Sun was beaming down pouring orange hue over the sea which was still shimmering like a golden shawl...Niyati sitting in the lawn with her nani,kept gazing at the opalescent sky...The dusk was seeming beautiful yet an air of poignancy as if floating everywhere...Perhaps the tune of the ghazals made the atmosphere more agonizing if not for anyone else but for herself...The old lady pressing the tape recorder in her chest was listening to the slow & touching music savouring the cool onshore breeze and the fragrance of the dusk...
Niyati felt a wave of pain trippling through her heart as she could concentrate on the lyrics of a ghazal...
Ab agar ayo to jane ke liye maat ana
Ab agar ayo to jane ke liye maat ana
Sirf ehsaan jatane ke liye maat anaa
Ab agar ayo to jane ke liye maat ana..
Niyati felt her increased rate of breath and thumping of her heart
Maine palko pe tammanaye saja rakkhi hai...
dil me ummeed ki sau shamme jala rakkhi hai
ye haseen shamme bujhane ke liye maat ana...
Her face contorted unknowingly as she endeavoured in every possible way to stray her thoughts but everytime vain attempt mocked her with a deprecating smile...She tried to resort to practical analysis and with darting eyes and gnashing teeth she asked herself,:'why? Why are you idiotically relating this song with...with...him? It was absurd; it has no base;it is as vague as a rainbow in a desert;it is as evanescent as snowflakes...Why are you being so stupid Niyati? He won't come...he won't...'
Ab agar ayo tum jane ke liye maat ana...Sirf ehsaan jatane ke liye maat anaa...Ab agar ayo tum..jane ke liye maat anaaaaa...
Niyati started sweating profusely and the ache round her throat and chest rising incredibly..She closed her eyes with force and felt that she was assailed with a scare-scare to open the eyes and discover that someone was standing in front of her with his famous grin...
Pyar ki aag me..janjeere pighal sakti hai...pyar ki aag me janjeere pighal sakti hai...
chahnewalo ki taqdeere badal sakti hai...
Tum ho bebas ye batane ke liye maat ana...
Niyati's vision got blurry and she hurriedly moved towards a small tree which was adorned with flowers..She did it though for hiding her tears from nani but kneeling beside the tree,seeing the blossoming and vibrant flower she perceived that it would have been a relief if she could sob her heart out at least for half an hour...Her heart blasted inside,:'yes...yes I know...I...realise it now...even if late...pyar ki aag me...janjeere...pighal sakti hai...magar...kaise pata chala ye mujhe? kya main...kabhi pyar kiya? kya mere taqleef ka naam hi...pyar hai?kya mere bhabuk ban ke anab shanab sochne ka naam hi...pyar hai? phir...phir is me...sukh kaha hai? ye to bas...jeena mushkil hi...kar raha hai...Ye to har pal me...mujhe mar hi raha hai...Aur...main...jo ki...khud ko...itni strong samajhti thi...bar bar har rahi hun...bar bar galti kar rahi hun...bar bar...' she smirked as her face suffused with tears returning back to the lane of her thought,:'huh...chahnewale...ab tak...ye bhi pata nahi chala ke...' her teary eyes wandered now at the high sky..' koi...mujhe chahte bhi ya nahi...'
Ab agar ayo to jane ke liye maat ana...Sirf ehsan jatane ke liye maat ana...Ab agar ayo to jane ke liye maat anaaaa...
Niyati surreptiously wiped her tears out and dismissing every thoughts she tried to compliment the beauty of the flowers by her parlance...She patted gently some flowers before listening to more which fazed her further..
Ab tum ana jo tumhe mujh se mohabbat hai koi...
Ab tum ana jo tumhe mujh se mohabbat hai koi...
Mujh se milne ki agar tum ko bhi chahat hai koi...
Tum ko ye rasm nibhane ke liye maat ana...
Niyati started feeling a tremor within her-a tremor which perhaps rose in a mixture of annoyance fright and pain... Soliloquy started inside her,:'mujhe pata hai...aap nahi ayenge...nahi ayenge aap...Haa...aa bhi sakte hain...kyuki...mere liye to aap kabhi na aye...agar aye to...nani ke liye hi aye...magar sach kahiye to? mera nani ke liye aap ko aisa humdardi kyu huya? Is duniya me na jane kitne sare bebas besahara budhe log hain...meri nani hi kyu aapko mil gaye? kahiye...agar is bahane se...mere ghar na hi ate...to kya phark parta aap ko? shayad aap ko koi phark na parta...magar...mujhe bohut phark parta...aise tadapna na parta shayad tab mujhe...aise pagalpan se har waqt pareshan na rehti main...'she snorted as her heart kept speaking inside,:'huh...mohabbat...shabd ko kya aap samajh sakte hain? samajh sakte ho ki is shabd ke gehrai me jane ke liye...kitna ansu bahana parta hain...kitni raat jaag jaag ke beetana parta hai...kitni dard seene ka ek ek haddi ko tukra tukra kar dete hai...kitna taqleef saanse rok dete hai...pata hai aap ko? aap ko bas rasme nibhane ke liye ana ata hai... aur...' she startled listening to the voice of her nani,:'niniiiii...kis rang ka phool hai re? zara mujhe bhi to dikhaa...' It was as if she had hit the ground falling from the sky with a thud! She daubbed her moistened eyes and with a forced and feigned laugh she plucked a flower and came beside nani to show her,:'ye dekho...pink..Hai na khubsurat...'
But her sage granny stared at her smiling face instead of the flower and with a skittish chuckle she replied touching Niyati's cheeks,:'mere natin se zada khubsurat kaun hain? haa?'
Normally Niyati laughed it off with humour but this time,a pang as if shot through her heart erasing her smile away and she found herself beholding at some unknown object absent mindedly until granny almost yelled,:'aree..teri akho ka kajal kis ne bikhar diya?'
Niyati almost getting jolted and embarrassed, ventured to wipe out the smudging kajal and then said in huff,:'tumhe to phool ki taraf nazar hi nahi hai...'
:'hai na nazar...' answered granny with a mischivous faint smile...
Niyati's restive glance settled at last at the high sky...
Twilight merged into the darkness...
The dinstinct sough of the sea seemed an ache to Niyati and she endeavoured to persuade the old lady,:'nani...abhi to andhera ho gaya hai...chalo andar chale...'
:'are pagli...'nani laughed it off with affection,:'bachpan se bas...parai hi karna sikh liya...andhere me baithne ka kya maja...ye mehsus karne ka mauka na mila tujhe...'a prudent smile was hovering in her lips...
Niyati,guarding herself well,spluttered,irresolutely,:'kkya maja?' a rueful smirk came into her face as she repeated,:'andhera ka kya maja ho sakta hai?'
The lady squinted her eyes at her grand daughter once and then she settled more languidly on her chair and replied with a chuckle,:'andhera ka bhi...koi bhasha hai...pad sakti hai to pad le...' saying that much she went back concentrating on the mellifluous yet poignant tunes of the ghazals...
Restiveness was seeping through Niyati's face...An unreasonable peevishness surged vociferously over her already bleeding heart and she felt as if she would no more be able to repress sobs of repentance...She distanced herself from her nani and coming beside a thick trunk of a cedar tree she leaned against it...She endeavoured to occupy herself with the analysis hoping to find an easy way to be settled in a peaceful state..Her long brows drew together as her mind was busy with confusing and sprawling thoughts...
:'it's just an infatuation, Niyati,' promptitude inside nudged her once,and she felt happy to hear it,as a complacent smirk hovered at her lips,:' it's just a wild infatuation...otherwise how could you spend the last ten years? ' Niyati nodded with sagacity and a proud smile adorned her face until her gaze flickered to the darkness that cloaked their garden and the glinting fireflies looked like glowing spangles...someone's inexplicably pure grin started flickering before her eyes and this time he didn't let her go showing just his million dollar grin but murmured banteringly,:'aap bohut achcha analyst hai doctor...' Dark cloud of uprushing pain seeped through her face and she turning back rushed towards the lawn where her granny was still sitting,relishing the melody of the ghazals...She slumped down in a chair like a devastated tired one and allowed her gaze to the indigo canopy glittered with stars...
'Is it the sound of the darkness?' she closed her eyes and struggled badly to normalize her breath...