Chapter Fifteen

Anne spent the rest of the day in her room under the pretence of packing. In reality she had packed in a few minutes and had spent the rest of the time sitting on her bed staring in to space. He had been about to propose, she was sure of it. Had she really read it so wrong?

The look in his eye; the tone in which he said her name. Had not the whole of the morning only being leading up to such an event? They had been exactly like they once had, as if no time had passed at all. Surely he was not expecting them to continue courting for a great amount of time, they had done all that before, they had proven how well suited to each other they were, and if today's miss attempt's at a kiss had proved anything, it was that they still felt the same way now as they had then. She knew they had agreed they needed to get to know each other again, but that seemed pointless somehow. Although they were more mature, wiser and their personalities had differed somewhat over time, they were as compatible now as they ever had been. She saw no reason to delay the inevitable. He could not possibly think this could end in any way but with a marriage, one they both wanted, could he?

A creak of the floorboard outside of her room drew her attention, she felt sure there was someone there; a shadow along the bottom of the door only confirmed her suspicions. She walked slowly to the door, not brave enough to open it, she spoke into the wood. "Is someone there?"

There was a shuffle of feet. "Yes." Frederick. "It is I. I just wanted to check, to ensure you were alright. You disappeared in such a hurry, I believed you were unwell."

Anne rolled her eyes and then smiled to herself at his concern. "No. I … no I am quite well."

"Anne." he said desperately.

She placed her palm against the door needing to be close to him. "Yes."

"I do hope … I have not offended you somehow. We were having such a pleasant day, and now I feel, I feel like I have done something to upset you." He paused and her heart went out to him. "I just wanted to say I was sorry, if that was the case. I enjoyed our time together very much, and I want -I hoped- we may be able to spend some more time together. Perhaps when we are back in Kellynch?"

She took a deep breath in, letting it out slowly, her eyes shut against the pain of her own folly and his ignorance. It was not his fault she had assumed he wanted to propose. He had been nothing but lovely and kind all day and she was punishing him for something he was not even aware he had done. Without thinking of propriety or reputations, she opened the door and peeked out into the corridor. To her disappointment, she found it empty.

Another moment lost.

Tired of her own company, she grabbed her shawl and closed the door behind her, intending to go down for the evening meal. They were to leave first thing in the morning. She got as far as the end of the hallway when something caught her eyes bringing her to a standstill. Frederick was sat on a chair; his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands. He had not heard her approach and part of her –the cowardly part- wanted to move quickly past with the hope he would not realise it was her, however her heart over ruled her head. She wanted to speak to him, wanted to know what had him so dejected. "Frederick?"

He looked up at her voice surprised to find her in front of him. She was dismayed to find pain etched on his face. Over the past few days she had seen nothing but joy on those features, but now it had vanished. "Frederick," she repeated, "is something the matter?"

His head dropped back down avoiding her eyes. "I promised you and myself I would not do this, but I am making all of the same mistakes all over again."

"Whatever do you mean?"

"I am pushing you too far, too soon." he explained.

"Frederick I would hardly accuse you of that. You have allowed me to make the majority of the decisions, you have not assumed anything. If anything, I would have expected you to move things along more quickly than you have."

He looked exasperated. "You see, I cannot do right by you."

Captain Wentworth, sir, everything is traveling along at the exact speed I should wish it, and there has been not a moment I would change. I am enjoying my time with you, and I want nothing more than for it to continue and perhaps increase. I look forward to our next outing or activity. Now please cease this feeling sorry for yourself and escort me down to dinner." she ordered haughtily, gaining a half smile from him. "Please?" she repeated.

He shook his head at the wonderful woman in front of him and how well she knew, not only him, but all the correct words needed to bring him out of himself and restore his self-confidence. He stood to his feet and straightening his back, proudly led her down the stairs to the dining room, where they entered and joined the rest of their party.

The remainder of the evening was spent very pleasant in deed. They managed to keep their level of friendship and the share in the conversation just right, so that no one thought to complain or imagine there was more to their relationship than they had let on. Frederick enjoyed seeing her laugh and talk with ease to his friends, and smiled to himself that this woman would soon be his wife, for he now knew beyond any doubt, he could not continue with this charade any longer. Everyone would know of his intentions towards Miss Anne, and his intentions were to marry her at the earliest opportunity.

Both Frederick and Anne slept uneasy in their beds, both knowing deep down if they were to be truly happy they had to push aside the remaining bit of fear deep inside them, and declare their true feelings to the other. If they were to move forward they needed to be able to tell each other their hearts desires.

Anne had laid for hours staring at the space at the bottom of her door, hoping that he would come to her again so that they could talk openly. Alas there was no such visit. She tried to tell herself it would be because of the lateness of the hour, and how inappropriate it would be, if he was to be found skulking outside a lady's bedroom door at night, but she was disappointed none the less. It was with a weary head she stumbled down to breakfast the next morning. She had enjoyed her time in Lyme immensely, however she was glad they were returning today, and more so, for the space it would give her to think, and work out what her next move should be. Frederick had made his last night; he had confessed part of what was holding him back, and now it was her turn.

Breakfast was a solemn affair, despite a farewell visit from Captains Harville and Benwick. They were all gloomy to be returning home after such a short but successful visit. Frederick and Anne were now avoiding each other's eyes. Harville had noticed the estrangement and wondered silently to himself if something had happened on the picnic yesterday. He had tried fruitlessly to induce Miss Anne into conversation, but her monosyllabic answers were unworthy of conducting a proper discussion, and in the end he gave up, allowing her to return to staring into the bottom of her tea cup.

Benwick, oblivious to any difference in the young lady, addressed her suddenly. "Will you be returning to your sisters when you are back Miss Anne, or do you plan to stay longer with the Crofts?"

Anne felt Frederick's eyes on her and blushed before opening her mouth to answer, but Mary interrupted. "Neither." answered Mary. Anne stared at her sister in stunned silence. "Oh did I not say? Elizabeth has written to me."

"Elizabeth?" Anne put down her tea. "Elizabeth wrote to you?"

"Well do not look so surprised Anne, she is my sister too, and as the only married woman among us, she has addressed me regarding your near future plans."

Anne coloured again for an all different reason. Embarrassment had her hiding her eyes from everyone else at the table. It seemed other than Louisa, she was the only present, who had to be told where to go, to be sent for and to act on everyone else's wishes.

"On our return from Lyme," Mary said nonchalantly whilst buttering a piece of toast. "You shall go to Bath."