Author's Note: Thank you so much for the reviews and follows. This is my first fan fiction story so be nice :) haha. All errors are mine and I apologize now for any of them. This is mostly faberry but will have small parts from friends and family. Story has some hints of glee and loosely based off a tv show also called Awake that is not on anymore.
This chapter will start right after the funeral and the next will begin the back and forth between Rachel's realities. There will be some flashbacks but will mostly stay in the present time. It will mostly be Rachel POV but sometimes won't be.
I'm not sure yet about how often I will update I am a busy college student. But I will try to update at least 1-2 times a week. Hope everyone enjoys the story. Also, I do not own glee, awake, or any of the characters I use. Here we go!
Sitting in the car I look up to the house that used to hold such hope and promise for Quinn and I's future. Our dream home is all we thought when we bought it, a beautiful white Victorian house with red shutters on the windows and a wrap around porch with a white porch swing that Quinn made for me. Seven months is how long it took us to find this perfect home that met every little detail we wanted. Coming home used to bring me such an excited feeling, it was the only place I wanted to be but now looking at it all I see it what I've lost.
Slowly I drag myself up the stairs and into the bedroom stripping off my black lace dress and putting on Quinn's old UCLA t-shirt and sweatpants. They are the only things I wear around the house anymore, I feel close to her when I wear them. And after the funeral all I want is to feel close to her, no I need to feel close to her.
Lying down in bed I turn to stare at the picture of us from a few months ago, a picture I have always hated until now. I hated that picture because I didn't even know Quinn was taking it at the time. She had woken up before me and made me a delicious vegan breakfast in bed, which she rarely ever does. Half asleep in the picture, she caught the moment I realized what she had done and was looking into her eyes with this goofy childlike smile on my face. Next think I know Quinn was snapping a picture and running off and loading it onto her computer. Quinn always said it was her favorite picture because she lived to make me smile that goofy smile.
Looking at the picture again I just stare at Quinn, she has the slightest smirk on her face and her beautiful blonde hair is cascading down her back. God how I miss that smirk, I can remember so many fights we had and she would pull that smirk and I would crumble and forget what the fight was even about.
Flashback
Lightly tapping my fingers on the kitchen granite counter tops while looking at the clock growing increasingly more frustrated as the minutes pass by. I have tried to call Quinn threes times and no answer, looking down at my phone I debate calling her one more time. Suddenly, I hear the garage door opening and the sound of Quinn's black BMW pulling in.
"Hey baby. How was your day?" Quinn asks while casually walking in and kissing my forehead.
Sitting there I try to compose myself because all I want to do is go off on the blonde in front of me.
She must have noticed my lack of an answer and finally looks up at me while putting her camera bag and keys on the kitchen counter. "Rach, wow you look beautiful! Did you have a meeting or something today."
Gathering myself I storm off up the stairs and slam the door leaving the blonde totally and utterly confused.
"Hmm she must have had a bad day or something." Quinn mumbles quietly to herself. She goes to the fridge and pulls out a beer and takes a look at the calendar while taking a swig. Looking at today's date she finally realizes what made the brunette so mad. "Shit," Quinn says knowing she's going to have to figure something out to get out of trouble on this one.
Stripping off my dress and throwing on my robe I hear Quinn's feet coming up the steps and a soft knock on the door. Not answering, Quinn quietly comes in and just stares at me with her puppy dog eyes and her best pout.
"Baby," Quinn says but before she can go any further I put my hand up and stop her.
"Just don't Quinn."
"Rach, I'm really sorry my photo-shoot ran late and it just totally slipped my mind that it was date night."
"A date night you wanted and practically begged me for. I have been excited all day and even bought a new dress."
"I know. Work has just been so crazy and I must have forgotten to put it on my calendar at work."
"I tried calling you three times Quinn and nothing. Why even have a phone if you're not going to answer it," increasing my voice just a little.
"You know I turn it off at photo-shoots because it distracts me. Baby please, I'm sorry. We can still go out, come on I can still take you to dinner." Quinn begs.
"It's already almost 10 o'clock Quinn and I have an early meeting in the morning just don't worry about it." I walk into the closet and hang up my new dress that will have to be worn on another night. Feeling her starting at me I turn around and look at her waiting for Quinn to say something.
"I meant what I said earlier, You look beautiful tonight."
I smile weakly at her, "Thank you."
Quinn starts to move toward me and puts her hands on my waist spinning me around and forcing me to look right into her eyes. Struggling to try and move back toward the bedroom she pulls me into a hug and whispers in my ear "Let me make it up to you baby."
Pulling back I see her starting to pull her smile into her HBIC smirk thinking she can get me to cave. But I quickly pull out of her embrace and start to head for the door. "Baby," I hear the blonde say and her words are just dripping with sex. All I hear is shuffling behind me but she's not moving toward me and it takes all I have to not turn around and look at her.
"Rach, look at me please."
"No, because you are just trying to get out of this argument by using your sexiness."
"Well is it working?" I can hear the smirk in her voice. All I want to do right now is go to bed and be mad but my feet won't move, it's like they are planted in the ground. Slowly Quinn walks toward me and pulls my robe down past my shoulder and peppers kisses from my shoulder up to my neck making me moan at the contact. Quinn presses her body up against mine and it is them that I realize what all the shuffling was, my sexy ass wife is butt naked behind me.
She slowly slides her hand up my thigh and to my stomach until she reaches the tie to my robe. Tugging gently on the tie she undoes the knot and drops my robe to the floor pressing her breast into my back.
"Rach, turn around so I can make this up to you." Finally I cave and turn around to find nothing but Quinn and that smirk on her face and I know I'm done for.
Pushing her lips against mine she swipes my bottom lip with her tongue begging for access and I give it to her easily. Her tongue wins the battle over dominance, not that I was putting up much of a fight. Grasping for air she pulls back and puts her lips against my ear.
"I guess it is working," Quinn whispers while sucking on my ear lobe.
"Let me show you how sorry I am," Quinn begs while grinding her hips into mine.
"Fine but don't think for a se…." before I could finish Quinn is shoving her tongue in my mouth and pushing me down on the closet floor and climbing on top of me. Sucking on my pulse point and dragging her tongue down the column of my neck I know this fight is long forgotten and all I can think to myself is damn that smirk.
Grabbing her pillow I softly cry at the memory. I wish I could go back in time, who cares if she forgot date night. I just want God to just give her back. Why did she have to die? We were just starting our future together, building a life, talking about kids. I feel my chest start to tighten as my cries get louder. Struggling to breathe I shoot up in bed and knock over the lamp on the side table. The lamp shatters all over the floor, my head starts to feel dizzy and I know I'm about to black out. Next thing I know my door slams open and my dads rush in the room.
"Rachel! You need to calm down and take a deep breath," my dad Leroy says calmly. But I continue to struggle, I grasp on to his shirt like it's the only thing that can save me.
"Look at me sweetie. Look right into my eyes," Leroy pleads. I stare deeply into his deep chocolate eyes and tighten my grip on his shirt. "Take a slow deep breath for me okay and listen to me. You are going to be okay. Just breathe for me baby. That's it Rachel slow deep breaths."
Finally, I start to feel my chest loosen up and my body starts to relax. After a few minutes I lie back down in bed and look up to my dads. "I'm so sorry Dad, I was just looking at this picture and thinking about Quinn and all of a sudden I couldn't breathe." I say still shaking from my panic attack.
Leroy squeezes my hand and replies, "It's okay sweetie, you don't have to apologize."
I feel the bed shift and see my dad turn look up to my daddy, "Elijah, why don't you go make Rachel a cup of tea with ginger in it."
Daddy kisses my forehead and tells me he will be right back. We sit there in silence until Daddy comes back with a cup of tea; I sit up in bed and take a sip.
"Do you want to talk about what you were thinking about Quinn before your panic attack?" Daddy asks with only but concern in his voice.
"Only if you're ready that is," I hear Dad chime in.
Setting my tea down I take a deep breath and look up at the men who have been the only thing helping me keep it together these past few days. "I was looking at this picture and asking God why he took her from me," I sigh still wanting the answer.
They sit there in silence unsure of what to say so I continue, "I shouldn't have let her walk out the door. Sunday is our day together. But she begged me, it was a beautiful day outside to take pictures and she said she was feeling inspired." Tears are streaming down my face, "If I had just made her stay home none of this would have happened."
"Honey you can't blame yourself for this. You didn't know there would be an accident, this is not your fault," Daddy says getting choked up.
"But I do feel that way. We had a rule no work on Sundays," I yell out. Startled by my outburst my Daddy slowly walks over and sits next to me. "I'm sorry Daddy, I shouldn't have yelled at you."
"There is no need to keep apologizing sweetie. You are going through something unimaginable, it's okay to react this way."
"I just want her back Daddy, I just want my wife back."
Daddy squeezes me tighter and starts rocking me back and forth, "I know sweetie, Shhh, I know."
I don't even know how long Daddy stays rocking me back and forth, rubbing my back. Feeling my eyelids getting heavy I softly close my eyes and feel my Daddy lie me down in bed and pull the covers over me. The last thing I hear is the soft click of the door before I drift off into a deep sleep.
"I don't know what to do if Rachel keeps having these panic attacks," muttered Leroy.
"It might be time to take Dr. Miller up on his offer and see if he can prescribe something for her to relax. This can't be healthy for her to keep having these attacks," countered Elijah.
"Do you think Rachel will be okay with that? I don't want her to get mad and lash out at us Elijah."
"Is there really any other choice at this point. I'm at a loss for what to do."
"Dr. Miller also recommended she see a therapist to help her deal with everything. Did you realize that's the most she has said about the accident since that day?" Leroy said with desperation in his voice.
"I was shocked she actually talked about it, her friends only know what happened from what we have told them. She has shut all of them out and they are all struggling to deal with there own grief to know what to do or say to help Rachel talk about it."
"Even at the funeral today Rachel just had this blank stare on her face like she couldn't comprehend what was going on around her. It's like she just walks around not dealing with anything until it all comes crashing down on her."
"Dr. Miller is right she needs help through this. I know we thought we could handle this Leroy but we need to face the fact that she needs more help than we can offer her."
Leroy looks desperately into Elijah's eyes and pulls him into a hug as he starts to cry. "I just don't want to lose our baby if we push her to hard Elijah. You know how stubborn she can be when she doesn't want to do something."
Elijah clings to Leroy and softly rubs his back, "I know honey but what other choice do we have at this point. Either road we choose could be dangerous but I honestly believe that this is what is best for her right now."
Leroy pulls backs and gives Elijah a soft kiss, "You're right Eli, I'm going to go call Dr. Miller right now and set something up."
Leroy walks to the kitchen and pulls out his cell phone dialing Dr. Miller's number. "Hi Dr. Miller. Yes, this is Leroy Berry I wanted to talk to you about taking you up on your offer to help Rachel."
Elijah sits down on the couch and lets out a deep sigh silently praying that he and his husband are making the right choice. Wishing his daughter's beautiful blonde were here to help them make this choice knowing that she is the only one who always knew what was best for Rachel.