Chapter 2

Ever since I was little, I'd known Ben. I moved to Henson, Georgia, when I was two, and he'd lived next door to me. He moved across town when we were 4, but we were already inseparable. Our parents were really good friends, and we'd gone to school and church together forever. The preschool that we went to was at our church. One day we were talking about the moon and stars and they taught us a little rhyme to wish on a star:

Star Light

Star Bright

The First Star I See Tonight

I Wish I May I Wish I Might

Have The Wish I Wish Tonight

I remembered that ever since, and every night I wished on the brightest star I could find that something good would happen. I saved up my allowance and bought stars for my bedroom ceiling in case it was cloudy and I couldn't see the real stars.

When we started Junior High, I began to wish something different. I started to wish I had a boyfriend, because my other friends had boyfriends and I was the only one without one. And slowly, that wish for a boyfriend became a wish that Ben would like me, and then that Ben would be my boyfriend. I wished that all up through our freshman and sophomore years of high school, and now through most of our junior year, as school was almost out.

But I'd never told anyone that. And now that it seemed my wish had finally come true, I didn't know what to do.

•

That night I went home and took a cold shower, during which I though about everything that had happened. After I told Julia and Alex what had happened, they had been great about it. We had managed to still have a good time that afternoon, and I'd gotten a few new outfits. But that wasn't the main thing on my mind.

I stepped into my room, my towel wrapped around me, still soaked, when I heard a strange noise. Like… like a scraping noise. I shook it off as the neighbors doing some random midnight project- as they usually did- and turned around to get dressed. The aggravating noise continued, and it was really starting to get bothersome when it stopped. It was replaced by a new noise, a knocking.

A very close knocking.

I turned back, towel still around me, and nearly fell over.

Ben was staring into my window.

"What the heck are you doing here?" I said angrily, "And why were you watching me change?"

"Look- I just want to explain things… and I was trying to get your attention before you changed." He replied sheepishly.

"Explain… explain what?"

"Everything… the kiss… just… can I come in?"

I opened my window wider than it already was due to the heat, and he climbed in.

"Just wait one minute ok?" I said, "I have to change."

I went back into the bathroom with my pajamas and stared, blankly into the mirror. He was here. He had climbed into my window. He wanted to explain things. I was utterly confused.

When I came out again, he was looking at my bulletin board, at the umpteen pictures of us. At Six Flags. At parties. At band competitions. At guard or drumline competitions. All of the memories that we shared together- and now… who knew?

"Ok- start explaining." I said, a little roughly.

"This… this could take a while."

"My parents are out at dinner. They won't be back soon."

"Ok… you ready for this?" he said with a small smile.

"Ready and waiting."

"Ok. We have known each other forever, practically our entire lives. At some point along that line, you went from being my next door neighbor, to being my little sister, to being my best friend, to being the one person who I would ever really like. Do you understand just how hard it was for me to realize that? That you could never just be my best friend- that I would always love you for more than that? But I could never tell you. I was the one who you came to for advice- even about guys! I mean, how could I tell you how to get another guy to like you, when I really wanted to punch that guy so you he couldn't date you? I couldn't- you wouldn't have understood. But now… we have been through everything together- but for some reason I couldn't help just wanting that one last thing- to date you.

"And then, the first time you gave me a ride home, you seemed so great, the perfect person for me, like you really liked me too- and I almost told you how I felt. But I couldn't. I knew you would think I was insane, and I would have completely screwed everything up. And then I tried avoiding you, because I knew I couldn't deal with it any longer. And when you came up to me, asking me what was wrong, I could have killed myself, because somehow I let you know, I let you see what as really going on. I knew I had to tell you- I couldn't hide it anymore. But I still couldn't put it into words. So… I kissed you… because I had no idea what else to do.

"And now… here I am. Trying to figure these things out. With you."

I didn't know what to say- everything was way more complicated than I had ever expected. And it was all just beginning.

"Wow… I… I don't know what…" I whispered in shock.

"Neither did I." Ben said just as quietly.

He leaned toward me and this time I knew what to expect. His kiss was gentle and soft, and I loved every second of it. He smelt like the rosemary bush that we had in our backyard. I felt my hands start to brush along his shaggy brown hair. His hands crept up to my still wet locks and toyed with them before sliding down to gently cup my face. His hands were strong from drumline, but softer than I expected. I could feel calluses along his palm and between his fingers, but it didn't matter. I was kissing Ben. Ben. Me. Kissing.

"Excuse me?" my mom called from the doorway.

"Mo- Mom?" I stuttered in shock, springing away from Ben, "What are you doing here? You and Dad weren't supposed to be home until late!"

"This is late," she said, motioning at my clock. It read 11:17.

"And the better question is, what are you doing here- with... with…" she couldn't bring herself to say Ben's name.

"Mom… look… we weren't doing anything wrong…. You've always let Ben be up here, and I am allowed to date…"

She took in her reasoning slowly.

"But why… why didn't you tell me at least?"

One of the setbacks of having my mom know Ben pretty much his entire life was that she wasn't afraid to say anything around him. At all.

"Tell you what?" I asked incredulously, "Like I said, we weren't doing anything. And you've never taken any interest in this stuff before." It was true too. Every time I told my mom about a new boyfriend- or any boyfriend at all- she didn't seem interested. Sometimes it hurt me, how much she didn't notice.

"Well… uh…" she murmured.

"That's what I thought. Look- I am tired of this! The one time I meet someone I actually like- really like- is the one time you have a problem with it. That's screwed up."

My mom didn't seem to have a response to that. She turned around and swept out of my room.

"What did you mean- first time you really liked someone?" Ben asked slowly after she left.

"All of those other guys- not that there were many- I just dated to… to…" I couldn't bring myself to admit it.

"To what?" Ben softly guided.

"To make you jealous." I said in a small voice.

"To make me… What? What on Earth are you talking about?" Ben answered wildly.

"I… I have always kind of… kinda had a crush…"

"You had a crush on me?" he said simply.

"Well…" I said slowly, "Yeah."

"Wait… did I just confess like… my entire soul… my whole life… and you already liked me? What… why? That's my only question… Why?"

"I was just… I was scared ok?" I whimpered, "I was just scared! I didn't want to screw things up either! I didn't want to be the one to ruin everything! And everyone was so set on the one thing… I didn't want to tell everyone they were right after denying it for my entire life!" Tears streamed down my face.

"And I couldn't… I couldn't hurt you. I couldn't make you feel bad or disgusted or upset because of me! I couldn't do that to you… I cared about you too much."

Ben looked at me, but I couldn't read his face. Then he softened, and wrapped his arms around me.

"I just couldn't handle it." I whispered, pressing my head against his chest. His grip tightened slightly, making me feel even safer.

"I think… Ben, I think I love you." I whispered to his shoulder.

"I love you too, Kendall." He said, kissing my forehead.