if she started, she might not be able to stop, which could make going back to work kind of awkward.

She heaved a sigh, then smiled at Gibbs when he turned to look at her.

"Hey." Her voice had gone all small and pathetic.

"Hey yourself." He searched her face. "'S gonna be all right, Katie."

She pressed her lips together for a moment, trying to summon up a little of the bravery and fortitude she'd mislaid sometime in the last ten minutes. "I'm just gonna miss you," she said with a shrug, fiddling with his shirt collar. "Saying goodbye... it's hard."

"Yeah." At least he wasn't trying to console her with empty platitudes. God knew the man could do complicated with the best of them, given his chequered past, but he also understood when she needed simple honesty, and she appreciated that.

He studied her face, touched her cheek. For a second she thought he was going to say something, but instead he shook his head, then bent down and slowly kissed her, so carefully and so thoroughly her spine melted and her brain turned to cotton candy and her mind floated out through her ears and danced around her head. When he broke away she was breathing hard, grateful his arms were around her to stop her from falling over.

Eventually she managed to open her eyes and look up at him, aware she was gaping and her expression was likely comic. This is what goodbyes are supposed to be like. As parting memories went... she reckoned this one would keep her warm at night for a good long while.

Gibbs looked oh so terribly satisfied with himself, and given she was fairly sure her knees had turned to marshmallow, she couldn't even pretend it wasn't justified. He pushed a strand of hair back behind her ear with one finger. "Wanted to do that last time we said goodbye." The confession came with a lopsided smile which Kate returned.

"I... kind of wanted you to," she admitted, and his smile widened.

"Wish I'd've known."

Kate tried to imagine how she would've coped if Gibbs had kissed her this way on that cold DC day and couldn't help grinning as heat rushed to her cheeks. "I don't know, Gibbs, if you'd kissed me like that, I might not have let you go back to work."

He shrugged a shoulder, his expression mischievous. "Oh, it woulda been worth it."

She laughed, reached up to brush a hand through his hair. "You're going to drive me nuts, aren't you?"

The smile turned into a smirk. "You drove me nuts first."

She giggled. Now there's something I won't get tired of hearing any time soon. She poked her tongue out at him. "I guess as long as it's mutual-"

A beep jarred them out of the moment as his taxi drew up, and she took a deep breath to steady herself. "Keep in touch, okay?"

He wrapped his arms tight around her for one last hug, and she closed her eyes for a second, trying to imprint the memory of his embrace more firmly on her memory.

"Aye, cap'n," he whispered in her ear, "I promise." And even more quietly, with a sighing laugh and a shake of his head, as if he simply couldn't help himself, he added, "I love you, Katie."

It was so soft she could almost believe she'd misheard him, except the expression in his eyes when he drew away repeated it so much more loudly. Suddenly she couldn't seem to catch her breath.

Then he was hefting his go bag on his shoulder, shoving his hands in his pockets. Looking as regretful to go as she was to see him leave, and her throat was too tight with emotion to respond with anything but a brittle, tearful smile.

There was another, more impatient horn blast, and he rolled his eyes, managing to make her laugh again despite everything. Then he was in the car and raising a hand in farewell, and it took her a moment to realise he was signing 'I love you' to her over his shoulder as the taxi drove away.

She took another shuddery breath, blew him a kiss, then hovered a bit longer, not quite ready to head back inside and admit their little Christmas idyll had finally ended. As soon as the car was out of sight, she suddenly wished bitterly that she'd had the courage and presence of mind to sign it back to him. She slumped against the wall, disappointed in herself and feeling utterly bereft.

"So. It's 'not like that', then?" said a voice by her shoulder, startling her.

She looked up. Will's tone was teasing, but his eyes were full of empathy.

"Shurrup."

Ignoring her grumpy tone of voice, he pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head. "You all right?"

She nodded.

"You lying?"

She nodded again, and Will rubbed her back soothingly.

"It'll be okay. You will be okay." Apparently he and Gibbs both had more faith in her than she did.

She could feel her eyes stinging with tears again. "I missed him enough when we were just friends. I really didn't mean for this to happen."

She felt him shrug.

"Life has a way of surprising us." He paused. "Well, surprising you, at any rate. Me, I'm just surprised it took the pair of you so long..."

Kate giggled damply and thumped him. "I hate you, you know that?" She peered up at him and poked her tongue out.

Will nodded, apparently satisfied. "Now there's the Kate Todd I've come to know and love." His smile was understanding. "We don't have a case, you know. You could just go home. I'll talk to Rich for you."

She shook her head. "No, no, it wouldn't be fair. And honestly, Will, I think I need the distraction right now."

He squeezed her arm affectionately. "Attagirl. Want me to come round for a film and popcorn after work?"

Kate managed a smile. "Bring me shave ice too, and it's a date."

"Deal."

One arm still draped over her shoulders, he tugged her back toward the doors, and she let herself be pulled back into reality.

Hana shot her a sympathetic smile as they wandered back into the team's corner, reaching out to touch her hand briefly, and Rich gave her a searching look, checking she was okay despite being in the middle of a phone call. Their concern made her feel a bit better - even if it also made her want to cry.

Kate sat down at her desk and forced herself to grab a file from one of the cold cases, then glanced up when her computer dinged.

wgthomasHI .mil

'So, Wkend Bernies 2 good for tonight?'

She burst out laughing, gave Will a shake of her head and a glare she was sure was very unconvincing, then turned back to the screen, still giggling. This was going to be hard, for sure - possibly harder than she could even imagine right now - but her team had her back off the job as well as on.

She clicked reply.

crtoddHI .mil

'you're an idiot. thanks xx'

With these guys in her corner... she even managed a little grin. Yes. It wouldn't be easy, but Will was right. She was going to be okay.

~ fin ~

If you're thinking "Wow, she finally finished it!" trust me when I say you're not nearly as surprised as me ;)

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The master list of Rosefern stories is in the final chapter of Operation Rosefern. I'll try and keep it as up to date as possible.