A/N: And now I give you the next wondrous chapter of this story. It's shorter than the last couple but it seemed the best way to split it up. Parts of it were written amongst great stress, while trying to hide from small children.

It's spring break where I work, so bring on the fanfiction!

Disclaimer: Why would I possibly give up my illustrious career for the chance to own NCIS?

Reviews: VG LittleBear: Thanks so much for the kind words. I love hearing that you are enjoying this and my attempts at bringing Tony and Jeanne closer.

Dkess: I know! Although I loved other moments throughout the years, I never understood why fans of Tony didn't like what Jeanne brought out of him. Undercover junk aside, Jeanne appreciated him for who he was. (Don't know if you were expecting a rant here, hopefully it hasn't scared you away.

Thanks to everyone else who commented and reviewed for the encouragement and lovely words.

Hope you like it and thanks for reading!

Holistic Lying

Tony DiNozzo wandered into the NCIS bullpen on Friday morning unreasonably content for someone who had been up since six, gotten called in to work early; therefore, missing breakfast, and been stuck behind a car driven by the antithesis of Gibbs for the majority of his commute.

McGee appeared to have arrived just a few minutes before him and was scurrying around distributing coffee like an overgrown and decidedly unfestive elf.

"Hey Tony." The other agent greeted as he deposited a large cup of steaming liquid on Gibbs' desk. "You look better than you did the other night."

"Thanks, McComplimentary." Tony drawled. He dropped his backpack beside his desk, noting a small package wrapped in brown paper next to his coffee that smelled suspiciously like eggs and bacon. Gingerly he poked it with one finger. "What's this?" He demanded, turning towards McGee who was sipping his coffee and reading something from his computer that had his eyes twitching every few seconds.

"It's a breakfast burrito Tony, not a bomb." Tim answered without looking. Tony regarded the other agent suspiciously.

"Am I dying?" McGee snorted a mouthful of coffee. Tony ignored the other agent as he grabbed a napkin and began blowing into it with fervor. "First, you get coffee when it's my turn, and you made sure that it was just the way I like it and now this? The only times we don't bicker and fight like children over getting food when it isn't our turn is when someone has just escaped the jaws of death. Point in case, my recovery from the plague: you offered me Chinese. The day I got stabbed by that psychotic marine: you bought me a hotdog." He pointed to the innocuous package for reference. "So I ask again, am I dying, Timothy McGee? Cause I don't feel like I'm dying." By now McGee had successfully removed most of the coffee from his nostrils and was finally able to speak again.

"Geez Tony, it's breakfast. I thought you might be moving a little slower today and wouldn't have time to stop off for anything. I was trying to be nice."

"Oh. It's freaking me out." Tony said bemusedly. "You sure no one is dying?"

"I don't think you were hugged enough as a child." McGee commented absently and with exquisite disinterest. "And, scientifically speaking, a little bit of us dies every day."

"Way to cheer me up, McGee." Tony said in a faux-hurt voice.

"You're welcome." Tim answered happily. "Now eat your burrito before it gets cold." He ordered as though the older agent were recalcitrant child. Tony narrowed his eyes again as he bit back a smile.

"You poisoned it, didn't you McSwango?" McGee sighed and then shifted to look at Tony, his expression morose.

"Yes, Tony, I put arsenic in the salsa. I just couldn't take it anymore seeing you in those suits every day. My favorite is the gray one, especially when you were it with the black tie." Tony's mouth dropped open slowly at his Probie's audaciousness. He was speechless.

"I wanted to tell you," McGee continued in an infatuated and slightly unhinged voice. "But I knew you'd never see me the same way so I decided if I couldn't have you–"

"Guys?" Unfortunately McGee hadn't noticed Bishop walk in during the middle of his impassioned speech and Tony, still unable to talk although he was now making odd squeaking noises, failed to warn him about the incoming agent.

"Ah, Ellie, that was just, uh…that's not at all what it…" Bishop nodded as Tim stuttered through his explanation. She glanced at Tony, perhaps hoping that he could supply a more coherent answer, but he had one hand clamped on his desk and was slowly turning a fine shade of maroon. Finally he managed to suck in a breath and made his way over to McGee who shrank back with a wary expression. Bishop watched all of this with a vaguely intrigued expression.

"McGee, if I'd only known sooner." Tony gasped out, a chuckle escaping at the end. With a leer he swung his arm around Tim's shoulder. The other man's look of embarrassment was quickly replaced by one of distress and he attempted to edge away as though to escape. Tony only tightened his grip, reaching out with other hand to ruffle Tim's hair. "So many wasted years my McLover." He cooed.

Bishop made a strangled noise which drew both men's attention back to her.

"Hey Bish, how's it going?" Tony inquired sunnily while he stroked Tim's cheek.

"Good." She responded, drawing out the word and clearly still waiting for an answer. In response he smoothed his finger over Tim's lip who apparently had reached his breaking point, jerked away with a distressed sound. Tony could sense that McGee was quelling the urge to punch him and wisely put a few feet of distance between them.

"Very funny, DiNozzo." Tim muttered darkly.

"Aw McGee, what's a little homoerotic petting between friends?" The other man's eyes narrowed again. "Okay, okay." Tony capitulated. "Next time there's a dumpster to be dove into, I will be the divee, deal?" Tim considered for a moment and then quickly shook Tony's outstretched hand.

"Deal." McGee agreed happily.

"Ok guys, WHAT'S GOING ON?" Bishop begged. Tim and Tony shared a brief look of understanding before Tony quickly replied.

"Tim bought me breakfast." He shot Ellie an innocent smile and then walked back over to his desk. She stood in the middle of the bullpen, still carrying her bag, her frustration was nearly palpable as her gaze swiveled between the two men.

"Fine." Ellie concluded eventually, bobbing her head several times. "I don't even want to know." Tony raised his fist and McGee met it with his own at the youngest agent's capitulation. Apparently any ill feelings towards Tony were forgotten the moment Tim had an opportunity to mess with Bishop.

"You know I've been an agent like two years, right? Is it really fair to haze me for this long?" McGee snorted.

"You think this is probie hazing?" He asked incredulously while Tony nodded his head in agreement.

"Ask Tim what he went through as a probie. This is just office camaraderie at its finest." Tony gestured to other man with one hand while he waved his still uneaten burrito beneath his nose as if smelling a fine wine.

"Like it's ever stopped." McGee said derisively, apparently forgetting his own collusion in teasing Bishop.

"Oh come on, McGee…look at you now. Would you be half the agent you are today if it weren't for a little tough love? Besides, when's the last time I glued your fingers to anything?" McGee gave Bishop obviously thought was a discreet look which Tony didn't bother to untangle. "You guys are just lucky you didn't have Gibbs for a training agent. Oh the bruises I used to get during 'training'… went over well with the ladies though." McGee snorted.

"Where is Gibbs?" Bishop asked, interrupting Tim's likely scathing opinion of Tony's charms. "I thought we had a case." Tony shrugged. If there was something important going on McGee would have most likely mentioned it by now instead of chattering on about Tony's breakfast.

"We did but now he's chatting with Fornell's superior in MTAC. FBI wants durisdiction." McGee responded idly. Bishop's response was equally unenthusiastic as she stashed her bag and purse behind her desk and logged on to her computer.

Wordlessly the three agents settled behind their desks without any particular haste. Tim spent a good ten minutes cleaning his computer monitor while Bishop tapped at her keyboard, the action accompanied by the distinct ping of Facebook notifications. Tony for his part unwrapped and picked at his burrito, still giving it the occasional look of distrust. Finally when it seemed none of them could stall any further they turned to the pile of files on each of their desks.

After about twenty minutes of trying and failing to make any progress on cold cases, Bishop decided to head down the Abby's lab, citing the need to discuss a report with the forensic specialist but all three agents knew she was seeking out the futon.

Tony and McGee resigned themselves to half-heartedly skimming a few files they'd all read over a hundred times. Tony tossed aside a file containing a particularly nasty and unsolved serial killer case in favor of rereading the ever amusing interview from an ancient witness who insisted that each of her fourteen cats be questioned as well in case she forgot anything in her statement. He was pretty sure poor Agent Kolonowski had gone AWOL after that case and been found farming in the depths of Southern Indiana four months later.

"You know you're in an exceptionally good mood for someone who was slammed into a brick wall recently." McGee observed, interrupting Tony's reminiscing. He almost sounded annoyed that Tony was behaving like a mature adult. He glanced up from a yellowed page to find McGee watching him with his head inclined.

"I'm sorry that my relative good health is getting on your nerves." Tony replied sardonically.

"You know that's not what I mean." Tim shot back in irritation. "I know you had a day off and everything but I've seen you after a concussion; they make you cranky and loopy."

"Maybe it's the burrito, nothing like eggs and bacon to fill a man's heart with warmth and cholesterol." McGee peered at Tony over his computer monitor with the same intensity he usually reserved for hacking into national databases.

"No, that's definitely not it." Tim insisted, going back to his own file. Tony had to admit he was enjoying the younger agent's frustration, especially since he wasn't even doing anything to elicit such a reaction. At least not on purpose.

"Oh my god!" McGee whispered loudly, his head springing up from behind his monitor with whiplash inducing force and his voice filled with an air of imminent and profound discovery. "You saw her again, didn't you?" Tony tried to keep his expression neutral. Staring unflinchingly into McGee's accusatory glare for several moments before he flipped to the next page and skimmed the hastily scrawled words. Apparently Mr. Puddles thought the suspect had red hair, which contradicted Daisy's account.

"Don't really know what you're talking about, Tim." Tony said lightly with just a hint of warning bleeding through.

"You saw," McGee paused, looking around warily before he continued in a much softer voice. "You saw Jeanne last night." He hissed. For reasons that Tony could not begin to fathom, he looked terribly betrayed. If he didn't know better he would almost think that the other man was jealous.

"Assuming that I did see someone last night, why do you think it was her? It could be any woman; I may be a bit older but with age comes charm and wisdom." Tony preened slightly and batted his lashes at McGee who rolled his eyes.

"Not buying it Tony. You don't do one night stands anymore and in any case I've seen you after a concussion, it's not a pretty sight. And I happen to know you don't have a girlfriend, haven't seen anyone since you broke up with Zoe." Tony pondered that for a moment under the guise of sipping his coffee. Eventually he decided he'd stalled enough and approached McGee's desk, his expression completely serious.

"Tim, do you really want to ask about this? Right now you can still claim plausible deniability."

"Plausible deniability? What the hell are you talking about? You sound like you're on trial." McGee, now truly annoyed, seemed to have forgotten his decision to be quiet and a few heads turned at his last words.

"Thanks McLoudmouth." Tony whispered, his expression making Tim turn a fine shade of magenta and turn surreptitiously to glance around the rest of the bullpen before continuing. "You don't think that Gibbs isn't going to figure out what's going on, if he hasn't already, and when he does do you want to know as little as possible or be the guy that knew but didn't tell him anything?"

"Tony, I don't think–"

"Very unwise." Tim narrowed his eyes at the other man's interruption and continued in a morally superior tone.

"I don't think that Gibbs would be angry–well, I mean he would but only because he cares." Tim frowned, his words trailing off as he obviously realized that he wasn't improving the situation.

"Uh-huh, and how does Gibbs normally show affection?"

"With a headslap." McGee said. "And in this case he'd probably shoot you."

"Yup." Tony agreed, not looking nearly as worried as he normally would in the face of Gibbs' potential wrath.

"Tony I don't think you should try keeping this from Gibbs at all. Like you said, he'll find out anyways and then he'll just be angrier." Tim paused and considered for a moment. "Are you trying to make him mad, because this would definitely do it. You know there's no way he's ever going to be ok with you…doing what you're doing." Tony's jaw clenched and it was a testament to McGee's growth that he didn't shy away. Very much.

"First of all, McGee it's not like I'm hosting orgies in MTAC. Secondly, I'm most certainly not toying with someone's feeling just to make Gibbs mad or get attention or whatever it is you think I'm doing. If I ever would have done something like that, I certainly would never do it now. Thirdly, if Gibbs can't deal with his agents having a life outside of this place or thinks that I'm not capable of making my own decisions then that is his problem and not mine." Although that wasn't entirely true. In the past Gibbs' opinion had meant a lot and to some degree it still did.

Tim seemed somewhat taken aback by Tony's heartfelt, if impromptu, speech.

"Wow, you really are happy, aren't you?" Tim asked quietly and with no small amount of awe. Tony quirked his head, considering.

"Well, I was a few minutes ago. This conversation hasn't done wonders for my mood." He responded acerbically. McGee sighed in a put upon way.

"I mean with her." Tony smiled slightly and answered without thinking.

"Yeah McGee, I am." The younger agent looked shocked, which Tony found remarkably annoying, but then a vaguely pleased smirk appeared on his lips and Tony wished McGee would go back to annoying him. Apparently the other agent decided he'd pried deeply enough into Tony DiNozzo's personal life (frankly he was surprised McGee had ventured this far) since he began typing at his computer with his usual intensity.

"Just as long as you know what you're getting yourself into…"

"McGee!"

A/N: I love when Tony and McGee have a brotherly relationship that doesn't make Tony look like a preening idiot. I hope the banter is believable.

Any mention of breakfast burritos where written before Loose Cannons aired. I think the writers of NCIS are hacking my brain, or turning to fanfiction for ideas.

Holistic Lying is not a term I created. I credit an individual from a local Alzheimer nursing home, although I don't know if they coined it. I have purloined it for my own nefarious uses.

According to some brief research, courtesy of Google, Michael Swango was a licensed physician, who poisoned non-patients by putting arsenic in their food and drinks. It's slightly disturbing how quickly 'killer who used poison' pops up in Google search.