Chapter 15:

DPOV

I knew I would be expecting a call from him. I had told Sydney it was fine if she shared the information with Adrian so it was no surprise when I was being called into a spirit dream.

"Hey cous."

"Hey."

I answered.

"So my wife has been telling me some interesting things, how much of that is true?"

"Have you ever known your wife not to tell the truth?"

"Jesus, man. She also told me you two are refusing a chance to get rid of it."

I nodded as I sat down next to him on the bench his mind had conjured for us.

"I wanted one but Rose made an excellent point. It has affected the twins as well and I doubt taking the tattoo away from us would do the same for the twins. Whatever happened, it is part of them now. Rose didn't want them to be alone in that. They need people like them to help them and that understand them. I hadn't thought about it like that, but she is right. We need to figure out how much we are affected and how we can control it, so we can pass that onto the twins."

Adrian nodded and looked down at his hands.

"Sorry he did this. I know he didn't know but he experimented on unborn children. They will be affected their entire lives. I am sorry."

I had blamed Nathan too but I had come to a conclusion that maybe would help Adrian too.

"Don't be. If he hadn't kidnapped us, Rose would have never gone off birth control and we never would have had the twins. We kind of made the decision after we got kidnapped that it wasn't in the cards for us, because we attract trouble and would most likely leave them orphaned. But your father took care of both problems. I fought a few Strigoi the last couple of days and it has definitely become easier. In a way I am also grateful to him."

Adrian smiled at me but there was no humor behind it.

"That's messed up."

"Yeah." More things were messed up. The bloodlust, the connection Rose and I made through the feeding, what happened afterwards. All very very messed up. But our new reality.

"Wow, what happened."

I looked at Adrian confused.

"Your aura just spiked… with… dirty, dirty thoughts."

I was taken aback by his statement. Damn he could read aura's well.

"Dimitri. What happened?"

He was like a kid in a candy store. He wasn't going to let it go. I was never a fan of discussing my intimate life with anybody, in large contrast to my wife, but I definitely wasn't comfortable discussing it with the only other person that had seen Rose naked. I mean I know they didn't go through with it but he had still seen her that way.

I gave him the short and very superficial version.

"Wow. So there is like a connection when you feed."

I nodded.

"And you fed off each other while…"

I nodded again.

"That's hot."

I groaned. I so didn't need Adrian to imagine what we looked like. After he thought he had humiliated me enough he became serious again.

"Thanks for looking at it like that. I know it was selfish of me but I also kind off wanted you to have kids so Declan wouldn't be alone either, but I suppose they are widely different now, aren't they."

Yes they were different, but whether people would figure out who Declan really was or not, he would always be an outcast. I suppose so would our children. In one way or another. I began to appreciate more and more what Rose said about them not being alone.

"So told them the other news yet? About your father?"

"I told my sister. Karolina still remembers him before he was affected too much by spirit. I suppose at one point or another he was actually a good father. She missed that man and was glad to know that he was still in there somewhere. But honestly after we told them about the twins, well that was enough shock, excitement and accusations for one night."

"Accusations?"

"Yeah. Rose come in puking after a bumpy ride and they immediately guessed she was pregnant before we had a chance to explain. Sonya accused her of cheating on me and my mother asked if she had been assaulted."

"Seriously?"

I nodded.

"She must have been pissed."

"Actually I was more mad than Rose was. It was Viktoria that saved the day. Things have calmed down a bit after that."

He just shook his head.

"And I thought my family was weird."

"They are your family."

"Oh yeah."

RPOV

The next morning I was determined to wake up early and get my training gear on and train. We needed to learn how to control this thing and the sooner the better. I knew better then to return to court and willy nilly transform in front of people and be chased around by pitchforks, torches and stakes.

However when I finally did wake up I was tangled in the sheets a fully dressed Dimitri sitting beside me, his back against the bed board and a book in his hand. I looked at the clock and I had slept half the morning away.

"Good morning sleeping beauty."

I groaned. Flattery will get him nowhere.

"Why didn't you wake me up before? We have training to do."

He chuckled.

"Believe me I tried, but after three years of marriage and countless missions I know a losing battle when I see one."

I just glared at him.

"Mama saved you some breakfast."

I immediately perked up a bit. Dimitri actually looked a little hurt. Food had done what he could not: get me out of bed.

I put on my training gear and so did Dimitri. I was admiring his toned chest and the tight shirt he was wearing.

When we got down stairs Olena looked at me funny.

"Rose why are you in training gear?"

"Because we're going to train?"

She looked startled, almost panicked. She was looking pleadingly at Dimitri.

"Mama don't even start. I will keep an eye out, but asking Rose to stop training for months at a time just isn't doable. I had had a hard time convincing her slayer missions were out of the question."

"You did not. I know I can't go on them anymore. I just didn't see the problem in me still being a part of them and coordinating them."

I heard Dimitri sigh. We had eventually agreed neither one of us would go on slayer missions anymore. Although that was before we discovered Strigoi became our new prey.

He just grabbed some food off of the counter kissed his mother's cheek and was guiding my body into the backyard without saying a word.

"Okay so how do we start?"

"I thought about maybe starting with something non-physical. It will probably cause the least amount of energy. Maybe we can see if we can hear more or something."

He seemed very unsure of what he was saying. I mean we were kind off making it up as we go but Dimitri wasn't really with his head in the game. So I took the lead.

I walked further into the yard. I closed my eyes and just listened to all the sounds around me. The birds flying above my head, the wind going through the trees. The sounds of people coming from inside the house. But they were all sounds I would normally hear to. I would have to dig deeper. I tried to listen and identify the birds by their song. I knew Olena was working in the kitchen but I was trying to hear what she was doing.

When I finally pushed past a barrier, the sounds were almost overwhelming. I seemed to be able to hear everything. I could not only hear the birds above us but also the ones miles away, each bird having their own telltale song. I could hear the whisk hit the glass bowl Olena was mixing batter in. I could hear the magazine pages being flipped in the girl's room upstairs.

I opened my eyes. The sun was bright against my eyes but as I adjusted to the sunlight I could see the intense green of the leaves, the subtle shades of grey in the clouds. Not only that, but I could make out every single groove of the trunk of the tree. I could practically count the different strands of grass on the yard. I turned around to Dimitri. By the look on his face I had succeeded in transforming at will. Sort of. I looked at him as if looking at him for the first time. He looked exquisite. His skin slightly tan and with stopples, his hair a mix of brown colors and his eyes a deep pool of chocolate brown so vivid I could swim in them.

I never understood the appeal of willingly becoming Strigoi. I didn't care about the power, the speed or the immortality. I didn't see the point in having forever if you didn't have your soul. The price was simply too high, but I was seriously rethinking the idea. When I looked up I could see the stars even if it was daytime. I was finding it ironic that such a 'gift' is lost on those that do not have the soul to appreciate this anymore.

"This is amazing."

There was a strange look across his face. It wasn't actually disgust as I would have expected but I couldn't really place it.

"Can you turn it back off?"

I tried hard. I tried focusing on myself. I closed my eyes so I at least wouldn't feel the loss of my sight so much. I breathed in an out. The moment I came back to myself it felt like the world was dumped in darkness. It was like I was deaf and when I opened my eyes it felt like I was blind. But the relief on Dimitri's face pulled me back from my obvious loss and I pulled myself together.

I tried several more times that day and I was able to transition faster in and out. By the end I felt like I had it under control. Dimitri however was having a hard time. He hadn't transformed once. He became more and more agitated.

He humphed and sat down. He was running his hand through his air. He was getting frustrated.

I sat down next to him.

"Why can't I do it? I have to do it."

I had a pretty good idea why he wasn't able to do it.

"Dimitri, Could it be you don't want to do this?"

He sighed deeply.

"I know this is hard for you. If you don't want to do this, you can ask Sydney for the cure. I can do this for the both of us."

He looked at me.

"No Rose, I agree with you. I want to be there for them and for you. At least while you're pregnant I don't feel comfortable to let you feed alone. I need to control this. It's just…"

I took his hand in my own. I didn't say anything. I would wait until he wanted to talk.

"I don't want to do this the same reason an alcholic doesn't go into a bar and a recovering addict doesn't go back to the place he doses."

"You're afraid you'll like it."

He nodded.

"When I was Strigoi I reveled in the power. The world seemed bigger. Brighter. I could hear everything, see everything. When I got my soul back I was ashamed to admit I missed it. I hated everything I was back then, hated everything I did. But I still missed it."

I leaned into him, hoping I could bring him some comfort. He grabbed me by the waist and hugged me close to him.

"I understand. It is like seeing the world for the first time. It is amazing. But transforming now doesn't mean you will become that again. Somehow we are the perfect inbetween, having best of both worlds. You are allowed to enjoy the benefits. God knows we have suffered the bad and will probably suffer more of the bad because of it."

He sighed deeply.

"Dimitri. For good or for bad it is a part of you. Your experiences made you who you are. That time you spent as a Strigoi have made you who you are. If you hadn't, we would never have had the twins."

He smiled.

"you are right. It is just a little frustrating to know you have better control than I do. You have been able to do this in a day."

I laughed.

"Well I have had years of experience in mental barricades. Besides you just have to focus on keeping yourself grounded and not exerting to much energy."

"I thought I was supposed to be telling you all this kind of zen stuff."

"Ah but the student has become the master."

He laughed.

"Life only throws at you what you can handle."

He laughed more.

"A caterpillar has transformed into a beautiful butterfly."

"Okay now you are just messing with me."

I laughed.

"I think we should call it a day. I think I can smell your moms cooking and I don't need super smell to do that."

I stood up and pulled Dimitri with me.

"Hold on."

He said. I turned around and saw Dimitri close his eyes. He was taking several deep breaths and opened them. The red rings around his eyes were a large contrast to his brown orbs. The funny things was though that he did look different from his Strigoi days. I didn't recoil back like I had at a first glance at the diner. Maybe it was because he wasn't deadly pale but his usual tan self. Maybe because his eyes convoyed pure love instead of cruelty as they once did.

I smiled back at him and kissed him gently on his lips. When he pulled back he closed his eyes again and when they opened this time they were a perfect brown again. All traces of red removed. There was a sign of exhaustion on his face, but it wasn't physical exhaustion it was mental exhaustion. He had been dealing with this for days. But he was slowly accepting his new nature as was I. I hated what Nathan did to us, to the twins but I couldn't help feeling this was what was necessary.

At the dinner table Dimitri was quiet again. But I knew this time it wasn't about what Nathan had done, it was what his brother had done. He had been putting it off for days. Honestly we had to get things under control first. There hadn't been much time to discuss this but I knew now that things were settling down on the Strigoi and twin front it was time to drop the next bomb. Hopefully it would be the last in a while.

"So there was also something else I wanted to talk to you all about."

"There is more? What Strigoi blood induced twins not enough?"

Sonya was being half serious, half not so serious.

"Yeah well I ran into Randall at court."

Well this got the attention of everybody at the table. Sonya looked outraged at Dimitri even mentioning that name. Karoline seemed to encourage Dimitri to continue but didn't seem shocked he was bringing it up. Viktoria was just a little indifferent. I realized she probably didn't even remember Randall. But there was a look in Olena's eyes I knew Dimitri had feared. She was fidgeting with her hands under the table. She looked nervous. She wanted to hear what he had to say but didn't want to look to eager maybe ashamed of what her children might think of her.

"He was apparently sober and yelling at Nathan for daring to take me as one of his test subjects. Adrian was there and noticed something about Randall no one ever figured out. He was a spirit user and apparently a powerful one. He never knew himself. He can read aura's like Adrian but he can't turn it on or off like Adrian can. Without medication he sees them all the time. He is actually the one that told us Rose was pregnant with twins. He is on medication now. He was diagnosed with borderline disorder. Most spirit users have an underlying mental disorder which drives them towards spirit."

I saw them all taking in the news. They all knew enough about spirit to understand the implications but I also knew especially Sonya would have a hard time letting go of her hatred towards the man. In many ways she is similar to Dimitri.

It was Olena which broke the silence first.

"So it wasn't his fault then. He didn't mean to hurt me. He did actually love me."

I wasn't particularly thrilled with her statement. She was right in some ways. I do actually think Randall loved her at one point or another but I knew one thing. He had been incredibly selfish in staying around.

"Olena? Some of it wasn't his fault. He used alcohol to try and dull the effects of spirit even if he didn't know he was suffering from them. Also seeing aura's all the time would leave him with a lot of darkness which increased his tendencies towards violence. That wasn't his fault. I know what spirit darkness can do and I understand he wasn't strong enough to stop it. But he made the selfish decision to stay, to keep coming back over and over again. If he had wanted to save all of you he could have left and never come back."

She nodded and I heard Sonya humph in agreement.

"But then I would never have had Viktoria."

Her voice was small and I realized she had already forgiven Randall long ago because even after everything he had done to her, he had provided her with her children and her children were everything to her. I knew Olena had been focusing on the good that their relationship had brought, not the bad. I knew she would have gone through all of this again if it meant she would have her children.

"I am glad he is figuring out a way to deal with the darkness and find his way back to himself. He has been lost for so long. Thank you Dimitri for telling me."

I realized that Dimitri's fear and my own were unfounded. Olena wouldn't go running back to Randall. She had made peace with the situation a long time ago. But was just glad to know that the man she once loved, that had given her such joy in her life in the form of her children was still in there and finding a way to life a good and stable life again.

I knew the most processing had to be done in the kids. Karolina seemed at peace. Viktoria didn't know what to do with the information and Sonya was looking at Dimitri for confirmation that we were all idiots for forgiving him.

That night we were lying in our bed. Well Dimitri's old bed.

"I think that went rather well." Dimitri said letting out a breath I think he had been holding for days.

"You told Karolina already didn't you."

"yeah. She is the only one of us that remembers him other than a drunk violent person. Well other than my mother."

"You did good. It is up to everyone else to make peace with that or not."

"I know. It is just hard telling them about him when I don't even know how I feel."

I scootched over to him as he wrapped me in his arms.

"You don't have to figure things out all at once. These things take time."

"Again with the zen-lessons. I am not liking this one bit. I am supposed to be the calm one and you the rash one."

We both laughed at that.

"Well I am more mature now."

He picked me up and laid me down on the bed. He was hovering over me, his hands holding mind above my head. He kissed me gently.

"Don't do anymore maturing. I don't want you to change. I like you just the way you are."

He kissed me again and this time he let go of my hands so I could knot them into his hair. His lips were soft against mine, warm and inviting. I felt his tongue slowly graze my lips as I opened up for him. They performed their dance. The familiar battle between them always coming to the same conclusion. I bucked my hips against his inviting him to go further. His hands started roaming my body but his lips never left mine. He pulled me closer to him as he lifted my leg and began his ascent from my knee to my thigh to my intimate core.

I pulled back suddenly and saw Dimitri was startled by my reaction. I saw the world different again. I could smell his scent as well as my own arousal. I could still taste every single nuance of his tongue in my mouth. I slowly moved my fingers to my mouth. I felt the fangs.

"Oh shit. Is this going to be a thing?"

Dimitri seemed to find it more amusing then disturbing.

"I think it activates when we want to surrender to our instincts."

"Well that is just great, because I have an instinct right now, but we can't… do what we did last time."

I wasn't just referring to the sex, I was also referring to the feeding.

Dimitri sat up and sighed deeply.

"I know. It was amazing and I don't regret it. I could feel you and even the twins. It felt as I was lending you my strength, lending them the strength to grow. And I felt your strength filling me creating that circle, but it was definitely… primal."

"I know, it was amazing and I don't mind a good hard fuck from time to time, but I also love when we make sweet and gentle love to each other, but right now I know that if we continue I will give in."

There was a smile on his face.

"Oh Don't worry. I think I have a way around that. One of us just has to stay in control while the other one doesn't."

I didn't really know what he was referring to. I didn't think Dimitri would have better control than me in this case. But when he moved down and placed his head instead of his cock between my legs I understood.