AN

This is a story taking place after Ruby circle and refers to some stuff in the bloodline series. If you have read them you can skip the others note. If you haven't, I will outline the most important things for this story: Spoiler Alert.

Restored Dhampirs (from Strigoi) can have kids with other Dhampirs. In bloodlines a Dhampir named Olive was restored, slept with another Dhampir and got pregnant. she hid to conceal her pregnancy. She died shortly after giving birth to Declan and his father thought it was too dangerous to raise him. People might find out Declan was a product of two Dhampirs. So Adrian and Sydney were raising him as their own son.

Alchemist have tattoo's on their faces, infused with Moroi blood that holds compulsion. When Alchemist go out of line they increase the compulsion to make them more compliant.

There are illegal versions of the tattoo that give human temporary strength, speed or highs depending on what they put in the tattoo.

Resorted Moroi/Dhampirs are immune to turning and Olives blood was used as a vaccine. Her blood was tattooed (with an alchemist tattoo) on someone else who couldn't be turned either. However the spirit in the blood of a Restored person is unstable. Although their own immunity is lifelong, the effect in their blood is temporary

Adrian and Dimitri are cousins. They ran into Dimitri's father: Randall, in a Dhampir commune. He was obviously there for female company.

Maybe I'll come across some minor points and let you know if you need some inside knowledge but for now I think it covers the basics. Also gives a bit of a clue where I am going with this story

Chapter 2

It was evening by the time we arrived and court was just starting to wake up.

I was told Lissa was in a meeting already so we just made our way towards the apartment. When we weren't living in hotel rooms or were on campus, Dimitri and I had our own suite inside the palace. As the primary guardians of the Queen and her husband we were never far from them. Our rooms where adjacent to Lissa's and Christians'. Something Lissa and I loved but Dimitri and Christian didn't always appreciate. Certainly not when Lissa wanted to tell me something and she would simply barge in and jump on the bed while my dear husband had something completely different in mind. I actually it had gotten worse after the bond was broken. Normally Lissa would just have to squeal in her mind and I would eventually make my way towards her but now we actually needed face to face contact. Hence the early sessions of love interrupted.

We also shared a kitchen and a living and dining room although we each had our own small versions as well. Well ours was smaller, Lissa's and Christians' was still huge.

"He sparky, that had better be breakfast you are making because I am starving."

He turned around and he actually smiled when he saw us walk in. It was the same whenever he returned from a mission. I knew they kept him well protected like how we protected Adam but still it is a dangerous job and we were always grateful when he would be home safe. He returned the favor.

"What would you like? I am making scrambled egg whites, fresh fruit and oatmeal."

I scrounged up my nose. Those were very healthy options.

"I was thinking more along the line of pancakes or something."

I saw Dimitri role his eyes.

"It wouldn't kill you to try something healthy you know." Christians said with an exasperated look on his face.

"No, but I might die tomorrow regardless and I cannot live with the fact my last breakfast was made out of outmeal and egg whites."

Dimitri chuckled, even though we were joking about it, this was the story of our live, always wondering if this was the last time we did anything. Sometimes it was depressing but mostly it just made us enjoy the moment. We had our own little ritual whenever one of us would leave the house. It didn't matter if we were at court behind wards or not, but we weren't allowed to leave the other before kissing them goodbye and telling them you loved them. Lissa had once said it was sweet how we always said I love you to each other every day. She thought it was romantic. I hadn't clarified it was that if one of us wouldn't return the last thing they had heard from the other person was I love you. We always kept this up even when I was thoroughly pissed at Dimitri. We never parted without saying I love you.

"I have some whole wheat flour for pancakes?"

I gave up and just gave in, throwing my hands up in surrender and frustration. Dimitri was already helping Christian in the kitchen making breakfast.

We were just setting breakfast on the table when Lissa walked in.

"Argh I hate early morning meetings. I can't think without having breakfast. But they said it was an emergency, it is always and emergency and what those royals think is an emergency doesn't even register on my calendar as 'for next week'."

Ohh Lissa was grumpy, but she perked up when Christian put food in front of her.

"So everything went okay with the mission."

I nodded while inhaling a piece of pancake. Dimitri had put some fruit on it and I reluctantly ate it, although it was actually very good. But I would never let him know that.

"A cell of seven Strigoi. And no major injuries or losses so a very good mission."

"That is good. Because I think it will be your last mission for a while."

"Why."

I saw her fidgeting with her dress a bit and I saw Christian looked a bit nervous too.

"Well I kind of want you guys around from now on. Something has changed and I want my best friend and trusted guardian by my side."

"What has changed?"

She blushed and was fidgeting with her dress again.

"Well, I am pregnant."

She beamed and I saw she had tears in her eyes. I was momentarily stunned before I hugged her and congratulated her. I saw Dimitri do the same to Christian.

I turned to Christian.

"So who is the father?"

I asked with a smirk in my face and got hit in the arm by Lissa for it. But I relented and congratulated Christian as well.

"So that is what all this healthy crap is about."

Lissa nodded.

"I am trying to eat healthier for the baby. Christina read all these articles on nutrition and development of the baby, not just when I am pregnant but also after he or she is born."

Oh I so hope they weren't going to be those kinds of parents. You know those that obsess about everything to see if it is 'good' for the baby. I always thought happy mommy, happy baby and if mommy was happy with the occasional greasy pizza then so be it.

"So how far along are you?"

"About eight weeks. I went to see the doctor two days ago. We saw the heartbeat. I have known for a few weeks but you can't actually see anything until week seven or eight. I am waiting to tell people till I am at least through my first semester. I just hope this will finally shut those royals up about the Dragomir line. They have been pestering me about becoming pregnant since I took the throne."

I knew that was true. They had been pressuring Lissa and Christian to marry and start a family and although that was their plan all along, they have done it at their own pace in their own time.

"Well I am happy for you guys."

I was surprised at my own tone. I felt a pang of something in me. I was happy for them, but I realized I was also jealous. I don't think Christian or Lissa noticed, they were in their own world but I saw Dimitri look at me intensely.

After that conversation rolled back to gossip at court and the workload of Lissa. I was listening as I was just fiddling with my food. Pushing it around on my plate. After breakfast I said goodbye to Lissa saying I had some business in my room.

It didn't take Dimitri long before following me into our bedroom.

"Roza, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

He turned me around so I could look at him.

"Then why are you crying."

I touched my face. I didn't realize I was.

"Rose, I saw the way you were looking at Lissa with longing. I know when we found out about Declan we said that was a conversation for the future, you were nineteen at the time, but if that is something you want we can talk about it."

I remember the day Adrian told us who Declan's father was and how it was possible. I remember how I felt. Excited, amazed, petrified, relieved I hadn't gotten pregnant yet and also a little disappointed.

I hadn't missed the look of pure joy on Dimitri's face either, but I made it very clear if I wasn't ready to marry at nineteen I was definitely not ready to be a mother at that age. So we just concluded that whether we did end up having kids or not, it was nice to know we had the option.

"Do you want to have children with me?"

Dimitri asked. There was a hint of nervousness in his voice. We always said it was nice knowing we could, but that didn't mean we would. I know he always feared that I didn't want to have kids.

"Of course I do. It scares me how much I want this. I mean what if we try and we can't. With Declan it was the woman that was turned back, maybe it doesn't work the other way around and Olive was still newly turned, we know that the amount of spirit decreases in your system. I don't know if I can go through that, it will break my heart if we can't have kids, if I can't give you that."

My voice broke a bit at the end.

Dimitri lifted my chin up to him.

"Rose, whether we can't have kids, or decide not to, I want you to know, you are enough for me. You have always been enough. It won't change anything."

"And what if it does succeed, look at our life Dimitri, will I be alive long enough to even carry this child or raise it. What if I can't have kids because of all the times I was kicked in the stomach? I mean didn't you ever wonder why we didn't conceive in the first year before we found out about Declan? And what about the way they were conceived? Neil isn't in Declans life because he and Olive both feared they would hurt Declan. She even died for it. How are we going to hide this? And what about our jobs? I won't be like my mother and abandon my daughter at an academy but I don't know how to not be a guardian either."

I had been thinking about this ever since I found out about Declan. But I had shelved this away for later. But Lissa being pregnant triggered something in me. It just showed how easy it was for a Moroi. Even if conception itself wasn't a problem, the very nature of our lives and that of the baby was.

I heard Dimitri take a deep breath and a small smile came across his face.

"Rose, the reason we didn't conceive in that year is probably because we hardly saw each other, between you going to Lehigh and me in Palm Springs, I was glad if we had some alone time once a week. I know you have all these fears, I have them too, but if this is something we want we can find a way."

I nodded.

"I just wish I could talk to Lissa about this, but she doesn't even know it might be an option for us."

"I can't believe I am saying this, maybe you should talk to Adrian. He and Sydney might be alright with us telling Lissa and Christian in confidence."

There was a knock on the door and Lissa poked her head inside.

I was now in the crook of Dimitri's neck while he rubbed circles on my back.

"Can I come in?"

Dimitri looked at me and I nodded. He let go of me and left us alone to talk. I just didn't know what to say.

"I am sorry Rose. I had no idea that this was such a big deal for you."

"Honestly Lissa, neither did I. and don't apologize, a baby is never a bad thing. It's a beautiful thing, and I am happy for you guys. "

"Well, there are other ways for you two to have a child, maybe consider a sperm or egg donor or you can adopt."

I hated lying to Lissa. But Dimitri was right, I needed the okay from Sydney and Adrian first. This concerned Declan more than anything and it wasn't my secret to tell even if it did involve me.

"Maybe, but it is more than that. Maybe I am just a little bit jealous on how you are free to make those decisions. Even if we did manage to get a child from somewhere, we are still guardians and we go on slayer missions all the time. Maybe sometimes I just wish my life was a little easier."

Well this was as close to the truth as I could get.

"Well I hope that now that I am pregnant you guys will understand if I want you around. I know it is still hard work, but as guardian jobs go, you are in a big team of royal guards and you are mostly behind wards."

Lissa was right. This was as good a time as any to start trying for children, you know besides the fact they weren't supposed to be possible, might still not be possible and might shock our world when people find out.

"You are right Liss, I guess I am still in slayer mode. I suppose it will be easier from now on."

She hugged me tightly before going back to daily businesses of a queen.

That afternoon I decided to take Dimitri up on his offer and I called Adrian.

"Hey little Dhampir, how is it going? Survived I see?"

"Well you can't actually see me, you can only hear me, maybe this is a recorded message?"

He laughed.

"No, but everything go okay? I hadn't heard from you guys in a while."

"Yeah, everything okay, we have just returned from our last slayer mission. Lissa called us back to stay with her at court."

There was a bit of silence on the other line.

"Did she tell you why?"

"Yeah, but I can't tell you."

"Oh Rose, I know she is pregnant."

"She told you before she told me?"

I asked a little indignant.

"No. We saw them a few weeks ago and I could see it in her aura, but I didn't say anything. I didn't know if she knew yet so I waiting for her tell me."

"Oh."

Silence again.

"Rose, I can practically feel some resentment over the phone. Is that why you called me?"

Man I really have to work on my guardian mask. Even if it is over the phone.

"I kind off broke down in my room when she told me. I didn't mean to, but she picked up on the fact I was jealous."

"Rose, you don't have to be jealous, you are probably the only Dhampirs out there that don't have to be jealous."

I took a big breathe. I told him the short version of what I told Dimitri this morning.

"I understand, but I don't know how I feel about Lissa knowing. I mean I trust her as a friend but as a Monarch she has an obligation to put her people first. I have studied Declan. His spirit component is stable. Whereas Olive's blood had to be preserved immediately to still be able to work as a vaccine. When she learns of this I am afraid she will still put everyone else's needs before Declan's."

I think I agreed with Adrian. Although Lissa would never hurt a child she was all about the greater good, not to mention she was always very interested what spirit did. Her curiosity might push her a little bit further in this topic then her morals would usually allow.

"Does that mean, if I do get pregnant I would have to lie to her?"

"I don't know Rose, I just don't know how she will react. If she wasn't a spirit user I would just tell her and if she reacted badly compel her to forget again, but I can't."

"Well what if we don't tell her about Declan's aura. I mean she has seen him on occasion. She hasn't noticed anything. What if we simply tell her that Olive's transformation healed whatever part it was that stopped her from conceiving with other dhampirs?"

"That might work. Hold on Sydney just walked in. I'll talk to her."

Adrian put the phone down for a minute to talk to Sydney. I could hear them discussing it in the background but couldn't actually make out any words.

"Hello?"

I heard a small voice on the other side of the phone.

"Hi Declan. How are you."

"Auntie Rosie!"

I swear he was the only on allowed the call me Rosie, everyone else who did got hit in the face.

"When are you and uncle Dimitri coming over again. I have some new toys I want to show you guys. Uncle Eddie likes them. Are you still on that special mission trying to save everybody?"

"Actually Declan, we are at court now with Lissa, but I promise we will visit soon."

"Okay."

I heard some shuffling behind the phone, they pressed a button and I think I was on speaker phone.

"Hey Rose."

"Hey Sydney what's up?"

"Nothing much. Adrian told me what's going on."

I sighed.

"Look I am sorry to bother you guys with this…"

"Oh don't Rose. I know it is a big decision and I can image you need other people to talk to than just Dimitri. I understand you not wanting to lie to Lissa, but you know you can always come to us too right?"

"Yeah I know. There are just so many things going on in my head right now. But a big part of it is protecting Declan and maybe in the future our children."

"Actually we might have a solution to one of your problems." Adrian piped in.

"What?"

"Well what if you told everyone that I am the sperm donor. Sydney can fake some papers from a fertility clinic and if the child comes out looking like Dimitri we can just blame it on shared Ivashkov genes."

"Actually that does sound plausible but I don't know if Dimitri will go for that."

"Actually it was his idea."

My mouth dropped.

"When did Dimitri talk to you?"

"A few months back."

"That son of a…"

"Relax Rose. He knew you would be stressing out about these things so he is trying to solve them before they become a problem."

"But we weren't even talking about having kids a few months ago. I mean we were two feet deep in Strigoi blood a few months ago."

"Well, what can I say, he plans ahead."

"I am going to kill him."

They both laughed.

I spend the whole afternoon in my room waiting for Dimitri to get off shift. Once he walked into our room I stood there with my arms crossed.

"Did you ever consider maybe talking to me first before giving Adrian intimate details of our lives?"

He just shrugged, actually shrugged. I didn't even think he and Adrian were that close. They had been getting better over the years, but there would always be a strain on their relationship, maybe because I betrayed Adrian for Dimitri and maybe because Adrian was the only other guy that had seen me naked.

"So what else have you been thinking about behind my back?"

"Roza. I don't think anyone can think things behind someone's back. And I just considered some options should the issue arise."

"Dimitri, I…"

There was a knock on the door.

"Hold that thought, this conversation isn't over yet."

I opened the door and I saw Hans stepping in.

"Hey Croft, what can we do for you."

He handed us a file. I opened it and looked inside. I groaned and handed it to Dimitri.

"I am sorry, I know you were looking forward to some downtime, but your squad in the only one not on assignment right now and it is just too close to court not to at least check it out."

I sighed deeply. I saw Dimitri have the same resignation. We agreed to meet Hans tomorrow morning for briefing.

"Well I guess that answers that question."

I said as I plopped down on the coach.

"What?"

"Well if we were deciding whether or not we should have children, the decision is now made for us."

"Roza, it is just one mission."

I got up angry.

"There will always be one more mission. The only time when we will ever get rest is when all Strigoi are extinct."

"Rose, if this is something we want we can decline. We are Royal guardians, we have a job here at court, the slayer unit is on voluntary bases. We don't have to take another mission."

"I know, it's just… I don't know if I cannot go. If I know there are Strigoi nearby… I don't know if I can sit here and do nothing."

Dimitri walked closer to me and took my hand. It was enough. He didn't need to say anything. I knew he felt the same. We were warriors through and through. If there was a fight to be had we were first in line. But it would mean leaving our children behind and possibly not coming back. I didn't know if I wanted to do that to our children. We had a choice in the matter and a responsibility to our future children to not let them become orphans. And to do that we had to stop putting ourselves in the midst of danger.

It was a choice again between our personal life and our duty. 'They come first.'

I buried myself in Dimitri's chest and let out a small sob. It would always be the same. We were the best out there, people depended on us. I didn't know if there would be ever a time when they didn't.