"I will destroy you. No matter how long it takes, no matter what it costs me. I won't sleep, I won't eat. I won't do anything but plot your downfall. I will mow down your men like they're weeds. I'll kill so many of them so viciously, so brutally, so horribly that no one will dare to work for you. And sooner or later, I'll get you too." –Jennifer Estep

Inprobatus

It was difficult for Naruto to separate his current reality from his nightmare. Sheets soaked in sweat, he pulled himself up until he could sit and stare out the open window. Harsh pants ripped their way from his lungs, filling the silence of the room and drowning out the sound of cicadas from outside.

It was still dark out, the moon high in the sky. He turned to his clock to find it crushed. Had he done that…he could not remember. Another would need to be bought soon. Choosing not to dwell on it, he turned to the window instead. It was early, hours before dawn, not long after midnight.

Eyes unfocused and haunted, he pulled himself from bed. There would be no more sleep this night. His legs shook as he stood, trembling and weak under him. He glared at his pale limbs, disgusted with their feebleness. It would take a lot of work to get his body back into shape.

A flick of red on blonde from the corner of his eye had him cursing quietly. The henge had slipped from him while he slept. He glanced out the open window, Konoha quiet in the night. He doubted anyone had noticed his new appearance, or there would have been a mob outside demanding his head. Just further proof that he really was the monster that they all feared.

Naruto shook himself from the thoughts, trying to come up with a way to make the henge stick while he was unconscious. He would have to tie it to something…maybe a necklace or a bracelet? He sighed, a problem for another time, hardly his most pressing at the moment.

The bathroom light nearly blinded him, slit pupils contracting as he carefully stepped around the glass shards still scattered upon the tiled floor. The cubicle was calling to him, a shower long overdue.

Naruto could not remember the last time he took an honest to gods shower. They did not have such luxuries at the front lines, the closest anyone got to bathing was a dip in the freezing river.

-"Come on, Sakura," pink hair shaking in negative at the words.

"I'm not getting in there," lips pursed, grimacing. "It's lake water, and it's like negative five degrees out."

Laughter, leaves falling from trees: red, orange, brown. "You said you wanted to get clean," step closer, hand reaching.

Narrowed eyes, step back, distrust. More laughter, glee, joy. Lunge, grab, yank, scream. "Naruto! Put me down!" Struggling, moving, laughter. "Don't you freaking dare. NARUTO!" Splashing, choking, freezing. "I'm going to kill you!"-

He had nothing to strip off as the water heated, having slept naked. Instead he glanced upon the cracked mirror as steam began to fill the room. It was just like him, broken. Blue eyes jerked from the image, face pinched in mental anguish before he forced himself under the water that was just on the side of too hot.

It was godly, that was the only way to explain it. Near scalding water poured down his back, rivulets winding down tense muscles. The water came away clear, pooling at his feet before rushing down the drain. He only really ever bathed when it had been necessary. The water then had always run brown, sometimes pink.

The shower seemed to take forever, the water turning cold before he was finished. His tail took the longest to clean, sensitive nerve endings flashing pleasure down his spine. He was hard before he was finished cleaning it. He had been hard for Madara as well.

Naruto's stomach rolled unpleasantly, nausea creeping up his throat as his mind turned to the Uchiha, images of being touched, the man arousing him before shoving his cock inside unprepared. When he had done it the first time, Naruto had thought he was going to ripped in half. He had never experienced such pain before.

-"Open your eyes, boy," thrust, push, pull. "Oh, liked that did you? What was that? You want more?" Laughter.-

Madara had taken much pleasure from arousing the jinchuuriki to the point of almost completion, and then watching with glee as his arousal withered when he shoved himself inside as deeply as he could. Naruto had been no stranger to sex, but what the Uchiha forced upon him was anything but. With the chakra dampening collar, Naruto had been unable to fight back. Madara liked that the most.

He had been disgusted with himself the first time he had gotten hard for the older man. By the fourth time it seemed insignificant in the scheme of things. After that he had just come to accept it as a fact that his body would respond no matter what his mind was telling him. Madara never let him complete anyways. At first he had been angry that he could not get his own release, but now he was glad that he had not.

Naruto doubted he could hate himself any more than he already did.

The young boy came too when the water turned frigid. He was only slightly content to note that his penis was once again flaccid. He was unsure if it was because of the temperature or his thoughts, either way it eased some of the anxiety inside of him.

Naruto made a mental note to pick up more shampoo as he dried himself off. He chose to flick the water from his tail instead of using the towel. The limb was just too sensitive. Casting a quick henge, he walked over to his closet, pulling out another too orange outfit and ripped a hole for his tail.

He glanced at the kitchen before dismissing the idea of food. After the turn his thoughts took that morning, he doubted he would be able to keep anything solid down. Naruto also suspected that his food stores were getting rather depleted. He never did have a lot as a child.

Grocery shopping was the first thing on his list after he met with his team. He would need to shop under a different henge, perhaps as a woman. Lower prices and discounts were easier to come by when female.

Naruto's stomach twisted, but he ignored it. He could not remember the last time he had eaten. This body did not eat yesterday, but perhaps the day before. It did not matter, he had learned to go days without.

Grabbing his hitai-ate, Naruto left through the window. He took a moment to close it and place a trap along the sill. If Kakashi-sensei wanted to be a creepy stalker, he could suffer the consequences. The thought did not cheer him as much as he thought it would.

0~Page_Break~0

For waking so early, Naruto was the last of the genin to arrive at the bridge. He was not terribly late, perhaps only a few minutes, but Sakura reacted like her delicate sensibilities had been insulted by his lack of punctuality. Sasuke only gave him a smug look as he dodged the kunoichi's halfhearted attempts to bash his skull in.

Sakura settled down quickly after the bout of anger, seating herself on the bridge with her back against the rail. Naruto sat near enough for conversation but not close enough to touch. Sasuke remained on the other side, watching the ducks on the water, part of the team but always separate. He was most comfortable when he was just on the outside of everything. Naruto understood that now, before he had needed to be the center of attention…now, not so much.

They spent nearly an hour in silence before curiosity got the better of Sakura and she turned to Naruto who had pulled a book out of his bag and had been flipping through it. She had not thought to bring anything to entertain herself with. Next time she would not make that mistake.

"What are you reading?" She questioned softly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She seemed unsure on how to conduct herself when Naruto was not acting like an idiot.

Naruto bounced in place, smiling brightly as he shifted closer to her. He held the book out and she took it hesitantly. "I found it yesterday when I was cleaning my room," he replied as she read the cover, An Idiots Guide to Being a Genin.

She snorted in amusement, flipping through the pages quickly, eyes flitting from one picture to the next not really taking them in. It sounded like a book Naruto would have. "Is it helpful?" She asked diplomatically.

"Of course it is!" He did not quite shout as he snatched the book from her, fingers turning pages so quickly she could not keep up. Naruto finally stopped on one of the chapters near the beginning of the book before he handed it back. "Read this!"

Sakura took it with more confidence, even as her face twisted cynically. She let her eyes take in the words anyways. It was not like there was anything else to do. The chapter was titled Genin Teams and Jounin Teachers: Teamwork. In little time at all she was absorbed in the words, knees coming up and hunching over the book as she finished one chapter and then moved onto the next.

"Sasuke-kun!" She did not quite shout as she scrambled up from the ground. The Uchiha turned to her, startled from the silence that had descended the group since she started reading. He frowned as she ran to him, shoving the book into his face. "Read this!"

Sasuke glared at her, but he took the book nonetheless. He was afraid that it would break his nose with her waving it around if he refused. Turning back to the railing, he only gave a grunt of annoyance as Sakura pressed close to him to read over his shoulder. Moment later they were both huddled over the book, heads pressed together as they whispered curiously.

Naruto watched them with a fond expression that bordered upon nostalgic. There was not much he could do being the age that he was, but he could do this at least. He planned to make life as a genin a little easier on the other two, and maybe on Kakashi as well in return.

The morning wind shifted, carrying leaves over the creek and ruffling Sakura's pink hair so it resembled the tree she was so aptly named after. An affectionate sigh escaped him before a frown pulled at his lips. He inhaled deeply, tilting his head so he was facing into the wind and sniffed again. Cinnamon and rain…Kakashi.

Naruto frowned as he finally located where the man was. He thought that perhaps he would be walking down the path towards them but the scent came from the trees, not the village. Discreetly, he searched the tree line with his eyes, trying to play it off as a stretch as he swept his gaze from one end to the other.

Wherever Kakashi was, he was well hidden. Naruto could not see him, but he could smell the man, and with how strong the scent was Kakashi had been there for a while. He dared not to flex his chakra to pinpoint his exact location as he highly doubted that Kakashi would overlook such a thing. That was not the only reason though, as using chakra to locate others was a jounin level skill and Naruto did not want to have to explain how he knew the technique.

A tick formed above his eye, face morphing into annoyance as he realized what that meant. Kakashi was watching them, had been watching them…probably for the whole time. How many times had he done that in the past? Did he spend every team meeting being late just observing his students, watching them get more and more worked up as the minutes ticked by.

At least some things never change. It did not matter when or where he was, Kakashi was always infuriating.

-Hand ruffling hair. "What's the matter, Naru-chan?" Affectionate words dipped in mockery.

"Don't talk to me," turn away, shrug out from underneath. Stop pouting. "I hate you so much right now." Laughter.-

Naruto turned back to his team members, trying to hide his agitation as they flipped to another chapter and started arguing over some sort of technique or strategy. Naruto left them too it, more content with watching them then involving himself. He decided not to tell them about Kakashi being a stalker. It would only anger them and out himself.

The next hour passed by rather quickly with Sakura and Sasuke bickering back and forth over his book. They had just finished the third chapter when Kakashi finally strolled up, smiling at the group and waving distractedly at them. "Yo."

Sakura and Sasuke turned quickly, the pink kunoichi tucking the book behind her as if she really believed Kakashi had no idea what they were doing. Perhaps she really believed that. Kakashi smiled in amusement.

It took a moment, but seconds later she was recovered, tossing the book to Naruto as he fought to catch it before it went in the water. His protests went ignored as her cheeks turned red in indignation, anger in every line of her body as she marched towards her sensei. "You are late!"

-"Why are you always so tardy?" Chuckle, smile creasing the mask, orange book, page turned, attention diverted. "Fine, be difficult. See if I care." Scoff… "Seriously though, why are you always late?" Lips twitch, deep chuckle, no answer.-

"Well," Kakashi rubbed a hand over his ear. The girl certainly had a set of lungs on her. "I was on my way here when I crossed a black cat. So I had to go all the way back and take a different route. You would not want me to be cursed with bad luck now, would you?"

Sakura and Sasuke stared at him flabbergasted. Naruto simply snorted in amusement, distracted as he tucked his book back into his bag. "Liar," he intoned fondly, but it sounded different to his ears. He glanced up, taking in Kakashi's curious look and Sakura's scandalized expression.

That was why it had sounded different. Normally Sakura and he timed the word together, a double accusation. But this Sakura did not know Kakashi, did not have the courage to call the jounin out on his bullshit. Naruto had forgotten. He turned from them quickly to hide his scowl, zipping his backpack up before he turned back. The smile on his face was so big he closed his eyes with it so he would not have to look.

It was difficult, seeing the man before him. He was so close to him, and yet at the same time they could not be further apart. It was harder than he thought it would be. The age gap was once again a pressing matter, but this time Naruto really was just a child. And he was currently Kakashi's student. He did not know if that was against the rules but he doubted Kakashi would be into that kind of thing.

His sensei had not even seen Naruto as an adult until the last year before he had died. Naruto had been twenty-four at the time.

-"How do you even know what that means?" Stunned, blush creeping upon exposed skin. Mask failing to hide, twitching, uncomfortable.

"Please, Kashi," scoff, chuckle, blush. "I'm hardly a kid anymore. I know all about where babies really come from. Besides, Ero-Sannin told me-" gloved hand slapped over open mouth. Confusion. The scent of dogs, cinnamon, ozone, and fresh rain.

Finger in face, silencing. "We are so not having this conversation." Pull away, shifting, uncomfortable.

Muffled laughter. "But Kakashi-"

"Shut it!"

Silence, cicadas chirping, quiet broken. "So…have you done that?"

Mortification, gray eye wide, blush red as blood.-

His heart ached from the distance that stood between them, and yet he knew that they would never -could never- be. Even if by some miracle, Kakashi did show interest, he would not want Naruto now, not after he had been soiled as he was. He was disgusting and unlovable; a child who once loved the world and wanted nothing other than to be loved and accepted in return could now no longer stand the sight of himself or the touch of another human being.

The sound of bells pulled him from his musings and Naruto turned to Kakashi as the man dangled two tiny metal balls in front of their faces. "This is set to noon," he gestured to the alarm. "Today's mission is to take these bells away from me by noon. Those of you who fail don't get lunch and you'll be tied to that pole while I eat it before your very eyes."

Sakura gasped in outrage even as her own stomach grumbled with how hungry she was. She had no idea what she was thinking when she decided to start that new diet last night and skipped dinner. Beside her Sasuke seemed to deflate. Naruto just scowled at their sensei.

"So that was the point of not eating breakfast," Sasuke intoned quietly and she sighed dejectedly.

"Hold on," Sakura cut in, perking up from her position and taking two steps towards the tall man. "Why are there only two bells?"

Kakashi smiled at her, humming in amusement. "There are only two, so at the very least one of you will have to be tied to the pole. The person or people that are, will be disqualified for failing the mission and will return to the academy." He jangled the bells as he spoke, as if to mock them with it.

Naruto did not realize how much enjoyment Kakashi had taken in tormenting them when they were little. "It might just be one of you, or it could be all three," he laughed at their expressions. "You can use your shuriken. You won't be able to take the bells unless you come at me with the intent to kill."

At first his words set her on edge, but then confusion set in. Something about the test made no sense. If she had not just read Naruto's book she would have believed Kakashi-sensei about going back to the academy, but now she knew better. Genin teams consisted of three people and their sensei, there was no exception. If there was an odd number of graduates then a student would be placed with a previous graduating year that had lost one of their members.

"But that makes n-" Sakura nearly shouted as Kakashi attached the bells to his belt. Sasuke's hand on her arm cut her off mid-sentence. She turned to him bewildered, but the Uchiha only frowned and shook his head. She fell silent and stepped back towards the group.

Kakashi frowned at the interaction but did not say anything. "You will begin when I give the signal. Ready?" He smiled at them as the children crouched in anticipation. Gai would have been waxing poetic about the exuberance of youth if he were here. "Start!"

They darted away quickly, taking to the trees while they tried to hide their presence. Kakashi remained in the open while they settled themselves. Before, they had all come at Kakashi separately, and failed spectacular. Naruto drew in a deep breath and darted to where he could smell Sakura -sunshine, honey nectar, salt water in ocean waves- and as he approached he saw Sasuke already with her.

That solved one of his problems at least.

They were crouched in a tree, Sasuke higher up for a better view of their teacher while Sakura's eyes darted from bush to rock. When her gaze settled on him, Naruto realized that it was he who she was looking for.

She hissed quietly to get his attention, waving a hand that held a kunai in her direction. He smiled brightly and made his way over, climbing the tree quickly and settling on the branch next to her.

"This whole thing is a setup," she hissed, explaining slowly like she did not expect him to understand. "Genin teams are made of three, always three. Kakashi-sensei either has to send all of us back to the academy or none of us."

Sasuke grunted above them to let them know he had heard. "He is jounin," Sasuke added quietly. "We have no idea what his skills are and no way of knowing without engaging him."

"But engaging him without knowing is unwise," Sakura cut in quickly. "We need a way to watch him fight without putting ourselves in danger."

"I know that al-" Sasuke snapped at her only to be cut off as Naruto interjected before they got too loud and gave their position away.

"I have an idea," he whispered quietly to get them to be silent. It seemed wrong that they were so loud.

-Light steps, advancing further into foliage. Stay hidden, stay in the shadows. Quiet now, if they can't hear you they can't find you. Urgency, desperation, so little time. Wrong step, twig snap. Chakra flare, eyes in the trees, surrounded. Flee, don't let them catch you."-

"I can use kage-bunshin," he told them, voice near silent over the stillness of the forest. Sasuke shifted down to hear him better, perching himself on a nearby branch. "I've got crazy chakra reserves, I'll force him to engage me and you watch his movements. I'll be too busy to look for openings so you need to do that for me. I will try to keep him fighting as long as possible and then retreat back here so we can come up with a plan."

Sakura bit her lip, brow furrowing in the way that Naruto recognized she used when in strategy meetings. He gave her a moment, let her pick apart his plan as he trusted Sasuke to keep an eye on Kakashi and let them know if he moved locations. After a long moment she nodded her head and Naruto sighed in relief.

He turned back to the clearing, getting ready to spar with his sensei. Naruto had to be extremely careful if he did not want to get found out. Luckily his bunshin would hold the same henge that he was under but that was not the problem. The problem was nearly a decade of guerilla warfare and kill-not-maim tactics that had been ingrained into his very being. Part of him was excited to finally test what this body could do, the other was terrified that either it would do too well or not enough.

Brushing the thought from his mind, he would either have to dumb down his fighting style or spend the next few months training his ass off, he brought his fingers together to call his kage-bunshin. Before he could complete the movement, a hand on his arm stilled his actions. His body twitched and he flinched from the contact, skin shuddering as Sakura held his wrist.

Gaze riveted on the pale hand, his muscles trembled as if it could rid itself of the unwanted contact, body reminded of the last person to touch him. He did not like it, did not like the contact, the way his body reacted to it. All his life he sought out human contact and now…and now.

-Arm twisting behind, too far, too much. Breaking, snap. Screaming, laughter. "That's it, scream for me." Push, thrust, yank. "You have such a pretty voice," hand on throat, pulling back. Lungs burning, can't breathe. Good arm grabbing, pulling, struggling. "That's it, fight it boy. Nngh, yeah, just like that," thrust, pull, push.

"Fuck, uhng, yeah. So fucking tight, ride me boy," struggling, fighting, begging. "You want me to break the other one?" Hand on ass, smack, whimper. Laughing. "Ahh, nngh, oh yeah, just like that." Bounce, bounce, thrust. "Fuck, ahh, ahh, ungh. Faster!"-

"Stop," Kurama's voice pulled him back into the now and he turned startled eyes on Sakura's pale face. She was looking at him like she had just come to some sort of realization that left her floored. He frowned at her in confusion, but inside he could feel himself panicking -what if she knew, oh gods. What if she knew?!- "Stop!"

"Sakura-chan?" Naruto questioned her softly as she continued to stare at him, stunned. After a moment she pulled her hand slowly from his wrist, fingers lifting up instead of dragging along his skin as if to limit the physical contact to the bare minimum. He was thankful for it, even if it meant that she was aware of the damage she had caused by touching him.

Naruto turned from her, ashamed, and her hand twitched back towards him. For a moment he thought she would touch him again, but he saw her visibly restrain herself, fingers curling into her own shirt as if to hold herself back from doing so.

Sakura looked up at him, lips parting to speak and he dreaded what she would say. She paused there, words on the tip of her tongue before she swallowed thickly and her mouth moved to create different words instead. "Be careful, Naruto."

He nodded towards her but could not bring himself to look her in the eyes. Bringing his fingers back up, he called five kage-bunshin into creation and launched himself from the tree. He did not know what she knew but she was made of aware of something and that left Naruto unbalanced. He did not like the way her expression had made him feel. It felt like his skin was too hot and chest too tight.

He felt dirty when she looked at him like that.

Skin shuddering, he forced himself to calm as made his way to Kakashi. He could not afford to do this here, not now, not in public, not around people. Breathing deeply, he moved from one shadow to the next as he pulled his scattered thoughts back together in the semblance of sanity and labeled it normal.

"Later," he told himself, whispering the word over and over like a mantra. Later, when he was in the privacy of his own home he would let himself shatter into a thousand pieces of twisted memories. Later.

0~Page_Break~0

Kakashi sat upon a log, reading his infamous orange book, and being the epitome of boredom. His students were remarkably well hidden…for genin that was. If Kakashi was really pressed to find them he would flare his chakra to pinpoint their location, but with such a large difference between their skills, Kakashi felt like that would be cheating.

Although his little students were playing it safe, Kakashi could not help but feel a little disappointed. He had hoped one of them would at least be a little reckless if not entertaining. If he had been a betting man, he would have lost as all his money would have been on Naruto attacking him within the first minute.

Sadly, he had not seen hide nor hair of the little blonde jinchuuriki and it had already been well past ten minutes. Kakashi paused in his reading of the Icha Icha book and went over what he knew about his students.

So far Sakura was the most stable of the three. Her home life was steady if not good, with parents that were both loving and attentive. Aside from her little obsession with the Uchiha heir, she was a fairly normal person for one with a civilian family. He was unsure how that would affect her.

Most of the time, civilians are disillusioned to what the life of a shinobi really was. Their children joined the academy with hero stories in their heads and determination in their hearts. Most quite before they get too deep into the life. Some died. It was too soon to tell if Sakura would be one of the few that flourished as a kunoichi.

Sasuke was dealing with post traumatic stress and severe depression. It clung to him like a physical thing, dragging him down even as he tried so hard to keep going forward. Kakashi was surprised when he discovered that the Hokage had not made it a priority to get the boy counseling. Perhaps he thought that since Sasuke was an Uchiha he would just cope. Well…the boy was coping, just not in a very healthy way.

His obsession with killing his brother was going to lead him down a dark path, one that Kakashi doubted had a light at the end. Either his brother would kill him or Sasuke would kill himself. Kakashi needed to be careful with how he handled the Uchiha if he wanted to prevent such a fate.

It was Naruto who was the most unstable of the three, which was surprising. According to his records, the boy was mostly sound if a little eccentric and mischievous. Talking with the boy's chuunin teacher only left him even more confused. In his frustration at Kakashi's insistence, Iruka had marched over to his filing cabinet, ripped it open, and threw Uzumaki's file down upon the desk and demanded he read it…all of it.

The file was massive, the majority consisting of detentions, suspensions, and warnings. The boy was constantly tardy, sleeping in class, loud, and was constantly pulling pranks. Some of them were impressive. He wondered how the boy had painted the Hokage Mountain without anyone noticing.

What the file did not consist of was what Kakashi had seen that day: apathy. Everything written in the papers portrayed a boisterous, fun loving, happy-go-lucky kid, if a little lonely. Even today had confirmed his suspicions about the boy. He may have tried to hide his expressions, but Kakashi caught melancholy on more than one occasion.

Naruto had strange reactions to situations. Most of the time it appeared as if he had choreographed everything, his body going through the motions but his heart somewhere else. It was those few moments when a genuine reaction slipped through his carefully planned act that Kakashi found most interesting.

It seemed that Naruto Uzumaki had done something that not even the infamous copycat Kakashi Hatake could accomplish: he had created a layer that no one could detect. Naruto had created an invisible mask and nobody had even noticed.

He wondered what lay behind the mask that the jinchuuriki had erected. Part of him doubted he even wanted to know. Masks were only created by those with something to hide, usually by the desperate or the monstrous.

Kakashi was drawn from his thoughts as Naruto burst into the clearing, kunai in hand and determination in every line of his body. Smiling, the jounin kept his book but he did at least stand to face the boy. Naruto's face twisted in annoyance as Kakashi blatantly kept on reading and the former Anbu pondered if it was a true emotion or not. There was only one way to find out.

Kakashi smirked as Naruto lunged at him.