hey this is one of the authors idk where to put a warning so im putting it here - deppression, repetatition, murder, family abuse, sexual assault (forced kissing). most of the chapters wouldn't be like that.
It took Genji time to learn how to tell his fiancé secrets. He used to sit on their bed, twirling his fingers with his partner's. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry – he'd repeat. Jesse missed it when he was away – the touch, the whispering, the intimacy.
Jesse opened his bag, pulling out a paper, words scrambled across it in black. He knew what it was – and he feared it. Genji told him he'd send a piece from an old diary, and he guessed this was it.
'Jesse, my love, my prince charming – I'm translating a part from Japanese that you could understand' the first line said.
'I'm scared. He looked too serious. He'd kill me. He'd kill me. He'd kill me.
I love him. I really do. He's the most important person in the world. I love him I love him I love him and he wants to take it away.
He walked into my room this morning. I wasn't alone. The face he gave me. I'm so sorry brother, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry.
I love you please don't hurt me
I know he will. He has to.
He loves me and he has to hurt me.'
Jesse put down the paper, sitting on the motel's bed, he tried his best to stop the tears. He twirled his dreads, trying to find comfort in the repetitive movement. He found another piece, dated a month after the one he just read.
'I deserved it. I should've gotten my arm ripped off and shot in the head. Why. Why did that disgusting doctor save me? The doctor. She's slightly older than me – two years I think. I guess she's 19. She said I'm beautiful, that I'm her best creation. Don't I deserve a thank you kiss for that? She says. She grabbed the back of my neck and pushed thin pink lips into my ugly scarred ones. I didn't want to but she didn't ask. I didn't I didn't I didn't. She told me she's proud of me. That she loves me. If she loved me why did she hurt me?'
The doctor called me again. I don't want to go. Never again. I don't want to see her.
Jesse doesn't care I'm ugly. He calls me beautiful and smart and pretty-boy. The only ones that called me beautiful tried to touch me. Even back home. They called me pretty and brushed my hair and kissed my neck and took my pants off. But it's not the only thing that Jesse wants. But I do. He does all of that but he looks at me like I'm the most fantastic thing ever created. I don't understand. I'm ugly but he treats me like the prince I'm not. I'm disgusting but he doesn't care. He loves me and doesn't hurt me. and I love him too.
And Fareeha. She says I'm cute, and she's too little to want me sexually. She wanted me like a brother - but the only brother I ever knew was Hanzo. I didn't tell her. I didn't tell her I told him everything. He was just worried – he didn't want to hurt me. I didn't tell Jesse or Gabriel or Jack. And defiantly not the doctor. '
Jesse closed his eyes, hugging the letter close to his chest, trying to comfort the person that wasn't there.