"Deidara, you won't believe this new freshman. His name's Kakashi..."
"Wait, un."
"What is it?"
"Is this going to be an OMG-he's-awesome rant, or an OMG-he's-a-bastard rant? Yeah?"
"It's an OMG-he's-a-bastard rant."
"Thought so, un. No one does OMG-he's-awesome rants anymore except for fangirls, yeah."
"That's because all people talk about are fucking bastards."
"I know, un. Carry on, yeah."
"Well, he stood up to me -oh, look there's that bastard right up there."
"You got the locker next to him, un?"
"Yeah. Unfortunately. Sasori graduated last year, remember? Little fucker has his locker now."
"Aw, gee... if he's really a bastard then it's going to be a disgrace to the locker, un... remember how we used to stuff Obito in there because it was a full locker and the rest of us couldn't fit him into our half lockers last year? Yeah?"
"Good times... good times... anyway, OI!! You! Punk with the silver hair!"
Kakashi turned at the voice.
"Oh, back from Stealth Class, I see," he said, opening his dented locker and throwing his ninja gear in.
"Wait, what dented the locker? Yeah?"
"I did, Deidara. Don't ask. The idiot pissed me off," growled Hidan.
"That's not a nice way to refer to your kohai," commented Kakashi as he retrieved his scrolls and slammed the locker shut.
Smirking and quickly exchanging glances, Deidara and Hidan quickly swiped Kakashi's scrolls.
Looking down at his suddenly empty hands, Kakashi stood silently as a small crowd of onlookers gathered around, anticipating his response to something like that.
"Want your fucking scrolls back, midget?" sneered Hidan, holding Kakashi's scrolls high in the air. "Come and get them, you cheap little bastard!"
Kakashi blinked a few times, gathered himself, and smiled up at the two sempai.
"Well... if you were lacking scrolls, you could've just asked, and I would've given them to you, sempai-tachi," he said pleasantly, opening his locker again to retrieve yet another set of scrolls.
"... what a pain in the ass, un," whispered Deidara to Hidan.
"See what I mean?" said Hidan, rolling his eyes.
Just as Kakashi closed his locker door and turned around to head to his next class, Hidan and Deidara immediately threw the scrolls Kakashi first took out, at Kakashi's head. Each one produced a dull thump as it made contact with the same spot on said kohai's head.
"We don't want your fucking scrolls," scoffed Hidan. "We could get better quality scrolls at a fucking dump."
Kakashi took a deep breath and said as pleasantly as humanly possible-
"Oi, you're picking that up."
"Fuck you."
"I don't swing that way."
"So?"
"So I don't fucking want you to fucking fuck me you FUCKING BASTARD!"
And right there, ladies and gentlemen, you have witnessed Kakashi loose his cool.
"I don't fucking want to fucking fuck you, either, so don't fucking flatter yourself, you fucking moron."
"You two... my ears are going to bleed, un..."
"Hidan, Deidara, we're going to be late for lunch and the line-up's going to be huge later," said a voice.
Hidan and Deidara turned to face Itachi, who was looking thoroughly annoyed, standing at the front of the crowd.
"You're always fucking getting saved because I'm fucking going to be fucking late for things," spat Hidan, glaring at Kakashi. "After school, Kakashi, you're going to fucking die."
"Thank you, Hidan-sempai. Let's hope you fucking show up, hm?"
"That was my fucking line, you fucking cheap bastard."
Some guy: Is this your story?
Me: Er, I dunno, what's it like?
Guy: Strange, on crack, too much profanity, short...?
Me: Err... yeah, I think that's me.