This is one of the more creative ways of disposing of the wood-elf jerk. I wonder who his parents are- never mind, that would scar me for life. Maybe the thing isn't even a Mer (elf) at all. Maybe he is a evil little daedra created by Sheogorath to turn more people insane. It seems to be so, as he is immortal, and re spawns back at the arena.

Alessia Nepia

Imperial

Born under the sign of the lover

She had never been a fan of killing people. All Alessia ever wanted was money. And she had the strength for the job, so she signed up. She prayed for the ones she killed, and found no joy in her job. But now, here she is, the grand champion of the arena! However, now she is about to find out, that when you kill people, there are always unforeseeable consequence.

Those consequences were in the form of a little wood-elf boy. Perfectly harmless, at least when it comes to physical sense, but psychologically, this elf could be compared to the strength of Mehurnes Dagon.

"By Azura, by Azura, by Azura! It's the grand champion, in her beautiful, powerful glory!"screeched the adoring fan in a way that reminded Alessia of a Clanfear who had a little to much to drink. " May I follow you around? Shine your weapons? Make your breakfast? Wake you up in the morning? Clean your outhouse?

"By the nine, who in Talos are you? I have no time for little elves who wish to follow me around! What are you, a measly little wood elf even capable of?", sighed Alessia with an annoyed accent.

" ME? I am capable of a lot of things, like adoring, adoring some more, and saying "By Azura!" Oh yeah, and I can also follow the grand champion around, and run away in fear from mud crabs, and get you detected by shining my torch on enemies and also by saying, "By Azura!", I mean how useful is that? Oh yeah, and by the way, by Azura, by Azura, by Azura.

That was the straw that broke the camel's back. Well, one of the several straws, because when it comes to the adoring fan, every straw breaks the camel's back.

"Come on then my noble wood elf! Let us venture into the depths of the imperial sewers, and cleanse them of ferocious rats and mud crabs! Not only that, but I have a surprise waiting for you!" Alessia said with an equal amount of high-pitched annoyingness.

" By Azura, by Azura, by Azura! A surprise! Is it a GRAND surprise, prepared by the glorious GRAND champion herself? Oooh-eeeh-wah-yay!" screamed the adoring fan with the joy of a skooma addict who just won 500 bottles of skooma.

"By Azura, This will be fun!" , thought Alessia Nepia.

They ventured into the sewers, sneaking in through the basement of the best defense. The adoring fan proved to be the worst trespasser ever, because every time Alessia opened a door, he inhaled a deep breath and screamed "By Azura, by Azura, by Azura! It's the GRAND champion! She is opening a GRAND door! By Azura, the GRAND champion can do everything! Nobody else in Tamerial can do that! She is a incarnation of the divines!"

The trip took almost an hour. Although the two only had to travel about 100 yards, there were an assortment of creatures, which the grand champion killed with one blow. The most annoying obstacle was the spiders.

"By Azura, by Azura, by Azura, It's a spider! We are doomed! Talos save us! Oh great and mighty GRAND champion, step on this vile creature and save me!" screamed the fan every single time he saw a spider. He continued to run back until Alessia stepped on it.

"By Azura, that spider was almost as good as you! If it weren't for you, I would be dead by now! Thank the nine divines for you, oh great and mighty grand champions!" screeched the fan with a tone of voice that assumed that he was saved from the armies of Oblivion themselves!

"Oh don't worry, you will be dead soon enough, heresy-kiss headed freak." she thought.

After a while, the two found themselves at their destination. A old, rusty gate was sitting next to a winch, and Alessia started speaking, with a smug on her face:

" Did I ever tell you that I was born under the sign of the lover?"

"By Azura, no you did not oh great and mighty GRAND champion, "Enlighten me with your knowledge of yourself!" squealed the wood elf.

"She's going to ask me to marry her! I know it!", thought the idiotic fan boy, not knowing that his hour of death had arrived.

" Do you know that when somebody born under the sign of the lover kisses somebody, they paralyze them?

"By Azura, that's common knowledge! Of course I know that, it's one of the few things I know!" screamed the young elf, not realizing that he had just made a complete fool out of himself.

" Alright my friend, now stand by that gate over there!" said Alessia as she opened the gate with the winch.

The adoring fan was more than happy to oblige. "Yes, oh GRAND champion! I will stand by the GRAND gate, while you GRANDLY open it!"

Alessia smiled. So did the adoring fan. "What an idiot", Alessia thought. She kissed the little elf on the cheek, thus knocking him over, so that the gate was directly above his rib cage, and quickly began to close the gate.

" By Azura, by Azura, by Azura! The GRAND champion has kissed me! And now she is closing a GRAND gate that is going to close on me! How GRAND IS THAT! If I could move, I would dance! Good thing I can still talk!" said the adoring fan with utmost happiness, not knowing that in a few seconds, a very painful death would be his.

The gate was closing down on him.

"Hurry up and kill him you stupid gate!", thought Alessia.

As if Talos heard her prayers of despair, the gates closed on the paralyzed fan. There was a sickening crunch, and the fan's chest split open, revealing broken ribs jutting out of his skin. The adoring fan, realizing that he was in pain, cried out in torture:

"By Azura, by Azura, by Azura! It's the GRAND gate! The GRAND gate has broken my bones, and is slowly chopping me in half! Oh great and mighty GRAND champion, save me, like you did from the wretched spiders and those mud crabs of evil!"

The top of the adoring fan's heart was severed, and blood spewed everywhere. The adoring fan now had little energy left, but was still screaming and twitching like a maniac.

"OWWW! My GRAND heart is bleeding! I think I might die, at the hands of this GRAND gate. By Azura, by Azura, by Azur-"

The adoring fan never got to finish that sentence. The gate closed down on his spinal cord, severing it like a pair of scissors cutting through a thread. The adoring fan's pain was unmatched, but it only lasted a second or two.

Before he died, he thought only one thing:

"BY AZURA"

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I will try to make the kills creative!