The air is stale, just like it has been every day for the last couple months since he failed you. His hair is matted and stuck to his scalp in traces of unwashed grime that irritates his scalp. It itches, but Saeyoung hasn't the will to relieve himself of even this small burden. He deserves every discomfort; every ache, every pang.
When is the last time he's eaten? It doesn't matter, really... Does it? You've had even less. You don't even have the chance to feel hungry anymore. You haven't the opportunity to voice your displeasure at muscle cramps or sore feet.
He'd give anything to hear you whining for a foot rub; Saeyoung would climb any mountain, dive to the deepest depths of the oceans just to hear the single phrase, 'Let's eat dinner together.'
In a way, that's why he's sitting here doing what he is at this very moment.
His amber eyes are dull, yet focused on lines of script and code. This has to be perfect. This is what you deserve. Many happy ends... Though, he couldn't stop his mind from writing in the scenarios from his nightmares as well. Every dream, every nightmare... All of it... If it involves you; your essence, your memory, he'd dare not to let it go to waste.
You deserve choices. You deserve branching routes and as many paths to follow as his weary mind can give you to travel, much like an open map and one of his cars. Take it, take everything... He owes you that much and more.
God, you deserve to live.
It should have been him.
I was supposed to be him.
Not you, never you...
He couldn't save you. But, he can save these files. He can compile them, create a world where you still exist. A universe where your breath can come in happy gasps while meeting guests for a pretend party and laughing that lovely little melody he just can't seem to get out of his head.
It hurts to hear that phantom of you.
It's torture, but even still he holds on tight to the memory; a senseless game of tug-o-war.
Saeyoung is almost finished creating a reality where you can marry; inspire enratured men and women to take on your existence and create happily-ever-afters of their own for you.
He doesn't merit the honor of being the only one with the memory of your beautiful face and the way your nose scrunched when you laughed. He can't be the only one to know your light and how you made him feel like a king; elated even in hopelessness...
With you, everything seemed possible.
Even in your last moments, you smiled for him.
He can't forget the sound of those shots ringing in his ears while you looked at him so serenely. "Forgive him," you mouthed. "Save him," you breathed as you crumbled, gracefully broken to the cellroom floor next to the cold body of V.
Your smile is his saving grace and a ghost that haunts him.
Saeyoung will keep typing, clacking away at these worn keys, clicking furiously with his mouse to compile photos and voice clips. He will give you life through a simple dating sim. You are the star, you are all of the stars.
He will create this universe, just for you. Only you, forever you.
Saeyoung will reunite with you among these stars; in this life or the next and over and over again in the ever-expanding worlds of the many you's that will live on.
He loves you.
Luciel takes a moment, the tears burn as they cascade raw and gaunt cheeks. His breath is shakey, rasping grittily past chapped lips that peel and bleed when he parts them. He never deserved your love. Maybe, just maybe in these worlds-in-wait beneath his fingertips, he can dream that he's earned it, at the very least.