"You know that guy who does nothing but bad things then wonders why his life sucks? Well, that was me. Every time something good happened to me something bad was always waiting around the corner. Karma. That's when I realized I had to change. So I made a list of all the bad things I've done and, one by one, I'm going to make up for all my mistakes. I'm just trying to be a better person; My name is Earl."
"So the last everyone knew, I got the crazy notion that Little Chubby was Dodge's father and got me and Randy into a ton of trouble because of it. Including almost getting us killed and losing our room at the motel. Then Darnell helped us to get DNA evidence to try and prove the claim only to find out we were wrong. We found out that through a strange and, probably unpleasant turn of events, that at a Crab Shack Halloween party that I only remember part of, I really am Dodge's father. Sadly, Darnell found out he's not actually Earl Jr's father. Four months later, Little Chubby and I made peace, my bank account was unfrozen and the motel got it's original name back. Now to catch everyone up to speed,in the time since, Darnell still works at the Crab Shack and moved into mine and Randy's old room at the motel. Joy left with Earl Jr to go find his real dad. Dodge came to the motel with me and Randy. After Joy left, Darnell divorced her almost immediately after. And since everyone in Camden, well, hates Joy, especially the courts, they put a rush on it. Darnell sold me the trailer and moved into mine and Randy's old room at the motel with Mr. Turtle. Presently, Dodge and I are still bonding but he comes with me to do list items. As long as it's appropriate. Yes, I'm still doing my list and Randy is... Randy. As for some of my other friends, well, Frank got sent back to prison for parole violation while I was in a coma. I'm not sure what happened to his friend Paco. Last I knew, after Catalina and Randy got divorced, her and Paco got serious. But then for some reason, they unexpectedly broke up and Paco left town heartbroken. Kenny is still single and... is still gay, Patty is still a day time hooker and my parents are still married. That's pretty much everything. Now we're caught up from the last couple of years."
"I woke up this morning happy and ready for the day. Like I have every day since moving back into the trailer. Dodge was at school, Randy was watching T.V. and Darnell was over cooking breakfast for all of us. He wasn't taking well to single life and the motel doesn't have a stove. So I let him come over and hang out during the day. I like it too. Cause, well, I can't cook. I didn't have much left to do on the list so I decided to take today off. It seemed like nothing was going to go wrong today."
Earl walked into the front room of the trailer with an unusual strut in his step. He saw Darnell in the kitchen and they exchanged their usual greeting when Darnell saw him.
"Hey Earl!" "Hey Crab Man. Something smells good." Darnell smiled and nodded at Earl while sat down next to Randy on the couch. Randy was annoyed as he kept flipping through the channels.
Randy ignored his plate of food and began to grunt and slam his thumb on the remote when flipping through the channels. Earl glared at him when it became annoying. He swatted Randy on the arm to get his attention. They stared at each other a moment with Earl holding his hands up waiting for an answer.
"You wanna take it easy on the remote before you break another one Randy?"
"I'm sorry Earl, but there's nothing good on. No cartoons or anything. Just boring talk shows and the daddy finding guy," Randy replied irritated.
"Daddy finding guy?" Earl asked confused.
"You know, Murray Pogostick. He finds all those daddies for those ladies with too many kids," Randy answered.
Earl raised his eyebrow before Darnell chimed in. "He means Maury Povich. He does the DNA tests and some other weird stuff. Of course it's all an act. I've been on there three different times."
"Well it's all boring. Why don't they play good stuff?"
"It is only Wednesday in the afternoon on a school day Randy. I'm not surprised there's nothing good on. I'm sorry but that's just how it is," Earl shouted.
"Actually, it's mostly product placement and propaganda to get the less intelligent and easily controlled to go out and buy useless products to continue to fool them into thinking they're doing something good for themselves when in fact they're just throwing their money away to the big corporations who could care less," Darnell explained.
Earl and Randy and looked at him in bewilderment. They obviously did not understand anything he had just said. There was an awkward silence while Darnell shook his head with how simple they really are. Randy went back to flipping through the channels. Earl ate his food and until Randy's channel flipping got on his nerves again.
"Damn it, Randy. Will you please give us a minute to see if there is something worth watching on one of those channels?"
Randy sighed. "I'm sorry Earl. But all that's on are weddings and shows having weddings on them."
Earl stared off for a minute then looked at the other two. "I'll be back later," Earl said and left.
He left in the El Camino. While he was driving around, he saw signs for weddings an upcoming weddings. He dismissed it and continued driving around. He wasn't going anywhere in particular. He drove by the Crab Shack and saw a wedding reception going inside. He could not believe it.
He wondered if Randy's issue was rubbing off on him. Before long he pulled up at Club Chubby's. He thought about all the wedding stuff he was seeing.
"I could not figure out why the hell I kept seeing all of that. I checked my list and didn't see anything about weddings. Other than Joy and Darnell's. But I fixed that item a long time ago. I knew that karma was trying to tell me something. But what?"
After he went into the club, Mistletoe was dancing for the first time without her back and neck brace. He ordered a beer and sat at the bar. While surveying the surroundings, it set in just how long it had been since he was last there. He noticed that nothing had really changed inside Club Chubby. Suddenly Catalina came out onto the stage. When she started jumping, it became apparent that something was missing.
"Catalina's jump just wasn't the same. I watched her a little bit longer and figured out what was different. She didn't jump with the same enthusiasm that she used to. It was sad actually. I had a suspicion as to why too. So I let her know I was there and waited for her to finish."
After Catalina's song ended, she came out and sat at a table with Earl near the back. She gave him a hug before sitting down. He caught himself raising his eyebrow when he looked at her. He tried to word the question before he asked it.
"So Catalina, your routine... um... that was a... interesting way you... did that. Today," he stammered.
Catalina shrugged. "I haven't really felt like I have a reason to jump. I'm just not happy lately," she answered.
"Has it been that way since you and Paco broke up?" he asked and hesitated. "Why did you two break up any way?"
"Yea, it has. I was with Paco since I was seventeen, you know? Can I trust you to tell you why we broke up?" She asked.
"Oh yea. Yea. Of course," Earl replied with his voice turning high and squeaky.
She looked down at her beer and then looked back at Earl with just her eyes."Paco dumped me because I married your brother while he was in prison that last time."
Earl was taken aback and his wide. "What? Didn't he know that kept you in the country and was why he was able to find you?"
"He said that I broke his, Paco's, heart by not waiting for him. So he, Paco, was leaving," she explained. "I don't know where he went. I just know I'm sad. I guess I'll never find love."
"I'm sorry Catalina. Just wish I knew what I could do to help."
"I've been wondering if this could have been avoided if you had married me instead like we originally planned."
Then the realization hit Earl and he rolled his eyes with a sigh. He pulled out his list and set in the table. Catalina looked at him baffled this time. He didn't notice right away.
"I figured it out right then and there what it was Karma had been telling me. I needed to make up for having Catalina marry Randy instead of me. She wouldn't be in this mess now had I just let her Marry me and not pushed her to Randy, long story, Paco wouldn't have reacted so bad. I knew Paco back in the day as Franks stealing buddy. Because I go back with Paco, is why I'm sure it wouldn't have been a big deal if I stepped away, divorced her so she could go back to him, it wouldn't have been a big deal like it is now."
"What's going on Earl? Why are writing on the list? How is that supposed to help?" Catalina asked.
Earl looked up. "Because this is my fault. Had I just married you when you were deported instead of having you marry Randy, you wouldn't be unhappy and not finding love. I go back with Paco. It wouldn't have been a big deal to him had you married me. He wouldn't have cared if we got divorced or... assaulted... anointed... made it go away and not count after getting married, like the famous singers do so that you could marry him. You also probably wouldn't have spent those few weeks after my coma thinking you were a lesbian. So now you're on my list. Number 278: Had Catalina Marry Randy And Not Find Love."
"That's sweet Earl, but you really don't have to. I don't think it will fix anything either."
"Nope, you're on my list now Catalina. I've got to do this. I know where to start."