Chapter 21:
"Nothing to Forgive"

August 22, 1915
London Zoological Society

"So… how are you feeling?" Alek asked her for what felt like the millionth time. Even though Deryn was looking straight at him, he didn't look her in the eye.

He was standing up pole-straight, his arms hanging limp at his sides. The dumkopf always stood like that when he didn't know what to do with his hands. He was acting strange. No, Deryn decided, 'strange' wasn't the right word. He was acting completely bonkers.

It had been exactly eighteen days since she had been reunited with Alek, and he hadn't tried to kiss her. Not once. It was pure dead maddening.

Everything was all wrong. Well, not everything. Sure, some things had ended up well enough.

Eliot Vost was being held prisoner by the Society for his crimes against Britain. had joined forces with the Society, and he and Dr. Barlow were working to take down the remaining Red Star factories for good. Even Edward had been forgiven by the Society, and was working with the boffins to help make sure that all animals and fabs were being treated humanely. He seemed more comfortable with the little beasties than he ever had been with his father.

And yet, Alek was different. He had visited her a few times, in the first week after they had returned to the Society. She had still been recovering then, and spent most of her time cooped up in her little room, sleeping and reading whatever she could get her hands on. Mostly, she had been bored out of her mind. But Alek always left whenever she had tried to strike up a conversation, saying that he didn't want to interrupt her rest. Deryn was dying for some company, but Alek scurried away like a frightened mouse.

When she was finally well enough to get out of bed and walk around, she tried to find him, but Alek seemed to be avoiding her at all costs. Every time Deryn walked into a room, Alek walked out of it. If their paths crossed in the hall, Alek just nodded at her and kept walking without a word.

The bum rag was acting like they were complete strangers. Or worse, like Deryn didn't exist anymore.

But now, he didn't have a choice. Deryn had just received a message lizard from the lady boffin, instructing her to meet in her office. And when she had arrived, Dr. Barlow was nowhere to be seen, but Alek was standing inside.

He stood up as soon as he saw her. And asked how she was feeling.

How she was feeling? Hurt. Confused. Angry.

"Bloody great, thanks," she replied curtly. She crossed her arms and sat down heavily in one of the chairs in front of Dr. Barlow's desk.

Alek pulled the other chair back and nearly tripped over it. He flushed bright red and righted himself before sitting down. "That's…that's good. That you're feeling well, I mean," he stammered.

Even though Deryn was furious with him, a tiny part of her couldn't help but find his blushing and his bumbling about adorable.

They sat in silence for a few long moments before she decided that she couldn't take it anymore.

"Why are you acting like this?" She accused him.

Alek looked away. "I'm not acting like anything." Deryn narrowed her eyes at him.

"Yes you are. You're acting impossible."

Alek frowned. "That doesn't even make sense. A person can't act impossible."

Deryn wanted to throttle him. "Barking spiders! You daft prince!" She had done her best to be civil, but she couldn't help but raise her voice. "You want me to 'make sense,' then? Fine! Have it your way! Why are you avoiding me? Why do you act like being in the same room as me is physically painful? Why can't you look me in the eye? You were kissing me a month ago, and now you won't even look at me."

Deryn couldn't help it. Hot tears welled up in her eyes and started spilling down her cheeks. She was furious with herself for crying, for showing him how much he had hurt her, but she couldn't stop now. "A few days ago, I reached for your hand to stop you in the hall, and you flinched away from me, like I burned you."

Alek was staring at the floor.

She sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. "I was so lonely, Alek. After I got back from…from that awful place, all I wanted to do was talk to someone about what had happened to me. All I wanted was to try and make sense of things. With you. But you wouldn't even speak to me. I was…Alek, I am so lonely. I've got no one to talk to, unless you count that buffoon Sullivan. I miss you. Alek."

Deryn rubbed at her wet cheeks with the heels of her hands. She hated crying in front of other people.

"Deryn, I…" Alek began, but his voice trailed off. He was still looking away from her, staring at his clenched fists.

"I just couldn't face you. After everything that happened, after everything I did…I don't have the right to speak to you."

Deryn wouldn't have been more surprised if Alek had suddenly announced that he was going to Spain to become a salsa dancer.

"What in the world are you driveling about?" She asked, dumbfounded.

Tears dripped down Alek's nose. "Deryn, everything that you were put through…It was all my fault. When that horrendous man threatened you, and when he hit you, that was all my fault. It was my idea to get Eddie to write that article. It was my idea to demand proof. I should have known that it wasn't a good idea. I should never have let you put yourself in danger at that party."

"You didn't let me do anything!" Deryn interjected. "That was my decision to make, not yours. You know as well as I do that if you had asked me not to disguise myself as the princess, I would have done it anyway, just to prove that I could."

Alek put his face in his hands. His words came out muffled. "But still… if I hadn't demanded proof from Damian, he wouldn't have hit you. He would have threatened to cut you up like that. It was my fault that you had to endure all that fear."

Deryn had had enough. She got out of her chair and knelt in front of Alek. He glanced up at her for a moment, but then looked away.

"Look at me," Deryn said gently. She took his face in her hands, and finally, his green eyes settled on her blue ones.

"Alek," she began, her voice as soft and quiet as a whisper, "What happened to me was not your fault. Damian Vost is the man who hurt me. And now he's dead. And I'm alive. And you're alive. And that is all that I could ever want."

Alek's eyes were red and bloodshot from crying. His face was crumpled in shame. His cheeks were ruddy and wet with tears. His nose was dripping. His lips were quivering.

And yet, more than anything in the entire world, all Deryn wanted to do was kiss him. So she did.

It was a long kiss, and it was salty from both their tears, but it was the sweetest one they had ever shared.

…

Alek felt like a thousand kilograms had been lifted off his shoulders. The guilt that had been eating him alive had finally dissipated. He had wanted to be with Deryn, more than anything, but even being near her had made his guts burn with shame.

And now he was free.

Deryn pulled him closer, and he was so completely entranced that he fell out of his chair and onto the floor next to her.

Deryn laughed so hard that Alek was worried she was going to hurt herself. "How very princely of you," she gasped through her laughter. "I can just imagine the great former crown prince of Austria collapsing out of his throne onto the floor."

Alek couldn't help but laugh along with her. Her laugh was high, bright, and contagious. They lay on the floor, both of them staring up at the ceiling, laughing so hard that their stomachs hurt.

After they had both run out of breath, and they had a moment of comfortable silence, Alek took in a breath and asked the question he had been dying to.

"So do you forgive me?"

Deryn snorted. "When are you ever going to learn? Alek, there's nothing to forgive." She turned to look at him, and her blue eyes sparkled mischievously. "How long do you think we've got until Dr. Barlow meets us in here?"

Alek paused to think about it. "A few minutes, maybe. Why do you-"

"Perfect," Deryn smirked, and then, before he could say anything more, she climbed on top of him and straddled him, offering Alek a remarkable view of her chest. Her blond hair hung down around them like a golden curtain, and her lips were red from kissing.

She was so completely lovely. He had seen her made up, and in an impressive gown, with her hair done up and her face painted, but this was something different. That hadn't been Deryn, not really. But this, this fiery, passionate, fearless girl, panting with the effort from laughing, eyes sparkling, cheeks glowing, was so much more beautiful.

"I love you," Alek managed to stammer.

"You'd better," Deryn laughed, and kissed him again.

A few minutes later, that was how Dr. Barlow, Dr. Sullivan, and Count Volger walked in and found them. Lying on top of each other, breathless, giddy with kissing.

"Ahem." Dr. Barlow coughed pointedly. She was staring rather intently at the portrait of Charles Darwin on the wall behind her desk, as if silently apologizing that her grandfather's painting had witnessed such an indiscretion. Dr. Sullivan was genuinely surprised, and his jaw dropped before he recovered let out a friendly chuckle. The Count, on the other hand, looked completely unfazed by the scene unfolding in front of him. His expression was as blank as if he were in the middle of a diplomatic meeting.

For once, Alek was too happy to be embarrassed. He pulled away from Deryn, helped her stand, and pulled out her chair.

"Why thank you, Alek," Deryn smirked, and they both started laughing again.

"Are you quite done?" Dr. Barlow asked, and although her words were strict, there was the tiniest sliver of humor in her voice.

"I think so," Alek replied, doing his best not to smile. He was so dizzy with joy that it was hard to keep a smile off his face.

"I'm afraid your good mood is about to be spoiled," Volger said dryly.

Deryn looked up at him curiously. "What is it?" She asked.

Dr. Sullivan coughed. "It's not good."

Dr. Barlow agreed. "It most certainly is not." She straightened her bowler hat uncomfortably. "We thought we got to Vost in time, but we were too late." She closed her eyes and heaved a sigh. When she finally reopened her eyes, they were as dark and serious as they had ever been.

"Elliot Vost already sold the recipe for Black Star to the enemy."

"What?" Alek stood up so quickly his chair nearly fell over. "Do you mean…"

Dr. Volger's expression was grave. "Yes, Aleksander. The Germans have it."

AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Thanks to all of you who have stuck with me throughout this story! (No, it's not over, but it is starting to wrap up.) Your reviews have been so amazing and have given me so much confidence to continue with this story. (Latecomer, the review you posted recently made my whole day)Anyway, guys, sorry for constantly leaving you with hangovers that lasted months. I hope this steamy chapter helped make up for it. :) Anyway, as I wrap up writing this story, I would love your feedback. What did you think? And, more importantly, do you guys want more? I have been considering writing another story to follow this one, but I also have some other stuff (not Leviathan stuff, original stuff) that I'm working on. If I wrote more, would you read it? What do you guys want to see if I do write a 'sequel' to this? Please let me know, I love seeing feedback!