Ch 4: Sedatives and Outlets

"Well Mihashi-kun lets dive right in shall we? How did you sleep last night?" I looked from Shiga to the hands sitting in my lap. I was still confused about what had happened with Abe earlier today and I really didn't feel like talking about why I couldn't sleep.

"I-I h-had a nightmare."

"Was it about what the past?" I nodded my head yes, my gaze never leaving my hands. I really didn't want to talk about my nightmares. It only made them more real. But I knew that wouldn't stop Shiga from asking.

"Do you want to talk about it? I hesitated for a moment. Would she make me talk about it even though I didn't want to? I really hoped not. Squeezing my eyes shut I shook my head no, praying she would move on.

"Did you take your medication this morning?" Nodding my head yes, relived she hadn't pressed the issue, I opened my eyes, letting out a small breath. I knew Shiga wanted to help but there were some things I just couldn't talk about. Not yet at least.

"Remember like I said before, if you start to have any side effects or you aren't feeling right make sure to let me know right away."

"I w-will" I said nodding my head quickly in response. I hadn't felt any different then I normally did, but I knew I still had to keep an eye out for any changes.

"How was your first day of physical therapy with Abe-kun?" I froze, only for a moment but it was long enough for Shiga to notice.

"It was… o-okay" I said trying to play it off. I fiddled with my hands trying to ignore the thumping in my chest. I was afraid to tell her about Abe. I still wasn't quite sure what happened with him. But I was afraid if I talked about it Shiga might get mad. I was supposed to be working with Abe but I just kept on upsetting him and I didn't know why. Abe was already mad at me, I didn't want Shiga to be mad too. Or maybe she already knew. Maybe she had figured it out. Maybe Abe told her it wasn't working. Maybe—

"Mihashi-kun? You look upset, did something happen?" My breath caught in my throat. I wiped my hands on my pants, now slick with sweat. If she kept on pushing I didn't know if I'd be able to hold back.

"Mihashi you know you can tell me anything. That's what I'm here for. For you to tell me what's bothering you so I can try and help. But I can't help if you don't tell me what's wrong." I clutched at my hands again trying to keep myself under control.

Maybe Shiga was right. Maybe I was thinking about this all wrong. Would it really be that bad to tell her? Shiga wanted to help me. She kept on saying so. And she was right, if I didn't tell her what was wrong I would never figure it out. Even though everything inside of me was screaming not to, I took a breath and told Shiga what happened.

"A-Abe-kun took x-rays. They d-didn't hurt this time. Just like… like he said they w-wouldn't. But m-my arm. It got… it got t-tired. And after, he… I think he's m-mad at me now." I clutched my hands to my chest, my breathing coming a bit faster now. I waited for Shiga to yell at me.

"Why do you think he's mad?"

"I-I p-pulled away again. Before, he, he t-told me not to. T-told m-me not to pull away f-from him. B-but I did. I d-did it again. But he, he w-was…"

"What was he doing MIhashi? Did Abe-kun hurt you?" I shook my head no, my breathing officially out of control. The words were spilling out of my mouth now and I couldn't stop them.

"He w-was. M-my scar. He didn't h-hurt me. Said he w-wouldn't. But he, he saw it. I didn't want h-him to. Said he was s-sorry. But I-I pulled away. And n-now, now he's m-mad."

"Mihashi-kun, did you ever think that maybe the person Abe-kun is mad with is himself? It is possible that Abe-kun got caught up in the moment and didn't think about how you would feel. So that could mean Abe-kun is upset with himself for acting carelessly." My eyes snapped up to where Shiga was sitting. What was she saying? Abe was mad at himself because he didn't think about my feelings? And if Abe was mad about that did that mean, did Abe care about me?

"You have to understand Mihashi-kun" Shiga said leaning forward in her chair, "I put Abe-kun in a very difficult position. It would be good to remember that you and Abe-kun are both in this together. He made a commitment to help you with your rehab and I know he won't go back on his word. So it's up to you now to show Abe-kun that you are going to do your part and let him help you. Do you think you can do that?" So Abe had made a commitment to Shiga, that's what it was. The feeling that had bubbled up in my chest had died a little bit. Abe did care just not the way I thought he might. Shiga was right Abe had made a commitment and was trying to work with me. I would just have to try to let him.

"I-I will t-try."

"Good" Shiga said sitting back in her chair once again. "Now, the other day I mentioned to you about an outlet. Have you had a chance to think about that yet?" I dropped my gaze back down, shaking my head no. I had completely forgotten.

"Well why don't we try to think of something now?" Shiga said twiddling the pen in her hand. "What are some things you enjoy doing?" Something I enjoyed doing, I thought to myself. There had only ever been one thing that I really enjoyed but I couldn't do that anymore. I looked back up at Shiga who was patiently awaiting my answer. I hurriedly dropped my gaze back down, not knowing what to say.

Shiga seeming to realize she wasn't getting an answer tapped her pen to her chin. "How about something that you shared with your parents, did you and your parents do anything special together?" My parents. My heart hurt a little when I thought of them and not how it should. My head told me I should miss them, but my heart had its own opinion.

"M-my dad was out of t-town a lot. And m-my mom she w-was, she worked late" I said trying to keep the touch of bitterness out of my voice.

"What about something you enjoyed doing in your own free time?" Shiga asked as she scribbled furiously on her clipboard. It was the first time today I had noticed her writing something. "For instance" she said, not missing a beat after she put her pen back down, "when I have some time to myself I enjoy reading. Is there anything like that you like to do. Reading, drawing, cooking perhaps?" My head snapped up at that.

"C-cooking!" I exclaimed, my face lighting up. "I-I like to cook."

"Well that sounds like a good place to start" Shiga said smiling. "You have a kitchen in your dorm room, why don't you start cooking instead of eating out. Maybe that's even something you and Abe could do together. It might help you to understand each other more, to bond." At the mention of Abe cooking a small frown crept up my face.

"This morning h-he, he burnt the t-toast" I said wrinkling my nose, still remembering the smell of smoke in the air. I looked back to Shiga who had suddenly covered her mouth with her hand. She was shaking slightly when a small noise escaped her. She was laughing.

"I'm sorry Mihashi-kun" she said composing herself. "It's just, Abe-kun it quite infamous for his cooking skills. Maybe instead of cooking together you could help teach Abe-kun how to cook." I paled a bit at that.

"I-I'm not sure A-Abe-kun will w-want to."

"Well why don't you start off by asking him and see what he says. I think that this could be a good thing. And if he really doesn't want to that's fine. Even if Abe-kun does not participate this is still a good thing to try for your outlet. Why don't we try it for a week or so and see how it goes. How does that sound?" I nodded my head yes, not sure of how I felt about cooking with Abe. But the thought of cooking with or without Abe made me happy enough to agree to try.

"And remember this outlet is for you Mihashi-kun. Abe-kun does not have to participate, although I would still like you to ask him. I think that this is something that could be good for the both of you." I still wasn't convinced that anything good could come from Abe being allowed in a kitchen, but if Shiga thought it was a good idea I would give it a try.

"Well Mihashi-kun" Shiga said setting her clipboard aside. "I think that about covers it for today, unless there's anything else you would like to talk about?" I shook my head no, standing from my chair when a thought came to me.

"Um, where c-can I-I buy grocery's?"

In my excitement I stumbled into the room dropping half of the groceries on the floor. I hurriedly picked them up and brought them over to the counter. I started sorting through the bags, putting everything away in its proper place. I had just put the carton of eggs away when I realized I had no idea what Abe liked to eat. I finished putting the rest of the groceries away while I thought of what to make. I decided on chicken curry because it was simple and everyone liked curry, right?

At the thought of Abe I remembered what I had talked about with Shiga. I was nervous to ask Abe if he wanted to cook with me partially because he was so intimidating and partially because of what he did to that toast. I felt a little guilty that I was cooking diner without him but Abe wasn't in yet and I had no idea when he would be. I debated back in forth in my head for a minute about waiting for Abe to get home. I figured it was ok for me to cook at least one meal without him, I would just ask Abe in the morning. I also made a mental note to try and figure out what Abe liked to eat.

After I was decided I went around the kitchen opening drawers and cupboards figuring out where everything was. I eventually found a rice maker, digging it out from the back of a cupboard I set it on the counter. I turned to the fridge gathering all the ingredients I would need and then got to work.

After I finished eating I made sure to clean all of the dishes and put them back where I had found them. It was already 7:30 and Abe still wasn't back. I decided to leave him out a plate of food, carefully wrapping it in foil to try and keep it warm.

I left it out on the counter then headed for my room to start on some homework. Before I made it to the hallway I paused looking back at the plate. What if he didn't see it? What if he got back so late it got cold? That was alright I guessed he could always put it in the microwave. The Microwave. I paled. The plate was wrapped in foil. Would Abe know to remove it before heating it up? What if he didn't? I could picture in my head Abe microwaving the foil, a small explosion and the kitchen up in flames… Maybe I'll just leave him a note I thought to myself. I walked back into the kitchen grabbing a pen and paper from a drawer.

I reread the note three times, I hoped Abe wouldn't be offended by it. I just wanted to make sure that what happened to the toast this morning wouldn't happen to the microwave as well. I sighed setting it down next to the plate, hoping that when he got in he would notice it. With nothing more I could do, I left the plate and the note behind to start on my homework.

Abe was exhausted. Coach Momoe had been especially brutal at practice tonight and it left Abe wanting nothing more than to climb into his bed and promptly fall asleep. Abe turned to look at Sakaeguchi who was rambling on about something, he could hardly keep up with what he was saying.

"Abe?" It took a moment for Abe to realize that Sakaeguchi had asked him a question.

"Sorry, what was that?"

"Did Hani or Tajima say what they had to do? They normally walk back with us. But I couldn't find them after practice."

"They probably hid in the showers to stay and make out." Sakaeguchi froze mid stride mouth hanging wide open.

It was a well-known fact amongst the team that Tajima and Hani were together but for whatever reason they had been keeping it a secret so the team pretended they didn't know. Which meant they didn't talk about it.

Abe realized by the look on Sakaeguchi's face he had said that outload. He just shrugged his shoulders and kept on walking. It wasn't like anyone else was around to hear them. And honestly he was too tired to care. After a minute Sakaeguchi caught back up with him changing the subject.

"So when are you going to bring around the new guy you're working with? What was his name again?"

"His name is Mihashi" Abe said kicking a rock out of his path, "and I don't know, he's kind of skittish. Plus I have a feeling that Shiga doesn't want him around the team."

"What? Why?"

"I don't know, but she told me I wasn't allowed to tell him that I was a catcher. So I think it's safe to assume the subject of baseball is off limits."

"That's weird, did he used to play? Is that how he got injured?"

"Hey enough with the 20 questions Tajima" Abe snapped. Abe instantly regretted his tone. He turned to face Sakaeguchi who had stopped walking.

"Sorry" Abe said running his hands through his hair. "It's just this kid, his case is confidential and I'm not even supposed to be talking with you about this. I'm just, I'm really stressed. Coach is on my back about a new pitcher, and now I have to work with this guy and I'm not even allowed to talk about it. It's, it's just a lot. I didn't mean to take it out on you.

"It's alright I get it" Sakaeguchi said shuffling his feet. "So, do you seriously think there making out in the showers?" Abe couldn't help but laugh, glad that his friend had forgiven him so easily.

"Without a doubt" Abe said as they started walking again.

"Hey, I almost forgot" Abe said pausing again. "I've got to pick up something from the REC before I head back so I'll see you tomorrow, ok."

"Yeah sure, see ya later Abe" Sakaeguchi said continuing on.

"Hey Sakaeguchi" Abe shouted before he could change his mind from what he was about to do. Sakaeguchi paused looking over his shoulder.

"Yeah?"

"If you really want to meet him I'm going to take him to the commons for lunch around noon. You could swing by if you want… And when you bring Tajima and Hani make sure there's no baseball talk. I mean it."

With a grin spreading across his face Sakaeguchi took off down the path. In the distance he could hear his voice as he shouted "See you tomorrow Abe!"

Abe was slightly surprised to find not one but two packages waiting for him when he got the REC. He knew that the x-rays were done, that's what he came to pick up. But he wasn't expecting anything else so when he saw the package from Shiga he was more than a little curious.

He had gotten to the REC just before it was closing so he would have to wait to get back to his room before he could open anything. Abe practically ran back the dorms.

Walking into the room he tossed off his shoes, dropping his bags at the door. The lights in the common room were off, which probably meant Mihashi had already gone to bed. Abe kept that in mind as he quietly padded into the kitchen. He set the packages on the counter turning on the overhead light.

As he was pouring himself a glass of water he noticed something out on the counter. It was a plate wrapped in foil with a note. Abe picked up the note and begun reading.

Abe-kun,

I made dinner if you are hungry (Chicken Curry). If you need to heat it up put it in the microwave on medium for 2 minutes. Make sure to take off the foil before microwaving.

–Mihashi

Abe gave a little chuckle setting the note aside in exchange for the plate. Abe could only imagine what Mihashi thought of his cooking skills if he felt the need to leave instructions on how to microwave dinner. As Abe waited for his food to heat up, foil carefully removed, he open the envelope left by Marie.

He carefully slid out the x-rays looking them over one at a time. Abe sucked in a breath of air as he took in the images laid out before him. Seeing the actual breaks in the bones from the other x-rays had been one thing but these, these were somehow much worse. The bones in Mihashi's right arm and left leg were now held together by plates and screws. Once again Abe had a hard time comprehending how something like this could have happened.

Mihashi had obviously been involved in some sort of violent car crash. There was no other way to explain the magnitude of his injuries. Abe had never seen an injury more extensive then this and didn't know quite where to begin. Obviously the main focus would have to be around the injured leg and arm. It seemed that the injury to the arm was the most severe. Where the bone in his leg had been broken in multiple places, the bone in his arm looked to have been shattered. Abe was surprised that the screws had actually been holding everything in place. Even though the injuries were shocking they did seem to be healing nicely. The only other major injuries that Abe could detect were some broken ribs that were already fully healed.

Abe set the x-rays aside heading over to the microwave that had dinged a while ago. Setting the plate on the counter to cool Abe opened the package from Shiga. The first thing to fall out was a small clear plastic box which seemed to be holding something that bore a strange resemblance to an epipen. Oh great Abe thought to himself. On top of everything else he had to worry about, now Shiga would tell him he also had to watch out for Mihashi going into anaphylactic shock. Abe mumbled to himself as he reached back into the package to pull out a slip of paper. He unfolded the paper and read-

Abe-kun,

I talked with Mihashi-kun today and I understand that there was a minor incident. As I have told you before he is suffering from a severe case of PTSD which as a side effect can lead to panic attacks. As you know I am working with him but these things take time. I know that this is a difficult task that I have given you, but I urge you to handle Mihashi-kun with the upmost patience in mind. Along with this note I have left you a small case. Inside of which you will find a sedative and a set of instructions. I am giving you this because as I said this will not be easy, we all have a long road ahead of us. The sedative is only to be used if absolutely necessary, I trust you to be the judge of that if the time comes. I hope that at no point does it come to actually having to use that, but better to be prepared. If you have any questions or concerns please let me know.

-Shiga

What. The. Fuck.

After rereading the note for the third time Abe tossed it aside slumping onto a stool. Dropping his head in his hands, food completely forgotten, Abe once again found himself questioning what he had gotten himself into. The note had been far worse than anything he could have imagined. What exactly had happened to this kid to have to resort to sedating him? Did Shiga really expect him to use that on Mihashi? Yeah Mihashi had the tendency to freak out a bit, but was a sedative really necessary? One thing was for sure, if Shiga was actually giving this to Abe with permission to use it he really didn't want to see what would have to happen for it to be needed.

Abe rolled over in bed, grabbing his phone to check the time. 6:45am. He still had a good half an hour of sleep left. Groaning he rolled over intending to get as much sleep as he could. Just as Abe was settling in again his eyes snapped wide open. Bacon. He could smell bacon. Abe couldn't even remember the last time he had bacon. Probably the last time he was home when his mother had made breakfast. Was Mihashi cooking? Abe didn't stay in bed to figure it out.

Making his way to the kitchen, guided by his nose, the smells grew even more delicious. Not only could he clearly smell the bacon, there was coffee too. When he got to the kitchen he found Mihashi hovering over the stove stirring something in a pan. Abe didn't want to startle the boy while he was cooking so he silently walked over to the counter and took a seat.

Abe watched Mihashi in silence. Mihashi seemed to be doing ten things at once with no trace of frustration on his face. In fact there seemed to be a smile ghosting his lips. Abe smiled himself, seeing Mihashi was clearly in his element. Mihashi chose that moment to notice Abe. Turning from the stove catching Abe sitting at the counter Mihashi gave out a squeak dropping his spatula.

"A-Abe-kun!" Mihashi exclaimed, bending down to retrieve the fallen spatula. "I was. I j-just. I-I thought that—Good morning."

"Morning" Abe said chuckling to himself. "I didn't mean to scare you I just didn't want to get in your way." Abe watched Mihashi stand there fiddling with the spatula, unsure how to continue on. "I didn't mean to interrupt. Please continue what you were doing. Don't mind me I'm just gonna snag a cup of coffee and stay out of your way."

As Abe came over into the kitchen Mihashi just nodded his head then went promptly back to doing, whatever it was he was doing before. Abe once again watched in silence as he slowly sipped at his freshly poured coffee. Abe didn't think it was possible but it tasted even better than it had smelled. He wondered what Mihashi had done to make it taste so good.

"Mihashi?" Abe asked sitting back in his stool. "Did you put something in the coffee?" Mihashi froze mid stride, two plates in hand.

"I'm s-sorry. I didn't m-mean to. I-I forgot. D-does A-Abe-kun not like it?" Abe shook his head realizing how he must have sounded to Mihashi. Upon seeing Abe shake his head Mihashi started to shake as well.

"I-I'm sorry" Mihashi started, placing the plates on the counter. "I-I can make new coffee. Or A-Abe-kun can m-make it how he l-likes it.

"No Mihashi. That's, that's not what I meant. The coffee is great. I was just wondering what you put in it to make it taste so good." Mihashi stood there looking shocked for a moment before a small smile started to spread across his face.

"Nutmeg" Mihashi all but whispered. "It, it takes away s-some of the bitterness." Abe stared at Mihashi who seemed to have drifted off into his own little world. From the look on his face he seemed to be deep in thought and Abe was almost reluctant to interrupt but he was afraid if he didn't the boy might stand there all day.

"So" Abe said breaking the silence. "You can cook." Mihashi seeming to come out of his daze, gave a swift nod.

"Is one of those for me?" Abe gestured to the two plates still in front of Mihashi. Mihashi looked down in front of him, slight confusion on his face before he started nodding his head again.

"Y-yes" he said, once again picking up the plates and walking around the counter. He placed one in front of Abe setting the other down at the stool next to him. "I m-made a bit of everything because I-I didn't know w-what Abe-kun l-liked." Abe looked at the plate in front of him that was loaded with eggs, bacon and hashbrowns, it looked delicious.

"It all looks great Mihashi, thank you." At that the boy gave a small smile before digging into his own food. They ate in silence for a few minutes before Abe spoke up.

"By the way" Abe said after his last bite. "Thanks for the food last night. I appreciate it." At the praise a slight blush rose to Mihashi's face.

"You're w-welcome" Mihashi said a little breathless. Getting up to clear their now empty plates Abe thought that this might be a good chance to learn a little more about the boy. Who apparently had a knack for cooking.

"Where did you learn how to cook? Abe asked taking the cup Mihashi handed him. For a moment Abe thought he had upset Mihashi. Who was now avoiding looking at him, fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

"My m-mom she, she w-worked late. M-my dad w-was away on business a lot. So I-I was h-home alone m-most of the time. So I had to, to cook f-for myself." Abe wasn't sure why but learning that Mihashi only new how to cook because his parents were basically never around seemed to fill him with anger. Trying to lighten the now gloomy mood Abe spoke up.

"Yeah, I started a small fire on our stove once as a kid. My mom hasn't let me near it since. So now I'm basically useless in a kitchen. You saw what I did to that toast yesterday." Mihashi's face seemed to be split between wanting to laugh and absolute horror. To Abe's surprise laughing seemed to win out. Mihashi even seemed to surprise himself at the noise escaping his mouth which he covered with his hands almost instantly.

Just as quick as it came, Abe watched the laugh leave Mihashi's face and take on a more serious look. Mihashi had dropped his hands back to his lap to start fiddling with his shirt again. He kept on looking from Abe back to his lap. Abe was about to ask him what was wrong when Mihashi spoke.

"I-I t-talked to Sh-Shigha-hakase y-yesterday. About m-my outlet."

"Outlet?" Abe asked, having no idea what Mihashi was talking about.

"S-something I-I c-can do to, to help me calm d-down." Well that made sense Abe figured seeing as how Mihashi was basically a walking bundle of nerves.

"She, she said I sh-should try using cooking. Th-that I should ask-." Mihashi seemed to pause at that, afraid to continue. Abe figured that he would only make it worse if he pushed him so he tried to wait it out. He tried he really did, but after two minutes of Mihashi silently wringing his shirt, he was starting to lose it.

"Ask what Mihashi?" Abe said in his most neutral tone. After another minute of silence Mihashi spoke again.

"Sh-she s-said t-to ask if. T-to ask A-Abe-kun if he wants t-to cook w-with me. S-said it c-colud help us b-bond" Abe stood stunned, watching Mihashi stare at the ground. That had not been what Abe was expecting at all. And before he even realized it words were leaving his mouth.

"But I don't know how." Mihashi seemed to perk up at that, almost meeting Abe's gaze.

"I-I can t-teach you. S-so A-Abe-kun can l-learn how to cook and I-I c-can. I can w-work on m-my outlet." Abe really didn't think this was a good idea, like at all. Of course Shiga would think of some absolutely ridiculous idea to get them to "bond" together. She had done all sorts of this stuff to help the team out but he hadn't expected her to do it with Mihashi as well. And everyone, even Shiga, new how horrible of a cook he was. He had literally been banned from helping with the team lunches. Why in the world would she think this was a good idea?

Abe sighed looking back to Mihashi who was still standing there wringing his shirt looking anywhere but at Abe. He looked so desperately pitiful Abe wasn't sure he had it in him to refuse. Abe gave another sigh and found himself saying-

"I'll do it." Mihashi's head snapped up. "But I have a few conditions ok?" Mihashi was vigorously shaking his head yes. "First we can only do this in the morning because I have, um, classes, that go late. And second, the moment this starts to become too much for you to handle, we stop. Alright?"

Mihashi was practically beaming. Abe had thought he had caught a real smile from Mihashi before but it was nothing compared to the way he looked right now. Mihashi's eyes were so full of light and hope, Abe's breath caught. Abe realized that he was starring. Clearing his throat he said, "We should probably get ready for rehab. We'll leave in about ten minutes, ok?" Mihashi nodded his head still staring right at Abe.

"Th-thank you A-Abe-kun! I-I won't l-let you down" he said, then scampered down the hall. Abe stared after Mihashi as he disappeared into his room. Abe wouldn't admit it but at that moment his heart had been pounding.