Chapter Fourteen

Thanks to Anne's involvement of Connie Harville, the couple now had the next few hours to spend alone together. Anne had fulfilled her side of the bargain, and was eagerly awaiting the results of Frederick's. It was for him to have come up with a suitable alternative to the picnic, for this their first official day of courting. Anne had been so giddy last night with nervous energy she could barely sleep, and when at last sleep had come, it had brought with it dreams both disturbing and pleasing in equal measure.

Some were an insight into what her life could be like in the future, and how happy she could be, the reverse was a series of terrifying images that left her waking in a cold sweat hoping and praying that dreams were all they were, for the truth would be too painful to survive. She had barely survived the first time. To be cruelly parted a second time would certainly destroy her. She had been glad the last time one of these nightmares had showed itself, to wake and find it was almost morning and she had an excuse to remain awake. She had readied herself for the day, scolding herself for not having the foresight to bring more pretty dresses, and then again, for even having that thought.

Their trip was only to last two nights and so she had packed accordingly. She looked down at the dark green frock, it would have to do. By the time she had ceased fretting, another hour had passed and she concluded a significant amount of time had gone by, that she could risk entering the dining room and break her fast. She was somewhat disappointed to find Frederick not there, not only that, but that he did not appear throughout the breakfast sitting, only making his appearance at the end with no excuse to the rest of the party, he only enquired if Miss Anne was ready to leave.

They made their way out to the gig Frederick had hired. He assisted her in and then sat beside her; revelling in the feeling of not only being close to her, but at the anticipation of spending a few hours alone together – by choice this time. They remained in silence for a few minutes until they were clear of the Inn and its inhabitants. Frederick was the first to break it, "I presume, to orchestrate today, you were forced to include Connie Harville in our little secret."

"Yes. I hope you do not mind, I confess I was struggling with a plausible plan and somehow I knew she would be able to help. Do you mind? That I told her about us?"

He smiled at the way had she had said 'us' and more so at the fact there was an 'us' to talk of. "No not at all, did we not agree we could both tell who we wanted to when the need arose? This was undoubtedly one of those times. Besides, I have a confession of my own. I informed Harville of our reconciliation, he was already aware of our past and I could not have him believing we were still at odds with one another. So it very likely Connie would have known sooner or later, anyway."

Anne nodded her head in understanding. "You think he would have told Mrs Harville."

"Yes. Harville is of the mind there should be no secrets between a husband and wife. We are of the same opinion regarding that." He looked pointedly at Anne who did not know what to say and so they lapsed into silence again.

After a short while Anne noticed the houses and shops were getting less and less frequent, and her curiosity again got the better of her. "Are we headed out of town?"

He smiled. "Not too far, do not worry, I am not going to abscond with you." As he said it, his eyes shone with mirth, and helplessly she found herself grinning along with him.

"Well that would be another adventure. Captain Wentworth, you do seem intent on creating chaos wherever you go and taking me along with you."

"There's no one else I'd rather have with me." He admitted resolutely. She opened her mouth to give some witty come back, but closed it again at the sweetness of his words. "Well perhaps Mary." he teased.

She laughed and he remembered the sound and how much he enjoyed listening to it.

"So where would we abscond to?" asked Anne, enjoying the conversation immensely. It was the type they had been used to long ago. They could waste away hours talking about nonsensical things, and plans which would never come to pass. Always with the intention of delaying their parting just a little longer.

Frederick thought about it for a moment. "Well let's see, going on past experience, I can presume we would not be missed for at least twenty four hours, during that time, I could have you away to a ship and out of the country." He pondered. Her eyes widened but they did not show fear, she only wanted to see what he would say next. "But, I would not do that. That would be expected, predictable. A sea captain going where he knows best. No, I would do the opposite. We would abandon the gig and take off on foot, through the woods and countryside for a few days before heading north." he informed her.

She nodded as if it were the most sensible thing in the world. "What would we do for food?"

"We would live off the land. You could gather berries while I hunt."

She nodded again. "And what if I was to use one of these scavenger trips to attempt an escape?"

He looked at her intently. "You would not."

She stared back into his eyes. "No, I do not suppose I would." She continued staring, her face full of admiration and something else that only raised his hopes. "I would wait until we were at least in a well populated area," she grinned, "away from the gypsy's hiding in the woods ready to accost a young lady like me." she laughed at her own joke, but Frederick remained quiet, his face full of anguish and he looked away from her and back to the road. "Frederick?"

"That isn't amusing Anne. The idea of you getting hurt; because of me." he said quietly.

"I was only teasing. Besides, I would not have to concern myself with such matters. If you were with me I should be safe."

He raised a quizzical brow. "You know this for sure."

"It is not the truth? You always protected me, both in our stories and reality. You were always my knight in shining armour ready to rescue me, just as you were on the journey back from Winthrop, and when little Walter was being overly boisterous, and when we were locked in." she recounted.

"They were nothing Anne, not acts of bravery, simple things that any man would have done." He shrugged. She frowned at his nonchalant attitude, they may not have meant a lot to him, but they had to her. They had been the only clues she had that he may still harbour some feelings of affection for her. He saw her face and sighed knowing he was only making things worse. "I need to know Anne … I need you to know, I would do anything for you." He slowed the buggy to a stop. "It was one of the hardest parts of our separation, knowing I could not be there for you. I always believed you would have found someone else to do that for you. Now I know different, it makes me so angry thinking of the hardships you have had to endure without anyone by your side."

"Fredrick do not do this." she begged. "It was the same for me. I had to read about your escapades, following your career through the snippets of news I could glean. Not knowing where you were in the world, the horrors you faced, or even if you were alive or dead. I found myself wishing you were settled and married, just so I could pretend to myself you were safe at home, not facing the perils of the sea and war." she admitted sorrowfully.

He took her hand. "You were there with me Anne, in my thoughts, in my dreams, my heart. Even if I tried with all my might to remove you – there you remained." They gazed at each other for the longest time, before the horse's impatience reminded them where they were and Frederick quietly instructed them to walk on. Anne could hardly control her emotions, she had no idea he had had such feelings, and that he could now share them with her, just made her love him even more.

In time they came to a clearing with a few large boulders covered in wild grasses scattered about. Anne could imagine in summer when the flowers were in bloom, it would be a rather pretty spot. Frederick stopped the gig and got down, stepping around to her side to assist her. She held out her hand but instead he placed his hands on her waist and lifted her down, his hands burned into her, the contact causing her to gasp and her stomach flip over. Her heart was racing as he lowered her to the ground just in front of him. Her hands flew to his arms to steady herself but he held her still. His face was inches from hers, his eyes fell to her lips and then back to her eyes as if seeking permission. He was preparing to kiss her, and she was thoroughly prepared to be kissed, when some birds circled above them calling to one another. They sprang apart startled and the moment was lost.

Anne stepped around him and went about examining the area, while Frederick sighed loudly and began unloading two baskets from the back of the gig. He took out a blanket from the larger of the two and Anne watched him as he went about selecting a particular rock which had a smooth face to it, suitable for sitting. He spread the blanket over the surface. Anne quickly helped him and then sat on the blanket as he instructed, to prevent it from blowing away. She pulled her shawl around her protecting her from the cold wind. Frederick noticed. "Are you cold? Would you rather we returned?"

"No." Anne shook her head violently. "No, there is nowhere I would rather be." She coloured. "Thank you."

He tried to keep the happiness from his face as he left her to unpack the other basket. He had had the lady at the Inn pack up a selection of meats and cheese, bread and fruit, along with some good wine. He knew she would not be very hungry so close to breakfast, but he wanted everything to be just so. The look of awe on her face was enough to have him grateful for the forethought. They ate in comfortable silence, only breaking the quiet for her to comment on how remarkable his idea had been, and him to confess his want to impress her. Each marvelled in their own way at the ease in which they conversed, there were no shortage of subjects, no awkward silences.

Frederick was reminded of what it was like to talk of his time in the war and at sea, with a woman who did not ask empty headed questions, but well thought out enquiries he was pleased to discuss. Anne loved being treated as an equal, a rare occurrence in a man. He listened patiently to her opinions and they were able to debate matters sensibly and intelligently. Time quickly slipped away and as the storm clouds began to gather, Anne made the observation they had both been avoiding. "I believe we should be making our way back. It would not do for us to be caught up in a down pour."

"No that may be difficult to explain," he grimaced, "not to mention I do not wish for you to catch cold. I would hope you would like to spend time together again?"

"I should like that above all else." she smiled genuinely. "We are going to have tell them." Anne sighed.

"Yes. I confess I am enjoying sneaking round and making secret plans, but this is not how a lady and gentleman should behave. It suggests we have something to hide. Which we do not." He took her hand and then daringly stroked her wrist with his thumb. But she did not gasp or tremble, she merely gifted him with a serene smile and squeezed his in return.

"We have nothing to hide Frederick. I believe you know how I feel." she said bravely. "I hope, I have the measure of your feelings also."

"Yes." His thumb now traced shapes on her skin in a hypnotic way which left her dizzy. She felt her head tip towards his of its own accord, and in turn he leaned in to her, his hand moved from hers to her face, gently cupping her cheek he pulled her face closer. She closed her eyes awaiting that magical moment that only a first kiss could bring.

"Anne." he murmured.

"Yes." she breathed. When he did not reply straight away, she was forced to open her eyes a fraction. She found him scowling up at the sky which was now a dark charcoal grey. She knew then she would not get her kiss. "We need to leave." she stated.

He gave her an apologetic look. He felt the disappointment too, and that gave her comfort. "I think it maybe best, yes." He stroked her face tenderly and then they hurriedly repacked the baskets and loaded them on to the gig. He put up the hood, knowing it would offer them a little shelter should the rain catch them before they returned. Once she was securely inside, they set off. He drove the horses hard, maybe harder than necessary, but he wanted them home before the down pour, that, and he was angry.

Twice. Two times he had been given the perfect opportunity to capture a kiss, a kiss he was sure would have been willingly given, he could see it in her eyes, the same desire he was sure was in his. But he had missed it. The moments were over. Who knew when an opportunity to be together – let alone steal a kiss, would present itself again. He chastised himself for being so down, he had so far been silent during the journey back. Anne would be thinking she had done something to upset him. If everything went the way he planned, he would have ample opportunities – a lifetime's worth- to kiss her. He should not be so downhearted now. He glanced at Anne, who at that moment turned to face him also. "Anne." he began, ready to apologise.

"Yes! I would." she blurted out, smiling widely.

"What?" he asked puzzled.

She coloured deeply and looked away. They did not speak for the rest of the journey to the Inn, which was thankfully short due to the necessity for speed to escape the impending weather. When they arrived, Anne excused herself without as much as a goodbye. Frederick could not help but feel he had missed out on another opportunity, one that could have changed everything.