Chapter 9: The easy, fun-going teacher are the worse teachers because they are hard to follow, and less organize than the stricter teacher.
Dear Diary #109
Hijikata-san, I've fallen in love with you. It wasn't love at first sight or anything silly like that. It was because I finally opened my eyes to what I really am. I am bisexual, and I do like girls more, but I really do like you, too. Not because your girly or anything! No! It's mainly because whenever I'm near you, I feel happy...but this happiness is different from how I feel when I'm around my sister, Gin-san, Kagura-chan, or even Otsu-chan. I idolize and appreciate her, and I feel these too when I'm with you. But the difference is...the difference is that I see your flaws, your strong points, and I sound like I know you, but I really don't. And I'd like to, but I understand if you don't feel the same, so please, let's remain friends.
"LIKE HELL THAT'S GONNA WORK!" Shinpachi tore the page out of his diary and cut to shreds with his sword. "Aaah! It's already been two weeks! And I only have two more months to left!"
Shinpachi had been given one month off of his community service thanks to his major help in the missiles cult case. That meant that he needed to finish five months and three months had already passed.
There was a knock on his shoji door, and Yamazaki called out that it was him. Shinpachi let him in. "Hey Shinpachi, how is your courage to confess coming along." He somewhat teased.
The megane became slightly teary eyed as he replied, "I'm hopeless. I can't think of the best way to tell him! And worse, now that I admit to myself that I'm in love with him, I become a school girl when he's around!" Actually, he acted like he usually did around Hijikata, but the inner Shinpachi was prancing along happily in his heart as he complimented the older samurai endlessly.
"Have you told boss and Kagura-chan?"
"Are you kidding me?! If they knew, they'd do something that'd keep me here forever! Or worse! Indirectly tell Hijikata or TELL him, and I don't want him to hate me if they do something even stupider!" Shinpachi hugged his pillow for dear life. His chest clenched at the thought of his unrequited love being crushed into dust once Hijikata can't stand the sight of him.
Yamazaki made a thoughtful sigh. "It's hard to imagine vice chief ever hating you. Maybe find you infuriating at times when you hang out with those troublesome two, but something like hate is impossible."
"How are you so sure?" Shinpachi dropped his pillow and stood up. His break was almost ending.
"The vice chief isn't a fickle person." The spy approached him. Shinpachi knew he was right, and felt emotionally exhausted from being anxious for the last two weeks. He held onto Yamazaki for support. He breathed in the man's scent since his cologne smelled nice, and then withdrew with a content smile. "Thanks Yamazaki-san."
"No problem."
Then the door slid open. "Hey Shinpachi-kun. I was wonde-" Kondo paused at the sight of Yamazaki who had his arms wrapped around Shinpachi's waist, and the teen had his hands on the man's chest. "Excuse me. I saw nothing."
"WAIT! IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!" Both men cried out.
._._._.
"I'm worried about Shinpachi. Lately he has this face that tells me that he wants to tell me something. I've asked him about it, but he told me that it nothing. Just that there's a lot that he'd like to talk to me about."
Hijikata felt his cheeks get a bit warm there. He's been happier than he thought he was when Shinpachi avoided him. To be this close to him, and be happy, he thought that he may be just happy that he had a willing, smart, thoughtful, hard-working, and close subordinate that wasn't trying too hard like Tetsu.
He's definitely looking forward to seeing Shinpachi. After the missiles cult case, Shinpachi decided to work with him again.
He inhaled his mayonnaise smoke in his office, and then blew out the sweet scent with a content smile.
"What's with that blissful smile? It's disgusting on your face." Sougo commented while he sat in front of Hijikata, and place a mayonnaise cake on his desk. "It's ruining the wrinkles between your brows."
"Who has wrinkles where?!" Hijikata roared and accepted the cake with thanks. "And what shit are you talking about now?"
"You were smiling and you haven't killed anyone. Have you gone senile. You are in your thir-"
"That's still to young." The older officer growled. "Besides, is it really that strange?"
"It's like the sign of an apocalypse."
"I'll send you there right now."
"Anyway, what are you so happy about?"
"That's none of your business." Hijikata put his cigarette out, and then took the plastic knife and fork that was provided. He took a bite, and at first it was delicious, but then like the many times he forgot, his mouth began to sizzle inside until he was bursting out of his office to drink the pond water outside.
"Hijikata-san!" Shinpachi was on his way to his office, but now he needed to make sure his boss was okay. "Don't drink that! You'll get sick!"
The man couldn't hear him since his entire head was in the pond.
Tetsu stared at the scene with a face of innocence, but he was well aware that there had been a chemistry floating in and out of the office. "Those two seem to get along really well lately, huh, Okita-san."
The sadist just shrugged and got up to leave since he had his fun. Besides, it wasn't hard to know what made that devil smile.
Hijikata came back up. His mouth was still burning, but less than before. He breathed in which only stung him.
"Hijikata-san, are you okay?!"
The man shook himself to regain his senses, and then was greeted by Shinpachi's concerned expression. "Uh yeah." he sniffed and then cleared his throat. "Sougo was just playing one of his tricks again."
Shinpachi didn't comment on these 'tricks'. Instead he smiled in relief, "That's good to know, but your mouth must be burning. You should drink milk to feel better, but you may get sick anyway since you drank pond water."
Hijikata couldn't say no to that caring smile. Before he could, but this smile was different. It just reeled him in like a fish that looked like a pig with Hijikata's hair on a hook like. "WAIT! WHY IS THE FISH A PIG?!" Then he realized that he acted weird. He quickly regained his coolness which only made him appear more of a dork, but Shinpachi didn't comment. "I mean, ah. You're right, but I'll be fine." He tried, but then Shinpachi urged him a little, "Neh, neh, you need to take better care of your body. Tetsu and I can handle things. It will only be a short while after all."
Hijikata felt defeated when he gave that smile again. He mentally cursed before agreeing, and felt himself get reeled out of the water when Shinpachi gave him a bigger, happier smile. He didn't know why, but he was walking like a stumbling fool.
The rest of the day went normally. Well...as normally as Hijikata and Shinpachi thought it to be, but the rest of the shinsengumi, even Tetsu and Kondo began noticing something off between them.
Morning, the usual routine of breakfast and then a brief meeting, but then afterwards, Shinpachi gives his compliments and words of encouragement for the rest of the day. Hijikata always smile at him while giving the same things. Everyone feels like they are watching a couple where the man has to go to work while the others stays home to take care of the house. They were all waiting for the two to share a goodbye kiss every morning.
Afternoon, lunch happens, and Shinpachi had prepared a lunch of his own since he was allowed to go into the kitchen whenever he wanted to, and for some reason, also prepared Hijikata's lunch. He also prepares a lunch box for Tetsu, but the co-assistant had a faint feeling that he was the couple's child because he's just eating at the office while listening to the two talk about random things with a tone that somehow made people see flowers blooming around them.
Night, Shinpachi gives his compliments and appreciation for the hard work. Hijikata does the same. Nothing special...
"BUT WHAT'S WITH THIS ATMOSPHERE?!" the shinsengumi men cried out.
"THEY'RE SO AFFECTIONATE THAT IT'S MAKING ME JEALOUS!"
"WHY CAN'T ME AND MY WIFE BE LIKE THAT EVERYDAY!"
"HE EVEN MAKES HIM LUNCH!"
"WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT IN THE MORNING! FOOD AND LOVELY IDLE CHATTER IN THE AFTERNOON, AND THEN A SWEET GOODNIGHT WITH A LOVING SMILE! WHY IS SHINPACHI SO SIMPLE YET HE SEEMS TO BE GLOWING LIKE A SCHOOL GIRL IN LOVE!"
"SHUT UP!" Hijikata flied kicked all their heads. "I don't know what you're yelling about, and I don't give a damn! Get back to training!" He yelled at the swordsmen who continued to strike their swords through the air.
When they settled down, he turned to his commander who was the one in charge of watching over them. "Kon-" He paused when he saw his old friend immersed in a depressing, dark atmosphere with shadowed eyes and a grim frown on his face.
"Hey, Toshi..." He said with a tone of utter gloom and despair. "You and Shinpachi have been getting along pretty well compared to me and Otae-chan. Mind sharing that loving atmosphere with me?"
"WHAT LOVING ATMOSPHERE CRAP ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! SHINPACHI AND I ARE ONLY COMRADES!"
"Hijikata-san!" Shinpachi entered with a bright smile like a wife calling for her adoring husband.
"Ah, yes, Shinpachi." Hijikata faced him with a shy smile as if they were new love birds.
"Director Matsudaira is here to see you. He told me that it was urgent business."
Hijikata was upset by that. He knew what the old man could want. He gave out a resigned sigh, "I'll be right there. Come on, Shinpachi. Keep working hard, Kondou-san. Everyone."
The two exited. The rest replied as if they were on the verge of collapsing emotionally, "Yes sir."
._._._.
"Sorry Toushi, but I can't let this go on for long."
"What are you talking about now, old man?" Hijikata reluctantly inquired. He knew what this was.
The god of destruction answered, "You being unmarried. It's sad enough that your commander is still single, you almost married a guy. You think I wouldn't figure that out, and that you're not married yet, eh?"
"You made your own stupid assumptions." Hijikata grumbled.
"I'm not against that sort of love, but if you're not planning on marrying him, then I set up an omiai for you next month."
"OI! Don't go planning for other people! You're not my father!"
"Ah, but I am your director, and as your director, I like to see my men on top be married because if I had to get married, then you should, too. It's good for the reputation of the shinsengumi. Family men in the higher ups."
"Then just please focus on Kondou-san!" Hijikata practically begged, but the man wasn't understanding him.
"So see you by then, Toushi." The possibly-senile-old man walked away.
Hijikata sighed roughly, and figured that he should just play the man's games. The only way to avoid this was if he did get married or at least a pretend girlfriend, but how long can he pull that off, and who would he even consider.
That old man thought that he was going to marry Shinpachi. Well, the teen did come at the most convenient time on his birthday, and he didn't look bad, but he wouldn't want Shinpachi to wear a wedding dress. He would look good enough in a black kimono and perhaps a navy blue tux with a bow for the reception.
Shinpachi wouldn't be a bad husband. He's always thoughtful, makes good food unlike his older sister, and has good cleaning skills. Aaah, but he doesn't want to keep him like a househusband. The yorozuya were a terrible bunch on a normal day, but they need his husband to keep themselves in proper order and have someone to be the straight man to their jokes or else their protagonist will lose his mind since the role seems to shift to him when he's gone.
Shinpachi would tell him that it seemed that on every one of his breaks, they do too much idiot stuff just to get a feel for their straight-man back. Yet, lately they've been acting strange, as if they were suspicious about something, but they were always weird to begin with.
"My husband should really consider working here instead...Wait...Eh...my...my husband?" Hijikata backtrack on his thoughts, and then realized what he just called Shinpachi. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEH?! No! I didn't mean it like that! I meant it as an-an-an example! N-no way I want him as my..." Hijikata imagined it.
He imagined himself waking up in the morning next to a sleepy Shinpachi who gets up with him, and they take turn making breakfast. Ah, but he should know to make dishes without too much mayo. Shinpachi told him that he may like it, but others can't like it as much since not everyone's body can handle all that he takes. Then when he goes to work, he'll have a special note on the bento box that Shinpachi made for his lunch.
"Wait! I shouldn't be thinking about these sort of things!" Hijikata marched out of the room, quietly blaming it for his strange behavior.
"There is no way I want to marry Shinpachi! We're just friends! And he's into that Otsu girl, and he's in love with someone in the shinsengumi! There's no way it was me! Absolutely not!"
"Hijikata, here's your lunch. Kondou-san needs me to help him with some decisions, so please excuse me." Shinpachi placed the bento on the table, and excused himself from the room after giving Tetsu his bento.
The man put his journal aside to eat, but then he noticed a sticky not on his bento cover. It stated, 'You can do your best! Have a good rest of your day. -Shinpachi.'
"Oh, he left you a message, Vice chief?" Tetsu said and showed to have no sticky note of his own, but the assistant didn't mind. "It's just like Shinpachi to be mindful of you."
"Uh, yeah..." Hijikata felt his cheeks and chest warm up at the sight off the note that looked to have been carefully written so the Japanese characters could be read. So this is what it would feel like to have his husband leave a note of encouragement on his bento lunch box... "ARGH! THIS IS NOT THE FEELING!" He bashed his head against a hard wall until the collision began to break one of the hard places.
"VICE CHIEF?!" Tetsu cried out!
So on after getting his head wrapped with bandages, Hijikata seriously thought on his feelings.
"WHY THE FUCK DO I FEEL THIS WAY?! MY HEART GOES THUMPA-THUMP! MY FACE FEELS HOT UNNATURALLY! IT FEELS SO GOOD WHEN I SMILE CUZ OF HIM! I HAVE BEEN TOO DAMN HAPPY THESE LAST FEW WEEKS! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?!"
Yamazaki saw him scribbling away in his journal at his office. The spy gave him a pity sigh before moving on with the rest of his day.
Unknown to the two of them and the rest of the shinsengumi, two nosy people were sneaking around the headquarters. Gintoki and Kagura decided to act on their plan tonight. They could have done it sooner, but they were distracted by Gintoki's sudden good luck in pachinko and gambling for a few weeks that they have been busy with filling their stomachs and doing stuff only people with money could do.
Now that that luck had run out, they had nothing else to do, but possibly either save or humiliate Shinpachi. Either way is fine.
When night fell, they were to act.
._._._.
Hijikata could not fall asleep on his futon. He was too busy thinking about Shinpachi. He kept arguing with himself for hours of whether he should have the megane pretend to be his lover. Shinpachi was sure to be not weird out by the request. They were close friends, and friends help each other out.
He decided to get his journal and lit a candle, so he could write his thoughts out.
"I am in the middle of a dilemma. I do not want to attend the omiai that the senile old man had scheduled for me, and an easy escape route out of this is to make Shinpachi my pretend lover since he is the most reasonable choice for this ruse. We only have to date until he finds someone suitable for him. Perhaps that guy he loves in the shinsengumi. It still pisses me off that there was someone within this place who Shinpachi had fallen for. Like I said before, I trust my men as officers, but not as men of romance. Not even myself. If Shinpachi were to be in love with me, then I will have to tell him immediately that our relationship could never work. I am the least of all the men in this headquarters who is suited to be a lover.
Shinpachi, I would turn you away even if I was in love with you."
"AAAAAAAAAH!" A scream ripped through the entire shinsengumi.
Everyone got up and ran towards the scream, and were met with an unfortunate naked Kondo with grey jello slathered all over him.
"Oh, it was just the commander." One of them said, and they all looked a bit disappointed by this.
Nobody questioned why Kondo was like this. Not even the newbies. This was pretty much normal for Kondo's standards of a human being.
"Wait there are shoe prints!" One of them pointed at the jello that had prints that came from two set of boots.
Suddenly the lights around them flickered until they completely shot off, and there was an explosion at the electrical room. There were sounds of two females and one man screaming.
"What was that?" Everyone was confused, and then almost leaped out of their souls when a perturbing creature covered in flames came lunging at them with its bizarre, erratic howling.
They all ran away from the deranged monster, but then at the other end of the hallway, another burning monster riding on a burning white fur dragon came charging at them. They all tried the third hall, but a gorilla on fire came growling and grunting towards them. They all ran over Kondou's body to get through the doors that led outside, and then tried to make a run for it.
They all scattered to save themselves, but then Hijikata ordered them to stand their ground and put out their swords. The samurai just remembered their weapons and withdrew them. However, when the three monsters leaped up at them in a blaze of fire, they all fled for their lives.
The three monsters landed into the pond, and then sprang out to reveal that they were Sadaharu, Gintoki, Kagura, and Otae.
"Oi! I told you to not do anything stupid!" Gintoki shouted at Kagura.
"I didn't think that it would blow up, aru! You should know better than to make sweet, innocent girls play with electrical wires!" The amanto defended herself. Sadaharu barked, which sounded like he was backing her up, but he was actually agreeing with Gintoki.
Otae yelled, "This isn't the time to fight among each other! We were supposed to just shut off the power after knocking out the guards and sealing all the exits so none of these bastards escaped! We will find the piece of shit who dared to steal my cute little Shin-chan's heart!"
"And I told you that that's idiotic! It's hard to tell whether you have a brother complex or not! Which is it?!" Gintoki yelled, really wanting to know whether Otae really loved her brother or not because she was really hard to read!
Sadaharu barked that he wanted to go home, but Kagura translated it as, "Sadaharu is right! We can't go home yet! We need to protect Shinpachi's anal virginity! We already knew that it would be risky leaving him here in a zoo of dirty men, but now we need to take him back!" Sadaharu barked about the tax paying community service hours, but that issue was already forgotten by them since its been 3 months.
Otae pointed out, "The plan was to scare them all into one room, but it looks like we will need to have to lure them out and lock them into one room. From there, we can scare them into sacrificing Shinpachi to us. And then due to me luckily winning tickets to a trip to the planet of Jifi, the five of us can stay there until Shinpachi's community hours are forgotten by the shinsengumi!"
Sadaharu barked about how the shinsengumi really forgets all the crap they pulled since there's so much, but after a while, and after some sort of compassionate event, their crimes are forgotten. They are all lucky, sinful bastards.
While they were planning, Hijikata and Shinpachi found themselves alone within the broom closet. The vice chief had pulled the teen in with him despite it being a tight squeeze, and now their bodies were pressed together. Shinpachi was facing away from Hijikata while the man's arms were wrapped around him and his torso and crotch was against Shinpachi's back.
They both remained very still in there until the sounds of men running around had completely dissolved, and there were no one that Hijikata could see through the slits of the closet. "It looks like the coast is clear."
"But is it safe to exit? There are four of them out there, and they could be amantos."
"We have no choice. The shinsengumi has criminal files and evidence. If they get their hands on that, our work to take down some really dangerous criminals could go down the drain."
"That's true. We should probably find a few of our comrades first so we can have a better chance against them." Shinpachi suggested.
Hijikata agreed. "Good idea. Let's do it." He tried to push the door open, but it wouldn't budge. He tried again. Each time was a harder push until the door sounded like thick, shattering glass.
"Is something wrong, Hijikata-san?" Shinpachi inquired worriedly.
"I don't know! It won't o-" The officer wished he hadn't pushed that hundredth time because now the closet was tilting.
"AAAH!" Shinpachi screamed when the whole closet came clashing down. Now, everything was dark, and they were trapped! "Hijikata-san, we're stuck!"
"I know that! Maybe we can use our sword to cut our way through!"
"Not when we're like this! The space is too narrow! You might cut me!"
"Tch! Then we have no chance of getting out until someone find us. I just hope that Sougo or Kondou-san can take care of them before those bastards mess with our work." Hijikata prayed REALLY HARD!
Shinpachi prayed too, but he was more concern by his situation right now! He was stuck body to body with Hijikata! He can feel the samurai's crotch against his ass, and he likes it! But this was an inappropriate time to like his crush's crotch rubbing against his ass in an enclosed place in the dark. It felt so ironic that he had a small bottle of lotion in his pocket! Too many yaoi manga moments rushed into his head, and he began to feel himself get hard! Damn his virgin body!
"Shinpachi?" Hijikata said. His warm breath could be felt on the teen's neck.
"Yes?" He played it cool.
"Are you alright? It is pretty cramped in here."
"I'm okay." He said, reassuring. "It is cramped, but I am comfortable."
"But your shoulder must feel strained. Here. You can lie on my arm. Get us both comfortable." Hijikata moved his arm underneath Shinpachi's head and then bent it so the teen could lie on his bicep while he lied on his fits.
Shinpachi did feel comfortable being able to use Hijikata's beefy bicep as his pillow. He admired it as a man and loved it as a freak who wanted to sniff it because there was a nice aroma coming off of the man's arm for some reason.
Unknown to him, Hijikata was already breathing in the smell of the shampoo in his hair. There was a nice green tea smell in his hair along with his natural scent that added a sweetness to the fragrance, but there was also an unidentifiable earthy smell that Hijikata couldn't identify as anything other than it was Shinpachi's.
The two of them were silent because they were too busy taking in each other's body. The warmth that was radiating off of each other through their thin pajamas, and the shape that they could only make out by their touch. It was strange to have Hijikata have one arm around Shinpachi in such a position, but i also felt strangely natural and comfortable, too.
Then, "Ah crap. I need to use the restroom." Hijikata cursed.
Shinpachi felt goosebumps at the confession! "Eh?! Seriously?! Can you hold it in?"
"For a few hours maybe. Hopefully they'll find us by then."
"I sure hope so! I don't want to lie in a puddle of your piss!"
"I told you that I'll hold it in, so shut up! And stop wiggling your ass against my crotch!"
"I'm not wiggling my ass against your crotch! Your the one moving!"
"Haaaa? Why would I be rubbing my crotch against your skinny ass!"
"I don't know! You're the one doing it!"
"I ain't doing anything! If I was rubbing my crotch against your ass, then I bet you'd like that!"
You have no idea.
Shinpachi would write later, but right now he denied, "NO, I WOULDN'T! Just because I'm bi doesn't mean that I like just any man rubbing against me! Especially someone who eats gallons of mayonnaise for a living!"
"What do you seriously have against mayonnaise! Fine! Even if I were to fall for a stupid megane otaku like you, I wouldn't even get aroused by your girlish frame."
"Girlish?! What's so girly about my body?! I have muscles!"
"So does your sister, but hers is much more impressive than yours! She's a beast compared to a dainty man like you!"
"What did you say about my sister?! She's definitely stronger than I am, but she's more womanly than you are manly!"
"Ha! I'll believe that when she marries Kondou-san!"
"That's never gonna happen! I rather she married Kyuubei-san even after all the stuff we went through in season 2!"
"Seriously?! What do you have against Kondou-san?!"
"I don't like guys who are terrible with women! You'd think after two years, he'd stop his stalking! At this point, I'm always disgusted with myself of getting used to it!"
"Just accept getting used to it! It gives me a reason to visit you whenever!"
"You can visit me like a normal person, you know! Do you need any other reason than you wanting to see me?! Or do you want an excuse for being seen with a stupid megane otaku like me?!"
"He-Hey! That's not what I meant!" Hijikata reasoned, "I'd like to see you whenever I want, but I enjoy that I can do it even in the middle of work! Everyday is always hectic that seeing you in the middle of them has been my asylum..."
Shinpachi froze in place with his eyes wide opened. He couldn't help feeling incredibly happy, but also guilty for what he said. "Really?"
"Is this something I would lie about?" The older, more opened man inquired.
Shinpachi didn't hesitate to answer. In the darkness held such a gentle smile. "No. I'm sorry for saying what I said."
"No. I shouldn't have called you a stupid megane otaku. Sorry about that."
"Well, only two of those things are true, so you're forgiven. And that makes four." Shinpachi teased.
"I thought I told you to stop counting!" Hijikata felt an angry mark on his forehead as his hands moved for revenge. His fingers got under Shinpachi's shirt and he began tickling him.
"HI-HIJIKATA-SAN! DO-DON'T TICKLE ME!" Shinpachi tried to stop the hands, but Hijikata was stronger than him! He couldn't stop himself from laughing once the man got his fingers on his side. He tried to wiggle away from the feathery fingers, but that just made it worse! "PLEA-PLEASE STOP! I-I PROMISE I WON'T COUNT AGAIN! HIJIKATA-SAN!"
The man stopped. Satisfied that he won. "You promise?"
"What are you? A little ki-Hahahaha! I promise! I promise!"
Hijikata stopped, and then pulled his hands away. He rearranged his arm to make Shinpachi comfortable again. He had his other arm wrapped around him and engulfed a whiff of the sweet, natural tea smelling hair.
Shinpachi just enjoyed the feel of Hijikata's bicep and his beating heart against his back. Though he wondered if it was his pounding heart that he felt. Then the teen joked, "I should have you arrested for sexual harassment. Who goes inside the shirt to tickle them?"
"Don't get mad because you lost."
Shinpachi snorted. "The only thing I lost was my privacy. I feel so invaded. Kondou-san, you need to reprimand this man!" He played around.
Hijikata snorted, "You are so weird."
"That's like the pot calling the kettle black." The teen amusingly pointed out. Then he asked out of curiosity, "I've been hearing around that Matsudaira-san had set you up in an omiai."
Hijikata felt his good mood almost got stomped on. He replied, "Yeah, that old man wants me to get married since I'm in my thirties now. I'm only going to participate just so he can get off my back for a while."
"But what if he sets you up with his daughter, Kuriko-chan? Do you think she still thinks you're a mayo-prince?" Shinpachi asked curiously, but then the thought that Hijikata could be taken made him feel a faint need to stop, but he felt too awkward to stop the conversation.
Hijikata didn't want to talk about the girl who should be turning19 this year. "I'd still turn it down. I don't need a marriage, much less want it. Men like me can't make a woman like her happy."
"It's not a man's job to make her happy." Shinpachi blurted out without thinking. He quickly tried to recover. He thought that it was shameful to go against his words, so he rolled with it, hoping it'd get him somewhere profound. "I mean that it's good to be happy in a marriage, but it's not happiness that pulls a marriage through. It's not sex or a person's conscience. It's their love. You can't always make her happy, but if the two of you learned to fall in love, and get through the honey moon phrase, then perhaps you might get into fights, but maybe...she would be glad that she went through these fights and these arguments, and those rough times with you because love only becomes stronger through them. And once everything is settled, and peaceful, instead of boredom, there is content."
Hijikata liked those bitter honeyed words, but he still stubbornly held onto his own ideals. "Is that what you want for yourself?"
"A marriage filled with turmoil and love. Yes. Life is already hard. I might as well be having a war with and next to the person I love with everyone else. The only difference between my lover and every one else I love is that we share a bed, and he's the only one I want in it."
"Him?" Hijikata questioned as he took another sniff of that tea scented hair. That smell seemed to increase in value to him. Even if Shinpachi was within this dark, enclosed place with only him in it, he felt the teen slip away from him. He wrapped his arm a little more firmly around Shinpachi to feel him there.
Shinpachi was distracted by his thoughts to noticed the tightened arm. "Yeah. I'm really liking this one guy."
Hijikata froze at his spot. Shinpachi was confessing to him without being drunk. "It's not someone from in the shinsengumi, right?" He cautiously questioned.
Shinpachi felt a false sense of courage. He carelessly replied, "There is no rule that I can't like someone; only that I can't date him." Hijikata couldn't say another word, and he didn't want Shinpachi to speak another word, but he was too curious when he began to describe, "He's a really nice guy. He's incredibly rough around the edges, but he's an amazing samurai. I only ever saw him as a friend who I loved to see any time of the day, but not when he had to arrest me and Gin-san and Kagura-chan. I always thought that falling in love is supposed to be spontaneous with someone new, but turns out it can also be hidden until the world ceases just for a second, and I saw a new side of myself that I never explored. And it led me to falling for him. I thought I was just being childish at first because I didn't have that many good men to fall for, but I couldn't stop. I tried, but accepting that I was in love was easier."
Hijikata stayed still while Shinpachi was being vague. He softly asked, "What does that mean? Accepting that you're in love was easier?"
Shinpachi thoughtfully answered, "What I meant by that was that as much as I want to let go of my feelings as if it were an infatuation, I couldn't. My eyes would look for him when I believed that he would be near. Before working for the shinsengumi, I always looked forward to him visiting me whenever I was on my day off. When I dream about having se-I mean when I dream about having fun! Fun! Not adult fun! Obviously not that!" Shinpachi really hoped that the man didn't hear the "se-" part. "I-I enjoy it." Shinpachi felt his whole body heat up in embarrassment. He was so glad it was dark.
"And what?" Hijikata inquired. Though a part of him wished he hadn't.
"Huh?" Shinpachi didn't quite catch that.
"What else do you like about him? What makes you so sure you're in love with him?"
Shinpachi understood, and thoughtfully answered again, "You probably wouldn't believe me because of my age and experience, but I can tell the difference between infatuation and love. I can also tell the difference between all types of love that I've experienced. I love anue-e as my sister, and I also love Gin-san and Kagura-chan as part of my family. I love Otsuu, and I never thought I'd ever feel a deeper love than that, but then I realized that I am bisexual, and I fell for him. One of my rules as the captain of Otsuu's fanclub is that I don't fall in love with anyone more than her, but it looks like I've broken that rule. I don't think that it's because of a specific thing about him. I just see him, and I want to do something for him. Whether it was to make him happy, or set him straight." Shinpachi didn't include that he would also like to get naughty under the covers. This boy has goals.
Hijikata still couldn't tell who it was since Shinpachi wouldn't stop being vague. But as a good friend, he reluctantly told him, "You should confess. You're only a temporary officer anyway."
Shinpachi gave a simper to that. "That would be nice, but I already know that he will reject me. I just don't know how to confess so it wouldn't be too awkward for him to reject me."
Hijikata was abhorred by this! He angrily questioned with a growl to his voice, "Why would he reject you?! Is it because he's straight?! But if it's you Shinpachi, you can surely change his mind! You might not have uber sex appeal, but you're one of the most thoughtful, hard working and best men I know! He's bound to fall for you!"
Shinpachi held back a sadistic life behind his grin. He didn't know what convinced him to do what he did. "That's a funny thing you said that because the person I've fallen for is you, Hijikata-san."
Once those words slipped from his lips, the darkness became louder than them.
._._._.
A/N: Shinpachi confessed?! And now it's all dead silence. I wonder what the idiot three and Sadaharu are doing.
Hijikata has a very candid and simple imagination of marriage. Shinpachi has a realistic, yet still sweet view point of marriage.
A spouse's job in a marriage is to not make the other person consistently happy. It's to love them which means that if your love is telling you to try make your lover happy or to set them straight even if it could blow up into a heated argument, then you're doing it right. You can't always make a person happy, but you can let them know you love them in various ways. Send the message for truth! Not for pleasure unless its simple times!
Though other people have different views of what marriage realistically is. This is just the one I chose for Shinpachi.