A/N:
Warning: There will be an OC because I can't imagine any actual Gintama characters who could help me move the plot towards the direction I want it to go. But he's not a main character.
._._._.
Dear Diary #104
At first I thought that I could possibly be bisexual. But I may have been wrong. I...I...I might actually be a FUDANSHI?!
Chapter 3: Straight men can love Gay love. It's a fact.
"Haaaah, Gin-chan. This is the life." Kagura said while she was currently sitting in a hot tub in a bikini with a butler at her side with a plate of champagne. She's sixteen so she can drink now.
Gintoki was nearby and was having a Thai massage with a super hot masseuse. "Yeeeeeees. Oh yes! Right there! Right there!"
The masseuse sweetly told him, "Sir if you don't stop the sexual harassment, I will be forced to use Muay Thai on you instead."
"Oh, is that another form of massage. If its below the belt, or even unde-" Dislocate shoulder. "AUGH!" Relocate shoulder.
"OOOI!" Shinpachi cried out from the double doors. "We're supposed to be protecting Otsu! Not reaping the benefits of a star!"
The yorozuya was currently hired to protect Otsuu-chan due to another stalker trying to hurt her. Though this time, her mother actually called the police this time to find the stalker. It was fine to let this sort of information leak since it defined how Otsuu is still popular and beloved by fans to a crazy degree. Though she could've hired real security guards, she felt that she could rely on the Yorozuya better due to their colorful history.
So the three of them had to follow the star everywhere until the stalker was apprehended. It should take only about a week, so they shouldn't get too comfortable, but nothing was obviously stopping the terrible two.
It was nighttime, so they were currently at Otsuu's mansion that was designed in a modern western fashion.
"Shut up light weight!" Kagura cursed. "Otsu-chan said she would join us while you were at the can doing dirty stuff so you wouldn't get your d*** up when you see her in a bikini! Virgin!"
Shinpachi went bright red and yelled, "A lady like you shouldn't be saying that! And I just went to the can to do the usual business!"
"Hmph. Usual business." Kagura gave him the stink eye.
"I meant defecating! Defecating!"
Unknown to him, Otsu was right behind him. "Oh my Shinji-kun! You shouldn't say that in front of a lady-Your mom had a threesome!"
"AAH! O-OTSU-CHAN!" Shinpachi turned around and took a step back out of shock, and then saw the star wearing a green and yellow stripped bikini that hugged her well-developed body. He felt his whole body warm up, and he began wishing he did take care of business at the toilet. He bowed lowly. "SO-SORRY! I won't say it again!"
"If that's so, then everything is good. -Die a thousands death!" Otsuu joined Kagura in the hot tub while Gintoki was currently getting the crap beat out of him by the masseuse. He was crying for help, but no one bothered paying attention to him.
Shinpachi considered joining them, but he knew that he would be judged harshly by Kagura, and won't hear the end of it for weeks. So instead, he decided to walk around the mansion's vicinity to make sure everything is okay, and that the security hadn't been messed with.
Though he acted composed, he was really really excited on the inside! He was in Otsuu's home! In the past before, they were always at the studio or somewhere else other than her home! But now here he was without being called a stalker or weirdo!
Dear Diary #104
It's best to explain how I came to this conclusion. *Inserts what's already been written* After I was done checking around the house and rechecking the security, I knew that I could accomplish my objective. As Otsuu-chan's number one fan, I knew that she liked to remain in a hot bath for almost and hour, but she wouldn't mind staying in longer if she was accompanied by friends! With Kagura-chan keeping her company, it gave me ample time to make my way to the holy shrine that no fan of Otsuu-chan's had ever been in before.
Her Bedroom.
It's the one place where you can absolutely get to know your idol in a completely new depth that every fan could ever wish to experience! I had to take the opportunity before it slipped through my fingers, so I raced over there. When I reached there, I made sure no one was around to see me enter her room. I also sneak under the rotating surveillance camera so there was no proof that I was there.
I felt my whole body shivering in anticipation as I held the knob with a napkin since my palms were sweaty. I held my breath when I heard the knob tweak while I turned it, and then when I saw the darkness embracing the room, I quickly slipped inside, and then closed the door before the surveillance camera caught me. I had seen pictures of Otsuu-chan's bedroom, so with my skilled memory, I easily flicked it on as if I had been in the room hundred of times before.
The moment the light shone on me, I thought I heard the cries of congratulations from my fellow imperial club members because I had just entered heaven! It looked just like it did in the magazine!
*Insert several paragraphs of elaborate detail on the very structure and appearance of Otsuu's room with amazing eloquent writing that could've won him a Pulitzer*
However, my examination came to a stop when I finally saw something sticking outside of Otsuu-chan's bed. I knew better than to touch ANYTHING in her room, but my curiosity got the best of me, so I grabbed it.
My eyes became wider than my glasses when I saw that it was clearly a BL BOOK?! I probably should explain. BL means Boy's love and as an Otaku, I was very well aware of other different types of otakus. Just like how Tosshi (Hijikata's other personality) was an otaku for anime. Most notably Tomoe 5000.
If I was right, then Otsuu-chan...Otsuu-chan...OTSUU-CHAN IS A FUJOSHI?!
A fujoshi is a female who likes romantic relationships between men, and Fudanshi are their male counterpart.
I didn't know what to make of my discovery! My image of Otsuu-chan didn't shatter, but it did grow into a whole new level because Otsuu-chan is an otaku!
And I was allowed to join her world because like the fool I was, I read the BL book because I wanted to test myself. If I liked it, then I may be bisexual after all, but if I didn't then I wasn't.
However one book couldn't declare my choice since I had to consider both the appearance of the males, the dynamics of their relationship, and the plot of the story.
(Or you could just skip to the parts where they're naked and having sex. LOL. You try too hard, Shinpachi.)
Though a lot of the romances seem to take a soap opera appeal, I do feel pleasantly happy for the couple when they do end up together. Some seem to take it too fast while others take it at the right amount of time, and others seem to take forever despite being only five chapters due to the lack of interaction and drama.
I will admit that I was embarrassed to see the sex scenes, but it makes me feel happy and relieved when the couple could finally engage themselves in that sort of love.
In short, Otsuu-chan found me in her room. I tried to find an excuse, but...
"YOU'RE A FUDANSHI?!" Otsuu cried out in delighted glee.
"What?!" Shinpachi was more stunned by the fact that Otsuu didn't follow that with one of her suffixes!
"You don't have to be shy Shinpachi-kun!"
"You remember my name now?!" Shinpachi thought angrily, but he forgot his emotions when Otsuu grabbed his hands with a passionately, sparkly expression on her face.
"Shin-chan,"
"Shin-chan?!"
"Let's be the best of friends from now on! It's so rare to meet a fudanshi that I can't wait to make you meet my otaku fanclub! We always meet at my house in secret since as an idol, I can't show such a side of me that's looked down in society.-Cut out your balls and strewn them to the ocean for good luck!"
"Are you saying that I am a disgrace in society even though we're the reason you're still on top?!"
The next thing I knew, I had traded phone numbers with Otsuu-chan, she lended me a lot of her BL books, and she told me when to meet her again, so I could meet her personal otaku club. I was frozen in shock because I HAVE HER NUMBER! AND WE'LL SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN TODAY! The stalker was apprehended, so I'll be the only one to go to the mansion in secret.
Well, here I go!
Shinpachi closed his diary, and put it in his secret hiding place and took out the sealed paper bag that held all the BL books. His sister was out, so he hurriedly left the house without a word. He then strode through the street with sweaty palms and a racing heart. He was holding gay romance mangas afterall! And he was a guy!
It would kill him if anyone figured out!
And then on cue his shoulders were bumped by two strong individuals that the bag dropped to the ground and the mangas poured out. He hoped that it was a stranger who bumped into him, but instead it was Gintoki and Kagura.
The three of them stared at the mangas and then the two vulgar people politely cleared their throat and advised, "Pastuan...Make sure you wash your hands when you get home."*
"WAIT! IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!"
Shinpachi bought them to a restaurant where he explained the whole situation, except the part where he could possibly be bisexual. He didn't think his bi-curiosity needed to come to light.
"Otaku club? Fudanshi? Fujoshi?" Gintoki was having a hard time catching up with all these categories for a group of people with no lives. "Why don't you guys just called yourself the perverts and call it a day."
"It's not perverted!" Shinpachi cried out passionately. "Not everyone of these mangas are filled with perverted stuff! Some are even light hearted and a good read! The only difference between this and the usual romance is that they're both guys and there's a lot of romeo and juliet similarities due to it being looked down by society!" The otaku calmed down to explain further, "You have to admit that even though Edo had opened its gate to new life, its ideals are still close minded that a lot of homosexual stars barely come out due to fear of being stigmatized by their fans and society."
"It's true Gin-chan!" Kagura said while reading one of the mangas vigorously. She's never looked so focused before as she read each individual line.
"Oi, what do you think you're reading. It'll rot your brain."
"It won't rot her brain. Though the romance is very idealistic, it's rude to call it that!" the otaku corrected him.
Gintoki blinked at him and then asked, "So are you-what did you call it. Fun-shi (Mr. Fun)?"
"It's fudanshi! And I...am." He blushed bright red. "Now if you could not tell my sister or anyone else about this," he got up to leave. "I need to get to a meeting to see Ots-" He stopped himself when he realized that he let a vital information slip out. He didn't need to look over his shoulder to see the sadistic grins on the two monsters.
._._._.
"Shin-chan! You're here! - Go kill an elephant with a toothpick!" Otsu said happily, and then noticed the other yorozuya members. She gasped, "You two are otakus, too!"
"You bet, Otsu-chan!" Kagura replied ecstatically! "I am a Pussy-shi (Ms. Pussy)!"
"It's fujoshi!" Shinpachi corrected her.
Otsuu ignored that part, "Really Kagura-chan?! I'm so happy - Kill the orphan on black street!" She pulled Kagura's wrist to make her come into her meeting room in her mansion to meet the others. There were several people; some famous and others friends of those famous people.
Not every otaku club was similar, so this particular one work as a team, but were split into several groups, so they only needed to know the three leaders and Otsu.
Only two of them were present at the moment, but they're not important to the plot, so one girl is going to be #1 and the other will be #2.
#1 gasped, "OWOOOOH! You weren't kidding Otsu-chan!" She gawked at Gintoki and Shinpachi. "They look just like Shiro and Yonekuni from Sex Pistols!*"
#2 squealed in uncontrollable delight that freaked out the males. "Are they here to cosplay them?! Oh please tell me they are!"
Gintoki had to speak before he was thrown into anything stupid. "Uhm, excuse me. What exactly are sex pistols?"
#1 mindlessly exclaimed, "He even sounds like him!*"
Otsu happily explained, "It's a yaoi manga where instead of everyone having evolved from monkeys, some people were evolved from other animals like some were evolved by lions, reptiles, or even fish! Shiro and Yonekuni are one of the many couples from sex pistols! - Assassinate the President!"
#1 asked, "How can you have not read it?! Are you really fudanshis?"
Shinpachi quickly replied, "I read it! Gintoki is still pretty new to this stuff! The separate ideals of love and breeding for the sake of race, and the hardships of unrequited love were a heartbreaking read, so seeing these couples overcome them and learn from them was a great relief and gave me kind of hope that I didn't realize I didn't have." The teen had read each and every one of the mangas that Otsuu had given him with great diligence that they were practically etched into his memory. He decided to add cutely with a palm to his chest, "I understand Shiro's feelings of unrequited love, however I chose to acknowledge my love as something else in order to console my superficial pain and refuse the real pain deep beneath from surfacing. Now that I read Sex Pistols, I learned to accept my true feelings with my hope, no matter how painful."
Otsu and the other two girls stared at him, and then one of them declared, "He's almost like Shiro-kun! Costume! Wigs!"
Gintoki and Shinpachi were roughly grabbed by the girls' groups, bought to a dressing room, stripped down, dressed, and then pushed to a room that appeared to be a photo studio.
Both Gintoki and Shinpachi were dressed in a white dressed shirt, black slacks and shoes. Gintoki had to have makeup on so he could young enough to look like a teenager. The both of them wore grey contact lenses. Shinpachi's eyeglasses had to change to one with a low bridge, but his hair was already perfect for the shoot, but Gintoki's hair had to be trimmed and dyed blond.
"OI! Don't go doing that to people out of the blue! I could have you arrested for sexual harrassment!" The now wavy blond samurai yelled at them, but he quickly sized himself up in front of the mirror. "Wait, this is actually pretty good. My hair is still wavy, but it's not a golden blond like that cyborg bastard (Kintoki). Yes. Yes. Good job." He gave the crew a thumbs up. They gave him a thumbs up back.
Shinpachi was about to yell at him, but then the two of them were shoved to the white background. "Wait! We didn't agree to do this!" He reminded them.
"Don't mind them, Shinpachi." Gintoki told him.
"Gin-san?" The teen was surprised by that reaction.
The man continued, "It's just like you said. These characters had given you hope that your unrequited love could be requited someday. Then how about we requite the love of these Fudickies-"
"Fudanshis."
"And Pussishis-"
"Fujoshis!"
"by making their dreams of seeing their favorite characters in real life come true. It's no different from seeing those men you met as a host. They know that it is fake, but for a single moment, they were given hope that they weren't completely incapable of finding love in this cruel 3d world. So Shinpachi!" He sat down on the floor and pulled Shinpachi onto his lap. He asked the crew, "How much will we be paid if we pose for your silly perversions?! Each one of you have to pay for each photo!"
"AAAAHHHH! TAKE OUR MONEY!"
"WAIT A MINUTE!" Shinpachi shouted! "I didn't come here to extort money out of them!"
"Shut up, Patsuan!" Kagura yelled at him while she and the other two girls were taking pictures, and having Otsuu prepare an auction.
The idol sweetly told him, "Thank you for doing this, Shin-chan. My favorite couple is Shiro and Yonekuni, and seeing you two together like this makes my heart beat faster. It's like a dream." She bashfully blushed.
Shinpachi blushed, too, and felt his self-respect diminish in favor for her happiness. He pathetically agreed to do it after all.
The megane felt really uncomfortable with posing with the guy he saw like a brother. Their poses were very intimate since they were cosplaying lovers. Their bodies had to be pressed together, their lips barely touching as they stared into each others eyes, and hands groping intimate places. Shinpachi couldn't understand how Gintoki could be so nonchalant with the poses they were doing.
Especially when a bed was bought in, and the team had them strip down to nude underwear! But Shinpachi also had to wear a belt with a white tail and a pair of dog eyes since he was a white wolf.
IT WAS SO UNCOMFORTABLE!
"HOW CAN YOU BE SO RELAXED WHEN WE HAD TO GO THROUGH THAT?!" Shinpachi was finally able to confront him when they were finally allowed to dress back into their normal clothes in peace.
"Eh?" Gintoki was puzzled.
"WEREN'T YOU UNCOMFORTABLE WITH ALL THOSE POSES! THEY WERE CROSSING BOUNDARIES THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE!"
"What are you getting so worked up about, Shinpachi. It's not like we were actually made to kiss like we were in a porno where I had to get the lotion and condom to prepare you." Shinpachi went bright red by that description! He was about to retort, but Gintoki also added, "Plus, we're used to seeing each other naked, and you know that I'm not gay. So there's nothing wrong since I obviously won't do anything I'm not comfortable with."
"Tru-True. I guess I was overreacting. I'm sorry."
Gintoki stared at Shinpachi's defeated and guilty expression. He inwardly sighed and ruffled his hair with calming words, "How long has it been since we've been together, Shinpachi? Do you really think that after all that time, I wouldn't notice that you've been feeling troubled recently during the time that we had to be hosts in Yoshiwara." The teen was surprised that Gintoki did notice after all. The man continued, "A man can learn new things about himself that he thinks that he should've known about himself in the first place, but life's too short and a lot of things happen that will distract that man from realizing those things in the first place, so there's nothing to feel ashamed about. If it's a part of your character, then its our job to adapt to it. Not the other way around."
"Gin-san..." Shinpachi felt stupid for not trusting the older samurai with his conflicts. Though he didn't think he was obvious enough to notice. "I'm sorry."
"Haaah. There's nothing to apologize about. Just that if you do figure that part of yourself out, and decide to get a boyfriend after all," He drew his sword with a demonic expression on his face, "Make sure to introduce him to me and Kagura."
"HOW CAN I WHEN YOU LOOK LIKE YOU WANT TO MURDER HIM INSTEAD OF GETTING TO KNOW HIM?!" Shinpachi calmed himself down. He knew that Gin-san was always overprotective over Kagura when it came to boys. It should be no surprise if he was given the same treatment since Gintoki knew the heinous side of men. "A-anyway, I haven't told anue-e either. The only ones who know are Saigou-san, her hostesses, and Hijikata-san."
Gintoki was dumbstruck! "Hijikata?! Why did you tell him?! Are you thinking of dating him?! NO! I WILL NOT ALLOW IT!"
"ME TOO, ARU!" Kagura busted through the doors, obviously eavesdropping on them. "WE WON'T HAND YOU OVER TO THE SHINSENGUMI! NEVER! I WILL KILL THEM ALL BEFORE THEY CAN!"
Both her and Gintoki put on aviator sunglasses, and got their sniper rifles ready. "Ready Hitman Gintoki 13?"
"Ready Hitman Kagura 13!"
"Hoh!" They ran for the door, but they were kicked down by Shinpachi.
"WAIT A MINUTE! YOU CAN'T GO ASSASSINATING SHINSENGUMI OFFICER OVER THAT! THE SHOGUN WILL HAVE OUR HEADS IF YOU DO THAT!"
"He's right Hitman Kagura 13." The perverted samurai agreed.
"Then what do we do Hitman Gintoki 13?" The tomboyish china girl inquired with a tough voice.
"We can't murder them all. Some may be resistant against Shinpachi's charms. So what we have to do is have pictures of Shinpachi in sexy poses put up all over the Shinsengumi headquarters and if any of them get hard, we kill them." It was a full proof plan.
But Shinpachi would have none of that. "THAT'LL ONLY GET ME ARRESTED ALONG WITH YOU GUYS FOR BEING A PERVERT AND FORCED TO COMMIT SEPPUKU!"
"Then only in the bathroom stalls."
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" Shinpachi had asked himself that question many times, and there were too many answers to that! "WE'LL STILL GET ARRESTED!"
"Then we'll cover your face. Your butt is all we need."
"THAT ISN'T THE BOTTOM! I MEAN PROBLEM!"
"Did someone say bottom?" A male voice cut through the conversation. The three of them looked to the male to see a tall, lean, Asian male with red dyed, assymetrical, curly hair, punk fashion style, and a face of a model.
Kagura and Gintoki were clueless of who this guy was, but Shinpachi seemed to recognize him, "Minoru-san?"
"Yes." The two made eye contact. "Wait? Is that you Shin-chan? Oh gawd, it is!" The man hugged him tightly.
"Oof! I-It's nice to see you, too. Are you here for Otsuu-chan's club?"
"Of course! I'm one the one who leads the group that's interested in creating the skits for cons and other events. It's so great to see you again, Shin-chan! I've seen you on TV, and you were really cool when you boxed with that super hot guy with the red bandana on*!"
"Uhm, excuse me." Gintoki was all for happy reunions, but he and Kagura didn't like being left in the dark for too long. "Who are you?"
There was much to explain, and it was best done with photos, so they relocated at Shinpachi's house where even Otae-chan didn't know him, so she joined in.
The five of them went to the living room where Shinpachi laid out his school year book. He showed them a picture of Minoru-san who was a kid with a brown afro, a pug nose, buck teeth, and blemishes.
"Eeeeh?! How in the world could you recognize him?!" Gintoki inquired.
"It's impossible! Impossible!" Kagura kept looking back and forth at the picture and the man again and again that her head was bound pop out.
Shinpachi replied, "I remembered by the birthmark on his neck. It was the first thing my eyes laid on before I looked at the rest of his face. I highly doubt anyone else would have a birthmark shaped like a butterfly on their neck, am I right, Minoru-san."
"Definitely." he gave a wink to Shinpachi which made the others suspicious of him. "Shin-chan and I knew each other back then at our temple school, but I had to move out of Edo after graduating. But now I'm back, and I'm one of Otsuu-chan's choreographers."
"So cool!" Shinpachi cried out. "I have a whole new admiration for you Minoru-san!"
The teen was happy, but the other three in the room were not. There was a look in the other teen's eye that didn't settle well with them.
"Well, this was a fun visit!" Otae-chan announced!
"Yeah, it was great to see you Moru-san, but it's getting late!"
"Get out off here!" Kagura went straight to the point and literally kicked him out.
"MINORU-SAN!" Shinpachi cried out.
"I'm okay!" His childhood friend cried back chirpily.
That relieved the teen, but he was furious at the others! But Gintoki and Kagura were already out the door. They trusted Otae-chan to justify their actions.
"WAIT YOU TWO!"
"Shin-chan." His older sister called out to him calmly. "It's nice to meet a childhood friend, but you shouldn't be so friendly to them after so long. People change over time, and it's not necessarily always for the better."
"But Minoru-san hadn't done anything wrong! Weren't you the one who said that we have to give our friends the benefit of the doubt!"
"Not when they obviously want something from you."
"What could Minoru-san possibly want from me?!"
"I think the better question is what have you been keeping from me Shin-chan." Otae-chan smiled craftily.
Shinpachi wasn't surprised that his sister knew that it was the best time for a confession from her little brother. She was intuitive like that. So he confessed about his bi-curiosity and the possibility that he might only be a fudanshi. He didn't know how to find the answer, and Otae-chan seemed to also be at a lost of what to do, but she wasn't one to be without a suggestion.
"To discover of whether your love for a man is deeper than a samurai's bond is quite a scary and unknown road, but as long as you do not get swept away by too many answers, and keep your eyes locked on your path, then I'm sure that you will find your answer. I need you to promise me Shin-chan that you will not be led astray from your bushido to find your answer."
Translation: Don't sleep with someone randomly to check if you're gay.
The teen quickly promised, "You don't have to worry, anue-e. I won't be led astray."
With that settled, the older sibling also suggested, "Now how about we have eggs for dinner."
Shinpachi felt his stomach drop and his pessimistic mind thinking that he won't ever discover the answer before tomorrow.
._._._.
The shinsengumi surrounded an abandoned building that Yamazaki had reported was where a stack of the missiles could possibly located. When a signal was given, they barged right in to apprehend the missiles, but the building was empty of anything except for a piece of metal on the floor.
Hijikata approached it in a relaxed yet cautious manner. When he got closer, he arched an eyebrow and picked it up.
Kondo and Sougo were right behind him. "What did you find, Toshi?"
"It looks like its a flash drive. We should bring it to headquarters to have it examined first for any viruses before checking what's on it."
"Agreed. But if that was left behind by the missiles cult, then how could they have known that we would come here?"
Sougo suggested, "Maybe it was because of Hijikata's mayonnaise stench. He's consumed so much that his sweat is made of mayonnaise."
"That could be it. You have been consuming twice the amount lately. Have you gone to see a doctor about this?" Kondo asked worriedly.
"NO IT'S NOT! My love for mayonnaise has nothing to do with this. Yamazaki!" He yelled out to his spy, and chased after him with a murderous expression. The older officer ran for his life, but was caught and used as a punching bag.
After that was over, Yamazaki was treated for his wounds while the rest of the shinsengumi worked on the flash drive. They made sure that it had no viruses before finding what was on it.
There was only a single video that showed a mask with a collage of pictures that created a strange human-like face. The face shifted into a message from the cult.
"We knew that the shinsengumi would be coming for us, so we placed false leads for you for fun! LOL. But some may not be so false, but your eyes could be blinded by your lack of imagination or perception. LOL. Our religion supports games. LOL. So please do your best and have fun! LOL. It may be challenging for you humans, so we decided to give you a month or two in advance! LOL. Don't give up! ROFL! Love the Missile Revolution Organization!"
SMASH!
Hijikata kicked the computer screen when it began playing the nyan cat video!
"What the hell do they take the shinsengumi for?!" he wanted to smash the screen again, but his men held him back. "Saying LOL at the end of your sentences just pisses everyone off! And what revolution are you making! You're just pissing more people off with your nonsense!"
"Calm down Toshi." Kondo ordered. "If we can trust what this message said, then we have more than enough time to solve this case. The lead they left for Yamazaki was one of their many false leads. We can't tell from truth or lie, so we have to take our chances with every lead we have until we can make up a better plan."
"I honestly don't see how they're that big of a threat. They're just like the genderswap cult back then." Sougo pointed out. "It was annoying having to be a girl for awhile, but it's not like I was going to die. Getting my period was a big shock though. Well then, if no one is going to die, then I'll see myself out." The sadist walked out of the room to get some sleep.
Hijikata called out to him, "Wait! Sougo! Dammit! Let go!"
Kondo said, "Sougo is not wrong. I supposed preventing them would be impossible, but we should extract a vaccine if they have any."
The vice chief was finally freed from his men now that he relaxed. "Tch. Then we'll search each and every corner of this city if we have to. Someone from this dumbass cult is bound to slip."
._._._.
Shinpachi was sitting on a bench while eating odango and drinking tea. He had just finished his host work last night, and felt like treating himself. He felt relieved that it was over, but he did feel a little wistful for the free drinks, the money, and the rare, nice company. But he rather work for Odd jobs than to be a host.
He looked up at the sky with a lost expression. He felt good for finally telling Gintoki, Kagura and his sister about his confusing problem. Their advice and consoling words helped him feel less weird about his curiosity. Though he wished they could give him his answer, so he didn't feel this empty feeling that he also felt was unnecessary. He didn't have any guys or girls who he wanted or could date, so he could ignore his curiosity.
"Shin-chan!" A male voice rang through his thoughts.
He looked to the dirt road to see Minoru approaching him. "Minoru-san? What are you doing here?" He asked, standing up. He hadn't seen the man since the otaku meeting, and the next meeting wasn't until tomorrow.
"Is it weird for childhood friends to see each other?" The red head seemed a little hurt by his words.
"Ah, no. Sorry. It's just that you told me that you were a choreographer. I thought you'd be busy."
"Otsu is doing recording today, so I'm free. Do you have any plans?"
"No. I'm off today, too. Would you like some odango?"
"I already had lunch, but there's this movie I wanted to see. Wanna be my date?"
Shinpachi lightly laughed, "Date? You're as bold as ever Minoru-san." The two began walking to the theater. "It reminds me of the time us and Taka-chin tried to get revenge on those boys who bullied Taka-chin. We put pudding on their seat so they looked like they had an accident. It was funnier because the store that Taka-chin went to was out of chocolate pudding so he had to settle with peanut butter."
"Hahaha! Those were good times. Where is Taka-chin?"
"He went on a vacation with his family out in space." The samurai replied, and the two continued to share memories, and told the other of what happened in their lives. Minoru-san had been everywhere on Earth, and took a few trips out to space for his work.
Shinpachi was awed at his adventures, and loved to hear more, but he noticed that Minoru liked to be touchy. He couldn't tell if that was because he had been influenced by foreigners' habits. The red head's hand could be found around his waist, and he's intently staring at him with this weird look in his eye. It made the megane feel self-conscious that his cheeks were tinted pink.
When he couldn't take it anymore, he said, "U-Uhm, Minoru-san, you're making me feel uncomfortable with your staring."
"Sorry." He said unapologetically. "It's just that you really turned into quite the beauty, Shinpachi."
The samurai's pink cheeks darkened into a red color. "Wha-What?! Should you be saying that to a guy?!" None of his male friends had ever gave him a compliment like that. It's not like they see beyond the glasses most of the time anyway.
"There's nothing wrong in complimenting another guy's beauty! You think I'm snazzy don't ya?!" He stepped back and straightened out his jacket.
"Uh...yes?" Shinpachi said with a shy expression. Minoru was good looking, but to compliment him right now was a bit embarrassing since he didn't want to sound like he had fallen for him.
"Thanks!" The man didn't seem to mind the tone, and wrapped his arm around the megane's waist again.
"Mi-Minoru-san! Is it necessary to hold me so close? Especially in broad daylight."
"Nothing's wrong. Those two are holding hands." He pointed at a gay couple who was walking through the sidewalk while holding hands.
Shinpachi retorted, "They could just be friends."
"Do you really believe that? I mean, they could be, but does it really matter?"
"...No..."
"Then relax! And don't worry, I'm not trying to seduce you or anything. I have a boyfriend!"
That was a slap of knowledge to the head. "Yo-You're gay?!"
"Aren't you?"
"N-No! I mean...I like girls, but recently I've opened a new window of curiosity. I'm not sure if I am also gay or probably a fudanshi." Shinpachi looked down at the ground when he felt those strained, empty feelings again.
"Those two things do get mixed up some of the time. But I think I know how to help! Give me a kiss!" The cute choreographer tapped his lips with the tip of his finger.
"What?! Mi-Minoru-san!" Shinpachi was shocked by the suggestion!
"It's just a kiss n' I'm really good at it! So if ya get hard, then it's proof, right!"
"No! Don't you have a boyfriend!"
"In his custom it's okay to kiss a friend for comfort. But sex is a no-no."
"Se-se..." Shinpachi was still unable to say that three-letter-word without spazzing out like a firecracker! "Please don't say such things in public! It's vulgar!"
"It's not like anyone is listening."
"I'm listening, and I find it vulgar!"
"There's nothing shameful about being a virgin."
"Vir- What does that have to do with any of this! I'm not going to kiss you! I don't even think of you that way! I can't think of you that way!"
"Then," Minoru grabbed hold of Shinpachi's arm and pulled him to a very convenient alleyway. His voice becoming low and husky, "Just close your eyes and pretend I'm someone else. He has to male of course."
"Male...Mmph!" Before he could reject, his lips were touched. This was the second or third time he's ever been kissed (He's only been kissed by a roach. Poor Shinpachi). Due to it being too abrupt, he quickly moved his lips away. "Wa-Wait Minoru-san! Please stop!"
"What's wrong?" The other teen was baffled.
"What's wrong! I may be curious, but I don't want to figure it out this way!"
"I still don't see what's wrong. It's just a kiss between friends. Even teenagers in Edo are doing it."
"I don't care what they do! I'm sorry but I'm not that type of person!"
"But I bet if I was a cute girl, you wouldn't mind."
"I'd definitely mind if she had a boyfriend! I don't care what the customs are, in my custom, I don't go around kissing someone else's beloved even if their lover is fine with it." Shinpachi believed in a pure love, and believed that this sort of act was sacred between two lovers. "I appreciate your help, Minoru-san, but I won't accept a kiss from you. I hope you understand that."
His childhood friend seemed to be dumbstruck, but he relaxed to be somewhat understanding. He scratched his head as he apologized, "Sorry. I forgot how conservative you were, or I thought at least you would learn to loosen up considering the people I saw you with before."
Shinpachi addressed, "I am more open-minded than the kid you knew me before, which is why I am open to discover this other side of me, but it can't be with you."
"I get it. I get it. I guess this side is cute, too. Still wanna see that movie, though."
The samurai nodded with a confirming hum.
Dear Diary #104
What happened between me and Minoru-san today was a case of international differences. He hadn't been in Japan for over a decade, so I'm not angry or surprised by what happened... I guess I am a little bit because I still feel the touch of his lips on mine. I wish to forget the kiss because it's troubling my emotions. However abrupt it may have began, and how abrupt it may have ended, there was a single moment I truly regret. I only confess to you that my mind did think of someone else touching my lips instead of Minoru-san.
I admitted to you that I may have feelings for a male, and to have used Minoru-san as a substitute for him, no matter how brief it may have been, felt wrong. But my lust still wished to sully the thoughts of my crush.
The one who I imagined pecked my lips with his was Hijikata-san.
Shinpachi paused once he finally confessed of who he had a mild crush on. In all honesty, Hijikata was the only bachelor who was eligible for the younger samurai in Shinpachi's opinion. The shinsengumi vice chief was strong, wise, funny, childish, handsome and a whole lot of other compliments that could drown him. But they seemed like superficial reasons for the megane to even consider thinking of the man romantically.
To kiss Hijikatasan would be like a fantasy that's unobtainable. I believe I have more of a chance getting a kiss from Otsu-chan than from him since I don't even know if he likes guys. I joke about him and Gin-san ending up together, but I truly don't know what Hijikata-san is interested in a person romantically. There was Kuriko-chan, but he didn't want to date her because he didn't want to be targeted by her father. Also , he doesn't believe in love. That's another reason why I should give up on this hopeless crush on a man who I consider my friend. Not only that, our friends are friends. If I ever do get the chance to be in a romantic affair with him, it may mess up our friendships.
It may be an exaggeration on my part, but I don't want anything to change right now. Everything seems so peaceful with everyone. I should date people outside of my current relationships. Maybe Minoru-san may actually know someone who is interested. I will be turning twenty next year, so I should indulge myself with blind dates at least.
But should it be with girls or guys? Should I at least go on a blind date with a guy to explore my sexuality, and only go for a kiss.
He remembered what Minoru-san told him after the movie.
"You know Shin-chan, you won't be able to figure out your sexuality by just distantly falling for men. You're just fooling yourself with that romantic nonsense. You know that romance and sex are two completely separate subjects right?"
"I do." Saigou-san taught him that. "And I know I'm fooling myself, but I don't want to explore to deeply into that road. Not that I think it's disgusting, but I like to keep my purity as a man."
"Yeaaah, being a bottom is scary."
Shinpachi felt the wheels in his head stop turning. "Eh?"
His friend looked at him with an innocent expression. "What? You're obviously a bottom. I mean look at you."
"WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN! You can't determine who's the bottom and top in the relationship by looks alone! You've read manga before haven't you! You're a fudanshi, too, right?!"
"Yeah, but if you ever top, it'd just look like two lesbians doing it." He gave a displeased face.
"Don't imagine it! And what's with that face?!"
"Anyway, you should at least consider finding a guy for a make-out. And if you get hard, then your answers settled. I can hook you up with someone for a night."
That sounded like the guy knew a male prostitute, so Shinpachi replied, "Thank you for the suggestion, but no thank you."
Am I a bottom? I know that my build isn't as manly as the others, and I don't have the personality of someone who's dominant, but that's completely unrelated of who is the submissive one in bed!
But when I do think of it, if I was in a relationship with Hijikata-san, I don't have to imagine it to know that it would feel out of place if I was the top. It would be extremely awkward for me to even think of Hijikata-san as the submissive one in bed when he likes to remain in control of the situation, or fights trying to. No matter how you look at it, I would be the one pi
Shinpachi froze while his mind instantly imagined himself being pinned to a bed by Hijikata holding down his wrists. The both of them were stark naked, and the megane was already prepared to lose his virginity. The young male would pant the man's name to give him the signal that he was ready. Shinpachi imagined himself screaming in both pain and pleasure like those bottoms in the manga when his virginity is finally trespassed and obliterated by the feel of the man's cock seizing him as his own.
Shinpachi skipped the part where Hijikata was slow to make him get used to being dominated, to the part where the man sped up his thrusts. The both of them tried not to cum, but they're already at the edge. Hijikata was closer to cumming, so he evened the odds by milking Shinpachi's own cock.
Finally the two cum together. Hijikata was buried deep inside him while Shinpachi had his whole back arched, fingers clenching the bed sheet hard, and his body trembling as he made a mess of his chest and tummy.
The two would pant for air before looking at each other. Both of their eyes were in a daze. Shinpachi could imagine the sound of Hijikata's voice as he said,
"Oi, Shinpachi!" The real Hijikata yelled out from outside as he approached the open window.
SMASH! CLACK! BAM!
The vice chief didn't bother to question the noise, but he did question of why Shinpachi was hiding underneath his blanket on his futon. "Were you sleeping?"
"Y-yes! I-I'm actually not feeling well today! I must've caught something while I was out! COUGH! COUGH!" Shinpachi can't face him! Not when...Not when he's HARD! Does this mean he's actually ga-BISEXUAL?!
It's just like Minoru-san said! If he got hard because of a guy, it definitely means that he is! He didn't kiss Hijikata-san, but to imagine the both of the in a situation and LIKE it should be plenty enough!
"Did you catch it from that guy you were with earlier?" The older samurai sounded annoyed.
"Guy?" Shinpachi forgot his embarrassment and faced Hijikata who had that protective glare on his expression. He quickly replied, "That was just my friend, Minoru-san."
"A friend. I don't remember friends going into an alley and kissing. Unless..."
Shinpachi swore that for every blush he made, he'd be rich by now. "It's not like that! He-He was just helping me!"
"Helping." A demonic aura overfilled the room.
"It's not like that either! He has a boyfriend! But because he has a boyfriend, I made him stop!"
"Ooooooh, so he's the type to play around. I can fix that. Just give me his address of where he lives and works, and I'll take care of it." Hijikata unsheathed his sword with a demonic expression that scared the birds away.
"WAIT A MINUTE!" Shinpachi ran to his window. His boner was gone when he thought of how Hijikata was bound to torture his childhood friend! "Minoru-san didn't do anything wrong! He was born here, but he moved, so he's like a foreigner now instead of a native! Would you like some mayonnaise tea! I'll serve them right away!"
"Don't bother. I just came here looking for Kondo-san, but I just remembered that today is his day off." Hijikata said, but Shinpachi knew better. The proud man actually came here to make sure the younger samurai was okay. That made Shinpachi smile.
"Then I'll give you some. You must be running out of the last tea batch I gave you."
"It's alright. You can give me on my birthday. You guys always try to make a surprise party every year, so you can eat food and drink booze until you forget whose birthday you're celebratin' in the first place." he felt an angry mark when he remembered how a certain drunk silver haired bastard and super sadist had him tied up in bondage and pulled him to the ceiling to be made into a pinata.
Shinpachi remembered that. He got mad at Gintoki for that, but the idiot didn't remember the next morning. "Okay. Oh, but Kondo-san had your party scheduled at five, and I have an otaku meeting with Otsu-chan that won't end until six. I'll try to leave early, but I hope you don't mind that I come late."
"Do whatever you want. I'll see you around, Shinpachi. Don't go around kissing any foreigners from now on."
Shinpachi yelled out of embarrassment, "I WON'T! YOU SHOULD TRY KISSING SOMEONE ONCE IN AWHILE!"
Maybe me.
Hijikata smiled as he left.
Then to his surprise, Sougo was standing outside of the Shimura's household. "Sougo, what are you doing here? Didn't I tell you that I had business to take care of."
The first division captain stared at him as he remembered what happened earlier. Him and Hijikata was searching through the city for clues on the missile cult, while also being on patrol.
During their work, they came across Shinpachi being all buddy-buddy with a red head. The sadist didn't mind, but he easily noticed that his lame vice chief did. The dumb samurai glared hard at the hand that was holding onto Shinpachi's waist. The man nearly unsheathed his sword when the red head tapped his lips with his finger, and then dragged Shinpachi into an alley way.
Sougo thought Hijikata was going to follow them, but the older officer just stood where he was until the two came out less than a minute later. The two teens kept their distance from each other this time, and that calmed the ravenet to completely sheath his sword back.
"...I'm going to tell Kondo-san that you're stalking that gorilla woman, too." The sadist walked away to tattle tale.
Hijikata chased after him. "Who's stalking?! Don't lump me in with those people! Sougo! Oi! Sougo!"
Shinpachi was smiling to himself. He finally had his answer, and that was liberating, but also softly painful since he had fallen for Hijikata in the process. However the fall wasn't too high since he was preventing himself from getting in too deep with these new feelings. He supposed that it was okay to have this unrequited love for Hijikata-san. If Kondo, Kyuubei, and Sacchan can live with it...he can definitely live with it better than them.
He promised as he sipped his mayonnaise flavored tea.
._._._.
A/N: Aaaah, sweet, painful irony at the end. Shinpachi realizes that he has a crush on Hijikata and plans on keeping it to himself. He's just satisfied that he finally figured out his sexuality.
Though to be a bit more clear, Shinpachi's bisexuality is "heterosexual-leaning" since he is most likely to fall for a girl instead of a guy, but that doesn't mean Hijikata can't make him lean his way when he discovers his feelings.
*It's a parallel to the second story in episode 269
*Sex Pistols is an actual yaoi manga. Disclaimer: I don't own it obviously.
*Tomokazu Sugita actually voice Yonekuni in the sex pistols ova!
*The Otsu arc when Tosshi and Shinpachi fought