Prologue
The young ten-year old, sandy-blonde boy would not have awoken from his dream if it weren't for the sudden chill he received, as if outside the dream world, someone else's body heat was missing.
Lazily, he opened one of his baby-blue coloured eyes, and noticed right away that his elder brother (who was supposed to be sleeping beside him) was trying to quietly getting out of the bed. The boy then opened the other one to get a better look of the sheets being tossed aside off his brother's body, and watched tiredly as they tiptoed their way to their room's entrance.
"Matthew?" The boy asked, glancing to their alarm clock, to find out that it was only around 3 in the morning. He let out a yawn as he said, "Where are ya going?"
"Alfred!" Matthew whispered in a tone that was telling him to be quiet, opening the door to peek through it. Light from the hallway came through, and some of his brother's strawberry blonde hair illuminated a bit. The boy could hear the sound of two people talking from outside their room. This perked Alfred's own curiosity, and he decided to crawl out of bed, and walked up towards his brother, to see what he was trying to look at or listen to. To their realisation, it was their parents who were arguing.
"No and it was wrong to lie to you. I am sorry. But, don't go." They heard a French-accented voice bed. They quickly recognised it was their Papa's, Francis', voice.
"Don't go?" Alfred asked Matthew in a whispered tone. "What does he mean by that?"
"I don't know!" Matthew whispered back, continuing to listen. "I just woke up to the yelling right now." They were some muttering, and they couldn't make out the words.
"F-Francis, let go," they heard another familiar British-accented voice of their Dad, Arthur. There was a slight pause, no reply given, before Arthur once again pleaded. Alfred could have sworn that his tone sounded as if he was a bit hurt.
"Please, let go of me! It hurts! You're hurting me!" Arthur cried, before there was an unsettling pause. Suddenly, they heard the sounds of objects hitting the wall and glass shattering their parents room. Not only did this sudden action frighten both Alfred and Matthew, but the yelling that followed.
"Don't touch me!"
"A-Alfred?" Alfred heard his brother whimper frighteningly, drawing his attention to the other. Matthew shuffled a bit closer, eyes wide with fright and worry. "I think we should go see what's wrong."
"Matthew, I don't think we should," he replied, not knowing what to do. He wasn't sure if he really wanted to see it or not, and if he did, was it the best thing to do?
"Please?" Matthew begged. Alfred knew that Matthew was equally as worried as him and did not want to go alone. And plus, he could never bear the look on his face, like Matthew was thinking the worst was happening.
"…Alright." Alfred gave in, and the two slowly opened the door, making their way up the hallway to their parents' room,
Once there, they both looked in, through the doorway, to find them in shocking states. Arthur threw a cologne bottle to Francis, who dodged it.
"I'm sorry Arthur! I didn't mean to hold you that tightly-" Francis tried explaining, his voice sounding dreadfully tired, but he was interrupted.
"That's what you always said!" Arthur cried rapidly, face flustered with tears streaming down his face. "Now look at what happens when you don't mean to do anything!"
This sudden outburst of Arthur scared Matthew a bit, because he took few steps back. However, Arthur heard him and looked directly at them, and soon Francis did too.
Alfred didn't know what to do or what was going on. Up until that point, he just stared wide-eyed, scared to see them that way. At the moment, though, he was able to find the voice to ask in a shaking tone,
"D-Dad? What's going on?" He heard Matthew whimper quietly behind him, not liking that Alfred had asked.
"Alfred, Mathieu," Francis started, looking at both of them with fatigue, clear-blue eyes. "It's nothing-"
"Boys," Arthur interjected coldly. "Go pack your things."
Alfred and Matthew both looked at each other, then at Arthur, confusingly.
"W-What? What do you mean-" Alfred started, but once again Arthur interrupted.
"Do not ask any questions! Just go pack your clothes and other necessities right now!"
The way their Dad said it was like it was a direct order. A very cold order. And the way his emerald green eyes looked at them showed he was dead serious about it too. Rarely has the duo seen Arthur looking as he is now, and those are only when he was really mad and didn't have time to waste. It always scared both of the brothers, and they did at that moment. They both knew something was wrong.
Hastily, Alfred took hold of Matthew's hand and made their way into their bedroom. Alfred had a feeling that something was terribly wrong, and Matthew and must have felt that too.
Alfred did what their Dad told them to do. He grabbed his bags and opened his drawers and closet. Of course he was lost. He doesn't know what was going on, but he would never go against his Dad. However, Matthew just stood there, looking confused.
"A-Al?" Matthew asked.
"You heard what Dad said, Mattie," Alfred quickly said, grabbing whatever clothes was in his grasp and stuffing them into his bad. "We…have to pack our things."
"W-What? But why…"
"Matthew, do it now!" Alfred said, looking directly at Matthew. Their eyes met at once, and Alfred was hoping that his brother won't ask him anything because he doesn't even know.
"O-Okay," Matthew whispered, walking across the room to get his bag. After they both were finished, Arthur entered their room.
He took a quick glance at what the two of them were holding. Arthur didn't say anything about Matthew's pet polar bear, but instead said coldly, "Come along, now."
Without another word, the brothers followed their father, who led them out of the house to their car.
Sudden panic shot through the brown-eyed boy as he desperately started to throw anything that was in his way as he searched the closet and drawers. He looked underneath the pile of futons that were stacked on top of one another, then through his neatly folded clothing. The ten year old boy wasn't one to throw everything recklessly, and create a mess while he looks for something. But, what he was looking for was important to him. Too important for him to lose.
When he couldn't find what he was looking for, he scanned through his room once more. All he saw was clothes, yukata, pillows, and other things he had everywhere. He swore he left it in his room this morning, on top of the chest that sat on the other end. How could it have just disappeared? Tears started to form in the boy's eyes, and he quickly wiped it away with the sleeve of his navy-blue yukata he was wearing. No. It must be here. Maybe he didn't look into his closet close enough.
He was about to go through his closet and drawer once more, just in case, when he suddenly heard a knock on his room's door, and the door slightly slid open. One of the maids that his family had hired peered in and looked inside.
"Kiku? Why do I hear something dropping-?" The maid widened her eyes when she saw the mess Kiku had made in his room.
"Kiku! I just cleaned your room and put everything neatly!" She exclaimed, entering his room without permission and looked around the room. She bent down to pick up one of his shirt. "You have to help me pick these up too!"
"Sakurako-san!" Kiku pleaded. "Did you put Mio anywhere when you were cleaning up my room?"
"Mio?" Sakurako asked, taken by surprised at how Kiku seemed to have demanded his question. Always the boy will appear calm and neutral, talking and replying in a polite manner. Then it suddenly hit her, and she realised who Kiku was talking about, and why he looked that way. "Oh, no, I haven't seen her while I was cleaning up. Where did you leave her last?"
"I left her on top of the chest in the morning!" Kiku replied, as he pointed at a chest that laid beside a bookshelf, whose lid was open and there were some of his books surrounding it.
"No, she wasn't there when I came in to clean your room. Did you look everywhere in this room?"
"Yes, I did, but I can't find her!" He cried, and his eyes started to water once again.
"Don't cry, Kiku! Did you check downstairs? Maybe Mio is in the living room."
"N-No, I haven't," Kiku mumbled, a bit embarrassingly, when Sakurako told him so. Why hasn't he thought of that? "I'll go see…" He started to make his way out of his room, but then he turned around to face Sakurako.
"Sakurako-san," he said in a calmer tone, as he bowed slightly. "I'm sorry for making a mess. You don't have to do anything, I promise to clean it up after I find Mio!"
Sakurako sighed, and simply replied, "It's alright Kiku. You don't have to. This is my job anyway. You can just go and find Mio." Kiku nodded, and quickly made his way down the hallway. He ran down the stairs, careful not to fall, and tried to think of places where he might find it. The dining room? No, if he did, the maids or maybe even the cook would have just left it in his room. Maybe the living room?
Kiku started to walk towards the living room, but something at the front caught his attention. There was a big, plastic bag that sat near the front door of the house, where people left their shoes. Curiosity perked inside Kiku, and he walked up towards the bag. Maybe it was actually garbage in there. But, who in the right mind will leave garbage at the front? He didn't know if he should look inside. Would that be correct of him to do so?
He picked up the bag slightly. It was that heavy, and there was something about the shape of one side of the bag that looked like there were books inside. Kiku opened the bag, and found a surprise waiting for him.
A hand-made, chocolate brown teddy-bear sat inside the bag, with a yellow bow around its neck. Also inside the bags were some of his comic books which had been missing from Kiku's bookcase in the previous days.
Mio! Kiku thought happily, as he took out the stuffed toy from the bag and held it close to his chest, giving it a hug. His heart beat returned back to normal, and a sense of serenity returned to Kiku. He sighed in relief and a small smile appeared on his lips.
"But, how did you get in there?" He asked the bear, truly wondering why it was there along with his comics. They had all been in his room, and like always, if they were anywhere else in the house (which is rarely the case), someone would have returned it to him. But…now that he thinks about it, a few weeks ago, some of his other manga books which his father dislikes him reading very much had disappeared from his room. He was able to find it inside another plastic bag, and was able to stop a servant from bringing it to the trash when he noticed rip there and saw the books.
He didn't want to put much thought into it. He was just happy that he was able to find Mio. He didn't care if his father said it was childish to keep a stuffed bear like that. He had this bear ever since he was three years old, and there was no way he was throwing or giving it away.
Kiku started to go back to his room, with the plastic bag in one hand and Mio in the other, until he saw his father exiting the living room, looking at him curiously. His father, Suisen Honda, was a tall man, with piercing brown eyes, fair skin, and black hair combed back in a proper, business-like manner. He was also wearing a yukata, which was rare, since majority of the time Kiku has seen him in suits.
"Hello, father," Kiku greeted with a polite bow.
"Hello, Kiku," Suisen replied back, and his eyes made their way down to Kiku's stuffed bear and the plastic bag he held. His eyes widened in surprised when he saw it, and he forced out another reply, "Kiku, where did you find that?"
"Uh, I-I-" Kiku muttered, not liking the look. He looked away, and was about to continue before his father interrupted.
"Kiku. Look up whenever you're speaking to someone. And don't say 'uh', nor do you stutter when you speak. It's impolite."
"Sorry," Kiku said with a quick bow, and looked at his father. "It was in the front of the house, and I was looking for Mio because she was missing from my room. I wonder who took her away…" Suisen did not reply to his son, but instead just glared at the bear. He then looked up to Kiku, and spoke.
"Kiku…don't you think you're a little too old for that?" Suisen asked, but he really wasn't expecting an answer. Kiku couldn't think of a reply, either. But, he suddenly realised who had put Mio in the plastic bag.
"…Father, were you the one who took her?" Suisen did not reply immediately to Kiku, but Kiku already knew anyway. "Why-?"
"I was about to give it away to someone younger than you, Kiku," Suisen replied. An obvious lie.
"Along with my books?"
"…You're getting too old for these things Kiku," Suisen sighed disappointingly. "You have to learn to grow up. These things are childish for your age. You're getting older. You'll have to stop playing and reading these things! You have to start learning to let go-"
"They're not childish!" Kiku exclaimed, hugging on to Mio.
"I don't understand why you still have that stuffed toy with you! Why do you keep it?"
"You won't understand," Kiku muttered, already mad of what his father would have done as he started to run towards the staircase. He made his way up the stairs and ran into his room, shutting the door.
Why does he always try to make Kiku turn out like him? He always makes so many rules that always forces Kiku to behave like a 'perfect' child. Polite, quiet, calm, studious…those weren't truly him. That's not how he is. Why can't he just let Kiku be him? So what if he likes to read comic books? So what if he wants to keep his stuffed bear? And how could his father do that? He knows what Mio means to Kiku. Mio is the only thing that can bring him close to his mother.
His mother, Hanako Honda…She was the only one who understood Kiku so well. She wasn't like his father, who wanted Kiku to be his ideal child. She accepted him for…well him. She didn't care if Kiku was interested in such 'childish things', like Suisen puts it as. Around her mother, Kiku was able to be himself. He didn't have to worry about embarrassing himself, and could have talked about anything with his mother. Kiku felt this sense of…freedom and openness, around her.
But, now, all that freedom he once felt is all gone. Gone, and can never be retrieved ever again. Not only that, but her kind presence was gone. She is no longer there with him. She left Kiku, even though she promised to always be there for him and promised to keep living for him. And because of that, Kiku soon returned to a small cocoon he hid himself in, protecting himself from showing any emotion towards others. The only thing that could bring Kiku closer to his mother was that stuffed teddy bear she made for him.
Mio was there with him for majority of his life. It was hand-made by his mother, and was given to him as a gift. And, something about it made Kiku feel like he was around his mother. Hugging it gave Kiku comfort. Almost the same comfort he felt whenever his mother gently enveloped him in her arms, and soothed him with that silky voice.
Kiku glanced up towards the lone desk that sat on one side of his room. He walked up to it, and opened the bottom drawer. There sat a small black photo album. Kiku opened it and started to go through the photos that included him and his other family members. He leafed through some colourful ones, with him and his cousins, and other memorable moments. He stopped, however, at the last two photos at the end of the album.
One was a family picture with Suisen, Hanako and Kiku. His father was actually smiling…something he has rarely ever seen. The other one was just Kiku and his mother. He remembers this photo well. It was taken when he was around 7…before his mother was diagnosed with the disease that took her away from him.
He stared at the picture of the two of them. Hanako was holding on to Kiku from behind, allowing him to sit on top of her lap. Many have told him that his features were much like his mother. She had creamy skin like Kiku, and long, straight black hair that went up to her waist. Her eyes were a perfect, almond shape, with chocolate-brown eyes filled with warmth. Not only her eyes were filled with warmth, but the soft smile she has always brings tranquility to anyone who saw it. She was what anyone would call a beauty, but it wasn't only her features that caught people's attention. No, it was how pure-hearted she was and talked with such honesty and kindness. She took care of those who she loved first before herself.
I miss you, he thought, as he hugged Mio, closing his eyes as he sat in the floor. Kaa-chan, why did you have to leave me? Tears began to build in his eyes as he started to think about her more, and slide down Kiku's cheeks.Why did you have to go? He took out the photo, and held it close to his heart as he silently started to cry.