A/N: Tried to get y'all another chapter out quick since I wasn't updating for a while before the last chapter.
This chapter will be mostly Rachel POV but there will be a scene of Quinn POV but I will note when it has changed so it makes since.
Please review and let me know what you have been thinking about the story. Thanks for all the reviews, follows, and favs. :)
I'm lying awake in bed afraid to open my eyes because I'm so scared I won't see Quinn when I open them. This back and forth between realities of having her and losing her is really starting to take its toll on me and I just want to understand what is going on.
Why is this happening to me?
What reality is the one that is true?
What does all of this mean?
These questions churn around in my head constantly and are making me afraid to live my life, whichever life that is. Living in a state of fear that I have made this dream world up in my head that Quinn is still alive. But if this is a dream why I can I feel her and talk to her like she is really here. I've never had a dream that felt so genuinely real. Both of these existences are tearing me apart because no matter what I do they both feel so true down to the core.
Slowly I open my eyes trying to be brave and face whatever is to come next. My heart sinks when I open my eyes to find the bed beside me empty. Tears instantly start steaming down my face with the realism that I have been dreaming up Quinn in my head and it's almost too much to bear. Eventually I start to calm myself down and start to get up out of bed to search the house, grasping at whatever ounce of hope I have left that she is somewhere here.
Making my way down the stairs I start to rush when I notice the smell of coffee swirling around in the air. As I hurry into the kitchen I see the most beautiful sight I could have ever hoped for. Quinn is sitting on the barstool, dressed for work, drinking a cup of coffee and reading the newspaper with her glasses perched at the bottom of her nose. Standing still I treasure the sight that is before me and can't believe of the day when I didn't cherish every time I had experienced this before.
I walk over to her with a skip in my step and kiss her cheek, "Good morning baby."
"Morning Rach," Quinn replies with a twinkle in her eyes when she looks at me.
Grabbing myself a cup of coffee I sit in the barstool next to her and pick up my legs and throw them over her lap staring at her while she reads the paper.
Quinn raises her eyebrow at me and sets the paper down, "You are staring at me again baby."
"No I'm not. I'm just cherishing this moment, is that so bad," I reply with a big smile on my face.
"Hmm I guess not. So cherish away, don't let me stop you."
As she picks up her newspaper I push it back down and climb onto her lap.
"Mmm, is this you cherishing the moment or trying to steal my attention away from world news," Quinn whispers in my ear as she places her hands around my ass holding me onto her lap.
"Maybe a little of both," I respond back as I pull her face into mine and kiss her.
Sliding my tongue into her mouth I hear her moan and it ignites a fire inside of me down to my core. I start to struggle for air because I know we haven't stopped kissing and groping each other long enough for the other to take a breath. Quinn finally gives in and pulls back gasping for air as she looks at me with darkened eyes.
"That was a hell of a good morning wifey," Quinn stutters out while keeping her eyes glued to mine.
"Oh its not over yet baby," I respond as I grind my hips down into her.
Quinn moans out in pleasure but holds my hips still and stops me from continuing.
"As much as I would love to continue this I'm already running late for work and I have a meeting later this morning with a magazine about a front cover photo shoot," Quinn replies with guilt in her voice.
"So have one of your assistants take it over and take the day off and spend it with me alone in our bed."
"You know I wish I could Rach but this is an important photo shoot and I can't let anyone else handle it."
"Please your assistant can handle it, you trained her to be just like you and its scary how alike you both our now," I say with a pleading eyes.
Quinn picks me up and scoots me back over to my seat and gets up walking over to her briefcase and putting her files in. "Rach, they expect me at that meeting not my assistant. I have a commitment and I cannot break that or I will lose this shoot."
"I'm taking the day off so why can't you," I retort getting more frustrated with every second.
"Why are you taking the day off again? You can't keep leaving Tina to handle everything by herself."
"Because I want to spend the day with my wife and only my wife is there something wrong with that?"
"No but I just don't understand where all of this is coming from lately. You never used to miss work like this and follow me to my job. Don't get me wrong I love spending time with you but you are acting strange lately and I don't know why," Quinn counters with irritation in her voice.
"I just want to spend time with you and don't want to be apart for you."
Quinn walks over to me and looks deeply into my eyes, "Trust me I want that too baby but we can't be together all the time. We are always busy working and that has never bothered you before."
"Well it bothers me now okay."
"Do you not trust me? Is that what this is about, you want to be with me all the time so you can see what I'm up to?"
Shocked is the one thing I feel right now with the insinuation she just made, "Are you kidding me? Of course I trust you, I have always trusted you."
"Then Rach please tell me what this is about because that is the only thing I can come up with if you don't start giving me answers."
I start to wonder if I should tell her but I don't want her to think I'm crazy, it won't make sense to anyone what I am going through, hell it doesn't even make since to me. But I can tell she is getting frustrated with the way I have been acting and she just wants me to open up but this is just something I can't tell her.
"There is nothing going on, I already told you that."
Quinn just looks at me and shakes her head while she walks to the table and grabs her keys and briefcase.
"You forget I know you better than that Rach! I can tell when something is bothering you and there is something going on. I just wish you would open up and tell me," she mutters out as she walks toward the door.
"Like I said nothing to tell!"
"Fine Rach, you want to keep your secrets, that's just fine. I'm going to work, don't wait up tonight," Quinn yells as she walks out and slams the door.
As I hear the garage door close behind her I wonder how the hell I just let that happen. I can't let this continue but I don't know how to tell her what is going on with me. Maybe my dads were right and I need to talk to someone to help me figure all of this out. I need to fix this because I can't keep acting clingy and not wanting Quinn out of my sight, but I know if Quinn really knew what was going on she would completely understand and would be there for me. A part of me feels like if I tell her what is going on that it will make this all real and it will all go away. That would be fine if I knew for a fact that this was our actual reality and not the nightmare I face tomorrow.
I hate that I let her leave mad and confused like that, and I'm even more worried about her driving angry and upset. Quickly I send her a text and tell her I'm sorry for the fight and to let me know she made it to work. When I don't hear from her I start to pace the kitchen in a panic. Come on Quinn please text me back that you made it into work. Maybe I should get in my car and just drive by to see if she made it, no if she saw me she would definitely think I didn't trust her.
Just when I'm thinking screw it and go to grab my keys I get a text from her and all it says is "Made it to work." I know she must be pretty upset if that is all she sent me so I decide to give her a little time. With Quinn gone I don't want to just sit around the house all day by myself so I decide to get ready and go into work to help Tina.
Walking into the studio I continue to replay over and over what happened with Quinn this morning and how I let it get to this. I'm so distracted I almost don't notice Tina walking up to me.
"Hey Rachel! I thought you weren't coming in today," Tina said while looking at me with questioning eyes.
"Yeah I decided to come in after all. Sorry if I have been kind of distant from this place lately and leaving you with everything."
"It's fine, you know I'm always here to help out and pick up the slack."
"Thanks T."
I walk toward my office and sit down at my desk wondering when the right time to text or call Quinn would be. Looking over at the picture on my desk of us at our wedding day I suddenly start to break down. The last time I saw this picture I was clinging to it in our bedroom weeping over the fact that the love of my life had been taken from me in an instant. But in this world she hasn't been and it was all starting to crossover into each other and left me struggling to figure out how to manage.
Tina walked in and shut the door and started talking about a new band she was interested in as I tried to wipe my eyes and look presentable. But when she looked up at my face she ran over and hugged me, I could feel how worried about me she was. She knelt down across from me and waited for me to talk when I was ready, and in that moment I really needed that.
"Quinn and I had a fight this morning."
"I'm sure it was nothing, you two are always playfully bickering at each other."
"It wasn't one of those fights T. She thinks I don't trust her and am keeping something from her," I say sniffling and trying to wipe the mascara that was dripping down my face.
"Well are you?"
Not answering right away I just shrug my shoulders and twirl my wedding ring around my finger.
"Do you trust Quinn?"
"Of course I trust her, that has never been a problem in our relationship. I trust her with everything that I have and she does the same with me."
"What made her think you didn't?"
I take my time to think carefully about how to answer this without telling her the complete story of what is going on.
"I have been taking off work and wanting to spend more time with her, but it's more than that. I've been super clingy and not wanting her to leave my sight, I haven't been wanting to share her with anyone else."
"Haven't you always been like that with her though," chuckles Tina as I give her a little shove and a smile comes on my face.
"Seriously though why do you think you have been like that lately? Did something happen?"
"I don't really want to talk about why I am being like that," I mumble.
"Well maybe that is the problem," Tina sighs as she takes my hand. "You know Quinn hates when you shut her out from something in your life."
"I know T and I want to tell her but I want to wait until I have it figured out to dive into it all with her. She can't understand what I'm going through until I figure it out for myself."
Tina looks up at me and exhales, "Well maybe you need to talk to someone then. I'm not saying you have to talk to me but you need to talk to someone about what is going on with you because it doesn't look like you are figuring it out on your own."
"Yeah I think maybe you are right."
"And hey everything will work out, okay. Just be honest with Quinn like you just were with me and she will understand. But hey if that doesn't work you can always use that pout you have to get her to crumble, I have seen you get her to do just about anything with that pout of yours," Tina snickers as she stands up to walk out the door.
"That pout is pretty resourceful huh," I respond as Tina laughs on her way out of my office door.
"Tina?"
"Yeah Rach," Tina questions as she pops her head back through the door.
"Thanks for talking to me and being such a great friend and business partner, I don't think I tell you that enough."
"Thanks Rachel! You're not so bad yourself," Tina winks as she walks out.
Picking up my cell phone I know she is right about needing to talk to someone. Being truthful and talking to a therapist about everything that is going on is going to be hard but I know it is the right thing to do if I want to be completely happy again.
QUINN POV
I have been distracted all day replaying the fight I had with Rachel this morning. I don't know why I got so angry with her, it has always frustrated me when she keeps something from me. She wants to figure out things on her own and she has always been like that but I just want to help her with whatever she is going through. Snapping at her is never the way to get her to open up and I know that, but my old high school HBIC ways just creep back in sometimes and I can't help it. Sitting in my office alone I try to replay everything that has been going on with her the last couple of days and I just can't seem to figure it out. When I asked her if she trusted me this morning I wasn't really even questioning if she did or not, I just wanted to see if I could get a rise out of her enough to get her to tell me something. Dumb idea I know and it definitely backfired on me.
Hearing a knock at my door my heart drops thinking it might be Rachel to finish our conversation from this morning because I told everyone in the office not to bother me because I was working on something important. And no one dare breaks that rule because they have seen what happens when they do.
"Come in," I yell out with an angry tone behind it.
"Well someone had bitch in there cheerios this morning," replies Santana as she strolls in like she owns the place.
"Hey San, sorry I just told everyone in the office not to bother me."
"Yeah they told me that, but you know I don't listen to that god awful assistant of yours."
"I'm not in the mood for your banter today Santana. What are you doing here anyway?"
"I came to bring my best friend lunch and see how she was doing, since I haven't seen her since the glee dinner fiasco from the other night. But since you aren't in the mood for my witty banter I will take it to someone else."
"San wait, I'm sorry okay," I choke back the apology as she starts to walk back toward my desk.
"That's more like it. But seriously how are you doing because you don't seem to good," retorts Santana as she sits down at my desk and pulls out take out from a café down the street.
"I'm just dealing with some things and I'm not handling them all to great."
Santana just sits there staring at me waiting for me to continue but I just take a bite of the salad she brought me and hope she will talk about something else.
She never was one to handle silence very well and quickly gets snarky with me for not continuing, "Are you going to tell me what's going on? Because you know I'm not one to waste my lunch trying to dig it out of you."
Letting out a sigh I decide to just get it out now before she starts pissing me off, "Rachel and I had a fight this morning."
"Hmm, so what did the hobbit do now huh? Did her and Lady Hummel keep you up last night braiding each other's hair and singing Broadway's greatest hits? "
"Santana," I start but get cut off.
"No please let me guess what the dwarf did now. Did she go over board with that tan in a can again and get darker than me?"
"Can you please not insult my wife?"
"No I did not agree to that, just because I was the maid of honor at your wedding does not mean I now have jumped on the magical berry love ride that you have hopped on to."
"Get out then Santana. I don't have time for your nastiness today!"
"Wow this is serious then, isn't it? Look I'm sorry I'll keep my hobbit thoughts to myself okay, just tell me what happened?"
Sighing I lean back in my chair and contemplate whether to continue, "Rachel has just been really clingy lately and overly emotional about everything and she won't tell me what's going on."
"And how is that different from her everyday usual self?" Santana asks puzzled.
Sighing I decide that is the tamest I'm going to get out of Santana, "She is taking off work wanting to just stay home and shut everything else out. It's like she is afraid to let me out of her sight."
"Did you ask her why she was acting like that?"
"Yes. And then I snapped at her and accused her of not trusting me," I reply pinching the bridge of my nose just hearing myself say it out loud.
"Of course you did in true HBIC Fabrey fashion," chuckles Santana shaking her head.
"It was the only thing I could come up with because she is not being honest with me. I've caught her crying a few times and she just brushes it off and makes up some excuse that I know is not the truth."
"She did seem pretty edgy at the glee dinner the other night. Not that I didn't enjoy seeing her slap that smug off Finn's face, but she is always the one that defends his actions and sympathizes with him. You are always the one to go all hulk on tubs the clown and Rachel pulls you back."
"Yeah I was pretty shocked by that, yes he went pretty far with everything he said but it's nothing he hasn't said before. But she has always just walked away and not let it bother her. It really got to her when he said our love wasn't real but she knows it is and she has always let Finn's dumb ass comments just roll off her shoulder."
"Do you want my advice," Santana asks in a serious tone.
"I don't know am I going to regret it," snickering lightly to myself.
"Look I'm going to say something to you and deny it if it ever gets out. You and Rachel are great together, I don't know how you are considering everything in high school but you are. So instead of lashing out at her you need to be understanding and just be there for her. You need to let her handle this on her own and wait for her to come to you if that's what she wants."
"I know San but you know I hate when she keeps something form me, we always tell each other everything," I sigh knowing she is right.
"Q, the more you push her the longer it's going to take for her to open up to you. Just look how long it took her in high school to admit she had feelings for you because you pushed to hard."
"You're right, it's just not in my nature. Thanks for talking to me and calming me down."
"No problem, I just didn't want the whole office to feel your wrath and get fired when you and the hobbit are fighting," she retorts as she gets up and walks to the door.
"Well for whatever reason thank you. I knew you were always secretly pulling for us, that's why I made you maid of honor."
"Secretly pulling for you? Don't make me bitch slap you again like back in high school."
Laughing to myself I know she really does care for Rachel even though she gives her a hard time. It's how Santana shows she cares, as twisted as it is, when you really need her she can be the best friend anyone could ever ask for.
Santana stops before walking out the door and looks at me, "One last thing, apologize for accusing her of not trusting you. That girl is one of the most trusting and forgiving people out there, because if she wasn't you would have never had a shot with her."
As she shuts the door behind her I know how much truth there is behind what she just said. If Rachel would have never forgiven me for everything that I did to her in high school before we were friends we would have never fallen in love, let alone get married. Sometimes I think I forget and take for granted how much grace she has shown me because I get so wrapped up in what we are now. I decide I'm going to take San's advice and let her come to me because she deserves the type of patience and grace she has always shown me.
Back to Rachel's POV
I think to myself how much I must love my wife as I am gagging cooking Quinn's favorite meal, breakfast for dinner which means lots of bacon. Nerves flood my stomach because I know she is coming home soon. And I don't know the mood she is going to be in because I haven't talked to her since this morning. While I set the table I hear the garage door start to come up and I start to prepare myself for either complete silence or Quinn going off on me and I honestly don't know which is worse.
I see Quinn walk through the door and am surprised at what I see. She is standing in the doorway with my favorite flowers and a guilty look on her face.
"These are for you," she states as she hands the beautiful arrangement of lilies.
Smiling I take the bouquet of flowers and go to put them in a glass of water still unable to say anything because I didn't expect Quinn to come home apologetic after our argument this morning.
"I made your favorite for dinner," I say because it is the only thing I can come up with at the moment. Quinn stands there looking at the dinner table and back up to me, she opens and closes her mouth but doesn't say anything.
Unable to stand the silence I speak up, "I cooked the bacon and everything."
"Rach, this is amazing. You didn't have to do all of this for me."
"I know but I wanted to apologize for this morning, I…" Quinn cuts me off before I can finish.
"Baby you are not the one that needs to apologize, I am. It wasn't fair for me to push you to tell me and accuse you of not trusting me this morning. That's why I brought you flowers to tell you I was wrong and I am sorry."
"I'm sorry to babe, I never want to make you feel like I don't trust you."
"I promise you I don't feel like that, I just lashed out without thinking, you know how I can get," Quinn stutters with regret in her voice.
Walking over to her I take her hand in mine and look into her eyes, "It's okay Quinn, I'm not mad about what you said. I was more mad at myself for making you feel like that and I am sorry for that."
"You have nothing to be sorry about, you will tell me what's bothering you when you are ready. When you want to tell me you will and I'm not going to push you to tell me anymore, okay Rach," Quinn replies as she presses her lips against mine with a soft kiss.
"I love you Rach."
"I love you to Quinn, always."
We just stand there holding hands and holding onto each other and I start to think about how understanding and patient she is being with me. This is not in her nature to let something go and not know the full story and I fall in love with her even more that she is doing this for me. I start to choke up because I feel like if she is willing to do that for me then I should be willing to tell her what is going on with me.
My eyes start getting cloudy and tears start streaming down my face for what I'm about to say, "I had a really bad dream the other night about you, well really it was a nightmare."
Quinn pulls back quick startled that I started talking and doesn't say anything yet just waiting for me to continue.
The tears start streaming down harder now and I start to stutter barely getting out the rest of the story, "I had a dream that you died and I had to move on and figure out how to live my live without you. It was awful Quinn and it just put things into perspective for me and all I want to do is cherish this time we have together."
Quinn wraps me up in here arms, "Aww baby, I'm so sorry. It all makes sense now the way you have been acting, but you have to know I am here and I'm not going anyway Rach."
Hugging her closer to me I feel guilty that I didn't tell her the entire truth to the story but at least I gave her a portion of it and it feels good telling her about it. We stay like that for a while just holding each other and I finally start to calm down.
"Rach, I love you and I am here for the long haul. You are not going to lose me and we are going to be together forever, okay."
Lifting my head from her shoulder I look into her eyes and hope to everything that what she said is true and I never have to live without her again. But a part of me is scared to put my head down on that pillow tonight and have to start another day without her loving and encouraging words.
Leaning in I push my lips against hers and project everything I have been feeling into the kiss. Quinn puts her hand behind my neck and keeps me there as we continue to kiss in the kitchen even with dinner getting cold on the table. Gasping for air Quinn moves her kisses down my jaw and to my neck sucking on my pulse point.
Moaning out in pleasure I encourage her to continue, "Mmm Quinn that feels so good."
Quinn continues to kiss down my chest and strips my shirt off over my head and unclasps my bra. She kneads my breasts in her hands and takes one of my nipples in her mouth sucking on it. I start to breathe heavily and feel pleasure shoot down to my core.
All of a sudden Quinn stops, I open my eyes to see what she is doing and she takes my hand and whispers into my ear, "Come upstairs with me and let me make love to you and show you that I'm here and not going anywhere."
Following Quinn up the stairs I get butterflies in my stomach for what is about to happen, even after all of these years of being together it still feels new and exciting every time. She lays me down on the bed and slips my shorts and underwear off, staring at me the entire time with darkened eyes.
Leaning up I stare into her eyes and smash our lips together in a frenzy, our tongues battle for dominance and I am getting so turned on I can barely stand it. I start undoing the buttons on her shirt and rip it off of her, I slip my hands up her back and unclasp her bra staring at my beautiful wife in front of me. I am in awe at how someone so beautiful inside and out fell in love with me.
Quinn must have noticed how I stopped and was staring because she had that damn smirk on when my eyes finally reached her face.
"Like what you see baby?" Quinn states with a wink.
"No, I love what I see," I reply as I mash our lips back together.
Quinn slips her pants and underwear down in one quick motion and slides her body on top of mine and our wet heat slides against one another and we both moan out in pleasure. She starts kissing down my neck and starts sucking of my breasts again making sure to give them both equal attention.
I'm starting to get uncomfortable and feel like if she doesn't touch me soon I am going to lose it, "Quinn, baby please touch me, I need you."
I can feel Quinn smirk as she starts kissing down my stomach skipping the place I need her to kiss most and starts sucking on the inside of one of my thighs. I start to grind my hips up into her hoping she will hurry up and touch me where I need it most.
All of a sudden she moves her tongue and takes a long swipe in between my folds and I let out an embarrassingly loud moan.
"Mmm Rach, you are so wet and taste so good."
All I can do is moan out in pleasure because at this point no words are forming in my head as she laps away and starts sucking on my clit.
"Fuck," is all I get out as I feel the pressure start to build.
My wife knows me so well that I don't even need to tell her I need her inside before she is shoving two fingers deep inside of me.
"Yes baby, right there don't stop."
Pressure starts to build even more as she pumps her fingers inside of me, hitting the spot she knows all to well. She starts sucking on my clit again while thrusting in and out of me and I know I'm about to lose all control.
"Shit, I'm so close babe."
Quinn lifts her mouth off me, "Then come for me baby."
And that's all it takes and all I feel is absolute pleasure as she works me down from my high. She slips her fingers out of me and I moan at the loss, moaning out again as she slips her two fingers into her mouth and sucks my wetness off of them.
She crawls up the bed and lies down beside me and wraps her arms around me whispering into my ear, "I love you so much and am so lucky you agreed to be my wife."
"I love you too Quinn."
We lay there for a while just holding each other and whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears when I hear Quinn's stomach growl.
"Was that your stomach, are you hungry?"
"I'm sorry, we skipped dinner and all I had was a salad at work today."
Chuckling to myself I offer to go downstairs and heat up the meal I had waiting at the table but before I can get up she jumps out of bed and says she will get it so we can have dinner in bed.
I'm lying in bed waiting for my sexy wife to come back with dinner when I hear my phone start to buzz on the night side table. I quickly look at the screen and it is the therapist I had left a message with earlier so I answer it.
"Hello. Yes this is she. That time is perfect, thank you for fitting me into your schedule."
She continues to talk as Quinn starts to walk in with a tray full of food and lies down beside me.
"I look forward to meeting with you too, thanks again." As I hang up I quickly steal a bite of fruit off the tray and pop it into my mouth and moan at the taste.
"This is so yummy you have to try some babe," I mumble as I offer a piece of fruit to Quinn.
"Mmm, that is good. Who was that on the phone?" Quinn asks while chewing on a raspberry.
"Just a new client prospect for the studio I am going to meet tomorrow," immediately regreting the lie I just told my wife.
"That's great Rach. You and Tina are really starting to get busy over there."
Shaking my head in agreement I continue eating hoping it will take away some of the guilt I have for keeping this secret. Of course it doesn't work and I don't know how I am going to continue to lie to her and keep this part of my life away from her. But I know it has to be like this until I can get more answers about what is going on.
We finish eating and I slide the tray onto the night side table next to us and give Quinn a devilish look.
"Why are you looking at me like that Rach?" Quinn questions me as she raises her eyebrow intrigued.
I slip my hand down her body cupping her and nibble on her ear, "I just realized I didn't get to return the favor earlier and I think it's about time we change that."
"Mmm, this is going to be a long night," Quinn moans out.
"You're damn right it is."
Thanks so much for continuing to read this story. I am really getting back into it and will continue to update regularly. Please review and let me know what you think, Thanks so much :)