Chapter 3

Julia and Alex shot my questioning looks Monday morning as I walked across the field hand in hand with Ben. It was Julia who finally asked me what was going on, in PE, while I was entering her locker combination.

"We're going out, that's all." I answered with a large grin on my face. All she could do was shake her head and say "I told you so!"

But summer was approaching quickly. It was the last day of school when I finally realized how difficult this summer was going to be. I asked Ben what we would do this summer- I was going to my house in North Carolina, and he was staying home all summer. My parents didn't really let my friends come with me because the town we went to- Cape Hatteras- was pretty populated- no matter how small. So, after 16 years of not knowing how we felt together, after finally figuring out how we felt, we were facing 3 months separation, right off the bat.

By the time summer started, we hadn't figured anything out yet, so I was shipped off to Cape Hatteras without Ben. We lived in the outskirts of the town, but still within walking distance of the rest of the town. It was a bittersweet thing, being there- I usually loved my summers there, but I also loved being with Ben

A couple of weeks in, I had settled into my usual routine- wake up around 8, walk into town to get a donut at the Krispy Kreme, walk back and read. But one day, I came upon something unusual on my way into town.

I was walking down the main road, the Krispy Kreme just down the street, when I noticed a car sliding alongside me.

"Hey! Remember me?" a voice called out of it. I nearly tripped over myself when I saw who was driving.

"Blast from the past right?" Logan called, slowing his pace to match mine, "Nice to see you back here."

I stopped dead in the middle of the sidewalk. Logan had been my boyfriend last summer- and the summer before that. We'd broken it off each fall, when I had to go back to Georgia, but gotten back together every summer. I wasn't looking forward to seeing him this year.

"H-hey. Nice to… nice to see you." I said as I started walking again, my pace slightly quicker. But it was pointless, considering he was driving.

"Nice to see you too. So…" he paused, "Do you want to have breakfast together?"

"Uh… Sure. I guess…" I said slowly.

We sat down with our donuts and for a while we just sat there in silence.

"So… are we… I mean… do you want to go to dinner tonight?" he said

"I… I have to tell you something." I responded quietly.

"What?" he asked slowly.

"I… I kind of have a boyfriend…" I whispered.

"You have a… a boyfriend?" he responded in the same quiet tone.

"Yeah… my friend Ben Weston."

"That guy in your… in the pictures?"

"Yeah."

Last summer I had brought pictures to decorate my room, and when Logan came over, he'd asked me about them. Ben was in the majority of them.

"So… so we can't go out this summer?" he asked with a small smile.

"No- sorry." I answered with a laugh.

"Okay then."

We sat in silence for a few more minutes.

"I… I have to go…" I said after a while.

"Yeah… yeah of course." He said, standing up, "I'll see you around, ok?"

"Yeah." I said, smiling.

While I was walking back to my house, I kept on thinking about Logan and the fun we had had over each of the summers. To tell the truth, he was kind of like my Ben here. But I had still always hoped for Ben more than Logan.

That night, I sat on my window seat, looking out at the stars.

"Star light… star bright… first star I see tonight…" I whispered the chant to myself as I did every other night.

"I wish things would start making sense."

•

I must admit, I felt bad for Logan. He seemed to really care about me and everything, but not as much as Ben did. The weird thing was- Logan was the only guy my mom ever really paid attention to. I guess it might have been because he didn't have such a wonderful reputation as any of the other guys I had ever dated. It wasn't that he had a horrible reputation, but he wasn't as squeaky clean as the other guys who usually liked me. The robots. It was still weird that he was the one guy my mom paid attention to.

I was thinking about this as I walked to the beach that afternoon. One of the things I really loved about this town was that you could walk anywhere. It gave me a lot of time to think. I had my swimsuit on under my normal clothes, and a book and towel in my bag. With my cell phone, in case Ben called.

When it started to get hot I abandoned my post on the beach and dove in. And then the tourists arrived. The crowds of people on vacation flooded in early, all of them hoping to beat the rush that they were creating. It made me sick. I was glad that I wasn't one of them though- people who stayed the entire summer didn't count.

But once the toddlers arrived, I decided it was time for me to go out and sit again. I relaxed, book in hand, for about a half hour when a shadow appeared above me.

"Yes?" I asked in a bored tone,

"Mind if we joined you?" the voice of one of my best friends came.

I looked up to see my friends Sally, Aimee, Chris, Chandler, and Logan, who was just tagging along to even the numbers, I assumed. Or he hadn't told anyone about our revelation that morning. We'd always kind of been a group of six, since my first summer here, 5 years ago. Sally started going out with Chandler the last summer, after denying that she liked him profusely- a bit like me at home- for three years before hand. Aimee and Chris had always liked each other- for as long as any of us remembered, anyway, and Logan and I had been going with each other for two summers. But now… things were going to get a little interesting.

After a few minutes of greetings and 'how are you?'s, the guys went to swim for a while. Sally and Aimee stayed to talk more.

They both looked aghast when I told them I wouldn't be going out with Logan again this summer.

"Why?" they cried, wondering what was wrong.

"No big thing… I have a boyfriend back home, that's all."

"Who?" they wanted to know.

"My friend, Ben. You know, the one from…"

"The pictures?" Sally asked, as she had been up in my room many times and was familiar with all of my Georgia friends. I nodded in response.

"How did Logan react?" Aimee wanted to know.

"He was fine with it, actually," I said, "I didn't think he would take it that well."

•

Aimee and Sally told me about a party that was going on that night- a kick off the summer party. Their school had just gotten off, and there was always a celebratory bash on the beach. They invited me too, even though I had gotten off three weeks before. I had always heard things about the party, but this was the first timed I had been to one. We usually waited a few weeks before coming, so by the time I got there they were already out of school.

So that night I told my parents I'd be out with them and got ready. I was dressed and ready in an hour , and then went over to Sally's house. I had donned a short denim skirt and a black tank top. She was still getting ready when I arrived. Aimee joined my in wait fifteen minutes after I got there. She wore a pair of brown cargo capris and a cream and olive tank. Sally had been changing her mind on what to wear all afternoon. When she finally decided what she was wearing, she ended up in a pair of denim shorts, a black off the shoulder top, and a red camisole under it. It looked really great on her, and we were finally ready to go.

It was dark by the time we got to the beach, but a roaring bonfire was giving off light. We found the guys and Sally and Aimee went off to dance, shooting me looks of apology. Apparently Logan hadn't been as quick to tell Chris and Chandler about our split. So we were stuck together.

"Well, uh… this is interesting…" he said, holding a red plastic cup out at me. Seeing my look of worry- it was the type of cup one put beer in- he quickly explained that it was just soda. I took his word for it, and when I took a sip it was only Dr. Pepper.

We sat down by the sand dunes and talked for a while, mainly about me and how my life was in Georgia. We had been talking for about two hours when, all of a sudden, Logan leaned over a kissed me on the cheek.

"I'm really glad you are here." He told me, smiling. His skin was warm in the flickering light from the bonfire. I smiled shyly, and looked out over the ocean. The full moon reflected on the tide, and there were a million blinking stars hanging in the sky. Everything seemed calm and perfect.

Logan reached over and gently took my hand.

"Do you want to dance?" he asked, standing up.

"Sure." I didn't notice until we got to the patch of sand where everyone else was dancing that it was a slow song playing.

He guided me slowly, his arms holding my waist securely. I rested my hands around his neck, letting the rhythm of the song and Logan guide my movement. We rocked back and forth smoothly, with each step coming closer and closer together until I was leaning up against his chest, his arms holding me tight.

We were toward the out side of the ring of couples, and when the song ended we walked back over to our spot by the dunes.

"Sorry about that- I just…" Logan seemed unable to complete his thought.

"No problem… it was nice." I said, smiling at him.

He leaned toward me, and for some reason I had an irresistible urge to lean toward him also. It was like an out of body experience- I watched myself begin to kiss him, part of me screaming no, the other part sighing yes. My yes half won.

I took my hand and gently brought it up to his face, resting my other hand on his arm as he held the small of my waist lightly. His kiss was soft and light, and to my dismay I was enjoying it very much.

"Logan…" I whispered, breaking the kiss, "Logan, I can't…"

He stared at something behind me.

"What… what is it?" I asked him, turning around.

Behind me, with his mouth gaping, stood Ben.