Apologies for the use of the word 'screwing', I'm aware it interrupts story flow, and avoiding the alternative is juvenile of me. Feel free to mentally replace it.
I do not own Naruto.
Chouza Akimichi - Bear, two Bears ago, now - was looking at Kakashi with deep disappointment.
"None of the others seem to have a problem," Kakashi said sullenly, reading his book.
Naruto was in the kitchen with the Akimichi and Nara heirs, arguing over what to make for lunch.
"They've all been in so long they don't know what it's like to be out. You're, what, six years passed that?"
Kakashi shrugged, refusing to shrink. He wasn't ashamed. Anymore. It was just that the man was so very sure of his judgement.
"Kakashi."
"Chouza."
"He's the same age as my son."
"He's been considered an adult since the Sandaime let him read his first combat mission report."
Chouza sighed. "If this was just about loyalty, even their kind of loyalty, I'd call you all foolish and let it slide. But you're doing a great deal more than obeying, Kakashi."
"Are we really going to talk about this?"
"Someone has to. Kami knows none of them will."
Kakashi turned a page, striving to look as bored as possible.
The man leaned forward. "He's fifteen, and you're about to hit thirty, Kakashi. You shouldn't be having sex with him."
Kakashi sighed. Deeply. Dramatically.
"We're shinobi. Any of us could die at any time. Age is irrelevant."
"Maybe. But you're bound and determined to keep him alive as long as possible and he-"
"Knows exactly how shinobi dying for the village or the Hokage works. If I die he'll understand and if I don't then he'll hardly be fifteen forever. Are we done?"
Naruto bounced into the room and slung his arms around Kakashi's neck from behind. "We've decided to go for ramen."
"Ichiraku's?"
"Chouji's going to take us to a new place and when that inevitably does not live up to standards, then we'll be headed to Ichiraku's."
Kakashi chuckled and nuzzled Naruto, just to spite the Akimichi.
Naruto withdrew and set a hand on Kakashi's shoulder. He looked at Chouza, calm and regal. "I appreciate your concerns, Akimichi-san. However, your argument was poorly constructed. That one 'just shouldn't' is not valid reasoning. If you had claimed that our relationship could be emotionally or mentally damaging to either party, it would have been due further consideration."
Chouza appeared to have smelled something rotten.
"Also, please keep in mind that jinchuuriki are gifted with heightened senses. I'll see you soon."
Naruto left to join his friends while Kakashi remained in place, smug. "Magnificent, isn't he?"
"He's certainly something. In his words, though, your relationship with him could be emotionally damaging. To you both. You've invested everything in this kid, Kakashi. But he's young and full of hormones - what are you going to do if he finds someone else? And on his end, he might know that you could die, but the only person he's lost is the Sandaime, and he was approaching that age anyway."
Kakashi lowered his book enough to look Chouza in the eye. "If he finds someone else, then I'll still be his right hand. But he won't. He's mine, as much as I'm his, Chouza. But if I do die, he'll have the love of every ninja in the village. As friends or more, if he wants it."
"You're very sure of something that's hardly four months old."
Kakashi raised his book again and didn't answer.
"Kakashi," Chouza growled. "Tell me this relationship is only four months old."
"I'm not into children."
"You've already said you've considered him an adult since he was six."
Kakashi set down his book and glared at the man, releasing more Killing Intent than he probably should have in the presence of a clan head.
"When did you start screwing him, Kakashi?"
Kakashi debated between snarling and flickering away. Both seemed like attractive options at the moment. Instead he said, "Not that it's any of your business, but never."
Chouza slumped back in his seat. "Don't lie to me. Lynx-"
"Made a joke about me not getting in his pants. I don't want to. I'm his, he's mine, no screwing required."
"You're serious," the man said, with no small amount of confusion.
Kakashi went back to reading his book. "We might try it at some point, but neither of us are particularly interested."
"You're a healthy thirty-year-old man in a relationship and you just. Don't have sex."
"There's a lot of sex two people can have without screwing. We just don't involve genitalia."
Chouza shook his head in a mix of horror and disbelief.
Kakashi stood. "Glad you understand. Let's never have this conversation again."
-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-
Now that the ANBU was abuzz with Naruto's impending reinstatement - which was inevitable, with their backing - Yamato approached Kakashi.
"How do you handle this? I'm not comfortable ordering Prince around."
"So you do still call him that," Kakashi said, amused. "You can just keep doing what you have been, staying on the fence about it, if that works for you. I don't bother. Field command is field command, and we're his superior officers."
Yamato nodded and they broke apart as Sakura arrived. Naruto was shortly behind, Sai following at his heels.
Sakura didn't notice Yamato's firmer approach with Naruto, but Sai did.
He said nothing, but observed more carefully for the rest of the training session.
-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-
"You and Naruto are a couple," Sai announced, mostly directed at Kakashi, after their three-day mission.
Everyone was too exhausted to give a proper reaction.
"Sensei and Naruto? I think you're seeing things, Sai," Sakura said.
Naruto flicked a glance at Kakashi. Kakashi smiled and let Naruto know it was his choice, as always.
"Ignore her, Sai. You're right. What else have you noticed?"
"Hey, what!" Sakura yelped, suddenly alert again.
Sai ignored her. "Both the Captain and Sub-Captain defer to you when they are not giving orders. The Sub-captain is less consistent in doing so. Perhaps he has not been aware of your status as long? What is your status?"
"Yeah, Naruto," Sakura snarled. "What is your status?"
This could set back their plans. Sakura was close to Tsunade.
Kakashi let Naruto handle it.
"It's not that he hasn't been aware, just that it's sort of old. I used to help out the Third with paperwork and stuff, so I had a crazy high clearance level. Since I might be helping out Baa-chan with the same things soon, that's kicking in again."
"But the Captain has no such difficulty."
"That's true."
"You're not going to explain."
"Sorry, Sai."
"Who said you were going to be helping Tsunade?" Sakura demanded.
"Everyone with ears knows she hates paperwork. And since I used to help, it makes sense, you know?"
"I could help. And Shizune already does."
"You're not going to be Hokage," Naruto pointed out. "And Shizune is awesome, but she's mostly handling the hospital side of things."
"So you think you should get to help out because you might be Hokage someday?"
Naruto blinked at her. "I am going to be Hokage, Sakura," he said slowly, as if he wasn't entirely sure why she didn't know this fact.
Kakashi smirked. His prince had picked up some of Kakashi's sense of humor.
"Whatever. You and sensei?" She looked at Kakashi pleadingly.
Kakashi eye-smiled at her.
Sakura's eyes went wide. "No. No way! Sensei! What are you doing with this idiot!"
Kakashi, still smiling, held a kunai to her throat. "I let you get away with it when you didn't know anything, Sakura-chan, but you shouldn't insult him like that. Not only is Naruto a brilliant man, he's your future Hokage. You should show some respect."
Yamato tensed, eyeing Kakashi as only a man who knew he was hopelessly outclassed could.
Naruto waved a hand and Kakashi sheathed his kunai, embarrassed. He shouldn't have reacted so strongly.
"Sorry, Sakura-chan," Kakashi said, faking dishonesty to cover his sincerity. "You haven't meant that since Wave."
"R-right," Sakura agreed, rubbing her throat.
She had learned not to insult people thoughtlessly years ago, but Kakashi still had to put up with the civilians' treatment of Naruto on a daily basis.
Sai looked as if he was mentally taking notes on the interaction.
"But, really, you and Naruto? How'd that happen?"
Kakashi was pleased to hear only curiosity in her voice. He had expected most non-ANBU to react as Chouza had.
"Well Naru-chan's just so cute-"
"Shut up, Kashi," Naruto muttered, elbowing him in the gut.
"Aw, Naru!"
"You realize he's going to be like this constantly now?" Naruto told Sakura.
She smirked. "Well, maybe you deserve each other."
Naruto laughed while Kakashi continued to playfully attempt to drown him in hugs.