Chapter 8:

DPOV

"Well hello my beautiful wife."

I said as I walked in Lissa's room.

"Well aren't we exaggerating a little at the moment?"

She was wearing baggy sweats and one of my big t-shirts. She and Lissa were cuddled up on the couch and under a blanket with a bucket of ice-cream and a chick movie. Even though she wasn't wearing any make-up, her hair was a mess and her clothes weren't very flattering she still looked gorgeous, but maybe I was biased.

She walked up from the couch and headed over to me. She pecked me briefly on the lips.

"I love it when you were my clothes."

She giggled a very girly giggle. It was sometimes hard to remember that Rose was a twenty four year old woman who on occasion needed girl stuff. Most of the time she was a deadly warrior and looked the part. I must admit although I find that side of her very sexy, there was something equally appealing to Rose being in a more natural state. Relaxed, in my clothes and giggling.

"So what have you boys been up to today?"

She asked me.

I had been hanging out with Christian. We weren't officially back on duty yet but that didn't mean we didn't have our normal routines. And both Christian and I knew that if the girls were having a girl moment we should make ourselves scares. We first went through some of the things they found at Nathan's bunker and when that became too depressing we switched to some intel about Strigoi cells and who to deploy. Lissa had forbid Christian to go on another slayer mission and although he understood why and knew it would be better I also knew he was feeling guilty because he wanted to help. But there really wasn't any need for him to join in now. The prestige of the slayer units had caught on and people were lining up. Mostly guardians and probably also because of the better pay, but we had enough people. Getting Moroi to join still wasn't easy and Christian was still the only Royal, but every slayer team had at least one Moroi with them and honestly more than two and the team would be compromised because of lack of fighting experience.

The rest of the afternoon we had played video games. Christian loved them and I joined in after many hours of begging from Christian. I had actually come to like them. He had given me my own set for Christmas and even had a cowboy game hooked up on the machine. I told Rose sometimes I still needed to finish some paperwork. The woman was asleep in seconds anyway and then I would play it until the small hours of the night.

"Work. Hard hard work."

I told my wife.

She gave me a coy smile, she knew exactly what we had been doing.

"Sure."

"So where is sparky. I am getting hungry."

"Me too. I want potatoes and chicken and cabbage and chocolate pudding and apples."

Lissa piped up from the couch. I can sort of see the first three make a meal, but I wasn't sure where the other two came in. Although appels can be a great way to sweeten up some cabbage.

"He is just getting changed and will be coming back down stairs in a minute."

We were at dinner when Adrian walked in. He had been absent from most of our gatherings the last few days. I knew the crimes of his father were hitting him hard. But no one blamed him.

He eyed me and gave a tug at his head indicating to follow him.

He was outside and lighting up a cigarette.

"Does Sydney know about this? I thought you quit smoking years ago."

"I did, but today I need this and I thought this was better than getting wasted, although I am not ruling that out just yet."

"Look Adrian, no one blames you. You are not responsible for your father's actions."

He sighed deeply then took a large tug of his cigarette.

"I know, it is just hard. I know you hate the guy. I hate the guy, but he is still my father and he will be locked away for the rest of his life for this. I just needed to see him. But I shouldn't have. It is just hard thinking so badly about your own sire, you know?"

He caught what he said to me. He looked at me and saw my jaw clench. I did know. Adrian knew most of the things that went on when I was younger. It was always strange discussing my father with him. I knew he knew the man different. Although he did mention he never saw the man sober.

"Speaking of your sire. I ran into him today. Well actually he stormed into the dungeon and almost assaulted my dad."

My face must have registered the surprise because Adrian chuckled a bit before continuing.

"He was furious with my dad for hurting you. Although I know uncle Randall doesn't share my father's extreme ideas for Dhampirs I also know it was the fact he used YOU to do it, that had him upset. And for once he was sober."

I out right laughed at that. I don't think I have ever seen him sober. In various stages of inebriation sure, but I had never seen him sober.

"That'll be the day." I said not hiding my distain for my father.

"I haven't seen him in years and even the times I did he was never sober, that is why I didn't notice before…"

He hesitated for a moment. I didn't really understand why. He kept looking at me. He was contemplating if he should continue this conversation about my father. I wouldn't mind if we ended here, but he had more to say.

"Dimitri his aura is gold."

He was practically willing me to understand. I knew what that meant. He was a spirit user and I knew what Adrian was implying. I got angry. Furious even. I saw Adrian flinch and step back a little. I can only image what my glare looked like.

I turned around and walked away, before I would do or say something I would regret. But Adrian wasn't done with me yet.

"Dimitri come on. Don't walk away. I am not trying to justify what he did…"

I turned around very fast and he stumbled a bit back. The speed at which I did seemed unnatural even for me but right now I was too angry to even register this.

"Good." The sound of my voice was harsh and I didn't know if it was the intensity of my voice or the fact he didn't expect me to turn around so suddenly, but I thought I saw him take an extra step back.

I turned back around and started walking back towards the others. Adrian however didn't seem to get the message.

"Dimitri just listen to me."

"No, You're not going around beating up Sydney. Neither is Lissa. Don't use that as an excuse for what he did. He…" I was actually rambling. I couldn't recall the last time I was angry enough to ramble. Actually I could. It involved Rose and three weeks-worth of dishes after I returned from a trip with Christian. But Adrian stopped me midsentence.

"He can't shut it off, Dimitri."

Adrian yelled at me. I was momentarily stunned. Adrian took a deep breath and continued.

"He sees aura's all the time. Everyone's aura's. He can't turn it off. That takes a toll on someone. I am not saying it justifies what he did, there had to be a violent streak in him for it to manifest this way, what I am saying is that at least in part spirit darkness played a role. Lissa and I can moderate our exposure to spirit. If it becomes too much we either stop using magic or go on pills. He didn't know this was affecting him Dimitri and he can't shut it off. "

I was momentarily brought back to when Rose was affected by darkness, Rose is the most amazing woman I know, she is passionate and brave and loyal and has a bad temper and when mixed with spirit darkness led to her almost killing Jesse and actually killing Victor. I hadn't blamed her for that. I had even stopped punishing myself for my own atrocious actions as a Strigoi. So why was this any different? But I couldn't forgive the man that hurt my mother like that. As I closed my eyes I could still see the fear in her eyes and the bruises on her face. I could hear her strained voice pleading him to stop.

I knew I was being a hypocrite but I couldn't let go of the hate I had for the man. The hate that made me control every emotion I experienced. The hate I had carried around my entire life.

I could see all eyes were either on Adrian or on me. I stared at our friends but I couldn't face them. Part of me was ashamed for not being able to see it Adrian's way. I felt a lesser man because I couldn't, wouldn't let go of that hatred.

I walked away.

RPOV

Everyone was in a frenzy about what happened. They had never seen Dimitri like that. He let his guard down with me but still maintained some form of decorum around our friends. He would let the happy stuff show, but he didn't show them the bad parts. The fact he did this evening was a major alarm bell. But I knew he needed a moment. He needed to form his thought around whatever it was that was bothering him. We had caught the end of the conversation with Adrian but it didn't make much sense to us. Although it was pretty clear it was about a spirit user. Lissa had been pestering Adrian about it but he wouldn't budge either.

After I had my diner, I walked towards our room. I turned on the lights and saw him sitting in the dark on the edge of our bed. His elbows on his knees staring into the darkness. When I turned the light on he turned to me.

I sat next to him. Not saying anything. I would let him tell me what was wrong.

"Did Adrian tell you?"

I shook my head.

"No, no matter how much Lissa was on his case."

He seemed a little relived at that.

"Adrian ran into Randall today."

"Your father?"

He seemed to flinch at the word.

"That man is not my father."

His voice was a low growl, but it wasn't directed at me, but at Randall. So I let it go, for now.

"He apparently was upset at his brother for using me as one of his test subjects."

"Well I can sort of see that. Besides the fact it is morally wrong, you are technically related. I would have thought that would mean something, and I suppose Randall thought the same."

Dimitri nodded.

"What does that have to do with what Adrian said about a spirit user."

The moment it left my lips and saw the look on his face I put two and two together. Randall was a spirit user. And if it was true what Adrian said it meant that was under constant threat of spirit darkness. It could make him do all sorts of bad things, like beat up Olena.

"I don't know how to handle that information, Roza. I blamed him. I hated him. I still do. I can't just let that go. But now I know it wasn't his fault."

I thought about that for a bit.

"I know better than most what spirit darkness can do to a person. I have killed because of it. I am sure that spirit darkness effected his need for drinking and made him do things he wouldn't do otherwise. But he could have left. He could have locked himself in a cage somewhere and had himself committed if he felt he was out of control. That was my first thought after Jesse. How to protect the people I love from myself. He may not be guilty of everything but he was at least negligent."

Dimitri sighed and squeezed my hand.

"I just don't know if I can ever forgive him for what he did. I know I am being a hypocrite, god knows we both had… instances with darkness that wasn't our fault."

"Honestly Dimitri. I don't think it's up to you to forgive him, at least you shouldn't be the first."

He turned to me and realization crossed his face. Together with a bit of shame. He hadn't considered how his mother would feel about this piece of information..

"You are right. God how am I going to explain this to my mother. Should I even tell her?"

I didn't know what to say. Honestly I thought Olena should hear it at least and let her figure out what she should do with it. But I also saw that this was eating him up inside. He thought he was a bad person for hating his father for something he wasn't in control of. He couldn't let go of that hatred yet. I also knew he resented his father for this. He had spent his entire life controlling his anger so not to resemble his father. I knew that was part of the reason he felt so guilty after he was turned back. He felt like that kind of violence had been inside of him all this time. And in part that was true. I learned a lot from spirit darkness. Lissa became depressed, Adrian bi-polar and I violent. The fact that Randall became a violent drunk did say something about his nature. You just couldn't fault him for not controlling that anger.

"Maybe you should talk to him?"

"To my father?"

At least he called him his father now, even though the word was filled with hatred.

"Yes, I don't think he knew what was going on either. Just hear him out."

"Maybe"

"if nothing else, maybe it would give you some closure."

He nodded but his heart just wasn't in it.

"Dimitri?"

"huh?"

"Just think about it this way. The reason your father has been sober for the first time in decades is because of you."

There was a bitter smile on his face. But if anything this did show his love for Dimitri.