A/N: Kagura is 16, so expect more maturity from her. A little Ginshin humor, too.
*Characters from Attack of the Titans
._._._.
Chapter 4: Gintama episodes 257-265 are the most depressing since it hits you with three incredibly sad stories in a row…
Dear Diary #105
My mind is filled with Hijikata-san. Before, it was just filled with what my sexuality possibly was because I used to be so sure that I was straight, but after that changed, I feel unsettled. Now that I am not distracted by my confusion, I put myself in a deeper pit of unsettledness that I hope anue-e and the others won't notice.
Shinpachi wrote with cherry blossom cheeks and a crooked frown. His body was tensed as he made sure no one was seeing him in this private act. It was nighttime however, and it was almost time to sleep.
I'm too embarrassed to talk to anyone about this, including Saigou-san. I tried to reason with myself that what I feel right now is just lust like I would for a cute girl, but that was both degrading for me and Hijikata-san. His birthday is tomorrow, and I'm not sure if I can look him in the face when I imagined the two of us in bed...doing things that are none of your business to know!
I've been training myself to not imagine it again by slapping myself hard. In one day, my cheeks were bruised to the point that I had to use two ice packs to lessen the swell. I suppose it cannot be helped. Unlike with a stranger or Otsu-chan, I've seen Hijikata-san naked. For it to turn me on now makes me hope that we never end up in a hot springs together again!
I have also punched my head a few times when I imagined the two of us in impossible or cheesy romantic scenarios. I can't do that. I have to prevent myself from falling in love!
It's a good thing I bought a book this time! It turns out that unlike the internet, the library is an easier place to find the right information I need. I got myself a library card, and rented out a book titled, "10 Ways To Prevent Yourself From Falling in love!" I also rented out a book titled, "How To Effectively Get Rid Of Stalkers If They're A Policeman" and "How To Deal With An Amanto's Puberty And Teenage Years".
For my prevention book, #1 is to distract myself from thinking about Hijikata-san. I can do that by attending to my job and chores both here at the dojo and at the yorozuya!
#2 is don't be a stalker. Don't have to tell me twice. It's the one thing I can do very well on this list.
Shinpachi wrote while he heard the sounds of of a gorilla screaming and his bones breaking outside his room.
#3 is don't do things just to please your crush. That would be hard considering that Hijikata-san wouldn't ask me to do anything unless it was crucial, but he's also the type to avoid asking for help because he's a very prideful person. I suppose that this advice is useless for me.
#4 is don't flirt and avoid being too friendly. Hijikata-san and I aren't the type to flirt, and we are friends. If Hijikata-san acted the way Minoru-san did, then it would be a problem, but I can't imagine Hijikata-san doing that, so this advice is also pointless for me.
#5 is to think of the bad sides of Hijikata-san, because I may be thinking of him too highly.
If I had to list every one of his faults:
1) His obsession with mayonnaise and addiction to smoking. It's really unhealthy, and I read in a book I found at the library that the food and habits that spike a person's blood pressure can lead to ED. Will there be a sex life? NOT THAT I'M EXPECTING ONE!
Shinpachi paused to cool his face down, and slapped his face hard again and again to prevent himself from thinking about having sex with Hijikata-san! He stopped slapping himself once he felt disoriented. He then shook his head, and continued with just going onto number 6.
#6 is to avoid him and make distance between each other to avoid physical intimacy. Hijikata-san and I are not intimate, but I think that if I touched his hand, even briefly, I might explode! AUGH! I sound like a weirdo! I've known him for two years! And I'm acting like an overreacting virgin!
(You are one, Shinpachi. LOL.)
I need to remain focus! Which brings us to #7 which is that I must focus on someone else other than Hijikata-san! If I fall for another person, then the feelings for both of them will fuse out or one will win! I am already head over heels over Otsu-chan, so all I have to do is put all my love into her! Even more than ever before! I have to listen to her music twice as much! I stare at photos of her twice as much! I have to cheer for her at concerts twice as much! I have to be twice as hard as the captain of the Terakado Tsuu's Imperial Guards. I AM FIRED UP!
Aaah, but right now let's finish this list.
#7 is Realize the difference between love and attraction. I am sure that I can tell the difference. I can be attracted to other girls, but my love for Otsuu-chan is real. If I was just attracted to Hijikata-san, then I wouldn't have such a problem in the first place. I do admire Hijikata-san and I do find him handsome. Who wouldn't? He makes me pretty envious as a guy. But Hijikata-san is also one of my dearest friends, and I cherish the relationship we have now. This is why I have to not fall to deep in love with him.
I do want to cherish him more. I want to get under that hard shell of a demon vice chief of the shinsengumi, and share with him things I would with others, and things I wouldn't. I feel safe with Hijikata-san. I also feel pleasantly calm, and maybe a little mischievous. Teasing him can be fun sometimes, and I feel like I do see a side of Hijikata-san that others don't. But what do I know. Maybe he is more relaxed and a bit goofy with Kondo-san and the others. Aaaah, I want to see Hijikata-san. I want to hear his deep voice reverberate through my entire being and shake my core. I want his gun-metal blue eyes to look at me with a bit of an adoration of their own, even though I don't have much to be adored about...
WAIT! I SHOULDN'T BE WRITINGTHIS! NOOO! I NEED TO DISTRACT MY THOUGHTS! BUT FIRST I NEED TO FINISH THIS LIST!
#8 is that I need to consider my self respect. There's a reason why I want to not fall in love with Hijikata-san, and it's not only because I want to keep our friendship! It's also because even though I do want to do all these things with Hijikata-san, but because I'm not sure if he is capable of reciprocating these feelings. I don't want to look down on Hijikata-san, but for a man who doesn't believe in love, he will most likely have no confidence that he can reciprocate my feelings.
I could help him, but to be in a relationship isn't about fixing someone. The person in the relationship is responsible in changing and fixing himself, but I'm not sure if Hijikata-san will want to do that. I'm most likely running into a brick wall if I do try to be in a relationship with Hijikata-san because I refused to read the dead end signs.
Shinpachi felt guilty and depressed by what he wrote, but he strode forward.
#9 is to convince myself that I'm not in love with Hijikata-san. I may only be infatuated with him for now, and it's bound to go away. But it's not like there's a chance of anything happening between us anyway.
#10 is to Talk to him if everything failed. If I do end up being unable to not stop being in love with him, then the book told me to ask for his help to stop these feelings. I'm sure Hijikata-san will say something cruel to help me give up. It's best to get my heart ready for that.
Shinpachi stopped writing. His eyes were on his diary, and he refused to reread what he just wrote. His heart was being squeezed so painfully that he could barely breathe. He sat there at his table with a hopeless expression before he eventually put his diary away, and sleep his feelings off.
._._._.
"So me and my boyfriend were like doing it. Oral I mean. And I was having difficulty because he was thiiiiiis big! He didn't want to put it in me, but I was like 'Bitch, we doing it. But fist me first'. And when I got bored of him fisting me, I jumped on him. He yelled 'It's never gonna fit!' n' I was like 'Shut up!' and then...Nothing. I blacked out, but he told me after my surgery that there I was broken inside and there was blood everywhere."
Shinpachi stared at Minoru-san. "..." He got up, crouched down in a fighting style, and then yelled, "WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS?!"
"Shut up, Virginpachi!" Kagura yelled at him. Otsu and the other two nameless girls nodded firmly.
"Who're you calling a Virginpachi?! Don't agree with her, Otsuu-chan!"
Gintoki was looking away while digging his nose with his pinkie trying to erase what he heard from his memory.
The otaku club was at different park in Edo that was near a church since the otaku club was taking picture of vampires, devils, and other Gothic themed characters as well as light hearted ones associated with the park.
Minoru laughed at the poor megane, having his arm around his shoulders. "It's okay, Virginpachi."
"I'm gonna kick you, Minoru." muttered Shinpachi.
"Taking your first cock will hurt if you don't learn to relax. You're new, so I gotta tell you that there's a lot of things you have to do to make sure you're all clean to bottom." He leaned closer to Shinpachi's face and whispered huskily, "Want me to show you?"
WHACK! CRACK!
"GIN-SAN!" Shinpachi cried out when a demonic Gintoki smacked Minoru with his sword, and then stomped on his cheek on the floor with his foot.
"What were you planning to show him exactly? HNNNNGH? Did you think that I would let you show him this and that, this and that, and that other thing? HNNNNNGH?!" Th samurai rubbed his foot hard against the younger man's face. "Do you think that I will let you strip away Shinpachi's purity?! Do you even know this boy?! Even though he also likes women, he only reads porn books once or twice a year. I've only know him for two years which mean he's only read four! FOUR! What kind of man only read four in two years! He's never even seen a cheap PORNO on cable! HNNNNNGH!"
"Why are you telling him this?!" Shinpachi yelled while wondering of whether the idiot was trying to pain him as a saint or a really pathetic guy!
Gintoki ignored him, "Those shitty BL books don't even count! They may be naked, but the sex is only for three to five pages and the dicks aren't even drawn! A guy's ass shouldn't be so easy to enter out of convenience! Don't these women know how a guy's ass works!"
"Why do you know that, Gin-san?" Shinpachi inquired.
"Do you understand now?! There's no way I can let the only pure one in the Yorozuya lose it to some pervert like you or anyone the author wish to shit out into this Fanfiction! Not after I failed Kagura! ACK!" Gintoki was kicked by the said teenager he failed. "FORK NAIL PUNCH!' He rolled around and then collided with a wall.
Kagura huffed. "I don't remember giving you the power to decide when and with who I lose my virginity, too. Keeping one's virginity is an outdated ideal, when a woman can get what she wants and keep her honor without having to be pure." She spit at the ground.
Otsuu-chan and the girls squealed. "You're so cool, Kagura-chan!"
Kagura also told Shinpachi, "You shouldn't listen to what stupid men like Gin-chan say these days. You can hold your virginity like some sort of prize, but if you decide to wanna lose it for fun, it's nothin' to be ashamed of. You're body belongs to you, and it'll be beautiful and treasured no matter what happens to it." She gave him an encouraging, mature smile.
"Kagura-chan..." Shinpachi did feel a bit envious that Kagura reached that part of adult hood before him at such a young age, but he wasn't upset over it like Gin-san was. He understood that Kagura was a strong woman who could take care of herself, and he trusted her to make the right decision for herself. He nodded to her with a smile to show his understanding and appreciation.
"WE HAVE A PROBLEM!" One of the club members cried out, "Three of our cosplayers were injured in a fight over whether Levi should be shipped with Erwin, Hanji, or Eren!*"
"Oh no! Which one of them were hurt!" Otsuu-chan asked worriedly.
"Uhm...the wedding couple and the maid of honor." The member reported.
Shinpachi felt his heart skip a beat when Otsuu looked his way. He felt his forehead sweating. The trio mentioned had two females and one male, and Gintoki was obviously a man, so that meant that he was the maid of honor...
"WHY AM I THE BRIDE?!" Shinpachi was wearing an appliqued elegant, satin wedding ball gown with off the shoulder sleeves, a scoop neckline, a sweep train, and a bow with flowers on his back. They attached a fishtail braid to his hair and put on a tiara. For his makeup, they put on a baby blue eye shadow, mascara to curl his upper and lower lashes, and put on a medium pink lip gloss on his lips.
"Because the bride is flat chested, and we weren't doing any cross-dress cosplay, so we didn't have any binds to flatten your friend's chest." One of the members told him.
"OOWOOOH!" Kagura's eyes sparkled at the sight of the megane. "Shinpachi looks so pretty!" The red head was wearing a knee-length, pale blue, bridesmaid dress with a one shoulder flower strap and silver high heels.
Shinpachi sweat dropped a little at her compliment. It's one thing for Minoru to call him a beauty, it was another thing to be called a feminine word like 'pretty'.
"That's enough! Are you trying to choke me to death! " Gintoki yelled at one of the members who tightened his tie a little too much.
Shinpachi's eyes widened. Gintoki was wearing a black wig this time, and because his face looked almost looked like the other man, Shinpachi found himself blushing. Seeing Gintoki in a suit and tie was weird, but if Shinpachi didn't focus on his eyes, he would see Hijikata-san.
He couldn't hit himself since he might mess up the makeup, so he focused hard on Gintoki's dead fish eyes with all seriousness, but he added a gentleness to his stare when he could see a playful, gentleness in Gintoki's eyes. The two of them were standing on the church's door steps while Kagura was giving a smile of approval in the background. Shinpachi didn't know which wedding couple he was cosplaying as, but he seemed to be able to be in sync with Gintoki.
Gintoki's hands were secured around his waist, and smile was warm and inviting. Shinpachi warmly smiled back as he reminisced of all the adventures the two of them had went through together, and his consistent admiration of the man. Then those memories added Kagura, when she decided to join in with them since she never liked to be in the background anyway.
The photographers didn't seem to mind since the three of them looked good together in the shots.
Otsu and Minoru watched them. "Aaah, Mi-chan, they look so happy together! It makes me want to run over them!"
"Maybe there's something between those two?" Her choreographer suggested in a whisper. His hand was covering the sight of his mouth from the happy trio.
"Huh?" Otsu whispered back.
"I mean look at the way Shin-chan is looking at him! That warm, loving gaze. Y'gotta admit that its different than how he looks at Kagura-chan, right? He looks at her like a little sister or a daughter!"
"Hmmm." Otsu looked at the trio. Kagura had just shove Shinpachi away, and held onto Gintoki as if she was taking him all for herself. Shinpachi got mad at her for getting out of character for the photoshoot, but if someone were to not know what he was shouting about, he would look like the angry, shocked bride. "If what you say is true, then Kagura-chan is the jealous sister, or daughter who wants her sister's boyfriend, or her daddy all to herself."
"But since in reality, they are not related, so it's a love triangle!"
"OH! If this was a manga...Then Shin-chan and Kagura-chan were fighting over Gin-san, and Gin-san chose Shin-chan!" She cried out her last sentence at the same time Kagura had Gintoki's wig fall off!
Suddenly a rain of kunai dropped on the church. The trio was about to jump out of the way with the photographers.
"Wh-WHO DID THIS?!" Shinpachi cried out!
"It was me." Everyone looked up at the church's roof to see Sarutobi shrouded in an ominous shadow with a blinding white light as her background. She shaking voice spoke softly, "I...I can't believe this! I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT 2ND RATE MEGANE WAS ABLE TO OUTDO ME AND WIN GIN-CHAN'S HEART AND BODY!"
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING 2ND RATE!" Shinpachi yelled, but he was ignored by the crazy woman.
"What was it, Gin-chan?! What don't I have that that prude has?! I should've known something was not right when he would stay over at your house, and sleep in your room with you! I should've known something was wrong when I heard the creaking sounds! How could you, Gin-chan! Why turn to him, when my body was always ready for you!"
Gintoki yelled back, "OII! Don't make it sound like I defiled him! I'm not gay, you bitch! And even if I was desperate, I wouldn't turn to you, pig!"
Sarutobi ignored him too. "Now you two are happily married and didn't bother to invite me even though we've went through so much together! Is this how it feels to be Jacob (Twilight)! I bet that you two are planning to make a baby through supernatural means on your honeymoon!"
"Someone shoot her down please." The fake married couple pleaded.
"But I won't let that happen! I won't!" She threw a rain of kunais at them.
Gintoki and Shinpachi didn't have their swords to deflect them, but Gintoki still moved to get Shinpachi behind him. He called out, "Kagura!"
"Yosh!" She got in front of them and opened her umbrella. She successfully blocked them to almost everyone's relief, but then the Yato declared, "I won't let you destroy this marriage! I was also suspicious of when they would sleep in Gin-chan's room without me! I should've been suspicious when I heard Shinpachi choking on something in the middle of the night!"
"What the hell are you insinuating!" Shinpachi cried out. His face red by humiliation since they were in public and phones were recording this moment!
Kagura ignored him to say with sorrowful passion, "I understand how you feel Sacchan, but for the sake of both their happiness, I smiled for them! Even if it hurt walking down that aisle seeing his smile!"
"I-Is this a confession?" Gintoki was sweating nervously because he lived with this chick. Rejection won't make a peaceful household.
Both women were crying now. Shinpachi and Gintoki were not sure of what to do now. They looked at each other and silently agreed that it was best to sneak away at this moment.
But then something black and purple dyed the atmosphere. "I-Is that so..." A brunette in a pink kimono said ominously.
"Anu-Anue-e!" Both men were paralyzed at the sight of her slowly unlocking the demon within her. Shinpachi tried to explain, "Thi-This isn't-"
"HOW COULD YOU!" She sucker punched Gintoki, making him crash into kunai covered staircase.
"GIN-SAN!"
Otae-chan darkly told the partially conscious man, "I should've known something was wrong when my cute, innocent brother would come home with sore hips and a sore lower back."
"That was just from work!" Shinpachi exclaimed, but his cries fell on deaf ears once again.
"You may have defiled my brother, but I will never accept this holy union! You think I will accept a no-good, lazy pervert as my brother's husband and take away the Shimura last name from the future generations?! You are a thousand years too early to consider yourself good enough to take the Shimura name." She spit at his face before turning around to face her little brother who was too terrified to say anything. His sister may be smiling sweetly at him, but she knew that it was hiding dark, brutal intentions behind it. "C'mon Shin-chan. Let's get you home, and find a tower to lock you up in for all eternity. Okay?"
"NO! Nelson hold!" Kagura held onto Otae-chan before she could grab onto Shinpachi's wrist! "I'm sorry Anego! Go Shinpachi! I'll hold her off! Get Gintoki, and reach to your plane that'll bring you off to your honeymoon!"
Shinpachi knew that this was crazy, but he also knew that no one was willing to listen, so he did as he was told. He ran to get Gintoki, but a kunai stopped him.
"I won't let you take him!" Sarutobi jumped off the roof, and planned to strike Shinpachi, but Minoru pushed her to the side and held her in a camel hold. "Go Shin-chan! The otaku club will hold her off so you two can go make your honeymoon babies!"
"You're just making this worse!" Shinpachi wanted to hit everyone, but then Gin-san's groan distracted him. "Gin-san! Come on! We have to leave!"
The silver haired samurai didn't have to be told twice before the two got on the moped and raced off to safety. They hoped that everyone was able to hold them off for long enough!
"OOOOOWOH!" Two dangerous females were chasing after them.
"THAT WASN'T EVEN LONG AT ALL! WHERE'S KAGURA-CHAN!" Shinpachi asked, but then noticed a third female running behind them.
She roared, "I CAN'T ACCEPT IT, AFTER ALL!"
"You know we aren't actually married, you idiot!" Gintoki yelled at her as he pushed the gas pedal at full speed.
"Faster! Faster!" Shinpachi begged!
"I'm going as fast as I can!" Gintoki yelled back! He looked over his shoulder, and didn't see three women chasing after them. Instead he saw a purple boar, a blood orange dog, and a gorilla chasing after them.
Shinpachi just wanted to get safe, but then he noticed that the sun was setting! That meant that it was already 6:30! "Gin-san, we need to head to the shinsengumi headquarters!"
"What! Why!"
._._._.
"We knew that the shinsengumi would be coming for us, so we placed false leads for you for fun! LOL. But some may not be so false, but your eyes could be blinded by your lack of imagination or perception. LOL. Our religion supports games. LOL. So please do your best and have fun! LOL. It may be challenging for you humans, so we decided to give you a month or two in advance! LOL. Don't give up! ROFL! Love the Missile Revolution Organization! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL!"
SMASH! WHACK! CLACK! CRACK!
"Chief! Vice chief Hijikata is still destroying the room!" One of the shinsengumi officers reported!
Kondou and Sougo just stared at him. Their mayo addict had been at this for over an hour, that even the "surprise" party that's been prepared had to be delayed.
They figured that Hijikata must be ready to stop soon. Kondou figured he should be the one to initiate the time to stop. "Maaah! Hijikata-san, yo-you must be famished after venting your stress out of shinsengumi equipment that cost a fortune, neh?" Hijikata didn't answer. He was still seething with high-blooded frustration mixed with the tar of smoking and fats from mayonnaise in his system. Kondou felt intimidated, but he had to move forward. It was his long time friend's birthday. "Yeah! We all are, so let's go eat!"
"Is the yorozuya here?" The stressed man was able to ask.
Kondou and Sougo were both surprised by the question, but they guessed that the man had really burnt his brain cells. Sougo was the one to reply, "Nah. They had a wedding to attend."
"A wedding?"
._._._.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Shinpachi and Gintoki screamed as they were still being chased. They tried to lose them by getting on the crowded street, but even with the oncoming traffic, the inhuman females barged through them like an army of thousands!
"Can nothing stop them! Gin-san, we need to lose them!"
"Heheh...I have a way. How about we go there?"
Shinpachi looked at where he was point to see the sea. "ARE YOU CRAZY!"
"But Shinpachi...We're almost out of gas..."
Shinpachi fell silent. He had two ways to die.
But then there was a honk. A bike pulled up to them to reveal Elizabeth and Katsura peddling up to them in tuxes. "Ooooh, Gintoki! It's a good thing I caught up to you! If you must know, I was on standby during the entire wedding."
"WHY ARE YOU HERE?! THERE WAS NO WEDDING TO BEGIN WITH SO HOW COULD YOU HAVE BEEN THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE, YOU MORON!"
"It's not moron, it's Katsura."
"I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE! CAN'T Y'SEE I'M TRYING TO RUN AWAY FOR MY LIFE!"
"Ah, I see! The rite of passage to your honeymoon before you make your baby through supernatural means!"
"YOU'RE REALLY PISSING ME OFF! WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE?!"
"It's not polite to go to a wedding without a gift, so Elizabeth and I got you this bike."
"Thank you very much." The fake wedding couple kicked off the two weirdos, and started cycling away from the three woman army.
"PEDDLE FOR YOUR LIFE SHINPACHI!"
"WAAAAAAAAAH!" Shinpachi did his battle cry!
But then Shinpachi found a whip around him and was pulled away onto the top of a deliver truck. "SHINPACHI!" Gintoki cried out, but then the wheel of the bike was shot off, which threw him off.
He ran for his life away from Kagura and Otae while Shinpachi was left to deal with Sarutobi. "SARUTOBI PLEASE! WE DIDN'T GET MARRIED!"
"Don't lie to me to get out of this! Once you're married, it's an endless battle of fidelity! You must always prove your loyalty! Once you lose, the winner can have him!"
"What kind of marriage rule is that!" Shinpachi didn't have his sword, and moving in this ballgown was difficult so he was doomed! But before Sarutobi could attack, Otae-chan appeared to save him! "Anue-e!"
"Shut up! When we get home, you're living in a tower from now on! I'll buy a dragon for a pet and no man is allowed to have you unless they get through the both of us first!"
Shinpachi hoped that she was just joking. He snuck away from the duel between Sarutobi and his big sister, so he could slip down to the side and reach the passenger side. He knocked on the window, and the driver wasn't phased at all to see a bride hanging off his truck. He just opened the door without stopping the car, and let the cross dresser in. He asked, "Where to?"
"Uh, can we make two stops, and fast. I'm late for a really important event." Shinpachi gave him the locations' addresses.
"Okay." The driver pressed the gas pedal and started plowing through cars and people to get through. Sarutobi and his sister were knocked off by a bridge.
._._._.
"You're thirty today, and you're still not married." Matsudaira sighed in disappointment.
Hijikata felt an angry mark on his cheek. "Oi, why is the old man here?" Nobody answered. Everyone was trying to have a good time, but Hijikata's gloom made it difficult to even drink sake. The sudden arrival of the old man didn't help matters either.
The old man replied, "You've been ignoring my messages. My calls. Have you even bothered to look at the photographs and resumes of the potential candidates for an omiai at least."
"I'm too busy to bother with this wedding arrangement nonsense."
"Eh?" The old man rasped. "So you think you're too good to be married huh. Well let me tell you something, if you don't get married in the next three seconds, I'll shoot every married man in this room. You must be feeling lucky, Kondou."
"Wait a minute!" Hijikata ordered.
"One." Every married man jumped out of the way to live as a bullet was fired.
"Eh? You're still not married, Toushi. Then I'll have to wait another three seconds."
"You didn't even wait for two seconds! And it's impossible to get married right now! Unless a bride comes in here right now, you're just going to fill this place with holes! We already have enough on the shinsengumi bill to pay for damages!"
"You caused those damages, Hijikata-san." Sougo reminded him while eating a piece of his birthday cake. "It's best to shoot him first, old man. Maybe his life insurance will cover it."
"You quiet!" Hijikata ordered!
"I still don't see a bride, and my patience is wearing thin. Maybe I should shoot you in the arm, and get you to the hospital so you can meet a nice nurse lady, do the funky monkey late at night, and then get her pregnant, and you'll have no choice but to get married and be a family. You may feel a bit empty with your wife once you realized you aren't compatible, but at least you have a beautiful daughter who still loves you even if your a sleazy old man still going out to hostess bars and drinking late at night." The sunglasses wearing, gun wielding maniac sighed depressingly.
Hijikata felt his honor insulted because like hell he's gonna do it with some random nurse and knock her up! Who does this guy take him for?! That silver haired bastard?!
The maniac continued, "So Toushi, ready to enter Valhalla. I'll make sure you come back to mother earth, and the first face you'll see is the cutest nurse in all of Edo. But before that I'll give you to the count of three to find a bride."
"Wai-"
"On-"
"I'M HERE!" An outside voice called out. Shinpachi arrived still wearing the wedding dress. Despite everything that happened, he was still clean and and perfect for a wedding to take place. "I'm sorry I'm late, Hijikata-san! You wouldn't believe what happened earlier, but I'm here now!" The teen was just happy to be there, but everyone was staring at him with dumbstruck faces.
Matsudaira put his gun away, and then gave his approval, "You snatched a good one, Toushi."
"Go to hell already old man!"
Sougo asked Shinpachi, "Why are you dressed like that?"
Before a reply could come, Gintoki in his groom clothing flung through the air with a deranged Kagura on Sadaharu right behind him.
BOOM!
A bloody Sarutobi and Otae-chan had just broke through the shinsengumi's concrete wall instead of just leaping over it. They inquired with a silent promise of death, "Where is the bride?"
Kagura laughed maniacally, "You two have nowhere to run! I will have your hearts carved out of your body and-hey, is that cake! Go get it Sadaharu!"
"Aff!" The two off them ignored the blood covered, half-conscious Gin-san on the ground to leap into the room.
"Gin-san!" Shinpachi ran over to him.
Matsudaira quickly assumed the situation, "Huh, is that your groom. Well, it doesn't matter. A groom is no good if they can't defend their lady. Once he loses, the winner can have the bride, so Toushi, after I kill him, you'll have to kill me to get your bride. It's a sacrifice I'm willing to take."
"Someone please kill him before he does anything." Hijikata sarcastically pleaded.
"Wait stop old man!" Kondou pleaded! "That's Otae-chan's little brother!"
"Little brother?" He assumed that guy was the groom. "I guess I can't kill him."
"LIKE HELL YOU WOULD!" Otae-chan kicked him unconscious, and then noticed the opened cooler had bargain dash inside! She forgot all her anger to have some!
"It looks like my opponent is distracted, so it's a good time to-" Sarutobi was knocked unconscious by a plate thrown by Otae-chan.
Nobody bothered to do anything about her, so they moved on.
"Gin-san, are you okay?!" Shinpachi called out to him, but there was no answer. "Gin-san! Gin-san!"
"Uuuuugh," The samurai rejected the light he saw, and instead saw a pair of worried brown eyes. "A-a-are you an angel?"
Shinpachi felt himself relax to a smile. Usually, he wouldn't be so worried, but after being chased by three unstoppable female forces, he really thought it would be the end of them. "It looks like we survived today. Maybe there is an angel here."
Gin-san felt his wits come back to him, and returned the smile.
Hijikata felt a second angry mark on his forehead. "OIIII! What the hell happened to you two?!"
Kagura was the one to explain to everyone of what happened. She just went along with the two females to have some fun, but she was secretly jealous of how close and weirdly loving Gin-san and Shinpachi were without her.
With that settled, almost everyone laughed, and continued the party with a better mood since Kagura and Otae were around to liven up the place! They partied all night long with alcohol, games, jokes, karaoke and laughter!
Everyone enjoyed themselves, until they fell asleep. Shinpachi put a blanket over Gintoki, Kagura and his sister who took comfort in Sadaharu's soft, warm fur. He then took a look around, and sighed. It was certainly a mess of things, but it was evidence of a fun party.
Then he noticed someone missing. He searched around the shinsengumi headquarters, and then found him sitting on the porch staring up at the moon with a blank look on his expression. Shinpachi paused himself from approaching him, and then had an idea. He left to the kitchen, and then returned with a tray of two cups of tea.
He finally called out, "Hijikata-san, you look frazzled."
The gun-blue eyed man looked his way emotionlessly, but when he saw the sight of those kind eyes and smile that created a portrait of friendliness, he looked away. Shinpachi took that as a sign that the man would rather talk after being served.
So he set the tray between them since #6 was to avoid him or make distance between them. The two picked up their cup, and drank their tea. Hijikata noticed the flavor. "You bought the mayo-tea after all."
"You told me to. I actually got your gift here." He reached into his skirt making Hijikata internally panic for a moment before a paper bag came out. The megane explained, "I was in a hurry, and I was worried that Sarutobi or the others might destroy your gift if I held onto it, so I got a stapler and stapled it onto the inside of my skirt. Hopefully when I return it, I won't be scolded, or worse, made to pay for it." He handed the bag over.
Hijikata looked inside to see the packaged tea inside, and mayonnaise bottles that were from the other two. Nothing surprised him except for one thing. He took it out for closer inspection. "A tea cup?" He looked at what was written on it, "Keep calm and focus on mayonnaise".
Shinpachi hurriedly explained, "I was surprised to see something like that written on it, too, since it should be mugs that would have something ridiculous like that written on it!...Do you like it?"
The megane remembered when he spotted that cup a few days earlier. He knew that rule #1 was to distract himself from thinking about Hijikata, but he couldn't ignore the tea cup!
And he didn't regret it when he saw the small smile on that tired expression. Then Hijikata noticed something else. "Oh there's a second one."
"Huh?" There shouldn't be...
"It says, 'Keep calm by focusing on megane'."
"WAAH! No! That wasn't supposed to be in there! I'll take it back!" Shinpachi tried to get it back, but the demon vice chief kept it away from his grasp! The skirt wasn't helping either! "Hey! That's not your gift, so give it back!"
"Too bad. I already decided to keep it."
"What're you?! A kid?! You shouldn't take something that wasn't meant for you!"
"But I want it, and you wouldn't take something away from the birthday boy would you."
Shinpachi felt an angry mark on his cheek. "Who's the birthday boy? More like birthday boar."
"What did you say to me?! That's it! I'm keeping this after all!" Hijikata stuffed it right back into the paper bag and folded it close.
"But if you keep it, everyone will get the wrong idea since they only see me as glasses most of the time."
"So what. It's none of their business."
"Maybe you're fine with it, but what if Okita-san and the gorilla gets the wrong idea?! I don't want to get into some weird misunderstanding from those two the most! I already nearly died by the hands of a bunch of deranged females!"
Hijikata knew that was true, and wanted to avoid the misunderstanding too, so he took out a permanent marker, and covered the "gane" part of "megane", so it read, 'Keep calm by focusing on me'. "There. Is that better?"
Shinpachi looked at it, and thought it was better. He also felt happy that they had a little secret of their own between just the two of them. He mentally pummeled himself for thinking about that! He wasn't really upset with the thought, but more about how happy it made him! He nodded, and then it fell silent between the two.
The younger samurai decided to ask, "Aren't you tired, Hijikata-san? You weren't very active at your own birthday party compared to last year."
Hijikata felt hot blooded when that question reminded him of his problem! He couldn't stop himself from complaining, "It's the damn missiles cult! They put false leads so the shinsengumi is scattered all over the place, and every freakin' time we find a freakin' false lead, I have to listen to the same video over and over again! The most annoying part is that they use LOL at the fuckin' end of their sentences! Who the fuck does that?! I'M GOING TO KILL WHOEVER CREATED THAT WORD!"
Shinpachi felt a pinch of a fear from the man's deadly promise, but he remained relaxed and said, "Then if you plan on killing anyone, you should get a good night's rest."
"You think I haven't been trying? Every time I close my eyes, the freaking word pops into my head. It's been giving me insomnia lately." That must explain why he's being so careless with some of his words.
"Then you should give your responsibility to someone else for a while. I understand that you want to give your all to this mission, but it's no good for the shinsengumi if they lose their valuable vice chief. They'd be lost without you if you went insane. You may think now that you won't, but please consider how everyone else must feel. They must be worried about you."
Hijikata knew that. Kondou had pleaded for him to take a break, but he shoved that kindness aside because he was too proud, and he thirsted to have the cult's blood in his hands while they lay on the floor half-dead. It's what they deserve after making them play their retarded games! He furrowed his brows as he felt an annoying feeling of guilt but stubbornness intoxicating him. "Fine! I'll take a break next month!"
Shinpachi happily said, "Next week then! I'll tell Kondou right away tomorrow!"
"What do you mean next week, I said next month!"
"Tomorrow? You must be really eager to get your rest, Hijikata-san!"
"Are you even listening to me! Who are you! My mother?!"
"You can still do your police work, but you have to take a leave of absence from this mission for a while."
"I won't get a wink of sleep if I did that." The man grumbled.
Shinpachi grimaced. Hijikata-san was being really stubborn! He decided to take the tray with the tea cups and bring them back to the kitchen, and then get back to the thorny idiot to force him to enter his room. He then pulled the stubborn bull down to his futon, and forced his head onto his lap.
"What are you doing?!" Hijikata had been asking since he was forced in here like a child!
"Proving that you can get a wink of sleep if you tried! If you're gonna act like a stubborn child, then I should just treat you as one!"
"You bastard! You think that I will do as you say!"
"Obviously not." Shinpachi replied without a doubt which shut Hijikata up. The young samurai explained, "I'm not as close to you as Kondou-san, and I'm not as terrifying like my sister, but the least I can do is try and take care of you because we're friends. It's still your birthday, Hijikata-san. Having a party prepared for you, and receiving gifts means nothing if you can't appreciate it because you're so hung up with this mission. It's admirable that you're going out of your way, even on your birthday, to do your job, but it's pitiful when you can't enjoy the benefits that job provides for you."
"I'll have another birthday. It's not like I wanted to celebrate it."
"True, but it was a fantastic birthday that Kondou worked hard to set up to show how much he appreciated you. It's too bad that you were too worked up to notice." Shinpachi said sweetly, though his words carried a hot, iron burn to them. Then he kindly ordered, "Close your eyes, Hijikata-san. It's time for you to get that good night rest."
"Even i-"
"Shhh." Shinpachi shushed him. "Relax. Edo will be peaceful tonight, but if it isn't, it'll be okay. Your men can handle it. You've trained them to be ready for battle with and without you. You can trust them while you doze off to sleep." Hijikata knew that Shinpachi was trying to persuade him with his soft, sweet, hypnotic voice, but it was working. He felt himself dozing off into a sleep stage in his mind he hadn't felt in a while. "Tomorrow will be a new day. It will be your day to relax."
I could feel Hijikata-san slipping away from me when his breathing softened, and his body became slack on my lap. I am aware that I may have broken a lot of rules by doing this, but I was worried. I believed that Hijikata-san haven't slept well for almost a week or more, so for him to fall asleep so peacefully last night gave me relief. I care deeply for him, but I am sure that I am yet to have fallen in love with him.
It's best that I keep my distance from him for a while now.
The next day, Sougo appeared at the yorozuya to announce, "I have evidence that you three are responsible for the destruction that happened yesterday." He showed them a video of the stunt pulled at the church and the streets. "But I'm not here to make an arrest. Instead, he'll work for it as community service." He grabbed Shinpachi and dragged him out.
"EEEEEEEH?! WAIT O-OKITA-SAN!" Shinpachi begged as he was being pulled down the stairs. "GIN-SAN! KAGURA-CHAN! HELP!"
"Do your best, Shinpachi!" Gintoki gave him a thumbs up.
"Don't let them win, Shinpachi! Fight with all you got!" Kagura cheered for him as she threw fists and kicks in the air.
Shinpachi growled at them, "WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE BEING PUNISHED?!"
._._._.
A/N: So yeah, Shinpachi will be working for the shinsengumi from now on until we hit the next plot point! Let the romance finally presume!